An eye for an eye, I understand. But a flower for joint inflammation?
(Thanks to Sandra in Los Angeles for submitting!)
related: No, He uses Vaseline.
FILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · God · Los Angeles · stealing
Eh. Better than a pillar of salt, I guess.
Apr 21, 2013 at 12:52 am rating: 9
Well, makes sense. If your joints hurt too much you can no longer have the grip needed for stealing flowers.
Apr 21, 2013 at 12:59 am rating: 22
Somehow this reminds me of the kind of dialog you hear from those card based role playing games: “You played your Stealth-Stealing Sunflowers card , I smite you with my Ancient Arthritis of Doom.”
Apr 21, 2013 at 2:01 am rating: 43
a lot of nerds here apparently
Apr 21, 2013 at 3:37 pm rating: 7
There anything wrong with us nerds, pal?
Apr 21, 2013 at 6:34 pm rating: 6
It *is* the Internet, after all. Did you expect the nerds to go away once the cool kids figured out how to use it? Besides, with a gamer reference, the correct slang is “geek”. If you’re gonna insult someone, do it right.
*plays Enchanted Bunny*
Apr 21, 2013 at 6:56 pm rating: 19
Personally I went with Pokemon in my head because of Sunflora, the Pokemon that looks like a sunflower.
Hey! Maybe that’s what this is all about! Maybe the person the note’s addressed to is a Pokemon thief. Hard to grip a Pokeball when you’ve got arthritis.
Apr 23, 2013 at 10:38 am rating: 2
Actually, this is just an example of incredible foresight on the part of the thief! Somehow she/he knew that she/he would be smitten with arthritis, and thus stole flowers that she/he would not need to bend over to appreciate!
Apr 21, 2013 at 8:04 am rating: 1
Not sure;the question mark implies that they are not sure who stole the flowers.
Apr 21, 2013 at 8:23 am rating: 2
I like this sliding scale idea. Steal sunflowers, get arthritis. Probably if you just covet them, you get a mild case of eczema or something.
Apr 21, 2013 at 9:06 am rating: 36
Hey if you are going to believe in an imaginary friend you might as well give him/her lots of really cool abilities.
Apr 22, 2013 at 2:15 am rating: 5
I had a telepathic imaginary friend when I was a kid……this really has nothing to do with anything.
Apr 22, 2013 at 12:17 pm rating: 4
Ace of Space
Well, we all know that the wages of sin is death, but I wonder what stealing a car would have gotten?
Apr 21, 2013 at 9:35 am rating: 3
Apr 21, 2013 at 1:12 pm rating: 10
Apr 21, 2013 at 6:37 pm rating: 3
Olestra-style anal leakage.
Apr 21, 2013 at 6:51 pm rating: 11
Apr 21, 2013 at 7:02 pm rating: 4
I’m having too much fun with this.
Apr 21, 2013 at 8:00 pm rating: 3
H for Toy
Apr 21, 2013 at 9:01 pm rating: 2
Excessively sweaty armpits.
Apr 21, 2013 at 10:57 pm rating: 3
H for Toy
Numbness in the extremities.
Apr 22, 2013 at 6:18 am rating: 3
Apr 22, 2013 at 7:55 am rating: 4
H for Toy
Apr 22, 2013 at 9:32 am rating: 3
Mind numblingly painful constipation followed hours later by explosive diarrhea.
Apr 22, 2013 at 10:17 am rating: 7
Damn Jami, that’s a hell of a curse!
Apr 22, 2013 at 4:40 pm rating: 2
H for Toy
Now, is this a one-time thing, Jami, or is it a choice between 5 years in prison, or 5 years of the constipation/diarrhea combo?
Apr 23, 2013 at 11:49 am rating: 1
Choice been prison or a lifetime of what is basically IBS. MAWHAHAHAHAHA!
Apr 23, 2013 at 1:29 pm rating: 0
H for Toy
If I ever steal a car, I am going straight to prison!
Apr 23, 2013 at 1:51 pm rating: 1
If this was Yuuka Kazami, then she would have tracked the thief down and punished them.
Apr 21, 2013 at 11:07 am rating: 0
Love that it’s dated. Just in case there are future notes and they need a way to specify which vandal the note is for.
Apr 21, 2013 at 3:49 pm rating: 5
That unfilled last exclamation mark is driving me cray. Write one PAN at a time and make it a masterpiece!
Apr 21, 2013 at 4:34 pm rating: 1
Is that supposed to be a Jesus fish at the end of the note?
Apr 21, 2013 at 4:40 pm rating: 5
I think so. Maybe they want to convey that age old message “Jesus loves you, the rest of the world thinks you’re an ass”
Apr 21, 2013 at 4:48 pm rating: 8
Yes, it’s an Ichthys.
Apr 21, 2013 at 5:31 pm rating: 1
Hey, eczema is nothing to sneeze at.
Apr 21, 2013 at 5:27 pm rating: 1
Sneezing! Wouldn’t “You stole my sunflowers, God punishes you with hayfever” have made much more sense?
Apr 22, 2013 at 2:09 am rating: 7
You are evil!
You will be given a painful joint condition!
Apr 22, 2013 at 1:02 pm rating: 1
That’s the worst fish drawing ever. At least give the bugger an eye, a fin or two, and some scales.
Apr 22, 2013 at 1:45 pm rating: 1
I never understood the reasoning behind stealing plants out of someone’s bed. Can you sell them for a high profit or something? Did the thief carefully dig down to the roots to have intact sunflowers then? Are they award-winning? Is (s)he broke and trying to appease somebody?
Apr 22, 2013 at 2:52 pm rating: 0
If I were going to steal someones garden plants I at lest know enough about transplanting to keep the plant alive in my own yard for my own enjoyment. Thank you Grandma!
Apr 23, 2013 at 1:38 pm rating: 2
I love how this isn’t even a curse or a promise. It’s just a statement of fact. It’s not that God “will” punish you, he just does.
Apr 22, 2013 at 4:44 pm rating: 4
Only a “statement of fact” if God exists.
Apr 26, 2013 at 4:26 am rating: 4
Of course God exists. Look at all the people who have arthritis.
Apr 26, 2013 at 7:27 pm rating: 5
God uses arthritis! It’s super effective!
Apr 23, 2013 at 2:50 pm rating: 2
it is really Effective Treatment..
May 6, 2013 at 7:10 am rating: 0
— The Elf
2011: The Top Notes of the Year
2010: The Funniest Notes of the Year
2009: The Best Notes of the Year
2008: Your Favorite Notes of the Year
Carnivores: keep being awesome!
actually totally reasonable
a little patronizing
clip art catastrophe
flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens
landlords and property managers
Moms & Dads
more aggressive than passive
most popular notes of 2010
most popular notes of 2011
most popular notes of 2012
most popular notes of 2013
now that's management
sex sex sex
signed with love
spelling and grammar police
thanks (but not really)
unnecessary "quotation marks"
You call that punctuation?