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A formal declaration of the “Man Rules”

January 30th, 2013 · 136 comments

“Frankly, I find this a little bit ridiculous,” says our submitter in Ohio, “but then again, I’m not a man.”

I feel the need to post this note due to the continuous breeching of what I call common sense of

related: Urinal Games

FILED UNDER: Cincinnati · etiquette · most popular notes of 2013 · spelling and grammar police · toilet

136 responses so far ↓

  • #1   NanLT

    Looks like someone has some personal issues.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 1:50 pm   rating: 125  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   pc load letter

      gee, does this guy overreact much? I mean,


      Something tells me this dude gives a lo-o-o-o-ot of unsolicited lectures. I’d be giving, and taking, a much, much bigger buffer zone than just one stall. Anywhere and everywhere.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 3:06 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Walter

      Perhaps afraid of a toe tapping republican in the next stall?

      Jan 30, 2013 at 11:19 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Walter's boyfriend

      Right, because there’s no such thing as a gay democrat.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 11:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Brian

      Settle down, he’s referring to a specific Republican (Larry Craig) who made the news for doing this, not all Republicans.

      Feb 1, 2013 at 5:57 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   redheadwglasses

      Besides, gay democrats are OUT. Gay republicans remain closeted so as to not disrupt their in-name-only marriages.

      Feb 4, 2013 at 11:10 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #2   SeeYouInTea

    I loathe when a girl will go in the stall right next to me, and there are literally 5 other stalls open. I know it’s stupid, but damn it just feels so awkward to piss next to someone else.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 1:51 pm   rating: 105  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Cake

      I feel exactly the same way. It’s bad when it’s a table at a library or something, but in a bathroom…that stuff is supposed to be private (and for good reason). Peeing is bad enough, but sometimes when you have to poop and someone comes in and sits in the stall next to you…ugh!

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:19 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   greg house md

      I’m so glad I’m not the only that gets aggravated with this. It makes me nuts when there are 6 stalls and I’m the only one in there, then someone comes and just has to use the one right next to me. I don’ t want to listen to your bodily functions, nor do I want to subject you to mine, unless there is no other choice.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:32 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Beatus Mongous

      If this note was in the restroom at my workplace, and the writer was in a stall, I’d go into the stall right next to him, sit down, and after a few minutes, I’d say, “Father, forgive me, for I have sinned.”

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:38 pm   rating: 208  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   mouse

      True story! Such a weird choice to make, when there are that many open stalls. But waiting for a stall when there’s an open one would be just as weird, I think.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:42 pm   rating: 71  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Wrench

      I’m glad I’m not the only one. It also drives me insane when I’m chatting with another woman… who then thinks the conversation should be continued while in the middle of using the facilities.

      Sorry, but if your twat is out, your mouth should be shut. And that goes double for any phone conversations you want to continue while in flagrante delicto.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:42 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   mouse

      People sure are weird about their butts!

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:44 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   The Elf

      ….. Am I the only one who doesn’t care? As long as there is a stall wall between us, I don’t even notice if you’re in the next stall or the one five doors down. It’s a bathroom – we’re both there to do a job.

      But if it’s a big job, please use the trashcan. The pipes can’t handle it.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 3:23 pm   rating: 165  small thumbs up

    • #2.8   oi

      “It is suppose to be privet”
      Huh? I thought that’s why we have the stall walls and door? oh got it! It’s for booger paintings!

      Jan 30, 2013 at 3:53 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #2.9   JaneDoe

      Yeah, I’m with The Elf on this one. I totally understand this mentality when it comes to urinals, and I’m glad I’m not a guy so I don’t have to worry about that, but as long as we’re in separate stalls I really don’t care if there’s someone right next to me or on the other end of the bathroom. If I’ve got to go and there’s only one empty stall, I’m taking it. If you’ve got a problem with it you need to find an emptier bathroom.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 4:11 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

    • #2.10   JK

      It’s different with women. Since we all use those stalls vs. not all men using them (since they could just be using the urinal), sometimes the condition of the toilets is not the best, e.g. urine on the seat from women who don’t fully sit down, others who don’t flush or flush properly. Paper everywhere. That might mean the only one not too gross to use is right next to another woman.

      I’ve gone into bathrooms where 3+ toilets are just not clean, and my ability to use a clean stall takes precedence over your ability to feel like nobody’s in your space–especially since there’s a wall so we can’t see you, and we all know you’re just gonna wait til we leave the bathroom to come out of the stall you’re doing the #2 in. Admit it.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 4:33 pm   rating: 98  small thumbs up

    • #2.11   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Sorry, but if your twat is out, your mouth should be shut.

      Straight from the “Rural South Rules”.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 10:26 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #2.12   nikki

      I can understand in a public bathroom where the conditions are sometimes wretched and variable and we are all strangers who will shuffle off and never see each other again… but I always try to acknowledge the buffer rule in the work bathroom if it all possible. I agree that the worst thing in the world is being the only person in a quiet public restroom, relaxing, making bathroom functions, only to have another person enter the bathroom and make a beeline for the stall right next to you. Give me some space!

      I’ll also freely admit I have some issues and am a super shameful public bathroom pooper. Will not do unless completely necessary.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 9:02 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.13   WhatDifferenceAtThisPointDoesItMake

      If this is really a problem for you and there really are more than 2 stalls, there is a simple solution: Go to the farthest stall from the entrance (as appropriate for your handicap status). People who don’t care will generally head for the nearest stall. People who are like you will avoid you in any case. People who robotically obey the herd instinct will find you no matter what you do. If you encounter one of those, just end your appointment and get out as fast as you can.

      Feb 6, 2013 at 12:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.14   Raichu

      You and the other women commenting on this are literally the first women/girls I’ve seen who care.

      I really don’t give a shit. (pun intended)

      Feb 14, 2013 at 4:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #3   kaellinn18

    #1 is absolutely correct and also applies to urinals.

    #2 is stupid.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 1:52 pm   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Lanx

      See, I disagree, #1 definitely applies to urinals. Stalls I’m not bothered about, there are walls for goodness sake, you don’t have to stare into each other’s eyes while going. That said, make a conscious effort not to leave the stall at the same time as me, that’s just wierd…

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:18 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   The Elf

      I disagree with both of you. #1 applies to urinals.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 3:28 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #4   Carole

    Would the person who submitted this please go back and correct the spelling on the word protocol. With a big pink Sharpie. Maybe a glitter pen.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 1:52 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Beatus Mongous

      He wants to call a proto. Nothing wrong with that.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #5   Siobhan

    so the middle stall is never to be used?

    Jan 30, 2013 at 1:52 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Some man

      That’s definitely the one I want to use, then.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 1:56 pm   rating: 86  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Kiki

      If I were a guy at this office, I’d totally use the middle stall every time. Imagine the discomfort you’ve created for the note writer when he has a 4 alarm emergency and there are two stalls available that he can’t use.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 7:22 pm   rating: 80  small thumbs up

  • #6   DawnJ

    I find these man rules to be seriously lacking. What do you do if the “buffer zone” stall is the only one open? What if there are three stalls, and the “buffer zone” stall is the only one being used. Is it always against the man rules to use the “buffer zone” stall?

    I can’t go on, until I know.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 1:54 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   OCnative

      That is covered in step #2.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:02 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #7   MikkiM

    I have this vision of Golum in the bathroom holding his poo and saying “mine, my pretty”…but maybe his “sissue” is something more complicated….

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #8   debbie hoo

    SOMEONE has a shy sphincter

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:04 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

  • #9   H for Toy

    If men are constantly “breeching protocall” maybe none of this is in the Man Rules after all.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:14 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      This whole thing is protocal about breeching. Is that close enough?

      Jan 30, 2013 at 3:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   Julia

    I think women rules are different. Or at least my rules. See, I just go into the stall which looks like it’s least likely to give me the nasties.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:16 pm   rating: 109  small thumbs up

  • #11   QuarterRoy00 bang

    So if I’m following correctly, if a bathroom only has two stalls, I’m to do my bizness in the urinal?

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:18 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #12   bruce

    But feel free to fart in public.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:20 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Lauri

      Right! Considering all the gross things men will do with each other, on purpose, in public, I really don’t understand these rules at all.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:25 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Beatus Mongous

      You’re talking about boys. We men have dignity.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #13   Tesstarosa

    I usually use the first one — according to research, it’s the least used and therefore more likely to be the cleanest.

    But, this is a man with some major anal retention issues. Everyone should just pee on his shoes.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:21 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Lauri

      I’ve heard the same stat and usually use the first one. I’ve also repeatedly been the bathroom “savior” who apparently is the only one with enough guts to flush the toilet when the auto flush didn’t work for a previous person. I wonder how long a busy bathroom has an “unusable” stall just because everyone else is too afraid to flush a damn toilet!

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:29 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Gwan

      I heard it was the last one (i.e. furthest from the door) but I suppose we may be talking about the same one

      Jan 31, 2013 at 3:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   nikki

      I’m that person too. It’s not that hard to just give a quick flush with your foot, people. Then you don’t even have to touch it!

      Jan 31, 2013 at 9:38 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #14   Kate

    He just wants more room for his wide stance.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:30 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #15   bah

    #1 only applies to urinals. Stalls? Who cares. #2 is just silly and it makes me think the guy who created the flyer is the one with the issues.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:34 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Trekkie Gal

      I disagree, bah. There should be a buffer stall as well, unless there is no other option.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 2:38 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   redheadwglasses

      Except note writer #2 doesn’t say “unless there is no other option.” If there’s no buffer, he wants you to leave and find another bathroom.

      Feb 4, 2013 at 11:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   sunshynegrll

    And the note-writer goes on to a thriving career as secretary of a homeowner’s association.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:37 pm   rating: 86  small thumbs up

  • #17   Roto13

    Real men don’t get shit shy. Real men can shit in front of a goddamn audience.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:40 pm   rating: 86  small thumbs up

  • #18   Ashley

    Someone please get this guy a copy of Everyone Poops.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 2:57 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

  • #19   Scott C

    This guy is ridiculous. Man Code clearly permits use of adjacent stalls if no buffer is available. Especially in the sit-down toilets, where you’ve got a full divider and a door. Things are a little more tense at Urinals, but not really.


    1.) If you enter a public restroom that is unoccupied, you go to the stall farthest from the door. THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS. If the far end of the row is invisible to you because it dips below the curve of the earth’s surface in the distance, YOU CLENCH AND KEEP WALKING.

    2.) If the farthest position is occupied, you use the nearest stall to the door. Exception is granted ONLY if the position nearest the door, due to faulty design, is visible from outside the restroom while the door is open. In that case, all stalls in the field of vision may be considered null in all calculations.

    3.) If both the farthest and nearest stalls are occupied, you select a stall dead-center between them. If there is an even number of stalls, and thus none in the “middle”, you may employ whatever system you prefer to select one, including choosing to wait until a “neutral” stall is available. THERE IS NO SHAME IN THIS, NO MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE.

    4.) This pattern of farthest -> nearest -> center will continue until all stalls are filled. Exceptions are granted where following the pattern would necessitate filling an unoccupied stall adjacent to an occupied one BEFORE filling a stall with buffers intact. Buffers should be preserved at all costs, until no options are available.

    5.) Further exception – if a dude is at a urinal or sit-down toilet ON HIS CELLPHONE, you are REQUIRED BY MAN CODE to occupy space next to him. You may then observe if the call is “legit”, a genuine emergency of such magnitude that he had to take it while dropping a log. Use your best judgment. IF THE CALL IS NOT LEGIT, YOU ARE OBLIGATED BY MAN CODE TO BE AS DISGUSTINGLY NOISY AS POSSIBLE.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 3:02 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Seanette

      I especially liked #5.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 7:13 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   shepd

      However, the big boys (disabled) stall is always to be used last, unless the other stalls are stuffed or the seats are soiled, at which point it is open for choosing.

      Feb 4, 2013 at 12:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Kate

    So several stalls are never used, sad sad world.
    We all need to poop, it isn’t disgusting, we all do it.
    Some-one has some serious puerile issues

    Jan 30, 2013 at 3:34 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #21   Don A in Pennsyltucky

    And now we know why the key to the executive washroom is such a big perk. You won’t have to share.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 3:35 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #22   V. Red

    If there were only three stalls, all unoccupied, I’d use the middle stall…just to screw with everybody.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 3:39 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   TRT

      Depends if there’s a glory hole on both sides or not.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 7:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #23   KevinG

    Is Protocall the long lost unkown brother of Protoman?

    Jan 30, 2013 at 3:45 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Beatus Mongous

      No, it’s the summoning method of Protoman.

      Jan 30, 2013 at 4:20 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #24   Nugget

    Clearly we need to review the rules of Male Restroom Etiquette:

    Jan 30, 2013 at 4:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Circus

    What a bunch of neurotic sissies. Yeah, like I’m gonna clench and wait just to avoid very mildly and very temporarily inflicting the most insignificant discomfort on some neurotic princess. I’ll use whatever is available and clean, thank you very much. Grow up!

    Jan 30, 2013 at 4:11 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Bert

      Exactly. However, if I knew who this note-writer is, I would make it my personal crusade to only use a stall next to him.

      Feb 2, 2013 at 9:15 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #26   x marks the spot

    Clearly the author of this note has never traveled to any heavily populated areas of the world. If you consider this “Mancode” to be true. Go back to your country-side or suburb.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 4:22 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #27   H for Toy

    It’s spelling like that that makes me wonder if a Hunger-Games-style Spelling Bee isn’t such a bad idea, after all.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 4:28 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Pit Pat

      Lololol! And after that, maybe the Grammar Games?

      Feb 1, 2013 at 5:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #28   nosleep3

    See, I always thought this Man Code only applied to urinals, and the stalls were there in case you found yourself in a situation in which you might violate the urinal buffer zone.

    Oddly enough, I also understand that in a restroom with 5-6 urinals, if 1 and 2 are occupied and 5 is occupied, you should choose urinal 3 rather than 4 or 6. Something about 3 dudes stacked together being preferable to pairing off. Sounds like a lot of homophobic nonsense to me, but I suppose men have their reasons…

    Jan 30, 2013 at 4:55 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #29   bitchy the dwarf

    he should remove the toilets from the buffer stalls- problem solved!

    Jan 30, 2013 at 5:02 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #30   Joe Blow

    I do agree that you should leave a buffer stall if possible. If the adjacent stall is all that is available (or, for instance, there are only two stalls), then it’s perfectly fine to use it…unless you’re one of those people that decides to sit in that stall and then wait for everyone else to leave so *you* can have a little privacy after you’ve already interrupted theirs. If you have time to wait in the stall, then you didn’t have to go bad enough that you couldn’t have just returned a little later..

    Jan 30, 2013 at 5:06 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #31   Eileen

    Oh, for God’s sake, Note Writer! Are you afraid that people will discover that you shit? Heaven forbid you be recognized by the public as having the same bodily functions as the rest of us! I’m not even a man, but I feel the sudden urge to follow you into the bathroom and sit in the stall right next to you. And make no noise, to leave you wondering what I’m up to. Just to mess with you.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 5:20 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

  • #32   JohnG

    I beg to differ. It’s a game of territory, like go. If all stalls are unoccupied, take the middle and claim all other stalls as ‘captured’. That way, if someone else comes in, at best they can only take half your stalls. If only an end stall is occupied, take the stall adjacent thereby blocking your opponent and capturing the rest of the stalls. Etc.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 6:12 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

  • #33   Sir Puke

    The notewriter has serious issues and must be a peach in the office.
    Everyone craps, the walls and doors are there – not a big deal.
    Unless this is George Costanza: I have always been a stall man!
    The discussion about urinals is almost moot. The placement of “privacy dividers” is widespread.
    To mess with this whiner I would turn this notice upside down without any comment.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 6:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #34   GeekRyuu

    Baby, long as you ain’t loudly on your cell in the stall next to me, I don’t particuarly care what you’re doing in there.

    If you ARE carrying on a loud call, I will flush. Loudly. And multiple times. While complaining about how one flush just never seems to get it all.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 6:41 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

  • #35   Lil'

    Our admin bathroom is intended to be used by one occupant at a time. It’s very small, the door locks,there’s a single sink and one toilet – but for some reason, the toilet is enclosed in a tiny stall. And the stall door pushes into the stall, so you have to lock it while you go.I can’t figure out the logic. Who am I hiding from? I mean, the main door is locked and no one else could fit in there anyway. Maybe there’s a little paranoia behind the design.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 6:46 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   FeatherBlade

      Ours is like this too!

      We have the excuse that this particular restroom was added later as a concession to all the women who work on the floor, because when the building was first designed, some bright spark decided that the multi-stall men’s and women’s bathrooms should be on alternating floors, rather than having one of each on every floor.

      I still don’t understand the “locking outer door AND stall divider” thing though.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 1:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #36   RyanH

    Whoever made this note is an idiot with insecurity problems. While it’s courteous to try to keep a stall between you, it’s by no means required. Especially in an office building like mine where 90% of the bathrooms only have two sit-down stalls, and in the one with three sit-downs the last one is the handicapped stall.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 7:03 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #37   juju_skittles

    Anal retentive on all counts.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 7:38 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #38   Tosswinkle

    How did the female submitter get this note in the first place? Did some man hand it to her and tell her to submit it here? Why didn’t he do so himself? Perhaps he was the original note writer, or maybe he needs to ‘man up’?

    Anyway, rule #2 is moronic. As if bathroom builders ever say “Let’s build a stall in the middle that some tool can use as a ‘buffer zone’.”

    Jan 30, 2013 at 9:48 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #39   Brian H

    First of all, it’s not a MAN code it’s a prissy little b***h code. It’s a restroom for crying out loud and is meant for you to take a poop in. Just be glad you have a stall and running water rather than a hole in the ground in the open.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 10:06 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Pit Pat

      “It’s a restroom for crying out loud”
      so why don’t we rest in it?

      “and is meant for you to take a poop in.”
      so why isn’t it a pooproom?

      Kind of like the driveway/parkway thing.

      Feb 1, 2013 at 5:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #40   caveman

    hahahaa ezz! fart, laugh, shit, wipe clean, leave ! no problem,..

    Jan 30, 2013 at 10:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #41   dc

    Code only applies to urinals.

    There is only one rule for selecting a stall.

    1) Pick the cleanest looking one.

    Jan 30, 2013 at 11:00 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #42   Poltergeist

    Guys who have this issue will tell you that it’s about wanting more privacy or w/e, but you eventually realize that, for the majority of these men, it’s more like some kind of bizarre homophobia.

    I prefer privacy too, but believe me when I say that nobody wants to sneak a peak at you taking a shit in a public restroom. 99.9% of gay men wouldn’t even want to look at Ricky Martin doing his business, and he almost certainly looks much prettier than you while he does it.

    Jan 31, 2013 at 12:18 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   The Elf

      Oh, I’m sure there’s a fetish for that.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 7:50 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #42.2   H for Toy

      That’s probably the .1%, but I’m certainly not going to do the research to make sure.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 7:57 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #42.3   Meme

      That’s a very specific fettish. I wonder how many Ricky-Martin-pinching-a-loaf entusiasts there are out there… for his sake hopefully none.

      Feb 3, 2013 at 8:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #43   TRT

    I’d wipe my ass on his note.

    Jan 31, 2013 at 4:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   H for Toy

      I’d fart in it’s general direction.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 10:59 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #44   Brian

    All mammals who maintain a constant territory have a built in instinct to hide their feces. In domesticated animals it’s weakened, but you can see it with cats burying their dung, and many dogs making a perfunctory effort to do the same. Humans have it as well, but most of us (even Men) have learned to rise above animal instinct.

    Note writer clearly has not. The panic of some potential predator knowing where he craps sends up red flags to him. So he posts idiotic rules, has the audacity to try and legitimize them as some sort of formal “Man’s code” (which I never got to vote on), and acts surprised and offended when others ignore them.

    Dude needs to lighten up and not put his problems on everybody else.

    Jan 31, 2013 at 9:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   Fritz-the-Cat

      “All mammals who maintain a constant territory have a built in instinct to hide their feces.”

      That’s simply not true. Cats are, in fact, the only ones who do that. Canines and martens use them to mark the territory – your “trying to hide the crap” you witness is just making a statement to their virility by leaving an even bigger smell-mark with the pads of their feet and a visible one with the claws.

      Roe-deer is very territorial and the still don’t care about their shit – they poop where they need to.

      You’re welcome to your own etiquettes in a bathroom and sure are free to leave if something is too much for you, but saying it’s natural is just plain untrue.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 11:35 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #44.2   NOOOOO!!!

      Yes and no. My three dogs each like to poop and pee in the same places, but individually. In my back yard you can see where they each have been, shall we say, “concentrating their efforts”, but it is a different spot for each of them. But when walking they all like to pee on other dog’s pee, but each of them has certain places on the walk that is special to them and whatever dog also always goes there. It is a weird cycle…

      Feb 1, 2013 at 10:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #45   Lindsey

    I completely agree with the poster. There are strict rules and sometimes people need to be reminded!! For example:

    Jan 31, 2013 at 9:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #46   splint.chesthair

    I follow these rules when applicable but to leave or wait so as not to break the rules is a little absurd. If I need to go, I need to go. I don’t have time to avoid offending your bathroom etiquette.

    The old gym I used to go to had a men’s room that consisted of two urinals and an open toilet, like in prison, no privacy walls. I think we should all go back to open toilets, no privacy walls in the bathrooms. If you can poop on an open stall with other people in the room, you can do anything.

    Jan 31, 2013 at 10:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   Pit Pat

      Is that on your bucket list?

      Feb 1, 2013 at 5:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #47   Brattus Rattus

    What I want to know is why do most men seem to want to marinade in the smell of it? I buy spray for the bathrooms here at work (because OMG the green funk that comes out of that door makes me want to puke) and they still don’t use it. Is there some man code against killing the fumes I don’t know about? It’s not like I bought some flower scented girl stuff. Help me understand!

    Jan 31, 2013 at 10:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   The Elf

      It’s because the only thing worst than that horrible funk, is that horrible funk + “tropical breeze” (or whatever scent you bought).

      Jan 31, 2013 at 12:45 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #47.2   NOOOOO!!!

      I watch The Soup and one of the Home shopping channels (QVC?) is often featured selling a special poo-odor eater. It may be work looking into.

      Feb 1, 2013 at 10:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #47.3   Brattus Rattus

      Elf – It was a odor neutralizer – thus no smell. Since you can’t read the fact I didn’t buy girl type stuff, I don’t know what to tell you.

      Thanks for playing.

      This isn’t just a work issue. It’s made fun of on TV all the time, too. Deal with it.

      NOOOOO!! – I have bought something called “Tap a Drop” before, it’s like what you are talking about, but the Marines couldn’t figure out what the concept was behind the name of the product. LOL I love um, but sometimes….

      Feb 1, 2013 at 2:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #47.4   Poltergeist

      Elf’s point is that that stuff rarely ever works the way you expect it to, and then you end up with two offensive odors instead of one. You might as well just let it dissipate on its own and crack a window (if possible).

      Feb 2, 2013 at 3:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #47.5   Tom

      Perhaps you should simply invest in actual working ventilation with a fan as opposed to trying to hide scents stuck in a stuffy little bathroom that has no way out. Just a thought.

      Feb 4, 2013 at 10:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #47.6   Jane

      Light a match.

      Feb 4, 2013 at 11:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #48   H for Toy

    We need to ask ourselves: WWRD? (What would Rufus do?)

    Jan 31, 2013 at 11:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   Jami

      I was just about to say this needs more Rufus Sewell.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 5:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #48.2   H for Toy

      Rufus Sewell is the new cowbell, only hotter.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 5:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #48.3   Jami

      Rufus doesn’t cure fevers, he starts them.

      But you are suppose to feed a fever.

      Take two Rufus Sewells and call me in the morning.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 6:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #48.4   AlyInSebby

      I’ve got a bad cough/beginning of THE FLU – which Rufus work will stop it in it’s tracks?
      A) Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter
      B) Zen
      C) The Illusionist

      Feb 1, 2013 at 2:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #48.5   Jami

      I haven’t seen C yet so I say A & B.

      Feb 1, 2013 at 2:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #49   V

    Frankly I’d be more creeped out by knowing someone was outside my stall waiting for me to finish pinching a loaf than I would be by someone ignoring the buffer rules and taking the stall directly next to me.

    Honestly, who needs that kind of pressure?

    Jan 31, 2013 at 11:12 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #50   Fritz-the-Cat

    This is just weird… I mean, I don’t actively choose a stall next to an occupied one, because I definitely prefer a bit of distance. But I wouldn’t leave a bathroom just because that distance is not attainable and I don’t expect this stuff from anyone.

    If people can’t stand the closeness of toilet-stalls, they should control their bowls and do their business at home.


    Jan 31, 2013 at 11:16 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   Pit Pat

      My bowls are uncontrollable, no matter what I try. This morning, in fact, I came downstairs to find that they had all filled themselves with cereal! I couldn’t possibly eat it all, so I brought some to work and poured it into the urinal.

      Feb 1, 2013 at 5:11 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #51   Spooky

    I have honestly *never* heard of, or considered, a buffer stall; like most gals, I’m just focused on finding a clean one.

    Wonder how many people I’ve weirded out by traipsing into a stall right next to them in an otherwise empty restroom. I’m thinking lots, at off-peak shopping hours in the cavernous latrines at The Mall of America. (hee hee hee!)

    Jan 31, 2013 at 11:38 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #52   Vanessa

    You know what will fix this guy is a good few months in a country without fancy American toilets. I used to be so uptight about public bathrooms that if I had to drop a deuce at work and someone was in the restroom already, I’d walk to another floor. Then I spent two months in the Middle East sharing one bathroom with nine other students, both male and female. And we couldn’t flush our toilet paper and only had a tiny wastebasket that our landlord emptied infrequently. And then my roommate and I both got dysentery. Also, giant cockroaches.

    In all sincerity, that will make you realize that a clean, working toilet is the ONLY criteria that matters.

    Jan 31, 2013 at 11:51 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #53   Ray K.

    I agree with George Costanza. Why can’t the stalls go down all the way to the floor?

    Jan 31, 2013 at 1:27 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #53.1   Jami

      Because then you can’t peek and see if it’s occupied. Plus if one is out of toilet paper you can’t get someone to pass you some.

      Jan 31, 2013 at 5:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #53.2   Poltergeist

      Toss the roll over like a grenade.

      Feb 2, 2013 at 3:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #53.3   The Elf

      No, “fire in the hole” has a totally different meaning in the bathroom.

      Feb 2, 2013 at 8:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #53.4   FeatherBlade

      They do in other countries. In Japan at least. Partially because some of the toilets, even in modern bathrooms, are the squatty kind.

      I suspect they don’t do that in the US because a) our indoor plumbing has always been the chair kind, and b) it makes the floors easier to mop. Boring but practical.

      Feb 11, 2013 at 11:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #54   anotherfool

    But if I’m an organized crime hit man, I must use the urinal right next to the guy I’m about to shoot so we can exchange Meaningful Looks before I shoot him. Also, next stall is good for dramatic shooting through a wall and watching his body half-fall to the floor. This is what cliche-ridden movies tell me, and they must be right: they’re movies!

    Jan 31, 2013 at 7:24 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #55   Jeanine

    Not sure about men…but if the alternating stall has pee on the seat, or hasn’t been flushed, I’m sitting in the clean one next to yours whether you like it or not. And guys..don’t empty your ileostomy bag in the work restroom sink…(we had a guy that did that all the time…even while others stood at the other sink and washed their hands) That seemed to be a bigger guy no-no to hear them complain.

    Jan 31, 2013 at 11:05 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #56   Blaine


    Feb 1, 2013 at 12:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #57   Danielle

    This reminds me of the urinal game…

    Feb 1, 2013 at 10:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #58   v

    Wow. I had no idea so many people had issues with hearing someone do their business. I must have annoyed a lot of people because I just go into the nearest stall, get it done, and get on with my life.

    Feb 1, 2013 at 11:48 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #59   M

    It’s sad that some guys are so afraid of being deemed a “fag” that they can’t even go to the bathroom without being plagued by these thoughts.

    Feb 1, 2013 at 5:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #60   azul

    This guy is a pussy and he’s the one with issues. being surrounded by metal walls and a locked door isn’t enough for you? Why don’t you go somewhere else, you don’t own the bathroom. There’s nothing “manly” about this lame sentiment.

    Feb 2, 2013 at 5:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #61   Juniper

    How weird. I’ve never even considered that I’m somehow supposed to ‘check’ and look to see what stalls are occupied. I would just use the first one I see that’s open. So… if I’m following the gist of these rules, it would also be equally perverse for someone to use the MIDDLE stall of a three stall bathroom if all others are open?

    Feb 2, 2013 at 6:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #62   Megan

    So… Why even have a middle stall?

    Feb 3, 2013 at 12:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #62.1   redheadwglasses

      Great point! Maybe that middle stall will be like the 13th floor in a high rise — just doesn’t exist!

      Feb 4, 2013 at 3:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #63   Karl

    It’s the BM code you guys…

    Feb 3, 2013 at 1:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #64   VoiceMail

    This guy has serious issues… I’m going to say that he’s insecure about his sexuality and/or manhood and is scared to have another man come within three feet of him.

    Feb 3, 2013 at 4:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #65   Belaani

    For Christs’ sake, it’s a PUBLIC toilet! Get over your inner Sheldon Cooper and crap like a man!

    Feb 3, 2013 at 4:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #66   redheadwglasses

    If no buffer zone exists, the person has to find another bathroom? That’s ridiculous.

    Feb 4, 2013 at 11:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #67   redheadwglasses

    I can’t wait to see the trailer for the movie about this: Ghost Poopie Protocol.

    Feb 4, 2013 at 11:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #68   ukash

    hhhahaha :) thanks ;)

    Feb 5, 2013 at 8:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #69   Betty in LA

    Crapping in a crapper? The nerve of some people!

    Feb 5, 2013 at 2:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #70   masterdebator

    If you’re not giving a guy already in a stall all the space you can it is creepy.

    That being said if two of three stalls are already being used anyone who says the middle stale can’t be used needs to grow up.

    Feb 6, 2013 at 1:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #71   Seriously

    So urinals 1-3-5-7-9 are occupied, and a huge line of guys waiting to piss. I go in, take urinal # 2, and piss, and be on my merry way. I go to a bathroom to do my business and be on my way. I am tired of the ‘mancode’ of the douchebag homophobic losers that need a buffer zone to pee in solitude. Little boys need to grow up.

    Feb 10, 2013 at 2:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up


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