No Killer Littering

January 7th, 2013 · 51 comments

Bill says he’s lived in the same building in Shenzhen, China for four years, “and the place still cracks me up, daily.” The latest from his building’s noticeboard:

Dear owners (inhabitants): The management office received some complaints from lower inhabitants recently, they said that things often fall from upstairs, like cigarette end, napkin, even turtle, there are serious security risks, once the damage cause, the perpetrator must take legal responsibility. In order to create a good and safety living environment for you and others, we propose: Keep good habits, and recommend the family members (especially children):

related: Beware of falling hairballs

FILED UNDER: China · Clearly a non-native English speaker · landlords and property managers · neighbors


51 responses so far ↓

  • #1   TKD

    Bad Killer Litter You!

    Jan 7, 2013 at 6:52 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   nurgleth

    I love how they casually threw in that someone dropped a fucking turtle.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 6:56 am   rating: 122  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Ely North

      I think raining turtles is one of the signs of the apocalypse.

      Jan 7, 2013 at 9:07 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Jami

      Or they’re taking Raul’s Wild Kingdom seriously.

      Jan 7, 2013 at 9:20 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Poltergeist

      Flinging live animals is the preferred method of getting rid of foreigners. Whenever I hear my Russian neighbors arguing outside, I nuke ‘em with a porcupine.

      Jan 8, 2013 at 3:24 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   The Elf

      Blame the eagles.

      Jan 8, 2013 at 5:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Beatus Mongous

      Blame Zombie Kid. He likes turtles.

      Jan 8, 2013 at 3:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   BBJ

      I have to say, the cigarette butts are perhaps a bigger problem, unless the turtle actually lands on you. Or you are the turtle.

      I once had asshole neighbors who tossed their butts from the apartment building next door, and they set my backyard on fire one hot California summer.

      But damn. A turtle?

      Jan 11, 2013 at 2:34 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   BBJ

      I have to say, the cigarette butts are perhaps a bigger problem, unless the turtle actually lands on you. Or you are the turtle.

      I once had asshole neighbors who tossed their butts from the apartment building next door, and they set my backyard on fire one hot California summer.

      But damn. A turtle?

      Jan 11, 2013 at 2:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Eileen

    But did the littering actually kill someone? I don’t see that mentioned anywhere.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 8:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   dave

      I can’t imagine it did the turtle much good

      Jan 7, 2013 at 8:52 am   rating: 128  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   DaveGI

      As long as it wasn’t a sperm whale and a bowl of petunias.

      “And wow! Hey! What’s this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word like… ow… ound… round… ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me?”

      Jan 8, 2013 at 3:32 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   FeRD bang

      “Oh no. Not again.”

      Jan 12, 2013 at 10:08 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Phinister T. Nerdlee

    Nature’s suction cups.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 9:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   KittenPlaysTheViolin

    For all we know the turtle was already dead. Perhaps his dying wish was to be dropped to the street and ran over by a thousand cars.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 9:46 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   shwo! bang

    It seems the lower inhabitants don’t understand how trickle-down economics works.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 9:54 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Fireseeker

    On a serious note, I can’t imagine how the word “killer” got interjected into that sentence.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 10:14 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Kupo

      babel fish + some other adjective, maybe hazardous?

      Jan 7, 2013 at 10:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   dave

      Yeah – probably Babelfish + a word we don’t have an obvious English equivalent for. Something that means life-threatening?

      Jan 23, 2013 at 4:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   C

      Funny, I never knew ‘killer litter’ wasn’t a common phrase. Here in Singapore it refers to objects that could injure or kill passersby when dropped from high-rise buildings – just a bit of scaremongering by the establishment.

      Feb 1, 2013 at 9:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   t-rex

    Drop turtles in sewer. Then drop radioactive material into sewer.

    Poof.

    You have turtles ninja.

    Oh and beware of the rats.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 10:33 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   GeekRyuu

      The rats are generally very friendly, though. I like rats, really.

      However, I gotta ask…what kinda turtle was it? If it was a red-eared slider or the like, that would really seriously suck for the poor turtle, but something like a Galapogos Tortise would seriously be bad for whatever poor soul was below because, um, OW?

      I don’t imagine getting landed on by a Ninja Turtle would really be any less painful of an experience. They tend to have lots of pointy bits attached.

      Jan 7, 2013 at 2:07 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   t-rex

      I’m guessing North American Snapper Turtle. After all, China’s native species are extinct from over extinction. And snapping turtles make great body-guards. Although, I’m under the inclination that they cannot tell friend from foe.

      On which note, how much would is suck to get your head bitten off by a human sized mutant snapping turtle-ninja?

      Jan 7, 2013 at 3:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   pxmidnight

      “extinct from over extinction”?

      Jan 8, 2013 at 12:19 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   The Elf

      That’s the best kind of extinction.

      Jan 9, 2013 at 7:37 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   t-rex

      I need more rest!

      Jan 9, 2013 at 2:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   The Elf

      You can sleep in the grave, T-Rex!

      Jan 9, 2013 at 3:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   FeRD bang

      If I were t-rex, I’d be wishing for longer arms. But hey, that’s just me. I enjoy masturbation. To (r)each his own, I guess!

      Jan 12, 2013 at 10:10 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   pooham

    I’m just liking the word inhabitants.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 11:21 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   thrall bang

    “Lower inhabitants.” Is that like lower life forms? Or are they from a lower circle of hell? Maybe Gluttony. Take that turtle for punishment.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 12:14 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   JN

    The turtle has to be an accident. You can’t let something like that go to waste when you can cook it for dinner later!

    Jan 7, 2013 at 12:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Stuffin'

      Maybe he was making a break for it

      Jan 7, 2013 at 1:58 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Meme

      …slowly…

      Jan 8, 2013 at 8:45 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   orogomait

    I’m not really seeing the passive or aggressive part to this note – unless it’s here to say “haha look at the cute foreigner try to speak English.”

    Jan 7, 2013 at 2:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Katie

      Once again: “funny (if not necessarily “passive-aggressive”) notes from pissed-off people”

      Jan 7, 2013 at 5:50 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   orogomait

      My point wasn’t that it’s against the ‘terms of the site.’ My point was that it’s not very amusing.

      Jan 7, 2013 at 7:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   H for Toy

      How can you not find turtles falling from the sky amusing?

      Jan 7, 2013 at 9:59 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Charlie

      Actually, it is a native trying to speak English. The English speaking person is the foreigner in this instance.

      Jan 7, 2013 at 10:16 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Nop

      Who could possibly not be amused at the idea of hurtling turtles?

      Jan 19, 2013 at 9:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Who passed out the Haterade?

    Airborne turtles? Now I’m imagining Bill living in Super Mario World.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 3:43 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   The Elf

    Littering that only maims is okay.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 3:49 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Ace of Space

    I want to see what kind of security issue a napkin causes. That must be one killer napkin.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 4:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Stu

    Passive Aggressive-Engrish Twofer!

    Jan 7, 2013 at 9:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   flaschard bang

    (From Bill, original poster)
    They drop all sorts from the balconies over here (I nearly got nailed by a mini rc car a few months ago) and there are signs all over the place referring to killer littering. There is a whole poster about how badly an egg will f someone up if dropped from various heights. Will get a selection of the funnier ones sent in.

    Jan 7, 2013 at 11:32 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   The Elf

      Yes, I desperately need to learn about deadly egg bombs.

      I thought those only happened to certain people after *eating* eggs.

      Jan 8, 2013 at 5:04 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   ???

    The final paragraph of the Chinese text just says “A civilized community, neighborly and harmonious, depends on your support and participation.” No idea where the “no killer littering” comes from.

    Jan 9, 2013 at 1:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      A civilized community, neighborly and harmonious, depends on your support and participation to kill litterers.

      Jan 9, 2013 at 3:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   ???

    The final paragraph of the Chinese text just says “A civilized community, neighborly and harmonious, depends on your support and participation.” No idea where the “no killer littering” comes from.

    Jan 9, 2013 at 1:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Kira

    “Even turtle” heh hehehehehehehehe ehehehehehehehehe… I can’t stop laughing. :D

    Jan 18, 2013 at 2:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Ree

    Not a native speaker? They seem to have a pretty great command of the language.

    Jan 28, 2013 at 6:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Krandall

    My parents lived in China for a few years. Some amazing notes were posted in their lifts. But the best ‘Killer Litter’ they saw was what we assume was human poop on one of the balconies beside them (22nd floor of a 30 story apartment block).

    Jan 31, 2013 at 7:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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