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Hellfire & arthritis

April 21st, 2013 · 45 comments

An eye for an eye, I understand. But a flower for joint inflammation?

You stole my sunflowers? God punished you with ARTHRITIS! Cheers!

(Thanks to Sandra in Los Angeles for submitting!)

related: No, He uses Vaseline.

FILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · God · Los Angeles · stealing

45 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Roto13

    Eh. Better than a pillar of salt, I guess.

    Apr 21, 2013 at 12:52 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #2   Jami

    Well, makes sense. If your joints hurt too much you can no longer have the grip needed for stealing flowers.

    Apr 21, 2013 at 12:59 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #3   Roundredhead

    Somehow this reminds me of the kind of dialog you hear from those card based role playing games: “You played your Stealth-Stealing Sunflowers card , I smite you with my Ancient Arthritis of Doom.”

    Apr 21, 2013 at 2:01 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   sockpuppet

      a lot of nerds here apparently

      Apr 21, 2013 at 3:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Madrias

      There anything wrong with us nerds, pal?

      Apr 21, 2013 at 6:34 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   The Elf

      It *is* the Internet, after all. Did you expect the nerds to go away once the cool kids figured out how to use it? Besides, with a gamer reference, the correct slang is “geek”. If you’re gonna insult someone, do it right.

      *plays Enchanted Bunny*

      Apr 21, 2013 at 6:56 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Jami

      Personally I went with Pokemon in my head because of Sunflora, the Pokemon that looks like a sunflower.

      Hey! Maybe that’s what this is all about! Maybe the person the note’s addressed to is a Pokemon thief. Hard to grip a Pokeball when you’ve got arthritis.

      Apr 23, 2013 at 10:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #4   pxmidnight

    Actually, this is just an example of incredible foresight on the part of the thief! Somehow she/he knew that she/he would be smitten with arthritis, and thus stole flowers that she/he would not need to bend over to appreciate!

    Apr 21, 2013 at 8:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #5   Nunavut Guy

    Not sure;the question mark implies that they are not sure who stole the flowers.

    Apr 21, 2013 at 8:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   Snowflame

    I like this sliding scale idea. Steal sunflowers, get arthritis. Probably if you just covet them, you get a mild case of eczema or something.

    Apr 21, 2013 at 9:06 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Skittles

      Hey if you are going to believe in an imaginary friend you might as well give him/her lots of really cool abilities.

      Apr 22, 2013 at 2:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Snowflame

      I had a telepathic imaginary friend when I was a kid……this really has nothing to do with anything.

      Apr 22, 2013 at 12:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #7   Ace of Space

    Well, we all know that the wages of sin is death, but I wonder what stealing a car would have gotten?

    Apr 21, 2013 at 9:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Jami


      Apr 21, 2013 at 1:12 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Madrias

      Spontaneous Combustion.

      Apr 21, 2013 at 6:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Jami

      Olestra-style anal leakage.

      Apr 21, 2013 at 6:51 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   The Elf


      Apr 21, 2013 at 7:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   Jami

      Canker sores.

      I’m having too much fun with this.

      Apr 21, 2013 at 8:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   H for Toy


      Apr 21, 2013 at 9:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   Jami

      Excessively sweaty armpits.

      Apr 21, 2013 at 10:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.8   H for Toy

      Numbness in the extremities.

      Apr 22, 2013 at 6:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.9   Jami

      Athlete’s foot.

      Apr 22, 2013 at 7:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.10   H for Toy


      Apr 22, 2013 at 9:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.11   Jami

      Mind numblingly painful constipation followed hours later by explosive diarrhea.

      Apr 22, 2013 at 10:17 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.12   The Elf

      Damn Jami, that’s a hell of a curse!

      Apr 22, 2013 at 4:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.13   H for Toy

      Now, is this a one-time thing, Jami, or is it a choice between 5 years in prison, or 5 years of the constipation/diarrhea combo?

      Apr 23, 2013 at 11:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.14   Jami

      Choice been prison or a lifetime of what is basically IBS. MAWHAHAHAHAHA!

      Apr 23, 2013 at 1:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #7.15   H for Toy

      If I ever steal a car, I am going straight to prison!

      Apr 23, 2013 at 1:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #8   Kingault

    If this was Yuuka Kazami, then she would have tracked the thief down and punished them.

    Apr 21, 2013 at 11:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   Amurana

    Love that it’s dated. Just in case there are future notes and they need a way to specify which vandal the note is for.

    Apr 21, 2013 at 3:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #10   Umm

    That unfilled last exclamation mark is driving me cray. Write one PAN at a time and make it a masterpiece!

    Apr 21, 2013 at 4:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   Sooo...

    Is that supposed to be a Jesus fish at the end of the note?

    Apr 21, 2013 at 4:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Iwill FindU

      I think so. Maybe they want to convey that age old message “Jesus loves you, the rest of the world thinks you’re an ass”

      Apr 21, 2013 at 4:48 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Jami

      Yes, it’s an Ichthys.

      Apr 21, 2013 at 5:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   Cafe Pretzel

    Hey, eczema is nothing to sneeze at.

    Apr 21, 2013 at 5:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Snowflame

      Sneezing! Wouldn’t “You stole my sunflowers, God punishes you with hayfever” have made much more sense?

      Apr 22, 2013 at 2:09 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #13   Beatus Mongous

    You are evil!
    You will be given a painful joint condition!

    Enjoy! :-)

    Apr 22, 2013 at 1:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   redheadwglasses

    That’s the worst fish drawing ever. At least give the bugger an eye, a fin or two, and some scales.

    Apr 22, 2013 at 1:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #15   katie

    I never understood the reasoning behind stealing plants out of someone’s bed. Can you sell them for a high profit or something? Did the thief carefully dig down to the roots to have intact sunflowers then? Are they award-winning? Is (s)he broke and trying to appease somebody?

    Apr 22, 2013 at 2:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Iwill FindU

      If I were going to steal someones garden plants I at lest know enough about transplanting to keep the plant alive in my own yard for my own enjoyment. Thank you Grandma!

      Apr 23, 2013 at 1:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   Lythande bang

    I love how this isn’t even a curse or a promise. It’s just a statement of fact. It’s not that God “will” punish you, he just does.

    Apr 22, 2013 at 4:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Kelly

      Only a “statement of fact” if God exists.

      Apr 26, 2013 at 4:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Poltergeist

      Of course God exists. Look at all the people who have arthritis.

      Apr 26, 2013 at 7:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #17   TC

    God uses arthritis! It’s super effective!

    Apr 23, 2013 at 2:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #18   arthritis

    it is really Effective Treatment..

    May 6, 2013 at 7:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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