Thanks to the magic of analytics, I’m able to see the unique search queries that bring people to this little website — and unique they are! (For many people, Google seems to serve much the same function as a Magic 8 ball.) If you’re feeling voyeuristic, take a peek below at some of the more, shall we say, interesting questions that somehow led people to PassiveAggressiveNotes.com over the past year.
—if you dig in indiana far down enough will you hit diamonds
—what does an orange grow up to be
—do they eat cupcakes in africa
—can coffee creamer hurt you?
—can cereal kill you
—what the fuck is rice
—is there a penalty if your tooth is put under yoru pillow late
—my mom always drags me to a barber for a hair cut why??
—how do you run away from your mum forever
—how do u get into your babysitters pants
—how to ask a girl who doesn’t know you to sign your yearbook
—what happens if you dont wash your hands after masturbating and can you get stds from it
—am i going to hell for what i did today
—do i walk noisily?
—who should i invite to my birthday?
—is my girlfriend ruining my life
—why is my stapler so important to me?
—why am i so awful to my parents
—does God like being God
—is it bad luck to clip nails in office
—if a cat shits in front of ur house is it auspicious?
—why is it easier for tall people to walk up stairs
—is it still hip to wear ed hardy?
—what is it like to wear a unitard
—should some one with open sores swim in a public pool
—can your tampon get caught on fire from a tanning bed
—what will happen if you lick a dirty turtle
—is chobani yogurt good for herpes
—does the hip abduction machine tighten vagina lips
—I have the desire to stick my butt onto all glass pains, do I have a problem
39 responses so far ↓
#1
Nick
Who doesn’t know what rice is?
Dec 31, 2012 at 8:22 pm rating: 12
#2
kermit
Wow. Well this definitely has me beat. When I had a blog – back in the olden days when Blogger was just a spunky start-up, instead of a Google arm – the weirdest search query I got was “itchy crotch rot”, on a blog that had absolutely nothing to do with any of those things. I ended up writing a post about it telling the lurker to seek medical attention.
Dec 31, 2012 at 8:51 pm rating: 10
#3
Monica
Is this really how people think Google works? Good god, I’m old enough to remember Ask Jeeves, which was supposed to be able to answer questions, but couldn’t.
Dec 31, 2012 at 8:52 pm rating: 17
#4
shwo!
This is some serious gourmet free verse.
Dec 31, 2012 at 9:19 pm rating: 13
#5
Sneaky Burrito
I love doing this for my own blog. Every once in awhile I get an actual topical query. But most of the time it’s people looking for ways to cheat on homework and illegally download textbooks (which are NOT activities I advocate). Either that, or people with sex obsessions related to characters in fantasy novels.
Dec 31, 2012 at 9:39 pm rating: 3
#6
Rose
These are great!
Back in the day when the web content mills were still going I was a title writer for a major mill. We basically edited the search strings the sites got and made them into titles … so we saw a lot of stuff like this.
I think the weirdest keyword search I’ve gotten on my blog has only been “dragon sex” …
Dec 31, 2012 at 11:02 pm rating: 6
#7
Rene
What the hell is a hip abduction machine?!
Dec 31, 2012 at 11:42 pm rating: 3
#8
scott hall
am i going to hell for what i did today
and
what will happen if you lick a dirty turtle
Are the funniest, if they are legitimate questions and not people searching for a quote from something.
Jan 1, 2013 at 4:44 am rating: 6
#9
KC
Just goes to show how bad Google is at some things.
Jan 1, 2013 at 12:54 pm rating: 0
#10
redank
these sound like interesting q’s to ask iPhone Siri
Jan 1, 2013 at 1:15 pm rating: 3
#11
The Elf
Well, I can answer the first one. If you dig down to at least level 11 and start digging in a straight line, then a grid pattern, and eventually you’ll find them. This would work anywhere in the world.
Bring plenty of picks – at least iron! – and watch for monsters if you break into any caves.
Jan 1, 2013 at 7:27 pm rating: 18
#12
The Elf
“Is my girlfriend ruining my life?”
Well, if you’re coming to this site looking to see if she’s sent in the passive aggressive notes you keep sending her, then I’d say it’s the other way around.
Jan 2, 2013 at 8:27 am rating: 5
#13
sassmaster
It is never hip to wear Ed Hardy. And if you do, I’m sure you can answer whoever asked what it’s like to wear a unitard.
Jan 2, 2013 at 10:14 am rating: 13
#14
NonnyMus
Wow! Educational standards have really plummeted. Yikes!
Jan 2, 2013 at 1:24 pm rating: 2
#15
Kupo
This makes me want to google some really weird questions, then click on the least relevant and most normal-looking websites to mess with their stats.
Jan 2, 2013 at 11:08 pm rating: 11
#16
anotherfool
Now I’m stuck with the image of a bikini’ed 20 something self-involved girl lying, eyes closed, in a tanning bed and her tampon spontaneously igniting. And I’m not quite sure how to feel about that.
Jan 5, 2013 at 1:40 pm rating: 1
#17
Me
My favorite is the person who spelled “your” as “ur” but was clever enough to use the word “auspicious.”
Jan 27, 2013 at 8:25 pm rating: 2
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