Erin in Los Angeles says it all started with a simple “No staples, please.” Then the whole office got involved.

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Marcel in Montreal begins his story with the moral: “There are just some things you don’t mess with — vipers, rabid dogs, king cobras, black widows…and my mom.” His younger self, however, was far less wise. This is his tale.

For a long time, Marcel and his siblings had the irritating habit of drinking all the milk in the house late at night so that there was none left when their mother went to pour herself a bowl of cereal for breakfast the morning.

One day, Marcel and his siblings came home from school to find a batch of “the richest, most delicious brownies ever” sitting on the counter. Of course, they dug in immediately. But just as he was about to head to the fridge to pour himself a cold, tall glass of milk to wash down all that chocolate-y goodness, Marcel noticed this note from Mom hiding underneath the crumbs.

“Sacre bleu!” he cried, for sure enough, there was not a drop of milk to be found in the house. Leaving a trail of brownie crumbs behind him, he ran as fast as he could to the nearest dairy farm, where, shortly before hitting send on this submission, he was eaten by a very hungry wolf.

“Both Marcel and the brownies,” the wolf wrote, “were fucking delicious.”

related: The Boy Who Forgot to Clear His Browser History

Our submitter in Vancouver, Washington says this note was slipped under her door after her daughter was sent to her room following a disagreement about doing the dishes. Adds Mom: “I like that the poop is just there — not telling me I smell like poop, or to eat poop. Just…poop.”

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David in Nottingham, England says that one of his neighbors has been continually leaving bags of junk in the building’s common area, despite the fact that the communal waste bin is located just a few feet away on the other side of the door.

David says the first (un-photographed) notice said something along the lines of, “Come on man, we’re not animals.” The management company then wrote a letter to all tenants — again, to no avail. Apparently, the only recourse left was to get Liam Neeson on the phone.

Meanwhile, in Allentown, Pennsylvania:

related: Dear Whoever Stole My Amazon Package

Our submitter, Steffany, says she found this abandoned burrito in the microwave and set it on the table. When she woke up the next morning, she says, “my roommate had left me this a bitchy note…so I left one for her.”

related: Haterade on the rocks, with a twist

As it turns out, at least one study has shown that laughter in the workplace can actually improve productivity.

Of course, that didn’t help our submitter in St. Louis from totally freaking out when she found this anonymous note on her desk at her “conservative” office, where she says that although silence pretty much reigns, “I giggle and talk loudly all the time.”

Our submitter later found out that the note was a “prank” from a friendly coworker. (But — paranoia alert — was it completely in jest, or a p-a power play?)

related: To my coworker, the thundering cow

Our anonymous submitter in L.A. says this opus was posted at the kitchen of a production company working on a network television show…where at least two people seem to have too much time on their hands.

related: Dear Desperate for Salad

Kay spotted these signs while shopping for CDs at a store named JB Hi-Fi in Melbourne. “I personally agree with everything said on there,” Kay says, “but the two 17-year-olds who brought the note to my attention clearly didn’t. (One of them actually said ‘Who the fuck is Johnny Rotten?’) I thought it was priceless.”

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

Are you feeling sorry yet?? Well?!?!

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In the U.K. —more so than anywhere else — self-proclaimed “polite notices” are quite often anything but. Take, for example, these two notices, both from London.

related: A polite notice from New Zealand