Jessica in Portland, Oregon was on her way home when she saw this note taped to her neighbors’ door. “I’m best friends with the guys this was addressed to,” she says, “and they actually are very loud when they get down to business. It doesn’t usually bother me because I work night shifts, but obviously it is wearing down the woman downstairs.”
(The “happy ending”: Jessica says her friends sent a note back saying they would try to be more considerate.)
related: WE CAN SEE YOU
92 responses so far ↓
#1
kazari
Team note-writer. Because I live in a downstairs unit and once had an upstairs neighbor (19 y/o college student) who had sex ALL THE TIME. Which was fine, because for the most part we found it amusing and didn’t begrudge her enjoying the hell out of her early adulthood.
And then one night, she had sex six times in a row. Headboard banging, screaming, yelling, moaning sex, with maybe a 30-min to 1 hour break in between. We admired her (and her partner’s) stamina and were jealous of her partner’s apparent skill, but by 3am I was done. I banged on the ceiling and bellowed, “We can hear you, you know!”
Giggles from above, then blessed silence.
Fortunately she didn’t repeat the marathon after that, because we had to meet her face to face a couple day later to address an issue with the cable…and man, that was awkward.
Mar 18, 2013 at 1:13 am rating: 87
#2
Straightline
Call me old-fashioned, but I am not in favor of unicorn-dinosaur relations.
Mar 18, 2013 at 2:32 am rating: 110
#3
kathlynn
Team note writer. thin walls suck when people start doing noisy things we don’t wanna hear.
Mar 18, 2013 at 2:48 am rating: 16
#4
Gwan
Americans say shag in a non-Austin Powers context?
Also, maybe I’m just being curmudgeonly, but I would be a bit annoyed if someone felt the need to go out of their way to be all “oh but I love the gays” under the circumstances. Can’t you just treat them like any other couple? Or if you feel the need to be clear it’s not just gay sex you’re not into overhearing, at least stop before the “I’m a huge gay rights supporter” line?
Mar 18, 2013 at 4:12 am rating: 54
#5
Malli
SINGIE? She couldn’t have capitalized that damn L? Am I alone in hating when people do that?
Fine. I like being alone. It’s cool.
Mar 18, 2013 at 6:50 am rating: 48
#6
kbee
While I felt that the “I’m not anti-gay!” thing was a bit much, I’m with the writer. I’ve suffered through crazy, wall-pounding monkey sex on the other side of a shared wall, and I had to plug in my laptop and watch a movie to drown it out. Thankfully that was only for a night. I couldn’t handle constant sexcapades.
Reminds me of another time when I shared an apartment with a friend. Our building doubled as apartments for long-term residents and a hotel for guests. One night some people were having some crazy mad sex on our floor a few doors down. We sat for quite a while listening, hoping they’d finish and be done with it. Finally – us being jerk 19 year old college students – we leaned against our door (didn’t open, wasn’t necessary) and began to moan and yowl like a pair of cats in heat.
Our temporary new neighbors instantly shut up. No note needed!
Mar 18, 2013 at 7:56 am rating: 41
#7
Tard
I’ve been in this situation, we just wrote down the stupid things they said to each other and slid the transcript under their door.
Hee hee
Mar 18, 2013 at 8:17 am rating: 72
#8
redheadwglasses
The note is fine, overall, but she had to tape it ot the door so anyone walking by or visiting could see it? Really? She couldn’t, oh, I don’t know, fold it up and slide it under the door? Or fold it then tape it to the door? Put it in the envelope?
I suspect the submitter also is the writer.
Mar 18, 2013 at 8:41 am rating: 24
#9
Dane Zeller
I don’t understand the problem.
But then, I have such low standards for my entertainment.
Mar 18, 2013 at 9:13 am rating: 15
#10
Imalia
I can kind of get the “but I love the gays” part of the note. A little over the top, perhaps, but if they had left it out, well, I can already hear the cries of “But you only have a problem because it’s gay sex!” Perhaps not from this couple, but far too often in my life I have heard complaints shot down by the people being complained about as “you only have a problem because we’re (insert desciptor of ethinicity, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation etc)”
Mar 18, 2013 at 9:44 am rating: 46
#11
H for Toy
I wonder if it’s the “sexually frustrated” more than the “tired” that finally prompted her to leave the note.
Mar 18, 2013 at 9:44 am rating: 18
#12
Kendall
When I was in college the Linebacker for our football team lived next door. Our bedrooms were next to each other.
He dated the cheerleader that got thrown in the air all the time, so needless to say, she was tiny.
That huge football player had awesome stamina and could go for what seemed like days. The cheerleader and I had a couple of classes together and I always had a hard time looking at her after one of the MANY nights of enjoyment.
Mar 18, 2013 at 10:47 am rating: 9
#13
VM
I’m still puzzling over the illustration printed on the paper. Is the girl wearing a coolie hat posing in front of a red cloud, or is the hat sporting a dyed ostrich-plume panache like on the top of a helmet on a coat of arms? Or is the hat actually one of those school project volcano things in full baking soda-erupting glory? I gotta admit that if it’s the latter, it’s a perfect allegorical image to grace a PAN.
Mar 18, 2013 at 11:14 am rating: 9
#14
Ace of Space
I happen to love the red cloud of fury over the little girl’s head.
Mar 18, 2013 at 12:19 pm rating: 11
#15
Red Delicious
Having been on both ends of this argument (not the gay part, just the noisy sex part) I think there are limits. Most apartment complexes have quiet hours that start and end at certain times. If you’re going to have sex during the quiet hours, be quiet. It’s common courtesy.
Mar 18, 2013 at 12:19 pm rating: 9
#16
Confessions from the Hairdresser
She was a cute note-writer, I like her!
I would be friends with her
Mar 18, 2013 at 12:22 pm rating: 11
#17
Snooks
I lived in a house that was about 15 feet from the neighboring house, and our neighbor used to have incredibly loud sex that we could hear from our dining room table. One afternoon (it was always Sunday afternoon), at the end of her performance, my husband and adult stepdaughter and I clapped and whistled loudly. It didn’t stop her, but she never could look us in the eye after that.
Mar 18, 2013 at 12:34 pm rating: 24
#18
Eric
Nobody makes that much noise unless they want to be heard.
Mar 18, 2013 at 12:36 pm rating: 39
#19
Kim
I had a college girl living in the apartment above me. Everything was great till her boyfriend moved in. They’d have sex, which wasn’t crazy loud, however, they would then fight, which would get loud, he’d leave while slamming the door, and she’d instantly vacuum the apartment. At 2 a.m. The first time it happened, I thought it was just odd. Then the process started to repeat every other night. *face palm*
Mar 18, 2013 at 12:41 pm rating: 9
#20
FeRD
Honestly (as someone with skin in the game, though I certainly wouldn’t presume to speak for All Teh Gheys®)… the “it’s not because you’re gay” thing is fine.
It’s an understandable, and common, str8-person hangup — once she indicated that she was aware they were a gay couple, she had to make it clear that wasn’t a factor. We Get That A Lot™.
Her other option was to “play dumb” that she’s aware the sex in question is between two men, and make no reference to it at all — but then that can come off like she’s pointedly avoiding the pink elephants (humping) in the room.
The way the notewriter deals with it is fine, IMHO. This certainly isn’t an “I’m not racist, but…” sort of situation.
Mar 18, 2013 at 12:46 pm rating: 45
#21
Rocket J
I don’t think this was passive-aggressive at all. I think the note writer was very polite and just asking for a little compromise in the situation.
Mar 18, 2013 at 12:56 pm rating: 13
#22
Jolly
Haha, right. Like I’m gonna stop having amazing sex because you can’t handle noise from neighboring apartments. Team sexy gay couple all the way.
Mar 18, 2013 at 1:37 pm rating: 5
#23
misscris
I had a couple through the wall from me in my mum’s house as a teenager. My method of dealing with it? banging the wall and moaning loudly and sexually in time to their own moans – it can really put a person off their rhythm if the next door neighbour’s kid is joining in. lol
Mar 18, 2013 at 1:42 pm rating: 37
#24
Brian
I lived on the ground floor of a three family house. For a while the couple on the top floor rutted so loudly I could hear them. My friend in the middle said he couldn’t hear himself having sex over them.
One day he set up a microphone and some cheap/free recording software, and slipped a CD in their mailbox with a note that the next one would be posted online.
Now that’s PA.
Mar 18, 2013 at 1:51 pm rating: 67
#25
Amanda6
The sign-off really makes the entire note. The whole thing is very polite and reasonable, and then the hat-tip to sexual frustration gives it an extra kick of humor and brings it to another level. Like paprika. Or sriracha, if you’re nasty*.
(*in the Janet way, not the bad taste way. Bc sriracha is awesome. In case that wasn’t clear.)
Mar 18, 2013 at 2:21 pm rating: 12
#26
Dana
When I was staying in Dublin, I was in a very small apartment, sleeping in a wobbly bed. The slightest movement prompted the headboard to go BANGBANGBANG against the wall, and I couldn’t move the bed away from the wall because there was no room. Anyway, I’m sure the neighbours thought that I was having a lot more fun than I was.
Then again, some of them had the noisiest sex I’ve ever heard in my LIFE on the rooftop play area one night . . .
Mar 18, 2013 at 9:56 pm rating: 1
#27
adam
she seems very nice. she gets nice-person hugs. <3
Mar 19, 2013 at 6:09 am rating: 3
#28
Mike D
I stayed at a hotel in Toronto with a former GF for a weekend visit and the walls were so thin that the couple in the next room (who were, indeed, bound to win a prize – apologizes to Paul Simon) made the wall behind the head of our bed buckle in and out. Seriously, with each thrust the wall would bulge then receded. It was more funny than annoying (they didn’t do at it all night). We’d lay their laughing and bouncing back and forth as we purposely leaned on the wall. On the last night, I yelled, “You should at least buy me dinner first.” They were too busy to appreciate the joke.
Mar 19, 2013 at 7:57 am rating: 2
#29
spoonleg
I think we’re all missing the point here… EVERY NIGHT?! Who does that?!
Mar 19, 2013 at 9:04 am rating: 2
#30
Rene
I like that she compliments their taste in music.
Mar 19, 2013 at 10:03 am rating: 4
#31
Nope
Sounds like she just needs to get laid. Problem solved.
Mar 20, 2013 at 12:10 pm rating: 0
#32
Rowan
I’ll go with Team Note-writer on this one. Ball gags exist for a reason. At the very least, learn to scream into a pillow.
Mar 20, 2013 at 6:33 pm rating: 3
#33
smirkette
Totally Team Notewriter. My downstairs neighbor once complained about the noise created by my bathing (I’m a night bather and would shower at 10-11pm) shortly after moving in, asking me to shower before 10pm…only to have really, REALLY loud sex 4+ times a week after 10pm after I’d immediately complied with her request. And now she keeps asking me to dinner. I know I’m probably a prude, but I’m just not comfortable dining with people whose sex lives I know intimately and can imitate with great accuracy.
…I might have to write them a note.
Mar 21, 2013 at 9:03 pm rating: 3
#34
Jessica
Was it necessary to explain her support of gay rights and that they are gay? I always laugh at stuff like that. I mean if its no big deal to you then whyd you even make it a matter? lolol some people.
Mar 22, 2013 at 12:16 pm rating: 0
#35
Mysty
When I was in college, my very first year I lived in a dorm with paper-thin walls. My neighbor and I were both without roommates (me because mine moved out with a friend, her because it was a single). She had sex with her boyfriend every evening around six, which isn’t so bad, I suppose, but I don’t think she realized her neighbor was the one person in the dorm who was home at six in the evening rather than out with friends.
I’d joke with a friend of mine that the guy was actually gay, because while she was vocal, I never heard a peep from him. If I hadn’t seen him around I might think she was just masturbating. And of course I wasn’t serious. But then one day, around midnight, she came storming through. I’m sitting at my computer, writing an essay and listening to her talking on the phone about how the guy dumped her because it turns out he’s gay. Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.
Mar 22, 2013 at 2:35 pm rating: 10
#36
Umre
haha its funy. İ like that. When ı was going to college ı can do this
lol 
Mar 25, 2013 at 6:30 am rating: 1
#37
flightless-phoenix
I used to have a housemate whose girlfriend lived in another city; every time she came to visit all we heard was them at it, must have been 12 times a day. We mostly ignored it because they didn’t get to see each other that often.
One night though whilst watching a film in my room with the other housemates we heard her climax and scream ‘GANDALF!!!!’ which can’t be ignored. Just too funny! Maybe he was keeping a false beard under his bed?
When he started cheating on her (with an even more vocal girl) I used to shout Gandalf to put him off, because I didn’t know her well enough to to be the one to tell her what a scumbag he was. That worked. Also once he left the door open (who the hell does that?), so I walked past and slammed it shut.
I think the note writer handled this pretty well.
If the the girl who got cheated on sees this, I’d like her to know I still feel bad that I didn’t tell her what was happening.
Mar 27, 2013 at 1:40 pm rating: 3
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