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Read the writing on the wall

December 1st, 2012 · 29 comments

Jesse in Iowa says that the unisex bathroom at a local bar/coffee shop has long played host to a running debate about the need to raise or lower the toilet seat. Recently, another Sharpie-wielding sheriff stepped in with this contribution. My question: Was the writer a child, or a truck driver?

Only children and truckdrivers write on the walls. If you value this place please stop.

Meanwhile, Tom spotted this offensive leap of logic at a bar in Waco, Texas.

Writing Graffitty [sic] on the Men's Room wall is a rather stupid act. — All you're saying is I'm truly a hopeless perverted homo!

Of course, as Heather in Kentucky noticed, women can be just as offensive and illogical when it comes to their bathroom-stall musings.

Little girls who write on bathroom walls are common whores. Any whore who ?'s a guy in a bathroom is gross Fish Twat Sluts. So is whoever wrote this ? Grow up.

For the really crude stuff, though, you’ve got to turn to a Canadian.

related: An artistic phallacy

extra credit: Public Toilet Survival Kit

FILED UNDER: bar · bathroom · graffiti · grow up

29 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Sir Puke

    Scrawl sighted in a stall at work:

    Don’t write on the walls!

    (different hand writing added later): OK, we won’t!

    Dec 1, 2012 at 2:43 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #2   Jorge Barnes

    Well, technically they wrote on an outlet cover not a wall, so they may be neither.

    Sound like I’m splitting hairs? I am, but I point out the distinction because an outlet cover could probably be easily wiped off.

    Dec 1, 2012 at 2:45 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   infanttyrone

      If that first one isn’t the work of an electrician, I’ll be shocked.

      Dec 1, 2012 at 7:48 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #3   Fridge Pirate

    The writing on the wall was F-Wording delicious.

    Dec 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #4   C

    I can’t decide if I’d rather be a hopeless perverted homo or a fishtwat slut.

    Dec 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   infanttyrone

      Are we ready for a new Uncertainty Principle ?
      One where Position and Velocity mean more than
      they did back in high school physics.

      Not there…not there…Oh yes, there…now faster…slower…faster !

      Dec 1, 2012 at 7:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   makfan bang

      I’m definitely a hopeless perverted homo. It’s kind of fun most of the time.

      Dec 2, 2012 at 2:06 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Poltergeist

      One Fishtwat Slut
      Two Fishtwat Slut
      Red Fishtwat Slut
      Blue Fishtwat Slut

      Dec 2, 2012 at 1:02 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   TRT

      If the wall of the stall is where you find such scrawl,
      then that must be the stall scrawl wall.
      And if the stall is in the mall, then that is what we call the mall stall scrawl wall.
      And when the scrawl is on the wall of the hall before the stall, that, my friend, is the mall stall hall scrawl wall.

      Dec 3, 2012 at 4:06 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   The Elf

      The 500 Scrawls of Bartholomew Cubbins

      Dec 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   DaveGI

      The Gross Fishtwat Sluts would be a great band name.

      That is all.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 3:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #5   roninmd

    Best ever written in very small type at the very bottom of a stall door at an engineering bldg @ Texas A&M so you had to lean way down to read it: “If you can read this, you are sh*tting at an angle of 15 degrees”

    Dec 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

  • #6   Poltergeist

    Notewriter #2 is correct – bathrooms are not places for anonymous gossip or filthy language, and nobody wants to read about your shitty love life. I would never do something as excruciatingly gay as writing on the bathroom wall. If you’re going in there for anything but a bowel movement, I suggest you ship your overused ass off to San Franhomo where your kind are welcome. And don’t forget to pack your anal beads.
    Now could somebody please hand me that nail file? I’m trying to smooth out the edges of this hole I carved in the stall partition.

    Dec 1, 2012 at 3:44 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Try fine-grained sandpaper instead… splinters “down there” are a beeyotch.

      Dec 2, 2012 at 9:02 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #7   depro

    In response to the original question: it was a truck driving child. Tonka, if you need the make of the truck.

    Dec 1, 2012 at 8:58 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #8   Who passed out the Haterade?

    Not sure why, but the third one reminded me of this oddly poetic entry:

    “Those who write on bathroom walls
    Roll their $#!+ in little balls
    Those who read these words of wit
    Eat those little balls of $#!+”

    Dec 2, 2012 at 7:52 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #9   Dane Zeller

    It’s a GENRE, for god’s sakes! Rod Serling started out this way!

    Dec 2, 2012 at 8:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Ali Longworth

      So did that person who wrote Twilight – except that she went downhill from there.

      Dec 3, 2012 at 12:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   havingfitz

    When they started digging out the ruins of Pompeii, they found that those folks had a major graffiti problem. My favorite find translated to “Everyone writes on the walls. Except for me.”

    Dec 2, 2012 at 9:11 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #11   Julia

    “Graffitty” is the most creative spelling of the word since “Graphity.”

    Dec 2, 2012 at 3:52 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #12   Kwyjor

    “F-WORD” clearly started out as “FNORD” and was accompanied by a message from the Illuminati; it was defaced after it served its purpose.

    I mean, the all-seeing eye and the pentagram are still right there.

    Dec 3, 2012 at 9:51 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #13   H for Toy

    I never understood when someone would write things like “For a good time, call Jenny at 567-5309″ on a Ladies Room wall. I guess it works out well if you’re a lesbian, but any guy in the ladies room stall is probably already having a good time.

    Dec 3, 2012 at 11:18 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Seanette

      ITYM “867″. I was in high school in the 80s, and heard that song WAY too many times.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 2:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   H for Toy

      Yeah, a typo on the number pad that I didn’t notice til it was too late to edit.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 6:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Seanette

      Been there done that. :)

      Dec 5, 2012 at 3:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   Sir Puke

    Another memorable stall scrawl (from 1982):

    If you voted for Reagan don’t crap here.
    Your asshole is in Washington.

    Dec 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #15   redheadwglasses

    Here I sit broken hearted
    Tried to shit but only farted.

    HEre I sit, buns a flexin’
    Giving birth to another Texan.

    I love bathroom humor!

    Dec 4, 2012 at 12:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Seanette

      Kind of reminds me of a Stephen King story about a traveling salesman who collected rest stop bathroom graffiti.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 3:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   Stan

    My favorite (yes, it is pathetic that I have one):

    Here I sit amongst this vapor
    I cannot leave; there is no paper!
    Oh, that smell,
    How it lingers.
    What the hell, I’ll use my fingers…

    Dec 7, 2012 at 10:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up


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