No drama!!!

December 4th, 2012 · 48 comments

Yes, Lorraine, admits, she works long hours at her job. And no, her mother hasn’t been over to her house in a while…but neither has anybody else. Nice of her Mum to refrain from DRAMA[!!!] about it though, right? (Krystle Gale, I’m guessing you can relate.)

Have a Great Day! On your Birthday! Had to send it at work! I have been SO MANY TIMES in your place, I DONT KNOW THE RIGHT NUMBER. No Drama!!!

related: So, Mom, what you’re telling me is to cover up with a latex catsuit?

FILED UNDER: Australia · birthday · exclamation-point happy!!!! · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes


48 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Sonyabegonya

    Did she insert a 3×5 card into the bday card?

    Dec 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Omnivore

      It sure looks like it to me.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 10:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   redheadwglasses

    MOm’s “No drama!” at the end is like saying something mean about someone in the South, then adding “bless his heart.” I.E., you get to say whatever mean thing you want about someone, so long as you end with “no drama!”, “bless his heart,” or “no offense intended.”

    Dec 4, 2012 at 12:31 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   t-rex

    If a mom is afraid of drama because she sent a card to her daughter’s work to be nice, then the daughter MUST be a drama queen.

    So how old did the recipient turn? 10?

    Dec 4, 2012 at 12:47 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Lisa

      Nice? Did you miss the dig about why she sent it to work? No little self-deprecating joke about her own diminishing memory, she goes out of her way to blame her daughter. On her birthday.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 2:42 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   DaveGI

      I don’t think you read the note right. It’s not the recipient who is the drama queen. It’s mom!

      Mom sent the birthday note to her daughter’s work, with the sarcastic extra note saying that it’s been so long since she was at her daughter’s house she forgot the address. Oh, but not that I’m trying to cause any drama!

      Dec 4, 2012 at 2:47 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   t-rex

      Yeah, not how I read that. See the thing about writing is that there is no tone. How I read this letter is, “Shoot, I’ve been to your house enough, but I don’t know what the house number is.”

      Info we are missing here is whether or not the mom lives close enough to visit. It seems apparent that mom does not want to drive over to the recipients house to deliver the card. So, she mailed it to the house that made sense.

      Instead, daughter would think, “Well – NOONE HAS BEEN TO MY HOUSE LATELY SO THIS MUST BE A SUBVERSIVE SELF-INVITE.”

      The daughter’s reaction to send it to here when there are two different ways to read this note is the exact opposite of the mom’s intention, which was to wish her a great day without drama.

      Recipient needs to get her meds checked, and you need to realize that people forget addresses and they don’t want to drive an hour just to drop off a card. Instead, they will save the gas and spend the 57 cents to have it mailed to the address they know.

      Also, without an invite how intrusive would it appear to you to have mom show up and hand over a card. You are expecting too much out of this note.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 2:52 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   sockpuppet

      wow you absolutely read that card wrong…it’s clearly meant to be sarcastic that she has been SO MANY TIMES in her place, when as the daughter says, she hasn’t. Also, my mother will do the same thing, say something and add “I’m not trying to start a fight” right after saying something critical or rude. Obviously, the mother has been told before to quit the drama, hence the quick disclaimer after the sarcastic comment. YOU don’t understand how to read this, nor do you understand these types of mother-daughter relationships. Glad your mom is great.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   T-Rex

      Really? My mom is a cop with a traumatic brain injury. I’ve heard worse as a daughter. Please this card is so mellow. And my mom now does say not trying to start a fight or be dramatic, only because her filter was beat out of her by a guy who was off his meds, drunk and high. So here’s the deal you don’t know how the two ways can be read but I can because I live it on a regular basis.

      Which is why I said without more knowledge about the twos dynamic relationship you can’t read it one way without considering the other.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 6:15 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   kermit

      No, offence intended, T-Rex but just because it could be worse doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have a right to complain. There’s always going to be somebody who can trump your
      “Nah, I have it worse” card, and not just because they’ve seen the Monty Python sketch.

      In my opinion, her complaints are legitimate too. Your mom has the excuse of a brain injury for being unfiltered and mean at times. This person’s mom is presumably healthy, sane and is just being mean for the sake of being mean – on her kid’s birthday, no less. To me, that’s a legit reason to gripe.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 10:08 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   Poltergeist

      I think you’re the only one reading it a different way t-rex. Let me clarify what it says:

      “Happy Birthday!

      P.S. Let me explain why I sent this card to you at work. I forgot your home address because you never invite me over anymore. I’m not trying to start drama, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re neglecting me.”

      The daughter doesn’t have a problem with her mother sending the card to her at work, or even that she forgot her address. She has a problem with her mother guilt tripping her in her birthday card. If mom *really* didn’t want to start drama, she wouldn’t have included the P.S. at all. I can certainly understand a parent missing spending time with a child who’s always busy, but this isn’t the way to express your feelings.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 1:02 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   Dr_Know

      On behalf of everyone reading this…*awkward face*

      Dec 5, 2012 at 5:47 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   t-rex

      Yeah, I think you are still reading way too much into it. How the daughter internalizes the card is different than what is written.

      How do you not know if OP is so busy that every time the mom calls she just yells about how busy she is to her mom?

      I think there is more to this story that we are missing.

      Dr_Know, awkward face or not, the fact is you can’t assume that everyone has a perfect or imperfect relationship with their mother. It’s just a dynamic that is known for miscommunication on both ends.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 7:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.10   kermit

      T-Rex, that’s exactly the same kind of crap passive-aggressive abusive people pull all the time.

      And you know what, it’s not the daughter’s own fault for being insulted and “reading way too much into it”; it’s her mom’s fault. If you have no problem being insulting, I wouldn’t think it’s such a big deal to own up to it.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 2:26 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.11   Dr_Know

      Channeling my teenage self…I’m feeling the urge to tell you to take a chill pill.

      In spite of your sensitivity to this subject I don’t see this thread turning into another catocalypse of disagreement around the meaning and consequences of the note.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 6:52 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.12   Macca

      I’m just going to add my two cents:

      The daughter knows her mother better than any of us ever could, seeing as how she’s the daughter. She has the best ability to judge what her mother intended by sending this note. Therefore, if the daughter believes the note is being passive-aggressive or a drama-inciter then she is the best judge of the note’s character.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 11:22 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.13   t-rex

      The daughter also sounds to be under an enormous amount of stress and busy schedule. My money is on the fact that daughter lives at least a 1/2 hour away, and that mom really couldn’t remember where she put the address. When mom tried calling daughter wouldn’t return the phone calls or got so huffy that mom just didn’t want to ask at that point.

      It’s in the tone of what she wrote to the owner of this site. “To be fair I haven’t had anyone over.” Mom’s exact words are, I have been to your house plenty of times but I can’t remember where I put your address. I remember where you work so here you go. Key words, “plenty of times before” that merely means that she knows her daughter loves her.

      My money is also on the fact that mom is over 60 years old. People at that age forget things and lose shit. I hope everyone of you has to go through this moment with your life. That way you can wonder how you were so hard on people that were old and have to deal with an aging mind.

      Dec 8, 2012 at 6:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.14   kermit

      T-Rex, unless you have some magic Internet that the rest of us don’t have, you can’t discern the tone of the submitter. And the only reason you know that I’m writing this in an irritated tone is because I’m telling you so.

      Accuse her of being over-sensitive and uncaring if you want. Excuse it all you want, but it still doesn’t change the fact that the intent does not match the result. Good manners and common decency dictate that if you can’t send somebody a birthday greeting without adding a little extra commentary, don’t bother sending it at all.

      Dec 8, 2012 at 10:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.15   Holly

      If she really just forgot the house number and couldn’t get through on the phone to ask, couldn’t she have just called another relative?

      What she really says is “I have been to your place SO MANY TIMES” emphasis hers, which according to Lorraine, isn’t true. The sarcasm is what makes it a PAN.

      Dec 8, 2012 at 3:51 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.16   Dipwad

      I’m with T-Rex. The rest of you are mother haters. There is something more to the story that the story teller isn’t telling us. In fact. It seems odd that the daughter wouldn’t have arranged to have dinner with her mom that week.

      Dec 11, 2012 at 9:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   H for Toy

    I like how she had to send an extra sheet of paper to include the sarcasm and “no drama,” so that if Lorraine decided to display her birthday card, no one would read it and think badly of Mum.

    Dec 4, 2012 at 1:48 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Macca

    Buy mum a blank address book, pre-filled-in with your address in the appropriate category. Problem solved – she can’t guilt trip you through that angle. No Drama!!!

    (Then again, if she didn’t know your address, she couldn’t find her way to your house. Maybe that is exactly as intended!)

    Dec 4, 2012 at 2:00 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   C

    But 2 Live Crew specifically instructed me to “save the drama for [my] mama.” Now I am confused.

    Dec 4, 2012 at 3:29 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Jami

      I prefer to save the drama for my llama.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 4:51 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   wright1

      Why not for Obama?

      Dec 4, 2012 at 5:31 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Jami

      Perhaps we should put our drama into some pajamas and toss it into Mt. Fujiyama.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 12:19 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   The Elf

      I don’t do drama. For my karma.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 8:31 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   MamaPajama

      I think “drama” and “karma” only rhyme if you are from Rhode Island….. ;)

      Dec 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   infanttyrone

      Don’t fahget Bahstun…where you pahk ya cah in Hahvahd Yahd

      Dec 5, 2012 at 12:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   redheadwglasses

      Save your drama for Greg and Dharma!

      Dec 5, 2012 at 1:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   The Elf

      Why do you have to be so mean?!!!!! I’m sending all your birthday cards to work from now on!!!!!! No drama!!!!!

      Dec 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   Julio (down by the schoolyard)

      @MamaPajama
      Do we have to pay a royalty to Paul Simon if we sing your name ?

      Dec 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Mitte

    Call me a stone cold b*tch, but I say: dump that mum and find yourself a new one. ;)

    Ok, I’m far from having all the facts here on passiveaggressivenotes so I’ll go on and extrapolate from the little I know by saying: a mum who can’t show empathy to a daughter who works so much that she practically doesn’t have time for a social life doesn’t get my vote.

    And on a more serious note, this case reminds me of my husband’s mom who never knew that in the last two years, he’s been through psychological harassment at work and huge depression BECAUSE SHE NEVER BOTHERED TO ASK how he was doing and DOESN’T LISTEN to anything he says to her.

    All she could ever think and talk about was her own damned self. So now when her number shows up, we don’t answer the phone anymore.

    Dec 4, 2012 at 3:42 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   t-rex

      But, again, we have nothing to indicate to that. What if daughter wasn’t answering her calls before she sent the card? Seems like they both have ‘drama’ issues.

      Dec 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   H for Toy

      This makes me extra thankful to have a mom who steadfastly avoids guilt-trips, nagging and sarcasm!

      Dec 4, 2012 at 4:14 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   wright1

      If there’s a genetic basis for that behavior and you can identify and patent it, your fortune is MADE!

      Dec 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   H for Toy

      Right? “Hey mom, thanks for being awesome. I just need to take a couple vials of blood…” :)

      Dec 4, 2012 at 9:38 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   The Elf

      I’d say your husband desperately needs to get a new job, because a paycheck isn’t worth your soul, but then I remember the sorry state of the economy and the need to eat.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 8:33 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Macca

      I want to know how not answering the phone is “drama” in t-rex’s world.

      In my world it’s the easiest way to a drama-free life.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 11:24 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Bex

    I agree with T-Rex. I didn’t read anything into that note but if the daughter read it like that then it’s her own inner struggle.

    Dec 5, 2012 at 9:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   kbee

    I read it like the daughter did. The emphasis stresses sarcasm, like so: “I had to go out of my way to send this to your work. I’ve been to your house SOOOOO MANY TIIIIIMES I don’t know the number. LAWL just playing, don’t hate.”

    Whether or not you read it the same, she felt it was PA. And I agree with her. It wasn’t neccessary, not in a birthday card.

    My own mother pulled the same sort of BS on me recently when I emailed her (we are across the globe from one another) to check on the family phone numbers for my new phone. She just replied with a list of numbers; no names, nothing. I asked which number belonged to whom so I could add them to my address book, and when she came to my step-father’s number, she said (and I quote): “That number belongs to the man I’ve been married to FOR 20+ YEARS.” Emphasis hers.

    Though I didn’t respond in kind, I wish I had said: “My bad!Didn’t realise he also possessed THE SAME NUMBER for 20+ YEARS and I should have RECOGNISED IT ON SIGHT AS HIS.” (Which he hasn’t.)

    In both of these cases, a simple name (or in the OP’s case, a birthday greeting) would have sufficed.

    Dec 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   juju_skittles

    See, this is where Hallmark is missing out. Why not just make a line of passive-aggressive cards to suit birthdays, Christmases, Easter, New Year’s. Imagine what they could come up with on Mother’s Day! Obviously, there’s a market…

    Dec 5, 2012 at 9:13 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Elf

      Don’t feed the beast! If Moms (or Dads or Grandparents or greeting-card-crazed random friends) want get all passive aggressive in a card, they should at least make the effort of writing it out themselves.

      On the other hand, that’s a million dollar idea right there.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 8:54 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   kermit

      Juju, they already exist. Google “Some-ecards” and you can even make your own.

      But since you bring up Hallmark, I think they should do more to enforce the buying of standard greeting cards. Look, the only thing that should be on a birthday card is stuff along the lines of “happy birthday, I’m glad you exist”. It’s not a space to bring up your grievances or ask the receiver to do some errands or whatever else.

      On a Christmas card? Okay fine, air your damn grievances because you probably send those to people you don’t like much anyway. And if they’re family, you probably want to give them a heads up that you’re into celebrating Festivus when you see them. But leave people be on their birthday, geez.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 1:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Brian

    I must be the only Catholic (or Jewish) person here. Clearly there is a guilt trip intended; but it’s not over much. Just the proper application of maternal guilt towards her children. Mom found a ‘clever’ way of saying “I wish you would call me more, but don’t want to feel like a burden”.

    Nothing to get worked up about.

    Dec 6, 2012 at 8:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   FeatherBlade

      “Don’t mind me, I’ll just send this to your work. You don’t have to invite me to your house, really…. *forlorn sigh*”

      Something like that, Brian?

      Dec 6, 2012 at 11:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Brian

      My mom does it by apologizing for not calling me, even after leaving multiple voicemails.

      Basically she’s playing it like I have difficulty dialing the phone, because there’s no way I’d be so busy as to forget to call my mom…

      Dec 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   v

    I have to agree that the card seems fine to me.

    Dec 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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