Black, white, and RED all over

November 27th, 2012 · 23 comments

“You can’t tell from the photo,” our submitter says, “but the paper quality of this notice is above average. I guess there’s no cheap printer paper for angry Upper East Side residents!”

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY NEW YORK TIMES. I BELIEVE IN PRIVATE PROPERTY, IF YOU DON'T, WELL, THEN YOU ARE A COMMUNIST.

Although our submitter admits she was surprised this wasn’t posted by a Wall Street Journal subscriber, I’d say this more or less fits with the unique approach of the typical New York Times subscriber. WSJ-ers, on the other hand…

Hey!! I ordered the Wall Street Journal to be delivered here. Please stop taking it, or i'll break your fuckin' arms! Love, Harrison

related: Comrades, take notice! 

extra credit: The People’s Daily salutes Kim Jong Eun, 2012′s Sexiest Man Alive

extra extra credit: “Commie Mints”

FILED UNDER: New York · newspaper · stealing


23 responses so far ↓

  • #1   BristleKRS

    Top work, Harrison!

    Nov 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   jaylemeux

      Yeah, Harrison gets it right. The “no offense!” tone of most such notes undercuts the thrust of the notice.

      Nov 27, 2012 at 5:40 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   communist

    Thanks for noticing! Also, thanks for the papers. All of us down at Red HQ love that NYT! We are informing over a dozen people with it every day, whereas you were only informing yourself. So the common good is served. Feel free to come join us if you’d like to read it. But we solve the crossword as a team, so no hogging!

    Nov 27, 2012 at 5:40 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   infanttyrone

    written on the back of the first note
    FYI, I do believe in private property.
    I ain’t a communist.
    I’m a thief.
    Useta be your private property…now it’s mine.
    Ciao bella

    Nov 27, 2012 at 5:53 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Ely North

    Come on people. It’s the 21st century. Read your newspaper online.

    Nov 27, 2012 at 9:25 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   dizit

      Only a luddite still takes his/her newspaper and/or magazine subscription in print! Not only is it more convenient to read them online, there is no wasted paper and no bothersome recycling involved.
      It’s also neater.

      Nov 27, 2012 at 11:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   kermit

      If you have poor eyesight or other issues with your eyes, I find it really hard to concentrate reading on-line. Sites like Readability make long-form articles neater to read, but for serious studying that I actually want to remember later, I don’t think you can beat paper books just yet. Maybe once they invent an e-Ink reader with really high resolution.

      Nov 28, 2012 at 7:04 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   The Elf

      I like my Kindle newspaper, but the big downside is no comics and no puzzle. No coupons either, for those who like that. (I rather like the advertising free component of reading the Kindle version).

      Nov 28, 2012 at 11:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Nunavut Guy

      When I run out of T.P I can’t wipe my ass with the computer.

      Nov 28, 2012 at 1:53 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   kermit

      Then you’re just not trying hard enough, Nunavut Guy.

      Nov 28, 2012 at 4:52 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   t-rex

      The fact that I’m a Luddite aside – I prefer my paper in print. Especially, my WSJ in print. There’s a certain feel to it. Like reading it in a tube with no cell reception, or using it as a child swatter, the options are endless.

      Have you tried slapping a person with the internet? Well, I have. It’s a lot harder than you might think.

      Nov 29, 2012 at 12:13 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   MamaPajama

      uh, kermit? how exactly does *my* poor eyesight/sight issues affect *your* ability to read the newspaper online?

      Nov 29, 2012 at 2:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   H for Toy

    He says communist like it’s a bad thing…

    Nov 27, 2012 at 9:57 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   havingfitz

    Honestly, first they complain that my dog craps on their lawn, then they whine and moan because I take their newspaper to clean it up. There is just no pleasing them!

    Nov 27, 2012 at 11:35 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Lil'

      And here, ladies and gentlemen, is the PAN “Word!” of the Day.

      Nov 28, 2012 at 2:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Hellbound Alleee

    Yay! So if I say I’m a communist, I can have your paper?

    Nov 28, 2012 at 10:05 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   The Elf

    Well, at least he believes in personal property! My favorites are the ones that object to the concept of possessions, and then get angry when someone steals their stuff. Can’t have it both ways!

    Nov 28, 2012 at 11:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin

    Sorry. I saw it lying there and needed something to wipe the sweat from my glistening, muscular torso.

    Nov 28, 2012 at 1:20 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   redank

    Name in italics for a special effect…

    Nov 28, 2012 at 4:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Anoniemus

    Nice use of Lucida Sans.

    Nov 28, 2012 at 6:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   JeffSaysICant

    I do appreciate the straightforwardness of Harrison’s “I’ll break your fuckin arms,” but it’s belied by the polite and genial (though annoying) switch to Lucida Sans (thanks for the identification, Anoniemus). This clearly makes it even better, and much more frightening.

    jeffsaysicant.tumblr.com

    Nov 29, 2012 at 3:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Gus Hall

    Generally, communists make a distinction between private property and personal property. The newspaper would be considered personal property, not private property.

    I’d expect these sorts of errors from a reader of the Post, but surely not from a subscriber to the Times!

    Dec 1, 2012 at 2:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   ninjaduck bang

    If it’s something I care about I prefer to read on paper. Somehow I absorb the information better.

    Dec 3, 2012 at 10:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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