Entries from November 2012

An unsolicited endorsement

November 23rd, 2012 · 28 Comments

Clarissa in Portland, Oregon dutifully passed along this e-mail from her boss. I normally don’t like to encourage this sort of thing, but, well, ’tis the season for shameless self-promotion. So, uh, take from Mel?

“Seriously, I have their calendar and I love it.” —Melanie, Administrative Projects Coordinator

I dislike sending these emails. But, <insert judgmental tone of voice here> apparently we need a reminder that this is a wash-your-own-dishes office. Thank you to whoever washed that nasty sink full of dishes this morning. I can assure you that I did not do it it, because I will not be washing your dishes for you. I don't hand wash dishes for other people, and if you want to know why, I will give you my parents' phone number and you can have a nice, long chat about it. But suffice it to say, in the meantime, wash your own dishes. p.s. i would be delighted if this ended up here: www.passiveaggressivenotes.com. Seriously, I have their calendar, and I love it.

related: Ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

extra credit: The PAN 2013 Page-a-Day Calendar. Seriously.

Tags: all-staff e-mail · dishes · meta

Prepare your hi-diddly-hole, neighborino

November 21st, 2012 · 102 Comments

Ben in California says he got this notice in the mail a few days ago, though he’s not sure if the rest of the neighborhood got it, too. “These folks have lived there for about six months, but I’ve never talked to them. I guess now I know why.”

We just moved into 412 E. H St. and would like to straighten some things out. 1. We don't need any new friends, we have enough. Don't try to stop by for small talk! 2. Don't park in front of our property! 3. Keep your pets quiet and we will get along.

related: A not-so-subtle clue that your co-worker isn’t interested in small talk

Tags: neighbors · parking · small talk · way harsh

Teacher says, every time a bell rings…

November 20th, 2012 · 39 Comments

“There have been a lot of missionaries coming to our apartment building lately,” our submitter says, and apparently the occupants of Unit 307 have had enough of it. Adds our submitter: “I thought the Jesus Band-aids were a nice touch.”

Ringing this bell and/or knocking WILL result in signing your sell off to Satan. Blessings, #307

related: You will be CURSED if you wake my sleeping baby!

Tags: California · God · Jesus · knocking

If at first you don’t succeed…

November 19th, 2012 · 21 Comments

Imagine this: You’re about to pen a note to post in the office men’s room, but you’re torn — should you go for the patronizing approach, or opt for some sarcastic reverse psychology?

At Colin’s office in London, the note-writer apparently decided: ¿Por qué no los dos? 

Please do not leave waste paper on the floor. This is usually managed by manually picking up any paper you may accidentally drop, and then transferring it to a recognised place of refuse. Thank you for your cooperation.  Please leave as much paper as you wish on the floor, after all, who cares?

(As always, click the image above to enlarge.)

related: The never-ending (and completely unnecessary) battle between basic hygiene and basic courtesy

Tags: a little patronizing · bathroom · blitzkrieg approach · London · office · toilet paper

She’s mine. All mine!

November 18th, 2012 · 68 Comments

A certain supervisor thought his assistant, Sandra, was attracting too much idle chatter from other people in the office, so he made this framed notice for her desk. (Because that’s not creepy at all.)

“No word yet on how many contributions he’s received,” our submitter says.

IF YOU CHOOSE TO SPEAK TO SANDRA YOU CHOOSE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE PAYING OF HER SALARY...

related: The Man is always watching

Thx Sandra!!!

Tags: Canada · crazy boss · kinda creepy · most popular notes of 2012 · office

“A very great part of the mischiefs that vex the world arises from words.” —Edmund Burke

November 16th, 2012 · 32 Comments

“Some of the people in my office are pathologically incapable of washing their own dishes,” writes Adam in Los Angeles. “I hope this doesn’t lead us to war.”

Yeah, yeah, I know, nobody washes their dishes. Really, the thing I appreciated about this submission was that it led me down the rabbit hole of QuoteInvestigator.com.

The real takeaway here? Next time you decide to quote the likes of Edmund Burke or Eleanor Roosevelt, remember these words of wisdom:

related: From the Manager’s Book of Quotes for Inspiring Workplace Paranoia

Tags: dishes · office

Ironic moustache alert!

November 15th, 2012 · 46 Comments

Writes our submitter, Iris: “East London’s Brick Lane is the city’s hipster epicenter. A nearby pub had clearly had enough of being flooded by ironic facial hair and cardigans.”

WARNING! All Hipsters MUST be accompanied by a responsible Adult! Love, BrewDog x

related: Unattended children will be shot.

extra credit: It’s Movember! 

Tags: bar · London · most popular notes of 2012 · warning

Pumpkin Spice & Minnesota Nice

November 14th, 2012 · 19 Comments

In Manhattan, a shortage of pumpkin spice lattes triggered mayhem overshadowed only by an actual disaster.

In Minnesota, however, it seems that some folks still haven’t heard the news that “Pumpkin is the New Bacon.”At our submitter’s office in Minneapolis, a proffered can of pumpkin spice tea sparked a Midwestern snark-off, complete with smilies.

enjoy. Tastes better than it smells then why don't you drink it :) Now now children I AM NOT A CHILD!! sounds like somebody has mommy issues

related: Grow an orange tree and grow up

extra credit: The Inescapable Pumpkin Spice Trend [thekitchn.com]

Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · note wars · office · smartass · smiley · tea

Let them eat Almond Milk!

November 13th, 2012 · 61 Comments

“We believe in a generous America, in a compassionate America, in a tolerant America…We are greater than the sum of our individual ambitions and we remain more than a collection of red states and blue states. We are, and forever will be, the United States of America.” —President Obama, in his election-night acceptance speech

Meanwhile, in Rochester Hills, Michigan:

This is the last time I will donate anything to any charity. It's Obama's problem not mine.

Rob says this anonymous note was attached to a canned good collected his son’s Boy Scout Troop. “I’m not sure what type of ‘adult’ deems a canned food drive for the less fortunate as a worthy platform for spewing political vitriol to the Boy Scouts who collected the food, but one can only hope that the next four years brings prosperity for everyone except this self-righteous idiot.”

related post: ¡Bienvenido! Mi casa no es su casa.

extra credit: The 20 Biggest Sore Losers of Election Night [salon.com]

Intel, UPS halt funding to Boy Scouts Over Anti-Gay Discrimination [AP]

Tags: heartwarming compassion · Michigan · most popular notes of 2012 · politics · unsolicited feedback

If you get Vegemite in the margarine, I KILL YOU!

November 12th, 2012 · 55 Comments

Writes Catherine in Melbourne: “I was preparing breakfast in the office kitchen when I opened the fridge and reached for the margarine tub to butter my toast. Ten seconds later, I was fearing for my life.”

Hi, a warning!! If you get vegemite in the margarine, I KILL YOU! If you scrape old margarine back into the tub, I KILL YOU!  In fact, if you touch this margarine you'll have to work very hard just to stay alive. :)

related: I Can’t Believe It’s Not (My) Butter

extra credit: Australians Losing Their Taste for Vegemite [time.com]

Tags: Australia · butter · die bitch die · Melbourne · most popular notes of 2012 · not-so-veiled threats · smiley · warning