I’ve spent most of the day curled up reading John Irving’s latest, In One Person (“a compelling novel of desire, secrecy, and sexual identity.”) And yet, since stumbling across this novella — from an office fridge in Maryland — I’ve had but one phrase echoing in my head: “We are not so unalike, [you and I]. I, too, have a deep love of salad.”
related: “Someday when you’re wondering why you’re alone…”
85 responses so far ↓
#1
Leanne
Brilliant! I almost wish it kept going for another page or two.
Dec 16, 2012 at 4:05 pm rating: 93
#2
Me, Myself, and I
you don’t win friends with salad…
Dec 16, 2012 at 4:18 pm rating: 32
#3
Amy, UK
That is a fantastic note! I love the rocket bit for us Brits!
Hope whoever wrote it gets their rocket fix soon
Dec 16, 2012 at 4:21 pm rating: 19
#4
DS
Avocado on toast for breakfast sounds good. Think I will start doing that.
Dec 16, 2012 at 4:24 pm rating: 31
#5
jt
How does someone who is so busy and focused on maximizing productivity have time to write a note like that?
Dec 16, 2012 at 4:33 pm rating: 55
#6
SA's Spider
I’ve worked a number of call centers, and they all had a “Everything in the fridge gets throw away at Zam on X night” purge. People would get all hurt and upset that a “perfectly good looking XYZ” would get tossed… and if it was between days they come in, it always seemed like someone stole or ate it. Management didn’t ever seem to tell anyone, either… I saw/met the poor slub that did the crazy fridge clean of a 500 person call center when I was doing overnights and it made sense… fridge would be full again 4 hours later.
Dec 16, 2012 at 4:43 pm rating: 2
#7
Smokey
Ask not for whom the bell tolls….it tolls for salad.
Dec 16, 2012 at 4:50 pm rating: 14
#8
shwo!
It was a dark and stormy salad; the dressing fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of croutons which swept up the hallways (for it is in the office lunchroom that our scene lies), rocketing along the cubicles, and fiercely agitating the hungry members of the compliance group that struggled against the food thieves.
Dec 16, 2012 at 6:17 pm rating: 64
#9
Ely North
Is a lousy salad-stealer REALLY going to take the time to read that entire note? Doubtful.
Dec 16, 2012 at 9:33 pm rating: 5
#10
Monica
The author of this note sounds like a really fun person…not. A germaphobe, a neurotic salad eater, a person actually trying to maximize their productivity at work? Jesus christ, eat some fast food one day, it won’t kill you. Psycho. This is the type of person who’s punch should get spiked at the Christmas party so that the large two by four can become unlodged from their ass. I want to sneeze on her keyboard out of spite. Also, composing that lengthy letter was probably not the best way to maximize productivity.
Dec 16, 2012 at 11:29 pm rating: 12
#11
Spag Hoops
I think the note writer’s got a real sense of humour here, and I like all the references, but really … I see a lot of stuff on passive aggressive notes about people stealing other’s food and I think, isn’t this just a wake-up call to people to just take a proper break and go out for lunch? Live a little.
Dec 17, 2012 at 1:05 am rating: 12
#12
kathlynn
I’m required to stay in the building for what ever break I might get (don’t usually get one, in spite of the provincial laws requiring it). I do not always have the time nor energy to prepare food for that day, I can completely understand where the letter writer is coming for.
Dec 17, 2012 at 6:11 am rating: 7
#13
VoiceMail
They call rocket ‘arugula’ in the USA? How strange…
Dec 17, 2012 at 7:48 am rating: 7
#14
Shannon
I live near the area this took place. There aren’t a lot of options for eating out
Dec 17, 2012 at 7:50 am rating: 1
#15
Dane Zeller
I’m sorry I can’t join you to share your salad. I can see I would not be able to talk during my meeting with you, and your salad wasn’t good enough for which to fake a friendship. You might try this, though: I really prefer an oil and vinegar dressing. Could you handle that?
A possible friend.
Dec 17, 2012 at 9:23 am rating: 7
#16
Erin
I kind of hate this person and feel like he’d be a huge bore at a party if you met him. The kind of person that’s rude to the underpaid clerk at Whole Foods but thinks he’s a good person because the eggs he’s buying are free range.
Dec 17, 2012 at 9:27 am rating: 13
#17
LeJupp
Passive aggression is best served polished!
Dec 17, 2012 at 10:13 am rating: 13
#18
T-rex
Op, your hunger for a rocket, can be solved with men.
Dec 17, 2012 at 10:35 am rating: 9
#19
T-rex
Op, your hunger for a rocket can be solved with a man.
Dec 17, 2012 at 10:36 am rating: 0
#20
Frank Booth
Proverbial – I do not think it means what you think it means.
Dec 17, 2012 at 1:36 pm rating: 3
#21
megara
Maybe someone threw out the salad because a huge box of a week’s worth of greens was taking up more than one person’s fair share of space in the fridge.
Dec 17, 2012 at 4:34 pm rating: 10
#22
Kacky
If you want private food, keep a cooler under your desk. ESPECIALLY if you are “a germophobe”. The whole damn office is not responsible for managing your ocd.
Dec 17, 2012 at 7:27 pm rating: 3
#23
meri
seriously, you people read the whole report?
Sorry, arugula and toast lover, TL; DR
Dec 17, 2012 at 11:30 pm rating: 4
#24
Kittymama
The only time I’d consider taking someone’s food from the fridge is by accident — if I really thought it was mine. To remedy your own shortsightedness by wrecking someone else’s plan for their work day? And it’s hard to change plans in the middle of a work day. I’ve been reading PAN for years and I can no longer keep silent about what sh*tty behavior this is. Not that any of you in the commenting community have ever stolen food. And I realize some workplaces are simply jam-packed with shady characters. Okay, you can dogpile on me now if you wish. Happy holidays.
Dec 18, 2012 at 1:12 pm rating: 1
#25
sarah
this person is a slightly more eloquent, american version of me, and i love this note! i too love rocket and am just about to put away some toast and avocado [half, because let's not get too carried away, it isn't christmas yet!] for breakfast. i also pride myself on being fluent in american food vocabulary! cilantro was the newest one i learnt, and i think i like it.
Dec 19, 2012 at 4:15 am rating: 1
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