Is this a toilet?

December 19th, 2012 · 54 comments

Apparently, when is comes to judging the average person’s ability to correctly assess, “Should I urinate here?” you really can’t be too careful.

In the interest of health these toilets have been sealed. DO NOT USE!!!

Due to persons repeatedly urinating in the elevator, it has been turned off until further notice. If you have any information about the persons responsible, please contact Bill in Centennial 144. Your honesty will be appreciated and will lead to a speedy return of the elevator. Fun Fact: You and your roommate share a bathroom with your suitemates. In this bathroom there should be a toilet. If you are missing a toilet, please call the Fix-It Line at x4687

Health Notice Toilet Issues The Tanning Room is not a Restroom!  It is extremely dangerous for A Total Tan employees to clean up trash cans and under rugs that people have used instead of the public toilet. This will no longer be tolerated!  A Total Tan has a computer record of everyone using each tanning room. In the future, using the tanning room as a toilet will not be tolerated. This will be very embarrassing to you!  It is not embarrassing for us to restart your bed if you need to stop before or during your session. Simply put on your clothes and ask the employee to stop your session.

Especially, it seems, in Chicago — as witnessed by both Julie and Whitney. Although, “To be fair,” Whitney adds, “the entire city seems to be fair game for public urination.”

ObviouslyPlease do not USE this bathroom! I thought the lack of a door indicated that fact, obviously I was wrong.I was wrong

Please - this is not a toilet

related: What is it about thrift store fitting rooms?!

extra credit: Street art by ELBOW-TOE

This is not a urinal.

FILED UNDER: Chicago · piss · toilet

54 responses so far ↓

  • #1   luckaye

    If you have to ask, then it probably isn’t a toilet ….

    Dec 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Joanne M.

    It’s a privilege to pee.

    Dec 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Smokey

    If you look both ways nervously before you leave…it’s not a bathroom.

    Dec 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   CupKat

      I don’t know about that. Whoever used that bathroom that’s still under construction couldn’t have had that much shame about it.

      Dec 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Who passed out the Haterade?

    To (probably) no one’s surprise, most of the graffiti discovered in Pompeii had to do with sex. But PA notes along these lines were a close second.

    “To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.”

    Dec 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   shwo! bang

      “And stop taking my ‘Vesuvian Times’.”

      Dec 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   The Elf

      “Do your dishes. Does your mother work here?”

      Dec 20, 2012 at 6:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Tesselara

      Clean your pottery, or there will be shards in your sleeping roll.

      Dec 20, 2012 at 9:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   Splint Chesthair

      If you do defecate here, kindly give a courtesy flush lest the mighty Vulcan let scream from under Vesuvius and cover your posterior in red hot ash.

      Dec 20, 2012 at 10:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   The Elf

      So that’s what happened!

      Dec 20, 2012 at 11:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   Walter

      Jupiter? I thought maybe Uranus?

      Dec 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   shwo! bang

    IKEA also kindly requests that customers refrain from standing naked under the showerhead displays. Thank you.

    Dec 19, 2012 at 5:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   kermit

      Not only that, IKEA also has a thing about bringing in well-dressed monkeys to the store. Honestly, I just wish they could make up their mind as to what dress code they expect.

      Dec 19, 2012 at 9:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   shoelace

      I used to work at an IKEA. Not only is it necessary for them to seal the display toilets, people have actually broken the lids off and used them anyway. Effing animals! Used to find dirty diapers in the showroom too.

      Dec 19, 2012 at 10:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Cooper

      I’m just trying to imagine their thought process.

      “NOT a toilet? Sure looks like it to me! I’ll show them!” *a scream of manliness* “I wonder why it doesn’t flush?”

      Dec 20, 2012 at 5:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   The Elf

      Shouldn’t the fact that the showrooms don’t have doors be a clue. I mean, who drops trou with onlookers?

      Dec 20, 2012 at 6:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   Kwyjor

      After a sufficient period of time, those trapped in an Ikea revert to more primitive behaviors.

      Dec 20, 2012 at 10:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   mutzali

      When my son was finally out of diapers and in “big boy pants” he saw the toilet display in OSH (our local hardware store) and started to drop trou right there. I stopped him in time, and explained that if the toilet didn’t have water in it, it wasn’t “real”. (Lack of doors didn’t bother him. He was 2 or 3 and never closed the bathroom door at home…)

      He’s almost 27, and I still give him grief about it whenever we’re in the plumbing section.

      Dec 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   The Elf

      What kind of parent would you be if you didn’t give him greif for that! In fact, this should be in the top 10 stories you tell about your son, particularly to girlfriends.

      Dec 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   H for Toy

    If your tanning session is so long that you need to urinate in the booth, you probably should be worried about skin cancer.

    Dec 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   shwo! bang

      If they actually urinated IN the booth, they should probably be worried about electrocution.

      Dec 19, 2012 at 5:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   H for Toy

      Eh, maybe not those stand up ones.

      Dec 20, 2012 at 8:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Sadie D

      I recognize that store name…it’s in my town, which has 100,000 people, but 40,000 of them are college students…they’re not very bright as a group.

      Dec 20, 2012 at 10:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   shwo! bang

    And who can forget Magritte’s PA masterpiece, “Ceci n’est pas une toilette”?

    Dec 19, 2012 at 5:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   jaylemeux

    What fact?

    Dec 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   fpelayo

    ugh… I see the douchebag prank of dumping in the change room is still a “thing” out there . -_-;

    Dec 19, 2012 at 7:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   wright1

      People think that’s funny? Words nearly fail me.

      Dec 20, 2012 at 7:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Ely North

    I kind of hope that civilization collapses this week so we can start just peeing wherever we want again.

    Dec 19, 2012 at 9:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Sosij

    Anyone who has worked in retail can tell you that people confuse “fitting room” and “restroom” shockingly often.

    Dec 19, 2012 at 11:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Defecator

    Surely ikea doesn’t expect me to buy a toilet without trying it out first. How do I know if the height is right, or if the seat comfortably supports the rolling of my thighs as I bear down?

    Dec 20, 2012 at 12:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   havingfitz

    I personally hate it when I get all cozy in bed and I’m just about to drift off to sleep, and then some asshat of a salesman starts yelling at me that the store is closing and if I don’t leave immediately he’ll call the cops.

    Dec 20, 2012 at 8:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Gladystopia

    While I can’t for certain say that random inappropriate excretion is a “Chicago thing”, I must admit, sadly, that it is a fairly common thing in Chicago.

    I must even MORE sadly admit that I know several culprits personally. And when one of them actually got ticketed for it–I’ll admit it!–I cheered. Because seriously, that’s just gross.

    Dec 20, 2012 at 8:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   D

      Chicago would have less of an issue with this if there were some #*@($& public toilets. Where else are you supposed to go? Seriously.

      Dec 21, 2012 at 8:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   The Elf

    Ikea is missing an opportunity here. All they need to do is slap a faux-Swedish word on the label and sell it at a discount. Don’t forget the umlauts and the little circles above the a!

    “Honey, let’s buy the Fyrkavar! It’s cheaper than the Grunkstorp.”

    By the time they make it all the way through that maze over to the customer pick-up warehouse section (where I always expect to accidentally stumble across the Ark of the Covenant), they’ll buy it even if it smells like pee because the alternative is weaving back through against traffic about 3.4 miles to pick out another one.

    Dec 20, 2012 at 9:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   redheadwglasses

      Before I’d really heard much about Ikea, SNL did a sketch making fun of all the names. Once I shopped at Ikea (Minneapolis), I realized that SNL’s parody didn’t even come close to appropriate mocking levels.

      Dec 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   t-rex

    If Ikea would offer more convenient restrooms, this would not be a problem. Seriously, the place is a maze! What do they expect people to do, hold their nearly exploding bowels for 30 minutes as people try to figure out (1) where they are, and (2) how to get where they want to go.

    Dec 20, 2012 at 9:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Pan

      …you could always ask somebody.

      Dec 21, 2012 at 11:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   The Elf

    Thank goodness there’s always the parking garage stair well.

    Dec 20, 2012 at 11:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   EARL

    The tanning salon used to tolerate people urinating in the trash cans and under rugs, but NO MORE!

    Dec 20, 2012 at 5:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Kris

    When you gotta go you gotta go, but come on there are limits. I’ve lost track the number of times I’ve seen some random puddle or pile and gone, “Oh look more signs of two legged dogs.”

    Its impossible to go downtown behind any bar(or even the local library) without seeing someone’s crap at least once a week.

    Most places that used to have public restrooms have changed their tune as many of the homeless have abused that generosity to use the restrooms as spots to shoot up.

    Dec 20, 2012 at 5:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   oldtaku

    I’ve used plenty of (working) restrooms without doors, and toilet stalls without doors as well. Not having a door means very little. Now if it’s the middle of a showroom…. but that doesn’t look like it.

    Dec 20, 2012 at 11:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   redank

    PA-notes on a brick wall – now that’s priceless!

    Dec 21, 2012 at 12:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Geek Goddess
    Goes well beyond using the toilets in the display bathrooms.

    Dec 21, 2012 at 12:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   anotherfool

    Am I being sexist to assume that mostly men do this? An interesting google: “public urination murder.” Some people apparently get really pissed off over the issue and a PA note is not enough.

    Dec 21, 2012 at 6:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Pan

      From what I’ve heard of retail horror stories, women are the ones that shit everywhere.
      And from the statistics of which gender is most likely to use a tanning salon, I’d also say it’s likely women are the culprits there too.

      When it comes to puddles of piss I generally think men though, for obvious reasons.

      Not sure why you would think one gender is “cleaner” or less likely to do their business in public than the other. If you really want to go there, by the state of ladies’ bathrooms and mens’ bathrooms I’ve seen, a lot more women are filthy and disgusting.

      Dec 21, 2012 at 12:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   BuckyTooth

      You’re not wrong in thinking that some women can be just as filthy and disgusting as men. In general, though, I think we’re a bit cleaner. However, the state I’ve seen some public toilets in is appalling. I’ve never seen shit everywhere, but I’m sure it happens. The thing is, if all women sat on the toilet seat, things would be fine. Some think their rear is too precious to touch a public toilet seat, so they hover and spray urine all over the seat, without regard for anyone else using the toilet after them. I once worked with a woman who did this. The cleaning crews obviously cleaned the toilets every night and we were all very courteous except this (evil) woman. There were four stalls in the ladies room and by the end of the day, three were usually covered in urine, since she refused to reuse the toilets she’d dirtied. There weren’t many of us in the office and none liked this woman already, so it wasn’t hard to figure out who it was. A co-worker left an anonymous passive aggressive note for her on her desk about what she was doing. It worked, but you could tell she was humiliated, which none of us cared about. She had a princess complex and needed to be put in her place.

      Dec 21, 2012 at 10:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.3   Jami

      Having spent a summer cleaning beach restrooms I can assure you, unless it’s a holiday weekend, women are far more disgusting in the bathrooms.

      There’s a reason we carry shovels into the bathroom and why the floors have to be hosed down and it ain’t because of beach sand.

      Dec 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.4   Sosij

      That’s why I pee in the ocean.

      Dec 23, 2012 at 4:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.5   Jamie

      Nope, from what I’ve heard, women are as bad as or worse than men. Tanning salons (mostly) cater to women, and they have TONS of account of women peeing in the rooms. Retail stores have horror stories of people of both sexes having explosive diarrhea in changing rooms…

      Dec 26, 2012 at 10:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   BuckyTooth

    I understand to an extent, but don’t condone, using an alley as a toilet on a drunken night out. It’s absolutely disgusting, but drunk people have to pee and have little regard for etiquette. I also sort of understand IKEA, since it IS a toilet. Some people aren’t in their right mind and could get confused, or a child could wander off from their parents for a split second and think it’s fine to use. What I don’t understand at all and find completely appalling is peeing in a trash can in a tanning salon. You’re most likely not drunk and in your right mind, and you’re not a child. How the hell would you ever think it’s okay to do that? You’d have to be the most inconsiderate, selfish arse on the planet to think that’s acceptable behaviour. I mean, I guess it doesn’t surprise me that people stupid and vain enough to try to give themselves skin cancer would be that inconsiderate, but COME ON, PEOPLE! GROW UP!

    Dec 21, 2012 at 10:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   redheadwglasses

      People aren’t just PEEING in trash c ans in tanning rooms. They’re POOPING.

      Dec 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   VoiceMail

    I’m concerned by number 3. They have drinking fountains shaped like toilets in America?

    Dec 23, 2012 at 6:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   it's naptime

      every toilet in the states doubles as a drinking fountain. But only if you’re a dog. Hopefully, only if you’re a dog. Some people are odd like that.

      Dec 23, 2012 at 9:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Jamie

    I’d really like to see the psychology behind this stuff. It’s obviously wide spread enough to warrant this story:

    Dec 26, 2012 at 10:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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