Thanks to the magic of analytics, I’m able to see the unique search queries that bring people to this little website — and unique they are! (For many people, Google seems to serve much the same function as a Magic 8 ball.) If you’re feeling voyeuristic, take a peek below at some of the more, shall we say, interesting questions that somehow led people to PassiveAggressiveNotes.com over the past year.

—if you dig in indiana far down enough will you hit diamonds
—what does an orange grow up to be
—do they eat cupcakes in africa
—can coffee creamer hurt you?
—can cereal kill you
—what the fuck is rice

—is there a penalty if your tooth is put under yoru pillow late
—my mom always drags me to a barber for a hair cut why??
—how do you run away from your mum forever
—how do u get into your babysitters pants
—how to ask a girl who doesn’t know you to sign your yearbook
—what happens if you dont wash your hands after masturbating and can you get stds from it

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Here it is: a look back at your favorite notes of 2012, from heartbroken kids to self-righteous vegans and everywhere in between. (Just click on any of the notes to see the original post, with context.)

But first — drumroll please — our two leading candidates vying for the title of 2012 douchecanoe of the year!

Of course, you could also vote for a third party candidate. Which write-ins are missing from the race? Cast your votes in the comments!

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While at his parents’ house in Indiana for Christmas, Jay says his mother passed this card around to everyone, saying, “Can you believe this?!” The awkward part: Terry (not that Terry) is their next-door neighbor.

related: Happy Holidays! So glad we’re not together!

The most extreme case of ice hoarding I’ve seen comes to us from an office in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania:

Personally, I think Nicolette’s “Aunt Anny” in California is onto something. (Assuming, of course, that people have the recipe.)

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

So far this  year, we’ve gotten no missing Baby Jesus reports. (Yet.) However, it looks like it’s still hard out there for a giant candy cane.

Just ask Anderson in Huntsville, Alabama:

Gina in New Philadelphia, Ohio:

The Bishop Family in Genoa, Nebraska:

or David in Florence, South Carolina:

related: The circle of Hell Dante forget to mention

While walking down a quiet street in Leicester, England, Tom saw this “ANGRY CAPITALISED note” in the window of a house. “Amid so many unanswered questions,” Tom says, “one thing is for sure: Mike has a window and he ain’t afraid to use it.”

related: Desperately Seeking Closure

Apparently, when is comes to judging the average person’s ability to correctly assess, “Should I urinate here?” you really can’t be too careful.

Especially, it seems, in Chicago — as witnessed by both Julie and Whitney. Although, “To be fair,” Whitney adds, “the entire city seems to be fair game for public urination.”

related: What is it about thrift store fitting rooms?!

extra credit: Street art by ELBOW-TOE

This could be a hint that your former housemates have grown weary of you treating their home as a rent-free walk-in closet. (Admits our submitter: “If I’d had my way, it’d be on the sidewalk with a ‘free stuff’ sign.)

While admiring the neighborhood’s holiday decorations with his family, our submitter in Denver came across this “bokeh of Christmas joy.”

Noticing a folder of photocopied flyers labeled “please take one,” our submitter did so, and while his daughter stared in awe at the abundance of LED-powered holiday cheer, he gawped at the Grinch-like screed that accompanied it.

related: Merry Christmas…with an emphasis on the “meh”

extra credit: How much does it cost to decorate your house with Christmas lights? [boingboing.net]

I’ve spent most of the day curled up reading John Irving’s latest, In One Person (“a compelling novel of desire, secrecy, and sexual identity.”) And yet, since stumbling across this novella — from an office fridge in Maryland — I’ve had but one phrase echoing in my head: “We are not so unalike, [you and I]. I, too, have a deep love of salad.”

related: “Someday when you’re wondering why you’re alone…”