Cake will never forget me | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

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Dear Kyle (who doesn’t love me)

February 21st, 2013 · 104 comments

“I messed up and forgot to get something for my long-distance girlfriend for Valentine’s Day last year,” says Kyle, a college student in South Carolina. Soon after, he got this card in the mail…evidence that his girlfriend had morphed into some unholy hybrid of a 9-year-old girl and @horse_ebooks.

extra credit: Radiohead or Horse_ebooks?

FILED UNDER: crazypants · sig o · Valentine's Day

104 responses so far ↓

#1 sockpuppet

this actually sounds like she has a sense of humor

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:46 am rating: 189

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- #1.1 Tesselara
  
  The other side of the card? “Yeah, I forgot Valentine’s Day too. Sorry about that, dude.”
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 4:16 pm rating: 33
- #1.2 rebecca
  
  I thought the same thing. It’s pretty funny….”Food will never hurt me…I love you cake cake cake…”. Hilarious. Not serious. Guy needs a sense of humor.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 2:40 pm rating: 29
- #1.3 H for Toy
  
  This was last year, so they’ve probably broken up for unrelated reasons, and now he feels safe sharing this.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 3:20 pm rating: 12
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#2 meg

well what’s on the other side? poison?

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:46 am rating: 58

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- #2.1 pooham
  
  yeah, or maybe the card came with a cupcake sprinkled with arsenic, anthrax…
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 1:25 pm rating: 2
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#3 Ivana

holy shit.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:47 am rating: 19

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#4 GSL

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:48 am rating: 41

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#5 rush

What the F.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:48 am rating: 3

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#6 Jaime

This is creepy as hell. I hope he has mace.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:49 am rating: 25

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#7 Laura

“Cake will never forget me” FTW.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:50 am rating: 122

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- #7.1 Cake
  
  I /do/ have the memory of a elephant!
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 12:38 pm rating: 20
- #7.2 H for Toy
  
  Cake also goes the distance, likes girls with short skirts and long jackets, and apparently has a long distance girlfriend who is never there. Rachel, you probably should leave Kyle for Cake.
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 3:17 pm rating: 108
- #7.3 jerquee
  
  @H for Toy that may be the most perfect comment in the history of PA notes.
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 8:43 pm rating: 7
- #7.4 H for Toy
  
  Aw, jerquee, I like you
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 9:59 pm rating: 1
- #7.5 gummo
  
  Sure, that’s what Cake *says*, but as I understand it, Cake has a tendency to lie… it’s all over the Internet.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 1:18 pm rating: 29
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#8 MariRose

Run, Kyle. Run.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:52 am rating: 67

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#9 omrewi

I love that she actually included the phrase “passive aggressive”….lol

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:53 am rating: 73

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- #9.1 J
  
  I think her use of “passive aggressive” shows she really does have a sense of humor about it. This made me laugh and I didn’t get a creepy sense from it at all.
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 1:22 pm rating: 72
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#10 Renee A. Pickup

I thought it was hilarious.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:54 am rating: 54

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#11 ~V~

Sort of funny, but the “maybe if I was a pretty girl he’d love me” just made me shudder…fishing for presents and compliments in the same breath.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:55 am rating: 29

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- #11.1 kermit
  
  This is what makes me think that it’s a Herman Cain type of joke. As in, “I was totally joking when I said that we should build an electric border fence to electrocute Mexicans. Unless you’re into it, then I’m seriously up for it.”
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 7:41 pm rating: 22
- #11.2 Joe
  
  Yeah, this is exactly why this creeps me out. I’ve met too many girls like this that are like “HAHA, yeah, totally joking, but no really ”
  
  I’d get out of this relationship and FAST.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 12:26 pm rating: 7
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#12 chiieddy

This was obviously a joke from her to him.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:55 am rating: 53

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#13 Angela

LOL, I think I should have gone this route after surprising my husband with new tires and brakes for Vday and not getting anything…even after the hint of, you can make a card. I think she’s taking the humorous route, which is definitely the best way.

Feb 21, 2013 at 11:02 am rating: 13

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- #13.1 FeRD
  
  He left you hanging, after you got him tires and brakes?!? Man, that is rude! You deserved at least a vacuum or a new ironing board in return.
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 11:10 am rating: 92
- #13.2 H for Toy
  
  Damn straight, Ferd! Every woman wants a new kitchen appliance for Valentines Day!
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 3:19 pm rating: 6
- #13.3 Lara
  
  You do get the joke, that she gave him something totally utilitarian, such as tires and brakes, which is why she’d expect something utilitarian like a vacuum, right?
  
  Unless every man thinks tires are romantic.
  
  Wait, maybe they do…
  
  I don’t even know anymore. But then, I’d love a new vacuum.
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 11:19 pm rating: 9
- #13.4 Skittles
  
  Reminds me of the guy that came into a shop I used to work at to get his girlfriend new tires for Valentine’s Day. We all told him dude get her a card and flowers or chocolate too, he just wouldn’t listen. I reallly hope it worked out.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 2:22 am rating: 7
- #13.5 JamiSings
  
  Well, one could always say that he did it because he loved her so much he wanted to see her safe and not die because of bald tires on her car.
  
  Valentine’s gifts depend on the person. Like I really want one of those carpet shampooers that are shaped like a vacuum cleaner and would’ve been happy to get one of those for Valentine’s this year.
  
  Of course considering I have never had a Valentine my entire life I probably would’ve been happy with a pile of tires in the shape of a heart.
  
  Excuse me while I go find some cake.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 9:17 am rating: 20
- #13.6 H for Toy
  
  Maybe every woman was a bit of a stretch, but I’d be totally fine with a new vacuum or kitchen appliance for Valentine’s Day… so I was just letting Ferd know he is welcome to buy me a present any day. He just has to let me know if he’d prefer cologne or tires in return.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 9:28 am rating: 2
- #13.7 H for Toy
  
  Or freshly ironed shirts.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 9:28 am rating: 0
- #13.8 Danielle
  
  For our first Valentine’s Day, my husband bought me a spatula. Because nothing says “I love you” like the gift of a spatula.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 10:25 am rating: 27
- #13.9 H for Toy
  
  I just heard it called a “spankula,” Danielle. Maybe it was a hint?
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 10:31 am rating: 9
- #13.10 nikki
  
  I’d love it if my boyfriend got me new tires for Valentine’s Day. A whole set? Fuck yeah! That shit is expensive!
  
  Or even a vacuum if we’re talking Dyson caliber.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 10:39 am rating: 16
- #13.11 JamiSings
  
  Trust me, you don’t want a Dyson. Several of my mom’s friends have them and they suck – and not in the good way. The filter gets clogged and they lose suction instantly. When you empty the bin it flies all over the place so you have to vacuum again. It’s hard to move around.
  
  And one other thing – they’re designed in such a way that they’re impossible to repair. Every time it breaks down you have to buy a whole new one. I know this from the various vacuum repair guys out there. You cannot repair a Dyson.
  
  You’re better off with the old fashion bag kind. They’re more powerful, lighter, their filter doesn’t get clogged, and you can have them repaired.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 6:03 pm rating: 5
- #13.12 thrall
  
  Nope. My husband for the win… He bought me a–wait for it–a new scale. He said he really wanted it and thought I’d like it too. :-/
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 8:19 am rating: 16
- #13.13 H for Toy
  
  Good Lord, thrall! I’ve never been so glad to get nothing in all my life!
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 9:05 am rating: 13
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#14 Sara

I can’t decide if this is funny or extremely creepy and insane..and I am beyond curious about the “turn over”

Feb 21, 2013 at 11:08 am rating: 40

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#15 Pjp

I feel like I need to know whether or not they’re still together.

Feb 21, 2013 at 11:14 am rating: 44

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#16 Dory

Team Cake!

Feb 21, 2013 at 11:15 am rating: 28

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#17 KM

My boyfriend’s mother did more or less this when he forgot her birthday. That was… even scarier.

Feb 21, 2013 at 11:20 am rating: 11

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#18 Roto13

“SADSADSADSADSADSADSADSADSAD
TEARSTEARSTEARSTEARSTEARSTEAR
FAT?FAT?FAT?FAT?FAT?FAT?FAT?
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO
JUSTUGLYJUSTUGLYJUSTUGLYJUSTUGLY”

RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN

Feb 21, 2013 at 11:21 am rating: 58

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#19 Dantebenuto

If you are creeped out by this, your sense of humor is missing.

Feb 21, 2013 at 11:47 am rating: 58

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- #19.1 JamiSings
  
  Well, it all depends on what’s on the other side. I’ve known women who seriously do this – not as a joke but because they really are this way. So I don’t know at this point if I should be afraid that she’s going to one day come after Kyle, cut his heart out with a cake server, and keep it in a jar next to her bed, or if she’s just joking.
  
  Kyle, I need to see the other side of this card!
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 12:25 pm rating: 38
- #19.2 H for Toy
  
  Cake server: sharper than a spoon.
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 5:15 pm rating: 5
- #19.3 Jami
  
  On a side note did you know today (Feb. 21st) is Alan Rickman’s birthday?
  
  Yeah, I know, I mentioned an actor other than Rufus Sewell, shocking!
  
  Feb 21, 2013 at 10:31 pm rating: 6
- #19.4 H for Toy
  
  I did not know that. Now I will remember it; in lieu of more important matters, like where I left that thing…
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 9:59 am rating: 4
- #19.5 Jdaniel
  
  I am one of the funniest people I know. But if this is humor, it’s tortured humor to me. You can bet your ass I would begin distancing myself from this soul…
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 10:02 pm rating: 4
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#20 Stephanie

Run Kyle, run as fast as you can.

Feb 21, 2013 at 12:06 pm rating: 8

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#21 JennyM

At first I was concerned for Kyle’s well-being, but I think she’s just being funny.

I definitely need to see the back of that card, though.

Feb 21, 2013 at 12:39 pm rating: 15

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#22 Quizitiveone

Hope you don’t have any pet rabbits. She won’t be ignored, Kyle.

Feb 21, 2013 at 12:50 pm rating: 22

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#23 Belinda

I think she’s funny as hell!

Dear Rachel,

Be Mine!

Feb 21, 2013 at 1:46 pm rating: 8

reply to this comment
- #23.1 Rachel (yes, that one)
  
  Feb 28, 2013 at 11:27 pm rating: 3
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#24 Ely North

“I think we should see other people.”

Feb 21, 2013 at 1:59 pm rating: 2

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#25 Mawwd

I’m pretty sure this is a big joke (I think it was the sad faces in every letter of her name that tipped it over the edge for me). There are really people in the world that are this crazy though. Even if this was done in humor, somewhere someone received a card like this and it was serious.

Feb 21, 2013 at 2:24 pm rating: 9

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#26 courtney

I bet the back of the card says something along the lines of “JK!” because I can’t forgive him for depriving us if it’s more of the same.

Feb 21, 2013 at 2:34 pm rating: 4

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#27 Ren

I think she needs to find a boyfriend that gets her jokes. Being intellectually compatible with your significant other is way more important than what you receive on Valentine’s Day.

Feb 21, 2013 at 3:35 pm rating: 23

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#28 JN

You guys, maybe she meant turnover pastries (to go with the cake) and not turn over.

Feb 21, 2013 at 4:07 pm rating: 5

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#29 Ace of Space

Rachel should be careful, that “boo boo face forevs” might get stuck that way.

Feb 21, 2013 at 4:10 pm rating: 4

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#30 Bug

For the love of PAN, what’s on that other side?!?!?!

Feb 21, 2013 at 4:38 pm rating: 11

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#31 RoxyRocketeer

RUN BRO

Feb 21, 2013 at 5:25 pm rating: 6

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#32 PinkPlaidRibbon

Wowsa. Somebody needs Midol, a case of chocolate, and the lastest chick flick movies O.o

Feb 21, 2013 at 6:13 pm rating: 0

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- #32.1 jj
  
  I’m just gonna toss this out there:
  Less than 10% of the female population suffers from PMS as noted by a study by Lori Dickerson and Pamela Hunter called “Premenstrual Syndrome” (please note the PRE, hmm?)
  
  Also, it’s rather rude to attribute shows of emotion to PMS, no matter how crazy the emotions may be.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 11:38 am rating: 27
- #32.2 ano
  
  “a study”?
  
  As in, just one? Wow what a wealth of evidence
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 1:18 am rating: 0
- #32.3 Sorcha
  
  Second part of the comment still stands, though.
  
  First part? Shpff. One study does not trump decades of female experience. Unless I and every other menstruating and formerly menstruating woman I’ve ever talked to are all miraculously in that 10%.
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 3:02 pm rating: 8
- #32.4 Jami
  
  What Sorcha said.
  
  I not only get PMS, I get freaking migraines along with it. And horrific cramps. It’s the only time of the month when I’d much rather have a penis than a vagina.
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 3:12 pm rating: 5
- #32.5 kermit
  
  Sorry people, but JJ is right. Several studies indicate that no more than 30% of women suffer from PMS.
  
  Sure, many more women exhibit symptoms of PMS, but that doesn’t mean that they have PMS, or that their PMS symptoms are permanent.
  
  Also, the incidence of PMS can vary greatly with other medication that the person is on (birth control pills or anything else that messes with your hormones and your head), and their overall health. If you have severe PMS, chances are extremely high that you have other health issues as well.
  
  Whether you agree with this or not, it’s still insulting to label a lovelorn and/or joke card as PMS-related. Some guys do equally embarrassing things. It just may not wind up on the Internet as much for public mockery.
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 5:28 pm rating: 11
- #32.6 JamiSings
  
  30% is way bigger than the 10% JJ claimed.
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 8:39 pm rating: 5
- #32.7 kermit
  
  The NIH studies found that at most 5% of people had severe PMS and around 25% of people had mild PMS.
  
  Either way, 30% is still a minority of women. The only thing that gives people the impression that it’s so common that practically all women have it is a public misunderstanding of what true PMS actually involves because people just diagnose themselves – e.g. menstrual cramps/ bloating =/= PMS, for instance.
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 10:46 pm rating: 7
- #32.8 jj
  
  Yes, personal anecdotes about how you have PMS puts you squarely in the percentage of people who suffer from PMS, but does not change the facts.
  
  Cramps, bloating, and migraines during your period are not PMS because it’s happening during your period. I noted the “pre” on purpose. PMS happens before your period even starts. As kermit says, it’s often a big misunderstanding, even by women.
  
  The other side of the “oh she’s just PMSing” coin are the ladies who use PMS as an excuse for their behavior. That’s also rude. (None of you do that, but I’m just saying both genders swing the PMS stick around and it’s not cool)
  
  Feb 25, 2013 at 4:28 pm rating: 2
- #32.9 Jami
  
  I get the migraines before and during my period and sometimes a day or two after as well.
  
  My mood also swings wildly just before my period. It’s like a werewolf without the full moon.
  
  The only thing you listed that happens only during my period is the cramps. Everything else happens before.
  
  So please don’t tell me I don’t have PMS when you don’t know me IRL.
  
  Feb 25, 2013 at 8:11 pm rating: 1
- #32.10 jj
  
  I never said YOU didn’t. The first sentence I said answers that “Yes, personal anecdotes about how you have PMS puts you squarely in the percentage of people who suffer from PMS, but does not change the facts.”
  Most women I’ve encountered (yes I am a woman) don’t understand that PMS is all the crap that happens before the period even happens – obviously you’re not one of them.
  
  You have PMS. Congratulations being part of the 10% that do, I guess.
  
  Feb 26, 2013 at 9:47 am rating: 6
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#33 AC

If she is seriously this crazy I hope she is now his ex-girlfriend.

Feb 21, 2013 at 6:21 pm rating: 2

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#34 phil

I hope that is enough of a warning for Kyle to get a real girl friend and leave this needy little girl alone.

Feb 21, 2013 at 9:51 pm rating: 2

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#35 Ajax

Kyle, suggest you look into the statutory rape laws in your state.

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:10 pm rating: 5

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#36 charlie

I want to date this girl. She’s wonderful and I love her. <3

Feb 21, 2013 at 10:41 pm rating: 12

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#37 kbee

I was majorly creeped out at first glance, but when I started reading I couldn’t help but feel she was making a joke of it. I cannot fathom someone seriously writing all that down without laugh. “Passive Aggressive”, “Cake will never forget me” “SOBSOBSOB”? That’s hilarious.

Feb 22, 2013 at 3:32 am rating: 16

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#38 Lost in the Worthiverse

It’d be funnier without all the eating disorder stuff.

Feb 22, 2013 at 3:51 am rating: 7

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- #38.1 a-Arialist
  
  She has to include the ‘eating disorder stuff’ because it’s part of the cliche that she’s obviously enjoying the hell out of.
  
  Every single crappy chick-flick out there has sad women crying into cake or tubs of ice cream.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 5:42 am rating: 14
- #38.2 H for Toy
  
  I usually exercise like crazy when I’m feeling down, and eat ice cream when I’m happy. Someone please depress me.
  
  Feb 22, 2013 at 10:30 am rating: 2
- #38.3 Jami
  
  @H – Sadly, you’re not married to Rufus Sewell.
  
  And neither am I.
  
  You take the tredmill, I’ll take the pint of mint chocolate chip.
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 3:14 pm rating: 4
- #38.4 Lythande
  
  Who the heck is Rufus Sewell?
  
  I know I could Google it but I wanted to point out that I’ve seen the name in all the comments recently and I don’t care enough to find out, just enough to point out it’s grating.
  
  Feb 24, 2013 at 9:56 pm rating: 1
- #38.5 JamiSings
  
  Rufus Sewell is an actor with amazing eyes. He’s been in movies like Dark City, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and a bunch of others you can find listed over on IMDB.
  
  I’m hoping to make him a meme ever since someone said that “Taken” was old already. So I suggested that the next movie to be a meme should be Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter because Rufus Sewell (who plays the bad guy, Adam, BTW) is hot.
  
  In other words, it’s kind of a running gag between H and me right now. Plus a few others who are catching on.
  
  Look him up. Let his eyes stare into your soul. Get Shakespeare Retold: The Taming Of The Shrew so you can see him in fishnet stockings and a skirt. You’ll never be the same.
  
  Feb 25, 2013 at 1:11 am rating: 2
- #38.6 Lythande
  
  Hm. Google images tells me I don’t see what the fuss is about. He just looks really fatigued.
  
  Feb 25, 2013 at 1:33 am rating: 0
- #38.7 Jami
  
  You’re not looking at the right pictures then. Plus you need to see some of his movies. Even a cheesy one like She Creature.
  
  Feb 25, 2013 at 8:12 pm rating: 0
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#39 evilfoo

my favorite part is “boo boo face FOREVS”. LOL!!!

Feb 22, 2013 at 10:15 am rating: 4

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#40 Dane Zeller

I’m not sure why I noticed this: her handwritten lines on the right side of the card are fully justified! Do you realize how hard this is to do? When she is at the end of a word, she must be at the edge of the card! She has a skill that is totally worthless in our world. I am awestruck.

Feb 22, 2013 at 10:43 am rating: 23

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- #40.1 None
  
  Except she didn’t, since several lines are simply cut off mid-word.
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 7:22 pm rating: 1
- #40.2 Rachel (yes, that one)
  
  now if I can just find a job that requires hand-justifying and knowing 47 digits of pi, i’d be set
  
  Feb 28, 2013 at 11:26 pm rating: 0
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#41 Joe Blow

I love me some fat chicks, so she should just bring her crazy ass on over..

Feb 22, 2013 at 11:13 am rating: 3

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- #41.1 Sorcha
  
  She said she wasn’t fat, just ugly. Sorry, but it looks like you’re out of luck on this one.
  
  Feb 23, 2013 at 3:04 pm rating: 4
- #41.2 Rachel (yes, that one)
  
  no thank you
  
  Feb 28, 2013 at 11:24 pm rating: 2
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#42 Seanette

Wonder just how drunk she was when she wrote that?

Feb 22, 2013 at 5:14 pm rating: 1

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#43 Oedipa

This card makes me glad to be single.

Feb 22, 2013 at 6:59 pm rating: 2

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#44 Lori

Run, dude. Run!

Feb 23, 2013 at 3:20 pm rating: 1

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#45 kathlynn

as a girl, I say RUN run as fast as you can

Feb 23, 2013 at 4:11 pm rating: 1

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#46 Shevrolet

Why is everyone talking about women? This looks like it was written by an 11 y/o girl to me!

Feb 24, 2013 at 7:39 am rating: 0

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#47 WanBean

Kind of ironic how all the idiots who think she is actually being serious (I mean, she even says ‘PASSIVE AGGRESIVE’-what more does it take?!) are advising her boyfriend leave her, while any sane person would read their asinine comments and be forever grateful to not be with anyone with such a non-existent sense of humour.

It’s a joke
It’s obviously a joke
It should not need explaining.

Feb 25, 2013 at 9:22 am rating: 13

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- #47.1 Ren
  
  Well said.
  
  Feb 25, 2013 at 8:04 pm rating: 2
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#48 MissDragonMage

Note: Had I been the author of this note, pretty sure my boyfriend would’ve called me and done SOMETHING.

I LIVE with my boyfriend, and all he got me was chocolate covered peanut brittle. And I was the happiest little girl on earth. I may’ve gotten him more stuff, but oh well. It’s the thought that counts.

That being said, yes, the note is funny, but it’s funny in a creepy way. I’m sorry, but it screams OBSSESSED.

Feb 26, 2013 at 11:05 am rating: 0

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- #48.1 Christopher Rabbit
  
  This comment is more passive-aggressive than the original, hilarious card.
  
  Mar 1, 2013 at 4:21 am rating: 4
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#49 Rachel (yes, that one)

I wrote this, and it was absolutely a joke! Kyle is posting the back of the card ASAP (there is a drawing). We both have a weird sense of humor, and we are still together with an amazing, healthy relationship. He posted this because we both love this website, as we both work in the service industry. In a way, finding my note on PA was kind of a Valentine’s present in and of itself… but kind of embarrassing taken out of context, I guess. I have ADHD, but yes I’m sane. Mostly.

Feb 28, 2013 at 11:19 pm rating: 17

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- #49.1 Rachel (yes, that one)
  
  j
  
  Mar 1, 2013 at 12:36 am rating: 1
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Dear Kyle (who doesn’t love me)

February 21st, 2013 · 104 comments

104 responses so far ↓

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