That’s right narcs, just move it along!
(Now fast-forward about 10 years or so…)
related: See you never again in my life
FILED UNDER: go away · kids · rainbow-colored · Tampa
This or That
Wow, correct use of “it’s,” (YAAAYYY!!!) but we have a “their” and a “there” in place of “they’re.” (Booooo.) Partial credit. (But bonus points for the huge amount of time spent writing all those signs in alternating marker color. Impressive.)
Nov 26, 2012 at 3:01 pm rating: 15
On the contrary, “Don’t go in there sleeping” is sound advice. Who knows how Lycia would react to a sleepwalker entering her room?
But I’m not sure what “veary” is. Perhaps a Russian pronunciation of “weary”?
Nov 26, 2012 at 3:51 pm rating: 32
Nope, I totally do NOT have a dead hooker in my room. Definitely no one chained naked to the bedposts. And I am most certainly not in possession of any drugs. Absolutely nothing of any interest in this totally boring, mundane room.
Nov 26, 2012 at 3:08 pm rating: 44
You are weird.
Nov 26, 2012 at 3:43 pm rating: 0
I was thinking of something more along the lines of: “Lycia and friend are not experimenting. There isn’t the tiniest bit of bi-curiosity going on in this room. Just some very boring ‘sleeping’. Move along.”
Nov 26, 2012 at 4:48 pm rating: 24
Ace of Space
As a parent, I would just barge right on in to see what the nothing is all about.
I will bet my last buck that whatever is going on is not boring at all.
Nov 26, 2012 at 7:59 pm rating: 20
And if you have a smart scheming kid, they’ll put notes like that on the door when they’re really not doing anything objectionable just to mess with your head.
Nov 26, 2012 at 8:10 pm rating: 22
And that’s when Dad just takes the door off the hinges.
Nov 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm rating: 27
And that’s when WWIII commences.
Nov 27, 2012 at 11:37 pm rating: 6
This is like me wearing underwear that say “I don’t have herpes”.
Nov 26, 2012 at 8:47 pm rating: 4
Those are in the wash. You’ll have to wear the “I don’t have genital warts” pair instead.
Nov 26, 2012 at 8:54 pm rating: 8
H for Toy
Please tell me you have a different “I-don’t-have-this-STD” pair for each day of the week!
Nov 26, 2012 at 11:13 pm rating: 14
Nov 27, 2012 at 12:16 am rating: 15
Best that I can suggest is Warts Wednesday and Syphilis Saturday. Any medical people out there to fill in the week?
Nov 27, 2012 at 1:19 am rating: 2
Nov 27, 2012 at 4:31 am rating: 0
H for Toy
“Clap for the weekend!”
Nov 27, 2012 at 7:32 am rating: 19
“Please tell me you have a different “I-don’t-have-this-STD” pair for each day of the week!”
Almost. Sundays I go commando.
Nov 27, 2012 at 8:33 am rating: 13
Five-Dollar Footlong Friday?
Nov 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm rating: 4
If you have an STD, nobody is going to want to touch your footlong.
Nov 27, 2012 at 11:41 pm rating: 1
Better knock the price down to $2.50.
Nov 28, 2012 at 6:59 am rating: 4
H for Toy
What I actually picture is a younger sibling writing these because “my stupid big sister and her stupid friend stayed up all night, so now they’re sleeping, instead of doing something fun. Now I have nothing to do, except make multi-colored signs telling everyone how stupid they are.”
Nov 27, 2012 at 10:00 am rating: 22
As a younger sibling, I totally would have done that.
Nov 27, 2012 at 11:02 am rating: 12
Yep, that’s definitely what it is: it’s far too obvious to be a cover for misbehaving, even for kids!
Nov 28, 2012 at 4:02 am rating: 2
Rule of children number one. When all goes quiet something is about to be broken.
Nov 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm rating: 11
Sorry, but you’re incorrect. The rule is that when all goes quiet, something has *already* been broken.
Nov 27, 2012 at 11:34 pm rating: 12
H for Toy
Or spilled, overflowed, thrown out the upstairs window, fed to the dog… the possibilities are endless!
Nov 28, 2012 at 8:24 am rating: 4
Hey, that’s MY house!
Nov 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm rating: 1
So you have a meth lab?
Nov 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm rating: 2
H for Toy
Didn’t you see what he painted? He totally doesn’t have a meth lab! I, for one, absolutely believe it.
Nov 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm rating: 8
Maybe the guy in the picture who doesn’t have a meth lab sent out the previous note asking neighbors to leave him alone. And perhaps by painting that handy sign, the people who received the note thought it would be best to inform everybody that they should stay away from the house.
Nov 27, 2012 at 3:42 pm rating: 1
Or maybe the previous note was written on his last sheet of paper, and only after it was gone did he realize that he had forgotten to write something to the effect of “BTW, we’re just very private people – it’s not like we have a meth lab or anything.”
He probably considered the possibility of going to the store for more paper (considered it a couple of times from each and every possible angle), but decided to stay home and use the garage door instead, because…you know…people who don’t have meth labs in their homes often have to tend things on the stove-top or in the oven (because people without meth labs in their garages often eat multiple times per day) and they can’t just be running off to the store for some exotic item like paper, which, of course, is highly flammable and therefore dangerous, especially in a non-home-meth-lab environment where the residents don’t keep the same number of fire extinguishers lying around.
Janey…get the front door…Damn, that’s the third time I almost got this grandfather clock put back together and the doorbell rings and now I have to start all over again…rilly, dude…just sayin’…if one more Welcome Wagon creep shows up here, I may lose it and go all White & Pinkman on their noisy ass…
Nov 27, 2012 at 5:41 pm rating: 6
Are meth lab chemists environmentally conscious? Maybe he’s just really really against using trees for paper. And is trying to minimize his carbon footprint before his actual foot explodes in a maximal way.
Nov 27, 2012 at 8:33 pm rating: 3
He can’t be that environmentally conscious – looks like he painted the garage with an aerosol can.
Nov 28, 2012 at 3:37 am rating: 1
I DON’T HAVE A METH LAB, DAMMIT!
I only make rohypnol.
Nov 28, 2012 at 2:20 pm rating: 2
To be fair to “meth lab guy” I have a friend who purchased a house 10 years ago, not knowing it was owned by what was apparently a very busy drug dealer in the area (not meth, though not sure what) and she still has random prowlers show up looking to score. This is in the most burby of the suburbs and less than 2 blocks from the police station. I’m sure at times she has considered a sign.
Nov 28, 2012 at 6:52 am rating: 3
I had the same problem when I moved into my house. Everyone was knocking on my door looking for the local weed dealer.
Not knowing that he lived 2 doors over, I just started telling people he was dead. I ultimately wised up and stopped answering my door.
Nov 28, 2012 at 11:11 am rating: 4
That was my first thought too. We had a meth dealer live across the street from us for years that the police wouldn’t do anything about because he “was too small time.” (He was also cheating workman’s comp but that’s another story.) Then his wife got sick of his crap, beat him up, got herself arrested for DV, divorced him, and he moved out. A firefighter moved in after kicking out the meth dealer’s former clients who were squatting there. And now even a year later you’ll hear him yelling at someone looking for meth to get the fuck off his property. Then they’ll call the former dealer and ask him why he didn’t tell them he moved.
Why they have his cellphone number and not his new address I don’t know. You’d think they’d call first to let him know they’re dropping by. Drug addicts, go figure.
Nov 28, 2012 at 2:39 pm rating: 3
See, Jami you’ve highlighted even more reasons why drug dealers shouldn’t tell people where they live.
Nov 28, 2012 at 7:08 pm rating: 2
Yep. And also not to sell directly from the lab they keep in the trailer in their backyard.
It was always interesting people watching. Especially at prom time. One limo after another would pull up with kids all decked out. One of them or the driver would go up to the gate…. And yet the cops did nothing.
Nov 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm rating: 0
I had a similar situation when I moved into my old apartment.
Dec 11, 2012 at 7:37 pm rating: 0
Is it just me, or did the kid notes remind anyone else of the final fight sequence in the game Portal?
Nov 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm rating: 2
It is a triumph, and I am being so sincere right now.
Nov 29, 2012 at 6:52 am rating: 0
Somebody needs to send a tutor or some textbooks into the room. “Lycia” is failing English.
Nov 29, 2012 at 3:17 pm rating: 0
The various notes sounds like something an ex-housemate of mine would do to those who didn’t agree with him. Considering he labelled me as a ‘retarded child’ because I have a learning disability and didn’t want to do drugs, I have to wonder if this is another university ‘student’ trying to mock his or her housemates that actually study.
Nov 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm rating: 1
— Ed Decatur
2011: The Top Notes of the Year
2010: The Funniest Notes of the Year
2009: The Best Notes of the Year
2008: Your Favorite Notes of the Year
Carnivores: keep being awesome!
actually totally reasonable
a little patronizing
clip art catastrophe
flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens
landlords and property managers
Moms & Dads
more aggressive than passive
most popular notes of 2010
most popular notes of 2011
most popular notes of 2012
most popular notes of 2013
now that's management
sex sex sex
signed with love
spelling and grammar police
thanks (but not really)
unnecessary "quotation marks"
You call that punctuation?