Now that Girl Scout cookie season has ended — here in Texas, anyway — shit’s starting to get real.
related: Killer cookie dough
FILED UNDER: die bitch die · food · heart · sharing is caring
I would be tempted to take one of each to see how genuine the writer’s audit was.
Feb 27, 2013 at 2:47 pm rating: 49
me: You’re on the right track. But instead of taking one out of each box, take several. Then the next day put one or two back. Then take some more out and later return some, etc. Will drive the person nuts.
Feb 27, 2013 at 5:14 pm rating: 101
No take all the cookies bundle them up in groups of two to three in ziploc baggies. Then hide them like easter eggs. Leave a note explaining all of this then stay at a friends house for a couple of days.
Mar 3, 2013 at 2:14 am rating: 4
i would crush them all then ask for a crumb count
Feb 27, 2013 at 2:48 pm rating: 43
I’d have to attach a note saying, “Yeah, but do you know which ones I peed on?”
Feb 27, 2013 at 2:53 pm rating: 56
I would have gone with licked, but to each their own.
Feb 28, 2013 at 11:44 pm rating: 10
It says as much about those around this person as it does the person who wrote the note. (I bet his/her roommates steal lunches from the work frig, too.)
Feb 27, 2013 at 2:58 pm rating: 11
Frig? What the fridge are you talking about?
Feb 27, 2013 at 4:11 pm rating: 16
Frigg. Tess just left off the last g. Or the last e if you’re Angl0-Saxon. The word “Friday” is named after her, so it’s clear why workplaces pay homage to the revered wife of Odin.
And anyone who would steal from Frigg is really asking for it, just like the notewriter implies. Justice will come with sharp swords on swift wings. Your life will be Hel.
Feb 28, 2013 at 12:34 pm rating: 28
Yeah, better keep things Loki.
Mar 2, 2013 at 2:30 am rating: 8
greg house md
Lol, I would have licked them, but I guess peeing works too…
Feb 27, 2013 at 2:58 pm rating: 9
Step 1: Remove all cookies from boxes and return the empty boxes to the shelf.
Step 2: Leave the following note: “POP QUIZ! Correctly answer how many cookies were in each box and they will be safely returned.”
Step 3: Try not to eat all of the cookies while waiting for your coworker to follow-up.
Feb 27, 2013 at 2:59 pm rating: 90
You straight up do not F*** with a person’s supply of short-supply, insanely expensive cookies.
That said, she probably knows exactly how many Tagalongs she has (there’s only like 15 in a box, those little conniving…) Thin Mints are harder to track. If you must eat one… those are your best bet for survival.
Feb 27, 2013 at 3:09 pm rating: 69
H for Toy
Thin mints used to have exactly 20 per sleeve, when I was a kid. It’s like 16 now. I’m not sure, because I haven’t bought mine yet this year, but there’s still time, because around here, the parents buy a couple thousand boxes, and then keep selling out in front of Home Depot until they’re gone.
Feb 27, 2013 at 4:00 pm rating: 7
You know they don’t call them that anymore? Now they’re “Peanut Butter Patties.” Grrr! Just like Pluto will always be a planet to me, so too will those peanut butter and chocolate bites of Heaven be Tagalongs!
Feb 27, 2013 at 8:30 pm rating: 9
Replying to Jami,
The name changes are regional. My daughter is a GS, and here in The eastern Midwest they’re still called Tagalongs.
It is criminal how little of the money the troops get, they get $0.85 a box. The local council has raised the price to $4.00 a box. And then our troop leader is an absolute cookie crazy beast who keeps pressuring the girls to sell. My daughter joined to be a Scout, not get a fricking part time job.
Feb 27, 2013 at 11:45 pm rating: 27
This is why I just cut a check / give cash donations to things like this…. well also Celiac disease. I don’t end up with crappy magazine subscriptions (look! A litter version of the internet!) or overpriced wrapping paper, the kids get all the cash.
Feb 28, 2013 at 12:33 am rating: 8
@Guest – Well, I guess the Midwest is more intelligent when it comes to names than the west coast.
I don’t understand why they changed the name. The other name was so much more fun.
Feb 28, 2013 at 6:22 am rating: 4
Guest, don’t you mean “frigging” part time job? Or is it “fridging” part time job? hmmm
Feb 28, 2013 at 1:03 pm rating: 3
They were always called Peanut Butter Patties when I was a kid. I never heard of Tagalongs till I was in college, or thereabouts. They also changed the recipe at about that same time–they went from being the Greatest Cookie Imaginable to being an chocolate-covered biscuit with a dab of far-too-sweet peanut-buttery-ish stuff.
Mar 4, 2013 at 3:18 pm rating: 0
I used to mark my liquor bottles and that ratted out my thievin’ roomies every time. One dummy tried pouring some water back into the bottle but poured too much–so when the amount of bourbon was higher than the night before…
I’m just saying I understand the message. Girl Scout cookies aren’t available year-round.
Feb 27, 2013 at 3:13 pm rating: 24
As a teenager, I regularly raided my dad’s liquor cabinet, and refilled them with water. Seemed like it was working great until the day I refilled some high octane grain alcohol, and it turned it cloudy!!! I panicked and threw it under the back porch, where for all I know, it remains to this day. I found out later in life that my dad was onto most of my stunts, but instead of calling me out, he just called other relatives and complained to them about how bad I was. Worked for me, lol
Feb 27, 2013 at 3:21 pm rating: 27
I’ll admit, when my mother had a large box of chocolates around (they all had to be the same type of chocolates, mind you), I figured out that you could get away with eating some if you could not count how many were left at a glance. So, anything over around 8 or 10 and I was safe. I could eat one and nobody would know.
Or hell, maybe she did know, but didn’t mind sharing her chocolates with me. I’m never going to ask her.
Feb 27, 2013 at 4:01 pm rating: 12
Keebler makes imitation Girl Scout cookies (i.e. Grasshoppers are the same as Thin Mints) year round. And at half the price.
Feb 27, 2013 at 5:41 pm rating: 23
they’re not really imitation, because Keebler is the bakery that makes them for the Girl Scouts, too. They just can’t use the Girl Scouts’ trademarked names.
Feb 27, 2013 at 11:19 pm rating: 12
When someone in our house started drinking my mom’s cooking sherry and refilling it with water, my mother added vinegar. Apparently that put an end to that.
Feb 28, 2013 at 12:53 am rating: 29
Your mom was a genius! That sounds like the kind of thing my grandmother would have done, back when she was raising Mom and five other kids
Mar 2, 2013 at 2:38 am rating: 2
This thread is full of LIES.
GS cookies are not baked by Keebler, and the Keebler imitations are indeed half the price, but also half the quality.
(FYI: All GS cookies are baked by either Little Brownie Bakers or ABC Bakery. Ones produced by ABC are the ones with the newfangled names like Caramel Delites and Peanut Butter Patties. The more you know! *star wipe*)
Mar 3, 2013 at 11:24 am rating: 4
I have looked it up, and I have found several sites stating Keebler still makes girl scout cookies. “Keebler-Wyl Bakery became the official baker of Girl Scout Cookies in 1936, the first commercial company to bake the cookies (the scouts and their mothers had done it previously). By 1978, four companies were producing the cookies. Little Brownie Bakers is the Keebler division still licensed to produce the cookies”
Mar 11, 2013 at 1:06 pm rating: 1
And the ABC folks make four vegan varieties (including PB patties and Thin Mints, be still my heart! and they’ve always been vegan – they just didn’t label them until now) while the goddamn Little Brownie Bastards have nary a single vegan option. In MN we have LBB. Where my folks live in WI they get ABC. I alway have mom act as my vegan GSC drug mule for me and my friends. Hah! We only have one box of Thin Mints left. :/ Luckily, Liz Lovelies are ever better than GSC and are available year round. Whew.
Mar 13, 2013 at 9:05 pm rating: 1
The cookies were fucking delicious
Feb 27, 2013 at 3:14 pm rating: 14
… I see what you did there.
Feb 27, 2013 at 3:19 pm rating: 2
They didn’t change the names. There are two bakers licensed by GSUSA to make the cookies. The company that calls them Peanut Butter Patties has done so for about 50 years. Whichever names you see in your area just depends on what baker a local council chooses to work with.
Feb 28, 2013 at 6:44 am rating: 3
If that note was left by me the answer for each box would be zero. I’m very dangerous around Girl Scout cookies.
Feb 27, 2013 at 4:15 pm rating: 4
Yeah! Especially the thin mints.
Feb 27, 2013 at 6:43 pm rating: 3
Take them all, and leave a note saying “At least I’ll die happy.”
Feb 27, 2013 at 4:46 pm rating: 24
Left to right: Bisquick, Mac & Cheese, four boxes of Girl Scout Cookies.
My type of pantry.
Feb 27, 2013 at 5:20 pm rating: 13
I'm the cookie thief
I would be tempted to
1: remove all cookies
2: buy the knock offs at Walmart
3: replace empty slots with said knock offs BUTT of course put in the wrong boxes and mix them all up
4: put note reading “oops they all fell on floor when I thought I heard you coming to kill me. Did best not to put them back in order. The on that didn’t fall was delicious so thank you”
4: lock the original GS cookies in my safe and ration them out over the year!
Feb 27, 2013 at 5:20 pm rating: 10
This seems like a solid plan except for the part about rationing them out.
Feb 28, 2013 at 12:11 pm rating: 6
Agreed. Who rations out Girl Scout cookies?
Feb 28, 2013 at 1:02 pm rating: 4
I have done that in the past before, not for my cookies (because I hide them in my room) but for the cookies or brownies I bake because in HS my brother and his friends would steal them and were jerks about it. It really pissed me off if I had baked them for a specific purpose, like to give as a gift or something.
Feb 27, 2013 at 6:33 pm rating: 4
Why would someone die from eating what’s in these boxes? Did someone lace the cookies with arsenic? And how can you die and still have a great day?
Feb 27, 2013 at 6:41 pm rating: 6
How can you die and still have a great day? Well, you’re dead and you can haunt people, that’s how!
Feb 27, 2013 at 10:41 pm rating: 9
The first person I would haunt would be whoever put the arsenic in the Thin Mints. If being dead is so much fun, it should be shared with the person who did me the big favor of killing me, right?
Mar 1, 2013 at 10:59 pm rating: 1
These are one of those American things I’d love to try. Girl Guide biscuits in New Zealand are horrible flavourless things that (in my experience) get bought out of obligation and rarely eaten.
Feb 27, 2013 at 6:47 pm rating: 5
H for Toy
There are some excellent recipes for Tagalongs, Samoas and Thin Mints online. If you really hate baking, the Thin Mints are easy. Take melted semi-sweet chocolate, add a tiny bit of mint extract, and dip some Nestlé Famous Chocolate Wafers into it. Ritz crackers will also work, but I like the chocolate wafers. Or, get someone to mail you some Girl Scout cookies. Either way, they’re worth it!
Feb 27, 2013 at 8:49 pm rating: 7
The Crazed Spruce
Up here in Canada, for years the only Girl Guide cookies we’d get were a tiny box of sandwich cookies, half of them basically vanilla Oreos and the other half just like Fudgee-Os. (I used to open one of each and smoosh the two cream halves together. It was just as awesome as it sounds.)
Feb 27, 2013 at 10:27 pm rating: 2
Here is a recipe for one of the GS cookie varieties, called Samoas. I have no idea why they’re named that, but it is a shortbread cookie covered with a mixture of coconut, caramel and chocolate.
Feb 27, 2013 at 11:53 pm rating: 1
Thanks for the tips! I don”t think I have access to Famous Chocolate Wafers or Ritz crackers either, but maybe I could try baking. I never do well with American recipes though, something always seems to go awry converting to metric.
ETA: Hey, that Samoas recipe already has the metric measurements, nice
Feb 28, 2013 at 9:01 am rating: 3
H for Toy
The Tagalongs recipe on instructibles also had metric measurements.
http:/ /www.instructables. com/id /Tagalong-Cookies-Recipe/
There are a couple from-scratch Thin Mints recipes on the site, but none that I found are already in metric. Good luck! I hope you enjoy them if you try them
Feb 28, 2013 at 9:11 am rating: 3
In all honesty, they’re not that good. Peo;le just go gaga for them because they can only get them once a year.
Mar 3, 2013 at 10:39 am rating: 1
By Rufus Sewell’s beautiful eyes that’s a lie! I admit Somoa’s suck and the shortbread is dry and gross. But the Tagalongs are Heaven! Sheer Heaven!
Mar 3, 2013 at 1:42 pm rating: 2
H for Toy
I love Samoas! Also Rufus Sewell’s eyes. And I’ll eat almost any kind of shortbread, except those gross ones you can buy out of the bin that are anise flavored. But I agree with Jami about the Tagalongs. Absolute heaven in a little cardboard box.
Mar 3, 2013 at 3:15 pm rating: 2
I just really, REALLY hate coconut, H. Though I suppose if Rufus begged me to eat a Somoa off his chest I would. But only if I could choose the next cookie to eat off him.
Mar 3, 2013 at 4:16 pm rating: 3
Jami – The naughty librarian? How cliche
Mar 3, 2013 at 6:24 pm rating: 2
Library Clerk. Until someone wises up and realizes I could be America’s Susan Boyle.
And yes, I’m a bad, bad girl. I’d make a joke about needing Rufus to spank me but then some uptight person would come along and flip out.
Mar 3, 2013 at 9:45 pm rating: 2
H for Toy
Coconut seems to be one of those things that lots of people hate. I’ll eat the Samoas myself, then
You can always take turns. If Rufus really like Samoas, he can eat them off of you, and you can eat your Tagalongs… you know what, I feel a little weird about including Girl Scout cookies in a naughty Rufus Sewell fantasy… You just go ahead and picture it yourself
Mar 4, 2013 at 8:49 am rating: 3
These things have gotten crazy expensive. Back when I sold them (twenty years back) they were $2.50 per box.
Feb 27, 2013 at 7:17 pm rating: 4
They’re still only $2.50 a box here.
Feb 28, 2013 at 1:15 pm rating: 0
For the love of Frigg, where?!
Feb 28, 2013 at 3:57 pm rating: 8
I’m not sure this one belongs here. Murder is *a bit* of an overreaction but we are talking about Girl Scout cookies….
Feb 27, 2013 at 8:35 pm rating: 3
There are two foodstuffs you simply do not mess with: the coffee and the Girl Scout cookies.
Feb 28, 2013 at 7:45 am rating: 10
They already ate all of the best ones, the Samoas.
Feb 27, 2013 at 9:13 pm rating: 4
Why would you put the cookies out in a place where they might be taken? If I had cookies that I did not want to share; they would be in my bedroom, desk, bag….
Yes I used a lot of punctuation. Big whoop wanna fight about it?
Feb 28, 2013 at 12:07 am rating: 10
H for Toy
We need to create a new tag line. Something like, “Why use logic, when you can use PAN?”
Feb 28, 2013 at 1:11 am rating: 7
This. This exactly. Nearly all of the PANs on this site could have been eliminated or avoided with the simple use of logic or straightforward communication.
But we aren’t logical or straight-forward beasts.
Feb 28, 2013 at 7:46 am rating: 3
I feel like this may just be the pantry in someone’s house. Maybe her kids are eating them. Maybe a houseguest. Maybe a roommate. Either way I’d say the onus falls on the person eating them to not eat other people’s food without asking (unless they’re kids I guess). A person shouldn’t have to hide their food, especially not in their own house. Blame the victim some more why don’t'cha
Feb 28, 2013 at 9:48 am rating: 4
H for Toy
If I had a roommate who I knew like to sneak cookies, I’d hide them. I should be able to put them in a common area, but do I want to risk losing my precious Girl Scout cookies, just to prove a point? Not me!
Feb 28, 2013 at 1:50 pm rating: 2
So a few years ago my parents, my brother Todd, and I were all at a restaraunt. Mom gave us all large chocolate bars. Todd saw this girl he thought he went to school with (he didn’t) and kept going on about how beautiful she was. He finally went over to talk to her. She informed him she never went to any school he went to and was obviously creeped out. Todd gave her his candy bar and came back without a phone number. (Smart girl.)
I ate 1/4th of mine that night and put the rest in the freezer. I go to get it a few days later and it’s gone. I can’t find it anywhere. I ask mom if she’s seen it – maybe she moved it while looking for something. She hasn’t. Todd overhears me and says, “Oh, I ate it.”
Mom lost it on him. Reminding him he gave his away to a strange girl and how that was my candy bar, I was saving it, and he had no right to take it. He just shrugged it off. Mom went and bought me another one.
From that day forth I make sure I just eat the whole thing, not try to ration it out. Because otherwise I know my sweettoothed brother will eat it.
So hand me a box of Tagalongs. I’ll eat them in one sitting. Forget the PAN. I have to make sure Todd gets none.
Mar 3, 2013 at 1:47 pm rating: 7
WHHHHHY leave them in a shared/public area?????
Feb 28, 2013 at 5:58 am rating: 6
Definitely a sadomasochist.
Feb 28, 2013 at 4:02 pm rating: 3
As a Girl Scout Leader I believe it is up to the Troop to decide how many boxes of cookies they want to sell. If the Girls have a goal to raise money for a trip or activity, then the Leader should be pushing them to sell, sell, sell. If the Troop does not have a goal, then sales should be more casual. Booth sales are not just about selling cookies. As the girls get older they are part of the selling process. The keep track of how many cookies were sold at which location previous years and help decide how many the Troop orders. If you do not sell what you order, you still have to pay council for for the cookies. Here in the Dayton, OH area we only get about 55 cents a box. For every box of cookies left we still have to pay council $2.95. If the girls understand the process, the will learn concepts like planning, purchasing, debt, profit, goal setting, marketing etc. Not least of which is teaching the girls the responsibility of following through with the decisions they made even if they have to give up a birthday party or are tired. Selling cookies for 3 hours at a time is not always fun. Especially after the 1st couple of times. Of course, it is up to the leaders to guide the girls in this direction. Girl Scouts is not just a social group. It is about teaching girls to empower themselves, building character and giving the girls confidence so that when they want to do something when they are older…they will have the courage to do it and the confidence to know they can achieve what they set their minds too. This goes for all girls whether they want to be a stay at home mom or president. Just my thoughts.
Feb 28, 2013 at 8:06 am rating: 9
Pam, right you are. Selling cookies has a broader purpose than just making money. Similarly, it is more than buying and selling Keebler cookies. Perhaps entrepreneurship could be taught by suggesting to the Girl Scouts that THEY ARE ABLE TO FIND ANOTHER SOURCE FOR COOKIES!
Perhaps their own ovens could produce a product with a larger margin?
Feb 28, 2013 at 8:21 am rating: 5
What’s empowering about being a corporate tool?
Feb 28, 2013 at 4:05 pm rating: 20
I’ve always felt that the girl scouts have a lower public opinion than boy scouts (Who in the general public knows what the girl scout equivalent of the eagle scout is? Does anybody care? Exactly.) mostly because of the corporate tool business. There are TONS of other and better ways to build character than being a corporate shill, and the boy scouts are proof.
Mar 1, 2013 at 3:34 am rating: 5
Really? I think the boy scouts are having a bit of a PR problem lately, with all the homophobia, discrimination against atheists, and all that pedophile leader cover up stuff. Sure the boys shouldn’t be held accountable for the actions/decisions of the adults running the organization, but none of my money will go to the Boy Scouts of America. Meanwhile I regularly see signs that says things like “No Soliciting, unless you’re a Girl Scout” and people asking whose selling Girl Scout cookies on facebook. When was the last time you saw someone trying to track down boy scout popcorn?
Mar 1, 2013 at 5:51 pm rating: 7
Oh please. They learn how to exploit people’s better nature to sell them junk food. I would have a little more respect for the program if they were baking the cookies themselves.
Mar 5, 2013 at 2:08 am rating: 7
Since they don’t need to be refrigerated, I think I’d be more inclined to keep the boxes in my bedroom (or in a drawer at work, if this is at work).
Feb 28, 2013 at 11:42 am rating: 1
The note writer ought to be at least refrigerating the Thin Mints.
Perhaps the note writer can’t keep them in her bedroom due to insinuating circumstances? Maybe there are pets who get into things, or a nosy spouse/partner who would find them anyway.
Or maybe this is to throw them off the scent of the REAL stash hidden elsewhere. Now that would be brilliant.
Feb 28, 2013 at 1:10 pm rating: 4
The weed in the Bisquick box? Nope – kids already found that. That’s why they keep getting into the girl scout cookies.
Feb 28, 2013 at 1:40 pm rating: 4
H for Toy
I beg your pardon, I’m sure, but I don’t stoop to what you’re incinerating.
Feb 28, 2013 at 1:41 pm rating: 6
Sorry Pam, I’m not buying it.
It’s a money grab, and a very successful one at that. I don’t begrudge the Scouts their fundraising, but don’t try to shine it up real nice and make me think it’s anything else.
I’ve taken part in far too many fundraiser to think it’s about empowerment. It’s about parents bringing signup sheets to the office to use social pressure to coerce coworkers.
(As a diabetic, I simply can’t have GS Cookies in my house. I know I’ll go through them a box at a time, and every year I’m the office pariah for not taking part.)
Feb 28, 2013 at 1:45 pm rating: 15
They do learn some skills, but it bugs me that council gets waaay more money than my kid or the frickin’ baker. And then they spend it on things like a logo redesign or gussyin’ up the camps – my cabin didn’t have AC or paint or cutesy designs like a Fishing Village. Good Grief. I’d rather we do car washes or dog washes or something else. 49 boxes in 2 hrs, in cold weather, split 3 ways (3 Scouts) & my kid gets $10 for her trip account? If she was old enough, she’d make more at McD’s or by baby sitting.
Mar 1, 2013 at 6:38 am rating: 6
There are 2 different GS cookie bakeries–one calls the cookies Tagalongs, Samoas, trefoils, do si dos, etc and the other calls them pb patties, Carmel delights, shortbreads, pb sandwiches etc. it’s not regional–I’m in Texas and we have one baker this year and are switching to the other next year, so it’s some random division.
Cookies are $4/box and the troop keeps 40 cents, but there are all kinds of bonuses if you don’t have any returns, etc.
Guess who got sucked into being cookie organizer this year, by the way? Ugh.
As to the note, yes, it’s pretty jerky. Why leave them in plain sight if theft is such a problem? I mean, it’s carpet to steal but writing a note like that seems like she is just encouraging people.
Mar 4, 2013 at 8:58 pm rating: 0
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