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Better late than never?

November 29th, 2012 · 51 comments

At first glance, I thought this was one of those ads in the back of a high school yearbook, but no — Katie in Galveston, Texas actually spotted this in the  pages of the local newspaper.

Happy Birthday Krystal Gale. 35 years old today. My special daughter, makes me so glad to have you in my life. But I wish you would call or text more to me. Your Mom, So many thoughts about you and me together, My Shadow. Better Late than never.

related: My parents, the loan sharks

Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin

extra credit: “Woman Has Bizarre Ability To Share Details About Personal Life With Parents” []

FILED UNDER: birthday · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes · newspaper · public shaming

51 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Amanda

    This makes me physically uncomfortable.

    Nov 29, 2012 at 8:55 pm   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   bamBAM!!

      I believe you mean, “Makes me so physically uncomfortable, this.”

      Nov 29, 2012 at 11:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #2   megster1971

    I think Krystal Gale is still mad at her mom for naming her that.

    Nov 29, 2012 at 9:03 pm   rating: 71  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Dee

      Wasn’t there a country singer by the same unfortunate name?

      Nov 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   twhit

      Yep, Crystal Gayle – Loretta Lynn’s younger sister. She’s still around but had her heyday in the 70′s. Funny that I’ve never thought of the name as being unfortunate, most likely because when I was 7 I thought she was the shit.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 1:24 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Kimberly

      That was my first thought, you beat me to the punch!

      Nov 30, 2012 at 11:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Ali Longworth

      If not the name, then I think that the dress & hair are also valid reasons for cutting off contact.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #3   Tiffany

    Yes, Dee … and she was at her height of popularity oh, say, around 35 years ago. It’s the equivalent of someone naming their newborn Eduard Kullan today.

    Nov 29, 2012 at 9:22 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   The Elf

      So we should be seeing a lot of these ads in about 35 years, from the little Cullens and Renesemees of today? Of course we won’t have newspapers anymore, but that won’t stop a determined mom.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 7:44 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Lil'

      Remember when the sitcom Martin was famous? We have a 19-year-old family friend named Shanaynay, named after the over the top ghetto chick (Martin in drag). No lie – her birth certificate says Shanaynay, and that’s the name she’s known by. She doesn’t mind so much, but dang…

      Nov 30, 2012 at 9:33 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   The Elf

      Wow, the only thing that would make that better is if Shanaynay was white.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 10:47 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   germangirl

      I give in. I have to ask… who are Renesemee and Eduard Kullan? And Krystal Gale is not nice to give as name. The mother does deserve an icy cold gale.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 11:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   Lil'

      germangirl, they are the star vampire from the Twilight movies and his daughter.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   germangirl

      But René is a male name and Vampires are dead, no fertile sperm. Does not compute.

      And I thought it was Edward Cullen? (*mutters* and Buffy would SO cull him)

      Nov 30, 2012 at 2:19 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #3.7   Lil'

      It’s all pretend ;) She changed spelling of Edward Cullen to make it consistent with changing the spelling of Crystal Gayle.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.8   The Elf

      Don’t try to make sense of Twilight! Just walk away…. Slowly….

      Nov 30, 2012 at 3:05 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #3.9   Ali Longworth

      Walk? Fuck it – RUN!!

      Nov 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #3.10   germangirl

      Having grown up with Buffy I am not the least impressed with Sparklies that don’t even manage to finish high shool, but I’m told that the fans are worse than rabid kindergardeners, so I’ll move away, slowly but surely…

      Dec 1, 2012 at 7:58 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #3.11   Jami

      First off, let me say I HATE Twilight. BUT I am also sick & tired of the “vampires can’t have sex” crap.
      Vampires are SUPERNATURAL creatures, they don’t follow man’s puny science.
      Many of the original myths have vampires having sex and children with human women. Dhampires are the children born of such a union.
      Some vampires feed off the energy given off during sex much like the demons Incubi and Sucubi.
      So, sorry, vampires can have sex and can have viable sperm.
      Twilight still sucks though. Did you know it hits all 15 warning signs of domestic abuse?

      Dec 1, 2012 at 2:10 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #3.12   germangirl

      I don’t mind vampires having sex, I mind dead sperm suddenly being fertile. Job hazard I guess, dealing with too many ‘sorry, not pregant’ cases in reality. Boils down to ‘I don’t believe’.

      And yes, I did know about the hits all 15 warning signs of domestic abuse, which gets me back to the Why, oh WHY is this badly written §$%& popular???

      Dec 2, 2012 at 4:52 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #3.13   Rachel

      15 signs of domestic abuse? From someone who has read the books many times … No, it doesn’t. You want to know why it’s so popular? I don’t know. I don’t even care. Here’s some free advice. You know what I do when I don’t like something … I don’t analyse it, I don’t talk about it and I don’t harass people who do like it.

      Dec 2, 2012 at 11:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.14   germangirl

      All I know is that when my niece says something like ‘oh, he’s so romantic, we are like Bella and Edward in Twilight!’ I’m calling a hotline.

      Dec 3, 2012 at 9:10 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.15   The Elf

      Healthy relationships don’t make for good drama. Scarlett & Rhett – good romance story, good drama, two horrible people in an unhealthy relationship. Same with this.

      Dec 3, 2012 at 10:39 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.16   DaveGI


      I also hate Twilight. Watched the first two movies on cable once when I was home sick and had nothing else to watch. I know I should have turned to something else, but after a while it got to be like watching an accident scene.

      Anyway, I don’t see why you have such a problem with the idea of vampires having or fathering children. I mean if you can accept for the purpose of the story that the rest of the vampire’s body is re-animated, why not the sperm/egg cells? After all their eyes, ears, brains, and muscles are all dead, yet they can still see, hear, think, and move around. Why couldn’t they propagate?

      Of course it all depends on who’s version of vampirism the story uses. As Jami says, Twilight is not the first take on vampires where they can have sex and reproduce. However in other versions vampires lose the ability to do either.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 3:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   SeeYouInTea

    She’s 35 and the mother uses a childhood photo? This entire thing is creepy as fuck.

    Nov 29, 2012 at 9:23 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   kermit

      Well, if your mom called you her shadow and dressed you like that, wouldn’t you run away from home never to be seen again, too?

      Nov 30, 2012 at 5:57 am   rating: 47  small thumbs up

  • #5   shesajem

    wow how embarrassing…

    Nov 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #6   Blinx

    In a creepy way, it almost looks like a memorial to a child that died, and had she lived would have been 35 years old.

    But joy of joys, she’s alive! But sadly, never texts. :-(

    Nov 29, 2012 at 9:29 pm   rating: 84  small thumbs up

  • #7   StacyEF

    I’d never speak to my mother again if she dressed me up like an extra for Little House on the Prairie and put the photos in the local paper years later. It must have been humiliating enough the first time around.

    Nov 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Tracey

      And with a name like that you can’t even pretend it’s not you.

      Nov 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   TRT

      When looking for a reason that someone never calls, first stand in front of a mirror.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 4:30 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Kwyjor

      Why speak when you can text?

      Nov 30, 2012 at 9:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   The White Clouds of Opium bang

      Why speak when you can ignore?

      Nov 30, 2012 at 7:21 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #8   shwo! bang

    Dear Mom,
    The restraining order doesn’t extend to newspaper ads, but both I and my therapist would appreciate it if you would refrain from placing such ads in the future.

    Nov 29, 2012 at 11:07 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

  • #9   James

    Don’t it make yer brown eyes blue…

    Nov 30, 2012 at 3:29 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

  • #10   Bluecanary

    I don’t know, this makes me feel kind of sad. Like, what if the daughter is a drug addict and the mother does not know where to find her, so she figured if she put an ad in the paper the woman might see it? It seems like an act of sad desperation more than anything.

    Nov 30, 2012 at 7:27 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #11   Lil'

    Since she’s asking for her to call or text more, then it seems Krystal lives far away. I wonder if the mom published this in her local paper or Krystal’s local paper. It would suck for Krystal if she’s managed to distance herself from Mommy Dearest only to have the crazy follow her.

    Nov 30, 2012 at 7:38 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   The Elf

      That would suck, but it doesn’t necessarily follow that distance = less calling or texting. I live 10 minutes from my brother. We don’t call or text ever.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 7:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   The Elf

    Keep running Krystal! Don’t look back!

    Nov 30, 2012 at 7:39 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #13   havingfitz

    10 to 1 Mom has one of those creepy “reborn” dolls, custom made to look like Crystal when she was a baby. (The doll doesn’t text or call often enough either.)

    Nov 30, 2012 at 8:12 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

  • #14   Brian

    Well, this note has officially ended my Christmas Shopping. Full page ads in the local papers embarrassing the ever loving bejezus out of my family it is.

    Nov 30, 2012 at 9:21 am   rating: 74  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Tesselara

      Brian, you’re fantastic.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 10:12 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   The Elf

      It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 10:49 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   H for Toy

      I’m torn between being really glad I’m not on Brian’s shopping list, and asking him to adopt me into the family.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   The White Clouds of Opium bang

      And for that obnoxious brother-in-law, spice it up with baseless accusations that he will never live down.

      Nov 30, 2012 at 7:37 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #15   Kimberly

    I don’t know if this ad will work on Krystal Gale but it does make ME want to call MY mom to tell her I love her and thank her, once again, for not naming me anything stupid and being sane.

    Nov 30, 2012 at 11:40 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

  • #16   anotherfool

    Going out on a limb to guess that Mom drinks more than a bit …and odds are that poor Crystal was forced into Little Miss Texas beauty contests. Crystal, honey, really, never ever call Mom again. Change your name, move to a new city–it’s the only way you’ll ever be at peace.

    Nov 30, 2012 at 4:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #17   infanttyrone

    She’s thirty five and her mother still calls her Shadow
    All the folks around Galveston say she’s gonzo
    Cause she walks downtown with a Blackberry in her hand
    Searching for the very very best data/text plan

    In her younger days they called her Krystal Gale
    No one thought her relationship with Mom would fail
    But that geek from Verizon made her a solemn vow
    And everything she types comes out “Can you hear me now?”

    Krystal Gale, what’s that icon on your screen
    Could it be a Moebius mood ring ap surreal
    That geek ain’t a comin’ back, so you’d best move down the track
    I hear he’s hitched to that skinny bitch from T-Mobile

    apologies to Larry Collins & Alexander Harvey

    Nov 30, 2012 at 8:06 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   meri

      I am cheering and singing along!

      Dec 2, 2012 at 12:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Ace of Space

    After this stunt by her mom, I’m sure Krystal went voluntarily into the witness protection program. She is now known as Harry.

    Dec 1, 2012 at 1:48 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #19   ninjaduck bang

    Ouch mom! BURRN!

    Dec 3, 2012 at 10:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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