“I messed up and forgot to get something for my long-distance girlfriend for Valentine’s Day last year,” says Kyle, a college student in South Carolina. Soon after, he got this card in the mail…evidence that his girlfriend had morphed into some unholy hybrid of a 9-year-old girl and @horse_ebooks.
related: Public Displays of Long-Distance Affection
extra credit: Radiohead or Horse_ebooks?
![Dear Kyle (who doesn't love me), Happy Valentine's day! I love you, now getchya shitz together so we can cuddle more and not be sad, okay? Presentless and alone (the lonliest evr in the whole, wide, desolate world) [TEARS OF REJECTION] Dear Kyle (who doesn't love me), Happy Valentine's day! I love you, now getchya shitz together so we can cuddle more and not be sad, okay? Presentless and alone (the lonliest evr in the whole, wide, desolate world) [TEARS OF REJECTION]](http://farm9.static.flickr.com/8228/8474864414_86952e3b9f.jpg)
104 responses so far ↓
#1
sockpuppet
this actually sounds like she has a sense of humor
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:46 am rating: 189
#2
meg
well what’s on the other side? poison?
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:46 am rating: 58
#3
Ivana
holy shit.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:47 am rating: 19
#4
GSL
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:48 am rating: 41
#5
rush
What the F.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:48 am rating: 3
#6
Jaime
This is creepy as hell. I hope he has mace.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:49 am rating: 25
#7
Laura
“Cake will never forget me” FTW.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:50 am rating: 122
#8
MariRose
Run, Kyle. Run.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:52 am rating: 67
#9
omrewi
I love that she actually included the phrase “passive aggressive”….lol
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:53 am rating: 73
#10
Renee A. Pickup
I thought it was hilarious.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:54 am rating: 54
#11
~V~
Sort of funny, but the “maybe if I was a pretty girl he’d love me” just made me shudder…fishing for presents and compliments in the same breath.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:55 am rating: 29
#12
chiieddy
This was obviously a joke from her to him.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:55 am rating: 53
#13
Angela
LOL, I think I should have gone this route after surprising my husband with new tires and brakes for Vday and not getting anything…even after the hint of, you can make a card. I think she’s taking the humorous route, which is definitely the best way.
Feb 21, 2013 at 11:02 am rating: 13
#14
Sara
I can’t decide if this is funny or extremely creepy and insane..and I am beyond curious about the “turn over”
Feb 21, 2013 at 11:08 am rating: 40
#15
Pjp
I feel like I need to know whether or not they’re still together.
Feb 21, 2013 at 11:14 am rating: 44
#16
Dory
Team Cake!
Feb 21, 2013 at 11:15 am rating: 28
#17
KM
My boyfriend’s mother did more or less this when he forgot her birthday. That was… even scarier.
Feb 21, 2013 at 11:20 am rating: 11
#18
Roto13
“SADSADSADSADSADSADSADSADSAD
TEARSTEARSTEARSTEARSTEARSTEAR
FAT?FAT?FAT?FAT?FAT?FAT?FAT?
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO
JUSTUGLYJUSTUGLYJUSTUGLYJUSTUGLY”
RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN
Feb 21, 2013 at 11:21 am rating: 58
#19
Dantebenuto
If you are creeped out by this, your sense of humor is missing.
Feb 21, 2013 at 11:47 am rating: 58
#20
Stephanie
Run Kyle, run as fast as you can.
Feb 21, 2013 at 12:06 pm rating: 8
#21
JennyM
At first I was concerned for Kyle’s well-being, but I think she’s just being funny.
I definitely need to see the back of that card, though.
Feb 21, 2013 at 12:39 pm rating: 15
#22
Quizitiveone
Hope you don’t have any pet rabbits. She won’t be ignored, Kyle.
Feb 21, 2013 at 12:50 pm rating: 22
#23
Belinda
I think she’s funny as hell!
Dear Rachel,
Be Mine!
Feb 21, 2013 at 1:46 pm rating: 8
#24
Ely North
“I think we should see other people.”
Feb 21, 2013 at 1:59 pm rating: 2
#25
Mawwd
I’m pretty sure this is a big joke (I think it was the sad faces in every letter of her name that tipped it over the edge for me). There are really people in the world that are this crazy though. Even if this was done in humor, somewhere someone received a card like this and it was serious.
Feb 21, 2013 at 2:24 pm rating: 9
#26
courtney
I bet the back of the card says something along the lines of “JK!” because I can’t forgive him for depriving us if it’s more of the same.
Feb 21, 2013 at 2:34 pm rating: 4
#27
Ren
I think she needs to find a boyfriend that gets her jokes. Being intellectually compatible with your significant other is way more important than what you receive on Valentine’s Day.
Feb 21, 2013 at 3:35 pm rating: 23
#28
JN
You guys, maybe she meant turnover pastries (to go with the cake) and not turn over.
Feb 21, 2013 at 4:07 pm rating: 5
#29
Ace of Space
Rachel should be careful, that “boo boo face forevs” might get stuck that way.
Feb 21, 2013 at 4:10 pm rating: 4
#30
Bug
For the love of PAN, what’s on that other side?!?!?!
Feb 21, 2013 at 4:38 pm rating: 11
#31
RoxyRocketeer
RUN BRO
Feb 21, 2013 at 5:25 pm rating: 6
#32
PinkPlaidRibbon
Wowsa. Somebody needs Midol, a case of chocolate, and the lastest chick flick movies O.o
Feb 21, 2013 at 6:13 pm rating: 0
#33
AC
If she is seriously this crazy I hope she is now his ex-girlfriend.
Feb 21, 2013 at 6:21 pm rating: 2
#34
phil
I hope that is enough of a warning for Kyle to get a real girl friend and leave this needy little girl alone.
Feb 21, 2013 at 9:51 pm rating: 2
#35
Ajax
Kyle, suggest you look into the statutory rape laws in your state.
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:10 pm rating: 5
#36
charlie
I want to date this girl. She’s wonderful and I love her. <3
Feb 21, 2013 at 10:41 pm rating: 12
#37
kbee
I was majorly creeped out at first glance, but when I started reading I couldn’t help but feel she was making a joke of it. I cannot fathom someone seriously writing all that down without laugh. “Passive Aggressive”, “Cake will never forget me” “SOBSOBSOB”? That’s hilarious.
Feb 22, 2013 at 3:32 am rating: 16
#38
Lost in the Worthiverse
It’d be funnier without all the eating disorder stuff.
Feb 22, 2013 at 3:51 am rating: 7
#39
evilfoo
my favorite part is “boo boo face FOREVS”. LOL!!!
Feb 22, 2013 at 10:15 am rating: 4
#40
Dane Zeller
I’m not sure why I noticed this: her handwritten lines on the right side of the card are fully justified! Do you realize how hard this is to do? When she is at the end of a word, she must be at the edge of the card! She has a skill that is totally worthless in our world. I am awestruck.
Feb 22, 2013 at 10:43 am rating: 23
#41
Joe Blow
I love me some fat chicks, so she should just bring her crazy ass on over..
Feb 22, 2013 at 11:13 am rating: 3
#42
Seanette
Wonder just how drunk she was when she wrote that?
Feb 22, 2013 at 5:14 pm rating: 1
#43
Oedipa
This card makes me glad to be single.
Feb 22, 2013 at 6:59 pm rating: 2
#44
Lori
Run, dude. Run!
Feb 23, 2013 at 3:20 pm rating: 1
#45
kathlynn
as a girl, I say RUN run as fast as you can
Feb 23, 2013 at 4:11 pm rating: 1
#46
Shevrolet
Why is everyone talking about women? This looks like it was written by an 11 y/o girl to me!
Feb 24, 2013 at 7:39 am rating: 0
#47
WanBean
Kind of ironic how all the idiots who think she is actually being serious (I mean, she even says ‘PASSIVE AGGRESIVE’-what more does it take?!) are advising her boyfriend leave her, while any sane person would read their asinine comments and be forever grateful to not be with anyone with such a non-existent sense of humour.
It’s a joke
It’s obviously a joke
It should not need explaining.
Feb 25, 2013 at 9:22 am rating: 13
#48
MissDragonMage
Note: Had I been the author of this note, pretty sure my boyfriend would’ve called me and done SOMETHING.
I LIVE with my boyfriend, and all he got me was chocolate covered peanut brittle. And I was the happiest little girl on earth. I may’ve gotten him more stuff, but oh well. It’s the thought that counts.
That being said, yes, the note is funny, but it’s funny in a creepy way. I’m sorry, but it screams OBSSESSED.
Feb 26, 2013 at 11:05 am rating: 0
#49
Rachel (yes, that one)
I wrote this, and it was absolutely a joke! Kyle is posting the back of the card ASAP (there is a drawing). We both have a weird sense of humor, and we are still together with an amazing, healthy relationship. He posted this because we both love this website, as we both work in the service industry. In a way, finding my note on PA was kind of a Valentine’s present in and of itself… but kind of embarrassing taken out of context, I guess. I have ADHD, but yes I’m sane. Mostly.
Feb 28, 2013 at 11:19 pm rating: 17
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