And that’s why they call me the Nutcracker

December 5th, 2012 · 28 comments

Hannah spotted this bit of holiday cheer at the Southern Christmas Show in Charlotte, North Carolina. While the other vendors were busy handing out free samples and entertaining kids, this fellow was “keepin’ it Southern.”

The next time someone pulls OFF by bugle... I'm replacing it with a shotgun!

related: Merry Terry says enjoy this tree!

FILED UNDER: Christmas · holiday spirit · North Carolina

28 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Red Delicious

    Merry Fucking Christmas.

    Dec 5, 2012 at 5:28 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   infanttyrone

      , y’all !!!

      Dec 5, 2012 at 5:36 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   The Elf

      Bless their little hearts.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 7:30 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Dane Zeller

      Technically, that should be, “Happy Fucking Holidays, y’all!!!”

      Dec 6, 2012 at 7:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   The Elf

      Nah, it’s the South. Happy Fucking Holidays is clearly An Assault On Christmas, which we all know is celebrated by everyone everywhere and is in fact The Reason For The Season.

      It should read Joyful Fucking Saturnalia. (And since we’re talking about the Romans, the “Fucking” part isn’t just for emphasis!)

      Dec 6, 2012 at 9:03 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #2   Kapaibro bang

    anyone else read that as “…pulls off my BULGE…”?
    I was looking for the bulge, and quite disappointed.

    Dec 5, 2012 at 5:45 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Roto13

      Yeah, I was pretty bummed out when I realized that nutcracker doesn’t have a giant log. I guess that’s what the bugle/shotgun is compensating for.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 5:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Poltergeist

      That nutcracker is one solid hunk of man-wood. I’m sure he could easily murder hundreds of promiscuous coeds if he replaced his bulge with a shotgun.

      Dec 5, 2012 at 7:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   infanttyrone

      I’ve given up trying to post Youtube clips of any sort on this site.
      Hey, management, what are you afraid of exactly ?

      So, I’ll just say that Jan & Dean’s Surf City would be perfect here.
      Well, the first line anyway…

      Dec 5, 2012 at 9:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   shell

      They arw probably afraid of bored paranoids who don’t realize blog systems have glitches and it takes time and money to fix them.

      Love your “the world owes me” attitude, though…Sheesh.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 12:41 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   The Elf

      What do you expect bulge-wise? He’s a nutcracker! You don’t get to do that with having experienced it yourself. It’s a rite of passage.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 7:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   infanttyrone

      @shell (#2.4)
      I’ve been here about 3 years…you?
      Links to YT clips used to post with no problem.
      For the past year or so, they now generate a message saying that the comment is being delayed pending moderation/approval.
      Moderation/approval almost never occurs until after the introduction of a new note.
      This is the only WordPress or blogspot site that behaves this way, ime.
      Happy Holidays !!

      Dec 6, 2012 at 8:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   redheadwglasses

      Thanks for letting us know right away what a dick you can be, shell. The heads up is helpful.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 11:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.8   Dave

      Ha! I am not the only one with mind in the gutter…

      Dec 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.9   H for Toy

      No, you’re not, Dave. I was thinking that a guy usually likes it when someone pulls off his bugle…

      Dec 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.10   The Elf

      And gives it a little toot? It’s all about the lip tension with brass instruments, ladies.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #3   makfan bang

    Well, bless his heart.

    Dec 5, 2012 at 5:53 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #4   dayla

    The headline is my favorite part of this post.

    Dec 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #5   Smokey

    What if I yank your chain?

    Dec 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #6   Ace of Space

    Love the big grin on his face as he threatens you with death.

    Dec 5, 2012 at 8:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #7   TRT

    “Pulls off my bugle?” Some sort of sexy slang? In any case, expect an explosive face full.

    Dec 6, 2012 at 4:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #8   havingfitz

    What good would that do? I promise people are a lot more likely to see it, shout “YEHAW!!” and steal your gun.

    Dec 6, 2012 at 8:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Beatus Mongous

      Exactly. The shotgun is usually worth more, too.

      Dec 11, 2012 at 7:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   Marc

    Actually – I think I would like him better with the Shotgun. Is this a special order item??

    Dec 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      That’s one way to take care of the mouse king. Get all seven crowns with one shot.

      Dec 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   Eat.Shit.Sleep

    That’s the redneck way to deal with things.

    Dec 7, 2012 at 9:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   AliLongworth

    Perhaps they were getting ready for next week’s Gun & Knife Show?

    Dec 9, 2012 at 12:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   infanttyrone

    Hey Goober,

    I’m taking your damn bugle now.
    When you replace it with your shotgun…then I’m taking your shotgun.
    Got Glocks ? I’ll take those too.
    Careful I don’t steal your face right off your head.


    P.S. If you’re new in town, you can read about me in the New York Times.
    Oh, wait ! I stole that a few notes ago.
    Cherish well your thoughts and keep a tight grip on your booze…

    Dec 10, 2012 at 9:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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