At first glance, I thought this was one of those ads in the back of a high school yearbook, but no — Katie in Galveston, Texas actually spotted this in the pages of the local newspaper.
related: My parents, the loan sharks
Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin
extra credit: “Woman Has Bizarre Ability To Share Details About Personal Life With Parents” [theonion.com]
51 responses so far ↓
#1
Amanda
This makes me physically uncomfortable.
Nov 29, 2012 at 8:55 pm rating: 56
#2
megster1971
I think Krystal Gale is still mad at her mom for naming her that.
Nov 29, 2012 at 9:03 pm rating: 67
#3
Tiffany
Yes, Dee … and she was at her height of popularity oh, say, around 35 years ago. It’s the equivalent of someone naming their newborn Eduard Kullan today.
Nov 29, 2012 at 9:22 pm rating: 28
#4
SeeYouInTea
She’s 35 and the mother uses a childhood photo? This entire thing is creepy as fuck.
Nov 29, 2012 at 9:23 pm rating: 59
#5
shesajem
wow how embarrassing…
Nov 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm rating: 10
#6
Blinx
In a creepy way, it almost looks like a memorial to a child that died, and had she lived would have been 35 years old.
But joy of joys, she’s alive! But sadly, never texts.
Nov 29, 2012 at 9:29 pm rating: 81
#7
StacyEF
I’d never speak to my mother again if she dressed me up like an extra for Little House on the Prairie and put the photos in the local paper years later. It must have been humiliating enough the first time around.
Nov 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm rating: 39
#8
shwo!
Dear Mom,
The restraining order doesn’t extend to newspaper ads, but both I and my therapist would appreciate it if you would refrain from placing such ads in the future.
Nov 29, 2012 at 11:07 pm rating: 64
#9
James
Don’t it make yer brown eyes blue…
Nov 30, 2012 at 3:29 am rating: 31
#10
Bluecanary
I don’t know, this makes me feel kind of sad. Like, what if the daughter is a drug addict and the mother does not know where to find her, so she figured if she put an ad in the paper the woman might see it? It seems like an act of sad desperation more than anything.
Nov 30, 2012 at 7:27 am rating: 10
#11
Lil'
Since she’s asking for her to call or text more, then it seems Krystal lives far away. I wonder if the mom published this in her local paper or Krystal’s local paper. It would suck for Krystal if she’s managed to distance herself from Mommy Dearest only to have the crazy follow her.
Nov 30, 2012 at 7:38 am rating: 9
#12
The Elf
Keep running Krystal! Don’t look back!
Nov 30, 2012 at 7:39 am rating: 15
#13
havingfitz
10 to 1 Mom has one of those creepy “reborn” dolls, custom made to look like Crystal when she was a baby. (The doll doesn’t text or call often enough either.)
Nov 30, 2012 at 8:12 am rating: 32
#14
Brian
Well, this note has officially ended my Christmas Shopping. Full page ads in the local papers embarrassing the ever loving bejezus out of my family it is.
Nov 30, 2012 at 9:21 am rating: 70
#15
Kimberly
I don’t know if this ad will work on Krystal Gale but it does make ME want to call MY mom to tell her I love her and thank her, once again, for not naming me anything stupid and being sane.
Nov 30, 2012 at 11:40 am rating: 23
#16
anotherfool
Going out on a limb to guess that Mom drinks more than a bit …and odds are that poor Crystal was forced into Little Miss Texas beauty contests. Crystal, honey, really, never ever call Mom again. Change your name, move to a new city–it’s the only way you’ll ever be at peace.
Nov 30, 2012 at 4:02 pm rating: 5
#17
infanttyrone
She’s thirty five and her mother still calls her Shadow
All the folks around Galveston say she’s gonzo
Cause she walks downtown with a Blackberry in her hand
Searching for the very very best data/text plan
In her younger days they called her Krystal Gale
No one thought her relationship with Mom would fail
But that geek from Verizon made her a solemn vow
And everything she types comes out “Can you hear me now?”
Krystal Gale, what’s that icon on your screen
Could it be a Moebius mood ring ap surreal
That geek ain’t a comin’ back, so you’d best move down the track
I hear he’s hitched to that skinny bitch from T-Mobile
apologies to Larry Collins & Alexander Harvey
Nov 30, 2012 at 8:06 pm rating: 9
#18
Ace of Space
After this stunt by her mom, I’m sure Krystal went voluntarily into the witness protection program. She is now known as Harry.
Dec 1, 2012 at 1:48 am rating: 12
#19
ninjaduck
Ouch mom! BURRN!
Dec 3, 2012 at 10:17 am rating: 0
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