Hellfire & arthritis

← The naked truth Break the wrist, walk away →

April 21st, 2013 · 45 comments

An eye for an eye, I understand. But a flower for joint inflammation?

(Thanks to Sandra in Los Angeles for submitting!)

related: No, He uses Vaseline.

FILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · God · Los Angeles · stealing

45 responses so far ↓

#1 Roto13

Eh. Better than a pillar of salt, I guess.

Apr 21, 2013 at 12:52 am rating: 90

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#2 Jami

Well, makes sense. If your joints hurt too much you can no longer have the grip needed for stealing flowers.

Apr 21, 2013 at 12:59 am rating: 90

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#3 Roundredhead

Somehow this reminds me of the kind of dialog you hear from those card based role playing games: “You played your Stealth-Stealing Sunflowers card , I smite you with my Ancient Arthritis of Doom.”

Apr 21, 2013 at 2:01 am rating: 90

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- #3.1 sockpuppet
  
  a lot of nerds here apparently
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 3:37 pm rating: 90
- #3.2 Madrias
  
  There anything wrong with us nerds, pal?
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 6:34 pm rating: 90
- #3.3 The Elf
  
  It *is* the Internet, after all. Did you expect the nerds to go away once the cool kids figured out how to use it? Besides, with a gamer reference, the correct slang is “geek”. If you’re gonna insult someone, do it right.
  
  *plays Enchanted Bunny*
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 6:56 pm rating: 90
- #3.4 Jami
  
  Personally I went with Pokemon in my head because of Sunflora, the Pokemon that looks like a sunflower.
  
  Hey! Maybe that’s what this is all about! Maybe the person the note’s addressed to is a Pokemon thief. Hard to grip a Pokeball when you’ve got arthritis.
  
  Apr 23, 2013 at 10:38 am rating: 90
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#4 pxmidnight

Actually, this is just an example of incredible foresight on the part of the thief! Somehow she/he knew that she/he would be smitten with arthritis, and thus stole flowers that she/he would not need to bend over to appreciate!

Apr 21, 2013 at 8:04 am rating: 90

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#5 Nunavut Guy

Not sure;the question mark implies that they are not sure who stole the flowers.

Apr 21, 2013 at 8:23 am rating: 90

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#6 Snowflame

I like this sliding scale idea. Steal sunflowers, get arthritis. Probably if you just covet them, you get a mild case of eczema or something.

Apr 21, 2013 at 9:06 am rating: 90

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- #6.1 Skittles
  
  Hey if you are going to believe in an imaginary friend you might as well give him/her lots of really cool abilities.
  
  Apr 22, 2013 at 2:15 am rating: 90
- #6.2 Snowflame
  
  I had a telepathic imaginary friend when I was a kid……this really has nothing to do with anything.
  
  Apr 22, 2013 at 12:17 pm rating: 90
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#7 Ace of Space

Well, we all know that the wages of sin is death, but I wonder what stealing a car would have gotten?

Apr 21, 2013 at 9:35 am rating: 90

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- #7.1 Jami
  
  Tinnitus.
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 1:12 pm rating: 90
- #7.2 Madrias
  
  Spontaneous Combustion.
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 6:37 pm rating: 90
- #7.3 Jami
  
  Olestra-style anal leakage.
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 6:51 pm rating: 90
- #7.4 The Elf
  
  Bunions
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 7:02 pm rating: 90
- #7.5 Jami
  
  Canker sores.
  
  I’m having too much fun with this.
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 8:00 pm rating: 90
- #7.6 H for Toy
  
  UTI
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 9:01 pm rating: 90
- #7.7 Jami
  
  Excessively sweaty armpits.
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 10:57 pm rating: 90
- #7.8 H for Toy
  
  Numbness in the extremities.
  
  Apr 22, 2013 at 6:18 am rating: 90
- #7.9 Jami
  
  Athlete’s foot.
  
  Apr 22, 2013 at 7:55 am rating: 90
- #7.10 H for Toy
  
  Impotence.
  
  Apr 22, 2013 at 9:32 am rating: 90
- #7.11 Jami
  
  Mind numblingly painful constipation followed hours later by explosive diarrhea.
  
  Apr 22, 2013 at 10:17 am rating: 90
- #7.12 The Elf
  
  Damn Jami, that’s a hell of a curse!
  
  Apr 22, 2013 at 4:40 pm rating: 90
- #7.13 H for Toy
  
  Now, is this a one-time thing, Jami, or is it a choice between 5 years in prison, or 5 years of the constipation/diarrhea combo?
  
  Apr 23, 2013 at 11:49 am rating: 90
- #7.14 Jami
  
  Choice been prison or a lifetime of what is basically IBS. MAWHAHAHAHAHA!
  
  Apr 23, 2013 at 1:29 pm rating: 90
- #7.15 H for Toy
  
  If I ever steal a car, I am going straight to prison!
  
  Apr 23, 2013 at 1:51 pm rating: 90
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#8 Kingault

If this was Yuuka Kazami, then she would have tracked the thief down and punished them.

Apr 21, 2013 at 11:07 am rating: 90

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#9 Amurana

Love that it’s dated. Just in case there are future notes and they need a way to specify which vandal the note is for.

Apr 21, 2013 at 3:49 pm rating: 90

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#10 Umm

That unfilled last exclamation mark is driving me cray. Write one PAN at a time and make it a masterpiece!

Apr 21, 2013 at 4:34 pm rating: 90

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#11 Sooo...

Is that supposed to be a Jesus fish at the end of the note?

Apr 21, 2013 at 4:40 pm rating: 90

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- #11.1 Iwill FindU
  
  I think so. Maybe they want to convey that age old message “Jesus loves you, the rest of the world thinks you’re an ass”
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 4:48 pm rating: 90
- #11.2 Jami
  
  Yes, it’s an Ichthys.
  
  Apr 21, 2013 at 5:31 pm rating: 90
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#12 Cafe Pretzel

Hey, eczema is nothing to sneeze at.

Apr 21, 2013 at 5:27 pm rating: 90

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- #12.1 Snowflame
  
  Sneezing! Wouldn’t “You stole my sunflowers, God punishes you with hayfever” have made much more sense?
  
  Apr 22, 2013 at 2:09 am rating: 90
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#13 Beatus Mongous

You are evil!
You will be given a painful joint condition!

Enjoy!

Apr 22, 2013 at 1:02 pm rating: 90

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#14 redheadwglasses

That’s the worst fish drawing ever. At least give the bugger an eye, a fin or two, and some scales.

Apr 22, 2013 at 1:45 pm rating: 90

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#15 katie

I never understood the reasoning behind stealing plants out of someone’s bed. Can you sell them for a high profit or something? Did the thief carefully dig down to the roots to have intact sunflowers then? Are they award-winning? Is (s)he broke and trying to appease somebody?

Apr 22, 2013 at 2:52 pm rating: 90

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- #15.1 Iwill FindU
  
  If I were going to steal someones garden plants I at lest know enough about transplanting to keep the plant alive in my own yard for my own enjoyment. Thank you Grandma!
  
  Apr 23, 2013 at 1:38 pm rating: 90
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#16 Lythande

I love how this isn’t even a curse or a promise. It’s just a statement of fact. It’s not that God “will” punish you, he just does.

Apr 22, 2013 at 4:44 pm rating: 90

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- #16.1 Kelly
  
  Only a “statement of fact” if God exists.
  
  Apr 26, 2013 at 4:26 am rating: 90
- #16.2 Poltergeist
  
  Of course God exists. Look at all the people who have arthritis.
  
  Apr 26, 2013 at 7:27 pm rating: 90
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#17 TC

God uses arthritis! It’s super effective!

Apr 23, 2013 at 2:50 pm rating: 90

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#18 arthritis

it is really Effective Treatment..

May 6, 2013 at 7:10 am rating: 90

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