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The Griswold Family Fine Print

December 17th, 2012 · 70 comments

While admiring the neighborhood’s holiday decorations with his family, our submitter in Denver came across this “bokeh of Christmas joy.”

Dr. Griswold & Mr. Grinch

Noticing a folder of photocopied flyers labeled “please take one,” our submitter did so, and while his daughter stared in awe at the abundance of LED-powered holiday cheer, he gawped at the Grinch-like screed that accompanied it.

PLEASE STAY OFF MY DAMN FENCE. I am Tired of people breaking it and not having the decency to come and tell me, and maybe pay for it. Instead they sneak off like damn thief(s) in the nite. I put up decorations so you can enjoy them, not destroy my property. I realize 98% of the people are good and just enjoy the decorations. The other 2% are obviously a__h___s. Stay away, no one is making you come. You damn well weren't invited, so stay the hell home!! Or have manners!

related: Merry Christmas…with an emphasis on the “meh”

extra credit: How much does it cost to decorate your house with Christmas lights? []

FILED UNDER: Christmas · Denver · holiday spirit · neighbors · pointlessly self-censored profanity · vandalism

70 responses so far ↓

  • #1   LeeAnn

    Isn’t that a Bible verse? “And lo, they did sleek right the hell off, like thiefs in the nights.” I just bet you it is.

    Dec 17, 2012 at 3:52 pm   rating: 79  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   NonnyMus


      Dec 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Sleek eff

      Love the handwriting, it would make a great font. Especially the crazy random use of small-caps.

      Dec 19, 2012 at 12:56 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   dizit

      It actually appears to have been written by someone who doesn’t know the difference between capital letters and lower case.

      Dec 20, 2012 at 4:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #2   Who passed out the Haterade?

    I don’t get it… where is this fence in picture? Behind the first row of Christmas decorations? In that case, why is our beloved notewriter worried about the fence getting broken, versus the decorations?

    Dec 17, 2012 at 3:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   NonnyMus

      This photograph is from across the street. Does it occur to you that people also photograph the display from the sidewalk in front of the house? While leaning on the fence, perhaps? And it’s to this practice that the note refers?

      There you go! Just remember that reality is more than photographs and life might be less confusing.

      Dec 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   twhit

      I think the fence is behind the decorations. The note says he puts up the decorations so people “can enjoy them, not destroy my property,” so it came from the decorated house, not across the street.
      If you don’t actually read the whole note you might assume that it was written by the person across the street because people are leaning on their fence – if you are prone to creating odd background stories for photographs.

      Dec 17, 2012 at 5:37 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Gretchen

      You can see the fence if you look at the larger version of the photo – it’s a vertical wrought iron fence with dark tinsel strung across it. It’s why the santa legs look oddly stripy

      Dec 17, 2012 at 8:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #3   kermit

    Can someone explain to me the self-censoring in this note? If you’re going to call someone an asshole, why not just write it out?

    Dec 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   NonnyMus

      He’s obviously a ‘christian’ or mormon and those folks don’t swear… out loud at least, which kind of defeats the purpose of being holy, but then again I’ve never understood ‘christians’ or mormons… even though I was raised by a pair of the former.

      It’s also funny how he is apparently o.k. with “damn” but not “assholes”!

      Dec 17, 2012 at 4:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   OHSue

      Mormons are Christian. And although I am what is probably thought of as a heathen, I do know many faiths don’t advocate foul language.

      That said, the note re-enforces my belief that folks who decorate like this don’t really put all this up for others but really for some kind of self satisfaction or bragging rights.

      Dec 17, 2012 at 7:13 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   HaydenT

      Probably because he knows he put up a kid magnet.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 2:57 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   DaveGI

      That depends on who you ask OHSue.

      The early Christians all got together to come up with a common set of beliefs that would be the definition of a Christian. What they came up with was the Nicene Creed (aka the Profession of Faith). Anyone who did not accept all parts of it was either a pagen or a heretic.

      The Mormon faith differs significantly with the Creed, which is why so many don’t consider them true Christians.

      I’m not saying I endorse this belief. Just explaining why people say Mormans aren’t Christians.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 2:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #4   NonnyMus

    I love how he writes “damn”, but implies “assholes”.

    Dec 17, 2012 at 4:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   squib

      “Implied Assholes” is my new band name.

      Dec 17, 2012 at 4:14 pm   rating: 53  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   NonnyMus

      Or, if you have hopes of going mainstream,

      “A_ _H_ _ _S”!

      Dec 17, 2012 at 4:17 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   shwo! bang

      Tonight only! Implied Assholes are opening for The Airborne Toxic Event!

      Dec 17, 2012 at 4:20 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   quat

      Don’t forget Rocket Pubes! They have to be on that bill.

      Dec 17, 2012 at 7:22 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   betty lou

      Fuck. YEAH. I would totally go see that band, but only if Thx Sandra was opening.

      Dec 17, 2012 at 8:26 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   Jami

      Some people don’t believe damn is a strong enough swear word to be worth censoring. Don’t ask me why. People are nucking futs.

      Dec 17, 2012 at 9:23 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   wright1

      “Implied Assholes” could also be a demographic. A fairly large one, too.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 12:06 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #4.8   DaveGI

      Most Christians don’t have a serious problem with the word “damn.” I mean they still consider it a swear word, but a minor one. It’s when you add “God-” in front of it that it shoots up to the top of the offensive list for them, because then it becomes blasphemy. The taking of God’s name in vain.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 2:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.9   pooham

      He doesn’t mind people coming to admire the decorations, but it is assholish to break someone’s property and not fess up.

      I live in Albuquerque and one year during the Balloon Fiesta on of the balloons landed in the field behind my house and ended up draped over my backyard fence. The weight of the balloon ended up breaking part of my cat fence. The balloonists didn’t leave a note or anything. I had to find out from my neighbors what happend. It wasn’t a big deal, but still, at least let the homeowner know.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.10   FeatherBlade

      @DaveGI: Dunno about that. “Damn” means “to condemn (something) to the Lake of Fire for all eternity” so I think that’s a pretty strong sentiment.

      And to ask God to do that to someone else? They better have done something truly heinous to merit that severe a response.

      Dec 19, 2012 at 3:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   shwo! bang

    Perhaps the 2% are stumbling into your fence because you’ve destroyed their night vision.

    But thanks for the free hangman game! I think the word is “anthills.” Do I win?

    Dec 17, 2012 at 4:14 pm   rating: 93  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Poltergeist

      I think I love you shwo. You always leave the best comments. Oh look, we’re standing under the mistletoe. Kiss me?

      Dec 18, 2012 at 2:04 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   shwo! bang

      Polty, I’m also devilishly handsome. By which I mean I’m bright red and have horns and a tail.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 10:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   H for Toy

      I’m in line behind Poltergeist!

      Seriously, we should have two “Word of the Day” boxes. One for the rest of us, and one default for whatever shwo! said today.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 10:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   shwo! bang

      Aw, shucks. Now I’m blushing. Which you probably can’t tell, what with the bright red skin.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 10:58 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #6   NonnyMus

    Lookit that! I originally came on to question the use of the word “bokeh” in this context and got all sidetracked!


    Dec 17, 2012 at 4:20 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #7   Rocket J

    This whole situation is the definition of irony. And not stupid hipster “I’m-wearing-glasses-with-no-lenses” irony, but honest to God irony!

    Dec 17, 2012 at 4:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #8   Sir Puke

    Wouldn’t a “Do not lean on the fence” sign be a more effective tact?

    Dec 17, 2012 at 4:26 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   KittenPlaysTheViolin

      But where’s the passive aggression in that? No, you’re not going to paint this notewriter into that corner. He takes small pleasures from getting bent out of shape and telling everyone off in his own special way. To each their own…

      Dec 17, 2012 at 4:40 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   shwo! bang

      Here’s how you do it: Wire the fence so that it closes a circuit when someone leans on it, causing the words “DON’T LEAN ON THE FENCE” to appear in twinkly lights and administering a mild shock to the offender. What could possibly go wrong?

      Dec 17, 2012 at 4:50 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Sir Puke

      Nothing could go wrong. That is until people start to walk their dogs in front of the fence.
      Hey, his house would be on the news for that one!

      Dec 18, 2012 at 9:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #9   Smokey

    Damn a– h—s!

    Dec 17, 2012 at 5:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   GinaT

    I thought we just wanted the 2% to pay their fair share, not stay home because they damn well weren’t invited.

    Dec 17, 2012 at 6:36 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #11   f2point8

    And no footprints in the snow. Turn off your damn engine. Sign the insurance disclaimer. Chip in for the electric bill. No talking. Hurry up, other people are waiting. No gawking, I hate gawkers.

    Dec 17, 2012 at 7:28 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #12   Silence

    I just want to know where the hell they store all that garbage during the rest of the year.

    Dec 17, 2012 at 8:00 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Smokey

      They don’t, they probably leave it up year round.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 5:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   The Grinch

    Stop looking at the lights. Dems my lights. They aren’t for you. Move along.

    Dec 17, 2012 at 8:10 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #14   Gretchen

    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

    Dec 17, 2012 at 8:51 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #15   Ely North

    I always suspected that bespectacling your house in an overabundance of holiday cheer was just a front to try to cover up the demons writhing within your black heart.

    Dec 17, 2012 at 10:18 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   MamaPajama

      bespectacling? he put eyeglasses on his house? I didn’t see that…..

      Dec 18, 2012 at 7:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   Cranky Britches

    Maybe if he doesn’t want his fence broken or people coming to stare at this… um, whatever it is he could, oh I don’t know, not have such a spectacle in his damn yard???

    I also feel bad for his neighbors who are blinded by this horrid sight.

    Dec 17, 2012 at 10:20 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #17   Urbitch

    I’m ashamed to admit it, but it kind of makes me angry that in 5 lines of text they used the words “bokeh” and “screed”. I mean, how fucking pretentious is that?

    Dec 17, 2012 at 11:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #18   bitchy the dwarf

    DON’T go towards the light…. there is danger in the light.

    Dec 18, 2012 at 6:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 6:42 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #19   The Elf

    Can’t sleep, Santa Army will eat me. Can’t sleep, Santa Army will eat me. Can’t sleep, Santa Army will eat me.

    Seriously, could you imagine being the house across the way? You’d need blackout curtains.

    Dec 18, 2012 at 6:44 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   anotherfool

      People who live with light pollution (like a big security light) have seven times the risk of certain cancers. So it’s not just irritating. Light pollution kills and causes health problems. google light pollution and your health for more. ( This teaching moment brought to you by an amateur astronomer with a bb gun)

      Dec 20, 2012 at 10:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Dane Zeller

    Dear Stay Off My Fence,

    I’m sorry I broke your fence. I’ll be over tonight to maybe pay for your fence.

    Maybe not.

    Dec 18, 2012 at 7:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   LOLCATS

    While his letter was completely ridiculous, I understand how he might be upset. We actually own a Cut-Your-Own Christmas Tree farm and every year we decorate the same giant tree in the middle of the lot so that families can take photos by it as they have been for years now. This year we’ve had people stealing the ornaments… who does that? O_o

    Dec 18, 2012 at 7:52 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Splint Chesthair

      Yeah, you have a point but you’ll lose your voice before you run out of reasons to complain about the general public.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 8:14 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   The Elf

      The Grinch. I suggest you look for a green man with a big, grinchy smile and no pants. Be thankful he didn’t take the whole tree!

      Dec 18, 2012 at 9:19 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.3   LOLCATS

      Aw dude, we’ve had people steal trees in the past. XD Luckily we have lost none this year.

      Dec 18, 2012 at 4:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #21.4   randomize

      I half expected the end of your tale to be that someone had CUT DOWN the ornamented tree…
      Hey, it’s cut-your-own, I want that one , it’s so pretty !

      Dec 19, 2012 at 6:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #22   redank

    M_rry Chr_stm_s A__H____S

    Dec 18, 2012 at 10:52 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #23   Will

    The other 2% are obviously airheads? That’s not a very nice thing to say.

    Dec 18, 2012 at 10:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #24   nunavut guy

    “So this is Christmas”………..

    Dec 18, 2012 at 11:55 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #25   t-rex

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

    Dec 18, 2012 at 12:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #26   Brian

    Dear Sir,

    I was taking me evening constitutional at twilight Thursday last. Enjoying me evening exercise, I was pulled all out of sorts when suddenly, before my eyes, came a torrent of light! Blinded and confused, assured in my heart that those gray people from the movies were here to take me and do unspeakable tests on me, I tried to escape, yet in the horrible illumination I could tell neither left from right nor up from down.

    Out of sorts and in fear from my life, I fled in a random direction until I was knocked senseless by what I believed to be some form of alien force field. I fortunately retained the presense of mind to flee, though I was in such a state that I can scarcely recall anything until I awoke on my own divan some hours later with a nasty bruise on my head and nightmares I fear I will never be free of.

    It occurs to me now that the blinding illumination may not have been caused by any extraworldly or paranormal force, but rather by the intensity of your jovial display. Indeed, as I can read by the light of it through my front window, though I be half a mile a way, it seems most likely. This leads me to the embarrassing conclusion that it was I who damaged your charming yard enclosure.

    Of course I would be pleased to make such recompense as would be necessary. I assume, being a man who obviously values justice and right, you are equally willing to pay for the countless hours of therapy I will be forced to undertake in an effort to recover from the mental anguish your delightful display has caused. For indeed, to not do so would inherently cause you to be seen as an a__h__l_ yourself.

    Yours in Neighborly Affection
    The Elderly Neighbor

    Dec 18, 2012 at 2:17 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

  • #27   redheadwglasses

    I think the A_ _ H_ _ _ S is a starter for a good game of hangman.

    Dec 18, 2012 at 9:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #28   Nicole Boyhouse

    I’m a little bit in love with this guy.

    Dec 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #29   Reuben

    I’m with the note writer. He’s done something amazing that other people benefit from. Don’t fuck his shit up!

    Dec 19, 2012 at 7:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   sleeps

      Cui bono?

      Dec 19, 2012 at 8:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   Joe Blow

    Christ, what an asshole..

    Dec 20, 2012 at 1:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #31   catethulhu

    Why are you all acting like the notewriter is an asshole? I think I would be pissed too, if people were destroying my property. Perhaps you all missed that part about destroyed property, and people being chickenshits and not fessing up? How is that behavior not dickish?

    Dec 20, 2012 at 4:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #32   Leevm

    Does anyone else read this in the voice of Hank from King of the hill?

    Dec 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   redheadwglasses

      Heh. I love Hank. “I oughtta take the long hairs on your head, tie it to the short hairs on your butt, and kick your ass down the street!”

      Dec 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   jdaniel

    Are the people who put up such light displays doing it for others to enjoy, or doing it for the attention?

    Dec 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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