Your Favorite Notes of 2012

December 30th, 2012 · 68 comments

Here it is: a look back at your favorite notes of 2012, from heartbroken kids to self-righteous vegans and everywhere in between. (Just click on any of the notes to see the original post, with context.)

But first — drumroll please — our two leading candidates vying for the title of 2012 douchecanoe of the year!

Deck you, neighbor.

Can't we all just get along? (Sigh)

Of course, you could also vote for a third party candidate. Which write-ins are missing from the race? Cast your votes in the comments!

Rage Against the (Coffee) Machine

My neighbors are always sticking their butts where they don't belong

It's not an argument; it's a discussion.

All bathroom info requests must be done in iambic pentameter.

Welcome to Charm City

This is not a pun.

FYI from your neighbors across the way

Or I'll call the cops, maybe?

Sincerely, Commando

Debbie downed 'er

My salad days

Well, that's a new one.

Ironic moustache alert!

Mom, Dad I love you but you can't cut my hair if you do I will never forgive you I love my hair and guess you don't love me enough to do what I want for a change [drawings: "my heart," "buckets of my tears"]

related: The Most Popular Notes of 2011, including 2011′s Douchecanoe of the Year

 

FILED UNDER: most popular notes of 2012


68 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Purr Monster

    This is hard! Can we pick two? If so, my choices are Edin “Taken” Coffee rant and Commando who’s Missing his Underwear.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 4:58 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Roto13

    I still want to punch that vegan idiot in the face more than I want to take my next breath.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm   rating: 163  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Elf

      Yeah, that PAN wins the biggest douchecanoe yet award.

      Dec 31, 2012 at 6:51 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   redheadwglasses

      Even if were vegan, I’d want to watch you punch her in the face.

      Dec 31, 2012 at 12:06 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Sarah

      I AM a vegan, albeit a non-douchey one (I hope) and I want to punch her in the face even more because of this fact! Cats can’t live on hummus, portobello mushrooms and avocado sushi? Well frankly that is just SHOCKING!

      Jan 8, 2013 at 12:16 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   amber

      I AM vegan & want to punch her in the face as well. I agree with above said comments. :)

      Jan 12, 2013 at 8:21 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   lady

    Wow, that first note about the deck is just…wow. The clear winner.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:01 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   IHAQ

    I’m going for the vegan moron, that person needs a kick in the face!

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Anne Marie

      (That’s not one of the choices, it’s the first two only that you vote for with the others as a look back on the year.)

      Dec 30, 2012 at 5:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   TKD

      (Psssst, Anne Marie, write-ins are allowed. But hey, thanks for being super useful as always!)

      Dec 30, 2012 at 6:33 pm   rating: 71  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   LeeAnn

    The obnoxious vegan girl was much more douchecanoe-y than them all. I propose she spend some up close quality time with a proponent of the other side…. like a hungry tiger.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:08 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Anne Marie

    Obama Milk!

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   holycrapboredom

    The vegan for sure. Aren’t there a couple of posts about how awful she is?

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:14 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Zen

    Ooooo I particularly like the last two. Can’t choose just one though…

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Zen

      Actually, we are talking about a douche though, eh. In which case I vote for the note about the deck. I remember the photos. That deck was beautiful! Jealous much, nasty note writer?

      Dec 30, 2012 at 5:26 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Paula

    Ohh Emm Gee!!! The letter about the deck is from the world’s largest douche of all history!!!

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   onlittlecatfeet

    Oh, crappy deck is the winner, no question. Apart from the fact that the letter writer is Just. So. Wrong. about everything, he went to so much trouble!

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:39 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   redank

    The decaf note with line references from Liam Neeson’s “Taken” was not bad as he/she is applying this threat to coffee. But my vote goes to crappy deck letter.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Yenny

    Deck for sure. It was over-the-top mean!

    Dec 30, 2012 at 5:51 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      Yes. This, exactly. It wasn’t just a little note, it was a really mean note written about something that the writer doesn’t even have any business writing about in the first place!

      At least the parking notes and others have a basis in a legit gripe! Even Obnoxious Vegan Girl was trying to resolve a real problem (that she created, and doing so obnoxiously, but still). And Food Donation Douche has the slimmest veil of legitimacy because it was his donation he stuck the note to.

      But deck dude? What the hell?

      Dec 31, 2012 at 6:57 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Tesselara

      Elf, love your logic string, and agree to all of it.

      My vote goes to Deck guy.

      (Although I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the Vegan Villain)

      Dec 31, 2012 at 7:32 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   wright1

      Yeah, Sour-Grapes Home Improvement Critic wins, but it’s just by a single PA note’s thickness with Vegan Cat Ex-Owner.

      Dec 31, 2012 at 1:36 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   TKD

    The deck hating douche-canoe wins.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 6:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   NonnyMus

    It’s hard to decide, but for me, the food donation douche edges out the deck building critic because it’s obvious that the food donation douche has a whole douchebaggy political philosophy.

    I also get the impression that the deck critic is a teenager and who wasn’t a douche while in their teenage years?

    Dec 30, 2012 at 8:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Lulu

      I agree – anti-Obama donation note should win b/c this group did nothing to deserve it and can do nothing to resolve this person’s problems (mental, political, or otherwise). This group is just collecting food for the poor and gets unfairly dumped on by someone still bitter about the election.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 11:54 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Jacobi

    Hands down, the deck nazi

    Dec 30, 2012 at 8:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   snatchbeast

    Douche deck hater, for sure.

    Though who builds octagonal decks?

    Dec 30, 2012 at 8:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Ashes

    I’m voting for octagonal deck.

    Although, I must admit as a Canadian it was tough to pass up what might be my only opportunity to ever vote for Obama.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Alyssa

      Yes, seconded!!

      Feb 12, 2013 at 11:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Rita

    I vote for the deck note.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Sir Puke

    The donation bozo. He really should be taken down a peg or three.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 11:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   orogomait

    I honestly think the ‘deck letter’ should be disqualified – it seems that the writer is suffering from a mental illness.

    Dec 30, 2012 at 11:52 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   The Elf

      Being a dick isn’t an illness.

      Dec 31, 2012 at 6:57 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   orogomait

      Who said it was?

      Dec 31, 2012 at 9:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Ali Longworth

    Deck dick gets my vote.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 1:15 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Emily

    I like 2nd floor we can see you shagging!

    Dec 31, 2012 at 6:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   The Elf

    I see great potential in Buckets of My Tears. One day, she will write the great office fridge manifesto.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 6:58 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   redheadwglasses

    The deck one is my favorite by far. I remain convinced that it was written by a man in the neighborhood who has gotten tired of his own wife nagging him about building a deck as nice as the LW’s deck.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 7:30 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   notsosaintly

    I’m disappointed in both the deck letter and the Obama letter. While the one who wrote the Obama one is fed-up and misguided and doesn’t have a heart, the one who wrote the deck letter is just mean to the core. I vote for the deck-letter asshat.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 8:35 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   KD

    I’m voting for the deck.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 8:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Fireseeker

    I vote for the Deck.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 9:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   JN

    This is like Sophie’s Choice. Why must you make me choose?!?!

    Dec 31, 2012 at 10:13 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   JN

      That being said, I pick the deck.

      Dec 31, 2012 at 10:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   TM

    Asshat!

    Dec 31, 2012 at 11:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Apartment Dweller

    GET AN ASHTRAY is hilarious

    Dec 31, 2012 at 12:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Audax

    Obama milk!

    Dec 31, 2012 at 12:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   SoupySales

    Deck-hater is the PANniest, but I admire the creativity and message of “Get an ashtray.”

    Dec 31, 2012 at 1:00 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Ditka

    There are many strong candidates in the race to be sure. (That’s a change, eh?) For me, it’s between the deck-head and the vega-sshole. I think I’m leaning toward the deck-head, but only because of the sheer amount of jerkitude that went into constructing that monstrosity. I just… Yeah. It’s just so mean.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 1:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   LadyIslay

    I like the deck note for the prize. My runner up would be the card from Steve about closing the cupboard because if it came with flowers, that’s just precious and makes me want to go “aww!”. The Obama/Almondmilk note, on the other hand, makes me want to stab someone in the face for their ignorance. The vegan cat thing is not quite so stab-inspiring as it is smack-upside-the-head inducing. It is so awesome that it almost seems fake.
    Honourable mentions for the creative use of cigarette butts and dead flies in PA notes.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Lil'

    I think the deck guy is d-bag of the year, but I have a write in for second – “Admit it, you hate us.” Remember the witch from the meet-up group? She should get at least an honorable mention.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Dan

    I vote for the deck asshole.

    I also want to beat the snot out of the vegan cat owner.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 4:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Poltergeist

    Deck douche takes my vote. I truly hope that the deck builder found out who wrote the note and beat them senseless with a 2×4.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 5:06 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Poltergeist

      Oh, and Happy New Year everybody!

      Dec 31, 2012 at 5:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Ace of Space

    I vote for the dickless deck douche. End of story.

    Dec 31, 2012 at 8:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Kathy Kathy Kathy

    The thing about the deck is that the whole neighborhood was filled with the sound of power saws and hammering for a whole year.

    Jan 1, 2013 at 6:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   The Elf

      A whole year of continuous work? I doubt it. As we discussed on that note’s thread, it’s likely it took a year to complete because non-critical home improvement projects tend to take a back-burner to other responsibilities. So he worked on it a few hours here, a weekend there, etc. As long as he didn’t start obnoxiously early or run late into the night, the sounds would have right up there with the weekend lawn mowing and other chores. (And given the rest of the note, I’d bet good money that if he started working at the crack of dawn the writer would have mentioned it).

      So, yeah, totally freakin’ baseless. Noise like that is normal in any neighborhood. You want total lack of all other human noise? Buy 1000 acres to live on. And make sure it isn’t in a flight path.

      Jan 1, 2013 at 4:49 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   ShellyB

    Obnoxious Vegan Girl. She not only created the problem herself by not doing research and getting a pet that would accommodate her lifestyle, she then used her lifestyle to blame others for her own problem. For someone who supposedly cares about other living creatures, she shows a decided lack of compassion for the cat in question (by refusing to feed it a proper diet) and to the poor soul afflicted with her questionable friendship.

    Jan 1, 2013 at 10:30 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   BBJ

    Oh, it’s so hard. I mean, for pure douchecanoeishness, I think the guy griping at the Boy Scouts about Obama is right up there, but the deck letter is so poetically bizarre.

    But the hysterical threats about the stolen underwear just makes me laugh, and laugh and laugh…

    Jan 1, 2013 at 3:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   evadagbjort

    I’m having trouble deciding between Obama’s problem and the vegan for douchecanoe, but I think the charity-hater wins. As for the note on putting decaf in the regular coffee pot, however, that is an evil bloody thing to do and I’d back the note writer on whatever she feels she needs to do.

    Jan 1, 2013 at 5:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   DaveGI

    It’s got to go to the deck hater. He inserted himself into something that was none of his business, and he was wrong about what he said. The deck in question looked great! But beyond that, the sheer amount of vitriol and personal insults he poured into that note raised douchebaggery to new heights.

    Vegan-girl was being a douche about a problem she caused herself, but it doesn’t rise to the same level. Plus her douchebaggery was aimed at a friend, who presumably has had other experiences with her in the past. It wasn’t an anonymous attack like the deck letter.

    Jan 2, 2013 at 4:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   The Elf

    These comments are Not Debbie’s.

    Jan 2, 2013 at 6:40 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Kingault

    Deck Man for sure.

    Jan 2, 2013 at 8:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Merri

    The letter about the deck is a masterpiece.
    But I’d like to nominate for an honorable mention the note from March 1st about the stolen underwear that ended ‘I am going to sand paper fist f*ck your a**hole. Get ready for a world of pain, motherf*cker.’ – even though they jettisoned ‘passive’ and just went with ‘aggressive’.

    Jan 2, 2013 at 9:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   prepress goddess

    OK, the deck guy, but I **STILL** really like the “Hey I just met you/ and this is crazy/ but blocking our driveway asshat” one… can’t help but laugh every time…

    Jan 3, 2013 at 6:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   meri

    Buckets of tears, please. And may Dad never ‘burn her feelings’, still my favorite PAN of all time.

    Jan 3, 2013 at 11:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Jessica

    vegan asshole. that poor cat!

    Jan 23, 2013 at 6:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Mary

    Vegan asshole, hands down.

    Feb 13, 2013 at 3:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Lease

    Vegan girl, hands down, she’s so spectacularly awful, I can barely believe it.

    Feb 14, 2013 at 5:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     

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