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When Canadians snap

January 3rd, 2013 · 56 comments

This one was spotted by Liz from British Columbia in what she describes as “a popular drinkin’ park often featuring empty Colt .45 cans.”

Merry Christmas!!! To the individual that ended the life of this 13 year-old old growth sitka spruce. It was nurturesd with love & care from a sapling planted here to honour the birth of my daughter. I can only assume it now stands in your living room to live out its last hours so that you and yours can mark Christmas. YOU are what is wrong with this world. You are more disgusting than the dog shit you left behind. YOU take this on your conscience. YOU deserve nothing. YOU are now CURSED. Do us all a favour & DIE.

related: What kind of person steals flowers from a grave?

FILED UNDER: British Columbia · Canada · die bitch die · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens

56 responses so far ↓

  • #1   wait...what?

    13 years old does not old growth make.

    Jan 3, 2013 at 7:04 pm   rating: 63  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Jami

      Maybe she sprouted the sapling from a cutting from an old growth tree?

      Jan 3, 2013 at 8:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Carolina

      That’s kinda like claiming your fathers age as your own. An old growth is hundreds if not thousands of years old, not thirteen.

      Jan 3, 2013 at 11:17 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   H for Toy

      Maybe she meant it could grow to an old age. Doing some research, I found that there are trees as old as 700 years, in this particular kind of spruce. I don’t know a whole lot about trees, but the evergreens in my yard don’t tend to live that long. That could also be my black thumb…

      Jan 4, 2013 at 8:32 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   redheadwglasses

      Then she’s wrong. “Old growth tree” is a status, not a prediction.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 11:45 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   H for Toy

      Well, yeah, but when have we known an irate note-writer to be thinking clearly? Plus, it sounds more impressive. Impressive sounding words are far more important than accuracy in a PAN.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 12:43 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #2   Fridge Pirate

    Eh, Merry Christmas to you too. Da Tree looks fucking delicious!

    Jan 3, 2013 at 7:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #3   Ely North

    That tree’s gone from honoring a birth to inspiring a death curse. I’m impressed.

    Jan 3, 2013 at 7:40 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

  • #4   SeeYouInTea

    When I curse people, I just use Avada Kedavra. Much more simple.

    Jan 3, 2013 at 8:33 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #5   shwo! bang

    That “u” in “favour” kinda takes the sting out of the curse. You want to make the threat stick? Spell it the way Bruce Willis would spell it. Or Liam Neeson. No, scratch that; he’s Irish.

    Oh, and people who steal public trees for their family holiday are selfish douchebags.

    Jan 3, 2013 at 8:59 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Dana

      But the proper Irish phrase wouldn’t have a u in it, either. It’d tell him to “feck” himself with the tree. :P

      Jan 3, 2013 at 9:33 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   fpelayo

      Canadian spelling :P

      Other words with add u’s: colour, honour, behaviour, flavour

      Jan 3, 2013 at 9:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   InvisibleWoman

      You must be new here fpelayo…

      Jan 4, 2013 at 2:39 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   InvisibleWoman

      You must be new here fpelayo…

      Jan 4, 2013 at 2:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   Dana

      There not added U’s – You lot took them out when you crossed the pond !!

      Jan 4, 2013 at 8:52 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   tofupuppy

      Must have gained some apostrophes and the letter “y” along the way!

      Jan 4, 2013 at 4:00 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   Camryn

      Actually, Dana, they are added U’s. At the time America become independent, those words were generally not spelled with U’s (although spelling was not well standardized). The U’s were added in a period of the 1800′s when “looking more French” was a fashion in the UK.

      Jan 5, 2013 at 10:19 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #6   nunavut guy

    To honour your daughter’s birth? What if she turns out to be a bitch?

    Jan 3, 2013 at 9:12 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Smokey

      Worse yet, what if she turns out to be a real birch?

      Jan 4, 2013 at 6:07 am   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   nunavut guy

      Hmmmm…..soft wood birch.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 10:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   BrookeDiz

      “What if she turns out to be a bitch?”

      Heh, heh. Any day now. She’s 13.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 11:40 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #7   nunavut guy

    Canadians do not drink Colt 45……it is a kidney filtered byproduct of Coors light.

    Jan 3, 2013 at 10:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   mech

      Us british columbians drink wildcat and/or lucky.

      I really want to know where in B.C this is.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 2:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Liz

      It’s near Pandora Park, near E. Hastings and Nanaimo. I think it’s still there too.

      Jan 18, 2013 at 11:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Liz

      It’s in Pandora Park in Vancouver. And Colt 45 is 8.1% in Canada. Still terrible though.

      Jan 18, 2013 at 11:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #8   Jolly

    Tree thieves are pieces of shit. If anything, this note doesn’t go far enough.

    Jan 3, 2013 at 11:37 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #9   redank

    “Take Off!”

    Jan 4, 2013 at 12:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #10   Brian

    First, I agree, cutting down a tree that isn’t yours is a douchebag thing to do.

    But seriously, I planted a tree in honor of my daughter’s birth? WTF makes her so special? I can see doing it as a memorium, when someone dies, but unless this kid is going to be queen of Canada (you guys have a Queen right?) I don’t get it.

    Jan 4, 2013 at 7:35 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Blinx

      It’s actually a very sweet thing to do, planting a tree when a child is born. For the rest of their life, that child can visit “their” tree, and know that it’s exactly as old as they are.

      A decidedly “unsweet” way of telling one off, though.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 7:40 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Lil'

      A tree was planted for my grandfather when he died, but I’ve never heard of doing this for a birth. I get it though. Having a small child, I know he would love to help me take care of “his” tree. I just didn’t think of it . I kind of like the idea, but I don’t understand planting it on public property.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 9:09 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   redheadwglasses

      I thought that Canada’s queen was the U.K.’s queen.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 11:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   H for Toy

      I think Canada’s queen is still Victoria.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 12:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   Jami

      Lots of people plant trees or rose bushes or other types of plants when a child is born or adopted into a family. It’s just something they do.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 3:04 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   Lisa S.

      We planted a tree in our front yard that has our daughter’s placenta buried underneath it. I’d be pretty ticked if someone cut it down. I know that sounds weird but we did it, it’s done, and you can do what you want with your child’s placenta, but we chose to fertilize a new tree with it rather than have it be disposed. ANYWAY! I’d be pretty ticked if someone came and cut down that tree.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 5:14 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   Max

      No offense, but if my parents planted a placenta tree for me I would cut that shit down. That’s really creepy. If you ever have a son, please don’t plant a foreskin shrub.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 11:48 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   Spooky

      My dad planted a fruit tree when each of his four kids was born (I got apple).

      Unfortunately, they’re all in the back yard of the house we moved out of in 1982.

      Fortunately, I feel no great loss at not being able to go stare at “my” tree.

      Jan 5, 2013 at 12:00 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #10.9   morgannagaia

      I’m thinking if they saved the placenta, they are probably also anti circ. Just saying, not to be offensive.

      Jan 5, 2013 at 4:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.10   kermit

      I may be wrong, however I think there are some aboriginal customs where it’s an accepted and celebrated practice to bury a placenta under a tree.

      Personally, I don’t think it’s creepy at all to do so or to just plant a tree in honor of a birth / death.

      At my grandmother’s grave my parents regularly plant her favorite flowers, and on my cat’s grave my family planted her favorite kind of tree.

      Jan 6, 2013 at 6:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.11   pooham

      Your cat had a favorite variety of tree?

      Jan 6, 2013 at 9:55 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.12   Monica

      Hey, doc…can you please put the waste from my uterus on ice? Trees cannot live on sun and rain alone.

      Jan 6, 2013 at 6:12 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.13   kermit

      I don’t speak cat, but she was abnormally affectionate towards pine/Christmas trees, so yeah.

      Monica, actually they can’t; they do need fertilizer (which placenta provides) If you’ve ever eaten hydroponic grown vegetables you’d know they taste like crap and look wilted and sickly.

      Jan 7, 2013 at 6:01 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.14   Monica

      Soil smoil! Who needs soil? *buries internal organs*

      Jan 8, 2013 at 12:24 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #11   Danielle

    The problem with telling off someone who would cut down a tree from a public park is that they really don’t give a crap. Whoever did this is selfish and feels entitled to take whatever they like; a note telling them they are wrong would not shame them because they have no shame. By the way, just because the park is not kept up as it should be in no way mitigates cutting trees down in it.

    Jan 4, 2013 at 8:15 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #12   Dane Zeller

    Hey, little Jimmie, we don’t have much for Christmas this year, but I’ll get you a Christmas tree and we can decorate it together. Your mommy, god rest her soul, would like that.

    Jan 4, 2013 at 8:47 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   pooham

      You disgust me! I bet you like that song Christmas Shoes too.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 1:33 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Dane Zeller

      How callous you are pooham. Next thing you’ll want is for little Jimmie to return the nativity scene we got from the park, too. Ha. It’s already been sold!

      Jan 7, 2013 at 11:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   squib

    Who plants a tree in a public park? Granted, stealing it is a crappy thing to do, but it seems weird that you wouldn’t plant your child-honoring tree on your own property.

    Jan 4, 2013 at 9:04 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   H for Toy

      They live in an apartment building? I agree, there must be some place better than a public park, but possibly they don’t have their own property. Maybe they should have planted a bonsai to set on her dresser.

      Jan 4, 2013 at 12:52 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   nunavut guy

      And Troy nails it!!

      Jan 6, 2013 at 6:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   H for Toy

      psst… it’s Toy, as in “Good, because all my filth is in alphabetic order. This, for example, was under ‘H’ for Toy.” But don’t worry, I’ve been confused with Helen of Troy several times.

      Jan 7, 2013 at 8:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   bob loblaw

    I was with her til she used the wrong version of it’s.

    Your wrong! ha!

    Jan 4, 2013 at 9:27 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #15   Kwyjor

    Remember that one PAN from a while back in which some neighbor got all uppity when someone cut down his own trees, because they had been inspected and found to be diseased and dying?

    Jan 4, 2013 at 9:46 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #16   bob loblaw

    Even the sign is weeping.

    Jan 4, 2013 at 10:14 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #17   Fireseeker

    Ok, so maybe somebody shouldn’t be cutting down trees in a public park, but how can someone plant a tree in a public park and expect it to be honored (honoured?) when it’s not designated as belonging to someone?

    Jan 4, 2013 at 11:29 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #18   oi

    So somebody took a piece of bush form the park eh?

    Jan 4, 2013 at 4:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   Poltergeist

    I don’t have a tree that honors the day of my birth, but I do have a bush that honors the day I hit puberty.

    Jan 6, 2013 at 8:30 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up


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