And that’s why they call me the Nutcracker

December 5th, 2012 · 28 comments

Hannah spotted this bit of holiday cheer at the Southern Christmas Show in Charlotte, North Carolina. While the other vendors were busy handing out free samples and entertaining kids, this fellow was “keepin’ it Southern.”

FILED UNDER: Christmas · holiday spirit · North Carolina

28 responses so far ↓

#1 Red Delicious

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Dec 5, 2012 at 5:28 pm rating: 90

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- #1.1 infanttyrone
  
  , y’all !!!
  
  Dec 5, 2012 at 5:36 pm rating: 90
- #1.2 The Elf
  
  Bless their little hearts.
  
  Dec 5, 2012 at 7:30 pm rating: 90
- #1.3 Dane Zeller
  
  Technically, that should be, “Happy Fucking Holidays, y’all!!!”
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 7:27 am rating: 90
- #1.4 The Elf
  
  Nah, it’s the South. Happy Fucking Holidays is clearly An Assault On Christmas, which we all know is celebrated by everyone everywhere and is in fact The Reason For The Season.
  
  It should read Joyful Fucking Saturnalia. (And since we’re talking about the Romans, the “Fucking” part isn’t just for emphasis!)
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 9:03 am rating: 90
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#2 Kapaibro

anyone else read that as “…pulls off my BULGE…”?
I was looking for the bulge, and quite disappointed.

Dec 5, 2012 at 5:45 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 Roto13
  
  Yeah, I was pretty bummed out when I realized that nutcracker doesn’t have a giant log. I guess that’s what the bugle/shotgun is compensating for.
  
  Dec 5, 2012 at 5:46 pm rating: 90
- #2.2 Poltergeist
  
  That nutcracker is one solid hunk of man-wood. I’m sure he could easily murder hundreds of promiscuous coeds if he replaced his bulge with a shotgun.
  
  Dec 5, 2012 at 7:03 pm rating: 90
- #2.3 infanttyrone
  
  I’ve given up trying to post Youtube clips of any sort on this site.
  Hey, management, what are you afraid of exactly ?
  
  So, I’ll just say that Jan & Dean’s Surf City would be perfect here.
  Well, the first line anyway…
  
  Dec 5, 2012 at 9:30 pm rating: 90
- #2.4 shell
  
  They arw probably afraid of bored paranoids who don’t realize blog systems have glitches and it takes time and money to fix them.
  
  Love your “the world owes me” attitude, though…Sheesh.
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 12:41 am rating: 90
- #2.5 The Elf
  
  What do you expect bulge-wise? He’s a nutcracker! You don’t get to do that with having experienced it yourself. It’s a rite of passage.
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 7:04 am rating: 90
- #2.6 infanttyrone
  
  @shell (#2.4)
  I’ve been here about 3 years…you?
  Links to YT clips used to post with no problem.
  For the past year or so, they now generate a message saying that the comment is being delayed pending moderation/approval.
  Moderation/approval almost never occurs until after the introduction of a new note.
  This is the only WordPress or blogspot site that behaves this way, ime.
  Happy Holidays !!
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 8:57 am rating: 90
- #2.7 redheadwglasses
  
  Thanks for letting us know right away what a dick you can be, shell. The heads up is helpful.
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 11:37 am rating: 90
- #2.8 Dave
  
  Ha! I am not the only one with mind in the gutter…
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm rating: 90
- #2.9 H for Toy
  
  No, you’re not, Dave. I was thinking that a guy usually likes it when someone pulls off his bugle…
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm rating: 90
- #2.10 The Elf
  
  And gives it a little toot? It’s all about the lip tension with brass instruments, ladies.
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm rating: 90
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#3 makfan

Well, bless his heart.

Dec 5, 2012 at 5:53 pm rating: 90

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#4 dayla

The headline is my favorite part of this post.

Dec 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm rating: 90

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#5 Smokey

What if I yank your chain?

Dec 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm rating: 90

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#6 Ace of Space

Love the big grin on his face as he threatens you with death.

Dec 5, 2012 at 8:34 pm rating: 90

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#7 TRT

“Pulls off my bugle?” Some sort of sexy slang? In any case, expect an explosive face full.

Dec 6, 2012 at 4:21 am rating: 90

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#8 havingfitz

What good would that do? I promise people are a lot more likely to see it, shout “YEHAW!!” and steal your gun.

Dec 6, 2012 at 8:10 am rating: 90

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- #8.1 Beatus Mongous
  
  Exactly. The shotgun is usually worth more, too.
  
  Dec 11, 2012 at 7:20 pm rating: 90
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#9 Marc

Actually – I think I would like him better with the Shotgun. Is this a special order item??

Dec 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm rating: 90

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- #9.1 The Elf
  
  That’s one way to take care of the mouse king. Get all seven crowns with one shot.
  
  Dec 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm rating: 90
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#10 Eat.Shit.Sleep

That’s the redneck way to deal with things.

Dec 7, 2012 at 9:16 am rating: 90

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#11 AliLongworth

Perhaps they were getting ready for next week’s Gun & Knife Show?

Dec 9, 2012 at 12:14 am rating: 90

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#12 infanttyrone

Hey Goober,

I’m taking your damn bugle now.
When you replace it with your shotgun…then I’m taking your shotgun.
Got Glocks ? I’ll take those too.
Careful I don’t steal your face right off your head.

MFC,
Thief

P.S. If you’re new in town, you can read about me in the New York Times.
Oh, wait ! I stole that a few notes ago.
Cherish well your thoughts and keep a tight grip on your booze…

Dec 10, 2012 at 9:51 am rating: 90

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