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The don of donut discipline

April 28th, 2013 · 144 comments

Don is the organizer of a doughnut co-op in his Chicago office, in which each co-worker takes a turn bringing in doughnuts every Friday to share with the rest of the group. “One of my co-workers is notorious for cutting doughnuts in half and leaving the other half behind in the box,” Don says, “which annoys some of the other members of the co-op. Apparently a co-worker felt that I was failing to maintain doughnut discipline and took it upon himself to post this warning.”

Adds Don: “Half-doughnuts are no longer showing up.”

Bad: Thinking of cutting a donut. Worse: Actually cutting a donut. Worst: Cutting a donut and leaving the other half behind. Better: Cutting a donut and throwing the other half away. Best: Eat the whole damn donut!

related: The Office Breakroom Nibbler

FILED UNDER: Chicago · etiquette · food · most popular notes of 2013 · office

144 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Marie

    Why is it better to throw it away than to leave it for someone else to have? Finding half a donut would be like Christmas for me most days.

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:18 pm   rating: 244  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   H for Toy

      I found a whole donut that I put in the bread box and forgot about. It was actually more like Day of the Dead.

      Apr 28, 2013 at 8:45 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Poltergeist

      Eating just half a donut is something only a lunatic would do. It’s disturbing and unnatural, and I’m pretty sure the Bible lists it somewhere as a sin punishable by death, but as long as it was cut using utensils and unmolested by grimy hands, that half donut will be going down my gullet.

      I try to be accepting of alternate lifestyles, particularly those that directly benefit me.

      Apr 28, 2013 at 11:36 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   TammyD

      It’s not as if he took a bite out of one and put it back. He cut it so someone else could have the other half. I don’t see the issue. There’s a possibility he never even touched the half that was left behind…

      #FirstWorldProblems fo sho.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 5:29 am   rating: 83  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   The Elf

      The best way to split a donut is to have a partner in crime who also wants to split a donut right there and ready to go. Then it’s just a matter of agreeing on flavor. Make sure you cut it with a clean knife while only touching your half!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 7:38 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   My name is Princess!

      Our office cuts doughnuts and bagels in half all the time. …. Sometimes in quarters. Eighths is kind of pushing it though. That said I’d cut the doughnut into eighths and take only one of the sections.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 8:30 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Crystal

      Okay, this person would hate me. I don’t usually cut a donut in half…I cut TWO donuts in half. I eat half a jelly filled and half a custard, resulting in 1 full donut consumption.

      I would just eat 2 donuts, but I feel guilty about hoarding the awesome flavors.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 8:54 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   Beatus Mongous

      Cutting a donut in half is one thing. Someone will probably eat the other half.

      TEARING the donut in half (or in thirds like people do in my office) is annoying as hell, because you can see where they embedded their fingers. Once the donut or bagel has been torn in half, no one will touch it (including the culprit), and it will end up in the garbage.

      This pisses me off, because if I buy 16 donuts with my own money and bring them to share with my office (small office), and someone just tosses 7 of them in the trash, that’s a waste of my money. That’s basically what happens here.

      And it happens with everything from donuts, to bagels, to pastries, to cupcakes, to mini cupcakes, to donut holes, to sandwiches that are already cut in half, you name it. Any food that can be torn gets torn. People here just rip them in half and eat half, and the rest gets thrown away.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 10:50 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   pooham

      I’m curious about the demographics of your office. At first I thought it would be a bunch of women who are afraid to eat a whole anything. Then I thought it might be a bunch of guys who are afraid to eat a whole anything, just b/c they were torn and not cut.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 3:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   Beatus Mongous

      There are 16 of us, only 4 women. One of the women has Celiac disease, so she can’t eat donuts or pastries to begin with. If she takes her medication and eats half of a pastry, she asks to share it with me, and I usually accept.

      We know who the food rippers are here, and they usually get to the food before anyone else.
      There are two women and two guys that do it. None of them ever wash their hands first, and one of the guys never washes his hands after going to the restroom.

      They don’t do it to avoid calories, either, because each of them will usually end up eating two to three donuts/pastries/sandwiches each within an hour, and never do they choose the same flavor twice. They do it so they can sample more flavors, and they’ll often do it right in front of others.

      The trouble is, because we know them, and we know their habits, no one else wants to eat what they’ve touched. So once they’ve fingered a dozen donuts, only about 9 donuts are eaten, and the rest, in pieces, are thrown away.

      I’ve called them out on it vocally on more than one occasion, and have told them to either give the other part to someone else or eat it. The answer I get is, “Well, I don’t want to eat the whole thing because I want to try the other ones, too.” So I’ll take their half out of the box and put it on their desk.

      They also like to eat the tops of bagels, too, and leave only the bottoms for people to eat. They’ll toast two tops, and put cream cheese one them, and then leave the bottoms.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 6:00 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   Jen

      Ok, I can accept the cutting in half of donuts to be able to try all the flavors. I don’t agree with it, but I understand why and I can accept it. (I don’t understand the ripping though, so the other half just gets wasted.) But I cannot CANNOT accept the eating two tops of bagels…. How selfish are these people? What is wrong with this world???? At least somebody could eat the other half of a donut (as long as it was cut cleanly and not ripped by someone’s dirty hands), but who wants to just eat the bottoms of bagels????

      Apr 29, 2013 at 9:54 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   L

      Um… I kind of prefer the bottom of the bagel. I like the crunchy stuff.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 10:40 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   nurgleth

      Beatus, you should simply stop sharing donuts with them. Why do you even bother with such inconsiderate pricks?

      Apr 30, 2013 at 4:36 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.13   H for Toy

      I agree with L. I like the bottom half of the bagel as well. That doesn’t excuse their behavior, but there are a few bottom-of-the-bagel-lovers out there.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 6:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.14   Bee Good

      I don’t get it. If you leave a half a donut that was cut with a knife who cares? It a litmus test for the autistic. Pissed because someone did throw away a half of a donut? If they are so upset at cutting donuts then why not provide a trashcan and place it next to the donuts so people can see that throwing them away is a better answer? Not eating the half donuts and pretending they are already gone must be hard if you live by concrete principals.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 10:05 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.15   Beatus Mongous

      @Nurgleth, I stopped bringing food for sharing some time ago. We’ll do potlucks every now and then, and that’s the only time I ever bring anything to share. But for the most part, I bring my own food and I don’t partake of any shared food. If I’m working very late, and there are some bagel bottoms left, I might eat those, but usually I take care of myself.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 2:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.16   Jamoche

      Only bring one kind of donut, that’ll stifle the samplers.

      May 1, 2013 at 12:50 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #1.17   Amy in Toronto

      @Beatus – People in your office eat halves of doughnut holes???
      Isn’t the whole rationale of a doughnut hole to provide the yummy taste of a doughnut in a singular bite-sized way?

      May 1, 2013 at 9:40 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.18   Beatus Mongous

      They’re nuckin’ futz.

      May 1, 2013 at 2:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #2   diogenes bang

    Worse than Worst: Leaving a giant thumbprint embedded in the half you leave behind

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:18 pm   rating: 70  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Marie

      Ew. Yeah, okay. I would not want a besmirched donut.

      Apr 28, 2013 at 3:20 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   diogenes bang

      Marie gets bonus points for use of “besmirched”!

      Apr 28, 2013 at 3:22 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   The Elf

      Truth! Finally, an honest man.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 7:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   Nunavut Guy

    Wow!! Free doughnuts!!

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:20 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #4   Renee

    My old boss used to bring bagels in every Friday since we didn’t get a lunch that day and worked through so he and the other Jewish employees could be home in time for Shabbat at sundown. There were always half bagels in there… as long as everyone gets one, what’s wrong with a half being left behind? More for someone else!

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:20 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Wait..what?

      So labor laws were broken in order to accommodate someone’s religion? They can keep their bagel and I will take my lunch, thank you very much.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 11:24 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Beatus Mongous

      B&H Photo / Video does stuff like that.

      May 1, 2013 at 2:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Hannah

      I think it’s a nice, loving thing to do.

      I’ve worked from 6am to 3pm without a break in the past, and that wasn’t to be respectful to someone else’s religion. It’s because the hotel/catering company that I worked for was pure evil, and they overbooked at every chance they got.

      At Renee’s place there at least seems to be some gratitude involved.

      Jun 2, 2013 at 2:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   Kathy

    I would love it too if someone left a half donut. Then I don’t have to feel as guilty for eating 300 calories. Just 150.

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:21 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   VM

      Same here. Hell, I’m delusional enough to feel mildly virtuous…I’m not cheating on my diet, I’m just tidying up the box!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:11 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #6   Jami

    At least they’re using a knife. Or shall I tell the story again about the coworker who used to eat half of a piece of candy or bread and leave the other half, teeth marks, salvia, and all in with the rest of the untouched candy and food?

    Maybe I should then Don can print the story off and post it so people can be grateful the donut cutter uses a knife and not their teeth!

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:25 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Raichu

      okay, wow, *that* is exceptionally gross

      Jun 3, 2013 at 9:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   21skulls

    I seriously don’t see a problem with half a doughnut, as long as it wasn’t bitten off of or otherwise violated.

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:29 pm   rating: 71  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   zenvelo

      that’s a scary visual, some guy violating a doughnut…although, if at home with a consenting partner, nothing wrong with that….

      Apr 28, 2013 at 5:12 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Nony

      Almost every guy that I’ve ever roomed/lived with has never washed their hands after using the bathroom. I think I can see where this note writer is coming from. Unless it’s expected that the person will use a tissue or gloves, only touch the half of the donut they’re going to eat, or keep the halves separate from the whole donuts, this isn’t an unreasonable request.

      Apr 28, 2013 at 5:23 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   spoko

      Right, Nony. Because we all know that touching anything that was touched by someone who didn’t wash their hands first will lead to imminent death. That’s why all those people who don’t wash their hands first are already dead, and most of their non-paranoiac family members too. Seriously–gloves? When did we get this far gone?

      Apr 29, 2013 at 6:03 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Tom

      The thing is, washing with soap and water is indeed proven to cut down on infections and diseases. There is no way to get around that. Wash your hands at least once a day. It’s not even all about you, but the people around you. Sure, you’re fine with the sniffles, but someone’s 6 year old kid might not be. Or their 70 year old aunt, for that matter.

      It just so happens that washing your hands after going to the bathroom is the most convenient since the sink is already there. And of course, a lot of bacteria is spread through getting shit on your hands and not washing it off. I mean, I’m sure you’d love to be part of a cholera outbreak, right?

      I don’t know about gloves or anything (it’s shown that glove-wearing usually causes more foodborne illness since workers wash their hands less often and touch more questionable things), but wash your damn hands once in a while. It’s good for everybody. We’re not telling you to run your hands under scalding water for 3 hours every day.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 9:36 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   guest

      Spoko, I don’t want to eat anything that touched a hand that just touched a dink.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 11:11 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   Raichu

      Just what I was going to say. Normal hands are one thing, but if you just used your hand to touch your dick, then I don’t want to eat what you just touched. I know I probably won’t die from it but it’s just…really gross. Psychological squick thing.

      That said, I stand by what I’ve said elsewhere – anything in a communal food dispenser should be assumed by everyone to have been touched, because people like to touch and prod food.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 3:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   Foxy J

      If you in a part of the world with toilet paper, and are to the point where you’re still getting shit on your hands when you wipe, I doubt you have the presence of mind to wash your hands. And how dirty do guys keep their dicks? If it was a guy that you totally fancied and would be amenable to giving a BJ to, would you still refuse to eat something that this peen-touching hand had touched? So many questions.

      Also, maybe some phallically-challenged individuals at some point in the donut prep or delivery process stuck their dicks in the the donuts with holes. Bon appetit!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 3:32 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.8   Dee

      I totally fancy my husband and am amenable to giving BJs to him, but if his peen-touching hand touches something -anything- like my food, or a remote, or anything I am going to touch or put my face on, the offending limb will be removed. Thus he washes his hands more than any guy I’ve ever known.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 4:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #7.9   Tom

      Foxy J, even with toilet paper, mistakes happen. Your hand slips maybe. Maybe your finger went and poked through a thin part of the wad accidentally. Maybe you just had diarrhea and one of those tiny litte watery droplets smeared on your hand because let’s face it, that stuff is definitely messier than a normal poop. And the thing about bacteria is that one little smudge or drop can contain millions (billions maybe?) of e. coli and other bacteria. It doesn’t take a whole log of shit to spread a disease through feces. And food is a PRIME incubator for these germs.

      Also, it’s not cool if people who have the more contagious STIs go touching their infected genitals while pissing or wiping, not wash their hands, and then go after some communal food. I hope that people with open sores and such are actually washing (and yet we all know, some of them must not). What was that about “how dirty can a penis be”?

      I’m not some germophobe, and I don’t think about it often really, but I wash my hands when I go to the bathroom. It’s part of common courtesy for your fellow man.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 11:51 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #7.10   Wait..what?

      I wanted that donut but now? not so much.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 12:17 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #7.11   kbee

      Getting up to wash my hands, just because.

      May 2, 2013 at 4:55 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #8   d

    I agree with the author of the note. Someone (maybe more than one) in my office is a cutter-in-halfer. The last time there were donuts in the office, I found 4 halfs (and nothing else) in the box — all filled donuts, all with most of the filling having now oozed out, and one of the donuts was cut in half and neither half was taken (WTF?). The equivalent of 2 donuts were wasted because no one would touch the cast-off halfs. I’m now on the lookout for the guilty parties.

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:37 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Awlbiste

      This happens at my work constantly. Then not only is the filling oozing out it’s all dried up. The other thing about cutting a donut in half is that now the inside is exposed to air and it gets hard and stale much faster.

      Apr 28, 2013 at 6:48 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   spoko

      But how are they more wasted than they would have been if the donut-cutters had thrown those halves in the trash? I can see the issue if they’re really all filled ones. But if someone’s just cutting a donut in half and not chucking the other half, they’re trying NOT to waste.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 6:06 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   The Elf

      Okay, the cut in half trick totally doesn’t work with filled donuts. First, the filling is never evenly distributed, so one half is going to have two specks of boston creme and the other is going to be spilling over everything. It also doesn’t work so well with French crullers because of the airy interior. They just kind of collapse as you put pressure on them.

      Stick to standard yeast donuts, cake donuts (including my favorites – the old-fashioned), twists, fritters, and crullers is you’re going to cut a ‘nut.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 7:45 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   redheadwglasses

      What kind of pathetic coworkers do you have that half a doughnut would get stale? Doughnuts last under two minutes here. I just place a few phone calls to key people, or send an email, and within two minutes, it’s all gone.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 10:43 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   SilentPsycho

      Same here, redhead. The moment food is placed on the tea room table, everyone is on it like a swarm of piranhas. If there are any leftovers they normally get consumed the next day. One day is not going to make the food inedible.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   Raichu

      I bet they cut the filled one to see what was inside it. Picking up and eating a filled donut could be a crapshoot if you find some fillings really nasty.

      Might be a good idea not to buy filled donuts for donut communes anyway, since a number of people don’t like them. When someone brings a box of donuts somewhere I notice that often the filled ones are the last to be eaten.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 3:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.7   The Elf

      I think you’re right, Raichu. It’s like the people who pierce the bottom of chocolates with a fingernail, so they can check that it isn’t “nasty” before they eat it.

      I’d argue that there are no nasty chocolates, or for that matter, nasty donut fillings.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 11:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.8   L

      I ate a fritter once thinking it was an apple fritter and it had blueberry filling. That was a surprise but also very yummy. (It was kinda like a really, really good blueberry muffin.)

      May 3, 2013 at 1:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.9   redheadwglasses

      My mom pokes her fingernail into the bottom of chocolates, so she can find out what’s in it. If it doesn’t look like what she wants, she puts the chocolate back into the box.

      I’m so glad I like only dark chocolate and she doesn’t like it.

      May 6, 2013 at 4:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.10   sandy

      I definitely do not agree that the doughnuts should be thrown away- but I completely empathize with the note writer.

      I hate waste- but I can imagine getting worked up enough that I write something like this and immediately regret it.

      May 11, 2013 at 4:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.11   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      In what way would it have been better if the cutters-in-half had thrown away the left-behind halves? Either way, you were too late and didn’t get a donut.

      May 28, 2013 at 5:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.12   Raichu

      yeah I also really don’t get the bit about donuts going stale. Why would they still be in the box that long?

      Jun 3, 2013 at 9:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   Hmmm

    Cutting and leaving a filled donut is kinda gross. I wouldn’t eat the remaining half of one of those. Eww.

    Unrelated to that…. How would anyone know if a donut is being cut and NOT left?

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:40 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #10   Grrr

    Solution: The person who buys the donuts puts on a pair of plastic gloves and cut each donut in half with a knife. That way anyone who just wants half a donut can have one and anyone who wants a whole donut can take two.

    Apr 28, 2013 at 3:56 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   kermit

      That just leaves it open for the people who only want a quarter to cut them in half.

      The only sensible solution here is to get donut holes instead of (or in addition to) whole donuts. If you want less than a donut hole, then you don’t get to take anything.

      Apr 28, 2013 at 4:08 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Poltergeist

      I’m sure there’s some kook out there who would insist on eating 1.5 munchkins.

      Apr 28, 2013 at 11:48 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Beatus Mongous

      Next time I buy donuts for my office, I’m going to tear them into quarters and just leave them there. I’ll probably end up taking the whole box home at the end of the day, and my family and I will enjoy them with milk.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 10:59 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   The Elf

      Milk?! Bah, I’m a coffee cruller dunker.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 1:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   Beatus Mongous

      I have little kids.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 1:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   AuntyBron

      Or forget the gloves altogether. Just skarf them puppies down before the germs realize they’re there.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 4:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   The Elf

      I don’t see the problem, Beatus. Imagine the hilarity of your kids on a caffiene and sugar high simultaneously. Hilarious for me, I mean.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 11:09 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   Beatus Mongous

      Yeah, no thanks. They’re hyper enough without it, and I like my furniture.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 2:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   ridiculous

    First World problem… fo sho!

    Seriously, skip over the donut half, if you are that anal retentive. It’s not like communal, unwrapped food, has any guarantees. Sheesh, wish half a dang donut was my biggest problem in life!! The donuts in my office are usually gone in mere seconds. Some people were known for snatching multiple. The horror!!

    Apr 28, 2013 at 4:11 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   jazzgirl205

      Yeah. I’m not a germaphobe. I look at it this way. I am of mostly European descent. The fact that I exist proves that my ancestors were among the 40 – 50% who survived the Black Death. As for my Meso-American background, those ancestors are among the 10% who survived the smallpox epidemic of the 16th century.
      A half a doughnut is not going to kill me.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:24 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #12   LI

    If I were part of this donut co-op, every time it was my turn to bring treats, I would cut all the damn donuts in half just to spite this note writer.

    Apr 28, 2013 at 4:16 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Wench

      LOL @ LI, I’d bring a knife in just to help you. WTF is wrong with taking half? (As long as you observe basic hygiene of course).

      Apr 29, 2013 at 1:27 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Lara

      Here’s the thing, though. When I go to the donut box and see a half donut, how do I know the person who cut it did observe basic hygiene?

      I don’t, so of course I pass over the half donut. So does everyone else, for the same reason. And it sits and goes to waste.

      If you can’t afford 300 calories, you can’t afford 150. Eat the whole damned thing and then walk a couple blocks on your break!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   LI

      How do you know the people that BAKED the damn donuts followed basic hygine? Or that someone didn’t come in and lick them all when you weren’t looking? If you trusted a stranger to bake the donuts hygenically, surely you could trust someone you actually know to cut them up safely. Perspective, people. We’re not talking about raw chicken here. Unfilled donuts are a low-risk food item.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:40 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   Raichu

      Ever heard of calorie counting? Some people really CAN afford 150 and not 300.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:48 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   Nikki

      Oh, Lara. Are you the note-writer? You’re pretty worked up over this half-donut business.

      1. Buy your own.
      2. Everyone else’s calorie consumption is none of your business. Are you the person who constantly pushes food “If you’re going to have 150 calories, you may as well as 1,500!!!!” then gets all judgey about fat people?
      3. Explore your issues and work them out. Really. Life is way too short to spend your time pissed about people leaving half donuts. If you don’t like being in the club: leave the club and buy your own. Pretty easy, eh?

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:49 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #12.6   AuntyBron

      And use the back of a spoon to make a “thumb print” on half of them.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 4:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #13   Julia

    Throwing part of it away is better than leaving it for someone else? Jeez, I wish I had the kind of money to just randomly throw shit away.

    I can’t even wrap my head around someone being so fucking wasteful. Just … wow.

    Apr 28, 2013 at 4:28 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Beatus Mongous

      In my office, either way, the discarded half will end up in the trash. No one here will touch it.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 1:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Raichu

      That’s too bad. If I worked there, I’d eat it. (Unless I thought everyone there was gross, in which case I probably wouldn’t eat a whole one, either.)

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Beatus Mongous

      But you’re a Pokémon, one that my daughter happens to adore.

      Everyone in my office is gross, with the exception of maybe four of us.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 3:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Julia

      I guess I’m the type who might cut it in half and save the other half for later, if I didn’t want to eat all those calories at once. But really, a doughnut is not that much of a diet-buster, eat the whole damn thing.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 4:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   AuntyBron

      Yeah, but some of them are so sweet they’ll melt your fillings. Especially if you’ve cut a lot of sugar out of your diet for some reason.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 4:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   Raichu

      haha, your daughter is awesome.

      If everyone in the office was gross, and I wanted to eat only halves at a time, I’d take a donut or two and bring them to my desk, and then eat them at my leisure and ignore the box.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 11:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   Tard

    Cutting a donut in half with a knife and leaving the other half in the box is standard procedure in the United States. Where the hell do these people live?

    Apr 28, 2013 at 4:58 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Cutting a donut in half with a knife and leaving the other half in the box is standard procedure for me in the United States.


      Personally, I don’t get the notion of getting worked up either way about half-cut donuts, but I can see both points of view. What irks me to no end is when the shift ahead of ours at my workplace routinely leaves behind a large clump of frosting surrounding a couple of centimeters of cake, one half-bitten donut, or a crust of pizza with a half-bitten pepperoni slice attached, etc and a messy table for us to clean up. And apparently think themselves generous for “sharing.”

      Apr 28, 2013 at 5:50 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   The Elf

      Yeah, that is absurd. See the difference is that it crossed shifts. If you have a multi-shift office, you clean up at the end of yours and either toss the leftover food or put it away properly. Donuts are stale by then anyway.

      I assumed that this was a standard 9-t0-5er, and so (presumably) someone has the responsibility of cleaning up at the end.

      When I was an administrative assistant, one of my responsibilities was to pick up the breakfast stuff (typically bagels, but we sometimes did donuts, and of course a big carafe of coffee) for the weekly staff meeting. I set up, we had the staff meeting, then I moved everything from the meeting room to the break room, and then after lunch I tossed the rest. No big deal.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 7:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #15   OHSue

    So don’t eat the half donut just like you don’t eat the half you want the cutter to toss. If we did donut duty at my job they would all be on diets except to sneak from others.

    Apr 28, 2013 at 8:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   bletchley

    I think I get this, too. Someone at my workplace is forever leaving half-emptied sugar packets in the office kitchen. They tear open each packet, pour about half of it out (into their coffee or tea, I assume, but who knows really?), then fold the torn end over and put it back in the bowl with the whole packets.

    Of course, no one else EVER uses the remaining half-full sugar packets… including the person who half-emptied them to begin with. Ultimately the packets begin spilling out their contents and they all get thrown out. Then the cycle begins anew.

    It’s a minor annoyance, but it’s so patently a complete waste of time (and sugar) that it can’t fail to boggle the mind.

    Apr 28, 2013 at 9:36 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Raichu

      The part about this that’s really annoying is the half-packeter not going back and eating the other halves. That’s just stupid.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:46 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #17   Madrias

    Am I the only one evil enough to think of cutting just the top half of the donut off, eating that, and leaving the awful plain half in the box instead?

    Apr 28, 2013 at 10:35 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   The Elf

      You are evil!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 7:48 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #18   Trekkie Gal

    Really Best: Cutting two doughnuts in half so that you and another coworker can each have two different kinds.

    I see NOTHING wrong with cutting a doughnut in half!

    Apr 28, 2013 at 10:38 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #19   Jessi

    Can’t doughnuts be cut in half with a knife without touching the actual doughnut? That’s how I’ve always done it…

    Apr 28, 2013 at 11:37 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Amelia

      Or you can cut the doughnut in half and then take the half that you touched, which seems like the sensible option to me.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 10:55 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #20   Christy

    I work in a kitchen and we constantly have extra baked items or things that didn’t come out looking pretty enough to put in the shop that’re just set out for kitchen staff to eat, and we always just cut off pieces and eat what we want. I find it baffling that anyone would be offended by this. (I’ve eaten so many doughnut quarters in the past month, since the head baker has been doing doughnut recipe experiments, that I’m genuinely getting sick of doughnuts XD )

    Apr 29, 2013 at 1:01 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #21   The Elf

    Isn’t it amazing how worked up people get about free or communal food? Bring yer own if you’re that picky!

    Apr 29, 2013 at 7:47 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Lara

      This isn’t free, though. This is a co-op, where once every x weeks it’s your turn to buy. So you are, in effect, buying your share each week. And if I’m paying for a donut, I am not happy eating 2 half-donuts with their filling oozed all over and their middles stale (or their surfaces pawed by who knows whom)!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   The Elf

      Yeah, that’s why I put the “or communal” in there…..

      Opt out if it bothers you so much. Buy your own individual, unmolested donut on Friday.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 1:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #22   Adriana

    I wouldn’t eat the half-doughnut for a few reasons. First, the idea of a stranger touching my food and using an unclean workplace knife (is there any other kind?) bothers me. Second, the parts exposed to the air get dry and crusty, so unless I happen upon the doughnut immediately after cutting, there’s no point.

    Third, and I assume this is the notewriter’s point, taking half the doughnut is like ripping off part of the last piece of pizza. You think you’re doing everyone a favor because you didn’t eat the whole piece. Instead, you’re taunting everyone with what they could have had in its entirety if they’d just gotten there earlier.

    If I only wanted half a doughnut in an office setting, I’d try to find a doughnut buddy who was willing to eat the other half rather than just cut into one and abandon it there. If I couldn’t, I’d probably just not have one at all.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 8:45 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Raichu

      I think you are kind of overthinking this.

      Also, given the level of hygiene habits most people have, if an item is in a communal tray or box – whole or broken – it is safe to assume somebody has touched it. Not being cut in half is not a guarantee of being germ-free in the first place.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #23   Dane Zeller

    Ah, the age old doughnut dilemma. Is the cut doughnut half-eaten, or half-left behind?

    Apr 29, 2013 at 9:34 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #24   AP

    I have a coworker who, when she wants half a precut bagel, rips one in half with her bare hands and puts the other half back.

    Everyone else just takes one side of the bagel. It’s so RUDE.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 10:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #25   redheadwglasses

    We have a “Doughnut Club” where I work as well (Friday mornings). Anyone who posted such an obnoxious sign would have been kicked out of the club. Look, idiot sign maker: If I cut my doughnut in half, and leave half behind, that’s an extra half doughnut for someone else to enjoy.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 10:39 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #26   redheadwglasses

    It saddens me to see so many uses of the word “donut.” It’s “doughnut.” It deserves those extra letters. Vitamin D, people.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 10:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Ann

      Unfortunately, I believe both are accepted spellings now. But I still fight the good doughnut fight!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   redheadwglasses

      Accepted by WHOM? Doughnut afficionados? ; ) (Not sure If I spelled THAT word correctly.)

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.3   The Elf

      I prefer “donut” because it looks like “don’t”. It won’t stop me from eating a half-donut, but at least the rational half of my brain scolds the emotional half first.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:59 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #26.4   Beatus Mongous

      I like “donut” because I think of Private Donut.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 1:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #26.5   it's naptime

      It’s not pink. It’s lightish red!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 10:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.6   Poltergeist

      I like “donut” because it doesn’t have useless letters shoved in there. In fact, I wouldn’t mind it if the entire English language went the way of the “donut,” grammar Nazis be damned.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 11:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.7   Raichu

      That’s why Spanish is awesome :D

      Apr 30, 2013 at 11:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #27   Juniper

    I have no idea what the problem is here – unless they are ‘filled’ doughnuts with cream or jelly – then it’ll start getting hard and crusty pretty much immediately. But otherwise – someone needs to get off their doughnut high horse. You know what’s going to happen – the cutter will now take their half doughnut and throw the other half away and start a whole new note war over people that throw away food.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 10:56 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #28   guest

    The problem isn’t really doughnuts at all. The problem is that most office jobs are so mind-numbingly boring that small irritations turn into huge dramas.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 11:16 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Raichu

      The person writing the the note was very clearly NOT concerned with waste.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #28.2   Raichu

      ahaha, that was meant to go to the comment below…

      Apr 30, 2013 at 11:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #29   Captain Hampton

    If you’re this concerned about waste, corporate America may not be the right workplace for you.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 11:50 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #30   Ann

    As long as they didn’t fondle the thing while cutting it (i.e., used utensils), they have done a *good* thing, I think. They’ve eaten less sugar and fat themselves, which is good for their own health and well being, and they’ve not wastefully thrown out a perfectly good half-doughnut that some other person could have eaten. Even if this person’s annoyed by it for some reason, why make an issue of it? Just take one of the whole ones and move on with your life. It hurts no one.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 12:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Lara

      But unless you are in a position to watch everyone at the donut box, or you happen to be there right when it happened, how do you know they didn’t fondle it while cutting, or use a knife they’ve previously licked frosting off, or cut it with their filthy letter-opener, or did it after leaving the bathroom without hand-washing, or any number of other things.

      Maybe it’s because I have a compromised immune system that I think of these things, but since other people are obviously passing up the halvsies enough for it to be a problem, I don’t think I’m alone.

      And what if you can’t just take one of the whole ones, because 10 people have come along, shrieked “Oh, my diet!” and taken a half, so that there are now 10 halves in there.

      I say it again: if you’re watching your calories that closely, then you have no business having a fried sugar-laden donut half. Go get some yogurt or a banana, and stop mauling the donuts!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   hbc

      Lara, if your immune system is so compromised, you probably shouldn’t be taking from communal food trays anyway. You don’t know who poked to see which was springiest or coughed into the box.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 12:49 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   Nikki

      Hey Lara… Unless you grow all of your own food and are responsible for every step in processing… I hate to tell you but there are no guarantees. None.

      And really, are you the person who complains about people having a burger and a water? ‘Cause if you’re going to have a burger, you should not be a jerk and do your civic duty to consume another umpteen number of calories? How about no.

      How about I just eat what I want and everyone can mind their own plates? I just don’t enjoy that much donut. Just because I want a little bit doesn’t require me to scarf down a giant apple fritter. Christ. If you don’t want a donut someone cut, have one that hasn’t been cut. If you’re pissed because the half that’s left is what you would have wanted, NEWSFLASH: If they take the whole donut, you still don’t get that kind.

      Above all, for crying out loud people, appreciate that there are donuts. If they’re not to your standard, it’s not like you paid for them anyways so go buy your own!

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:41 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #30.4   Raichu

      Wow Lara, really? People who are on diets can eat half-donuts if they wish. And if there are ten halves in the box and you want to take a whole, take two halves. (Also, why would there even be ten halves? If ten people wanted a half, some of them would take pre-cut halves.)

      Also agreeing with hbc – if your immune system is that bad probably better avoid communal food offerings in the first place. Some people are really gross, after all.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:41 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #31   Ellie

    This belongs at

    Apr 29, 2013 at 1:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   guest

      I didn’t care before, but that website makes me totally hate people who leave half a donut! Something about the dirty knife left in the box makes me bite my pillow.

      Apr 29, 2013 at 2:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #32   depro

    Take. the. whole. fucking. thing.

    If the office is so giving they provide donuts, but so cheap they don’t provide enough so they are all cut in half, that’s uh, reasonable. To the twit in our office (you know who your are!) who cuts 1/8 of several different donuts because “I’m on a diet, I can’t have the whole thing!”, I would say guess what, but you’re too dumb to do it.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 2:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   sandy

      Those. People. My gawd. I have lost a significant amount of weight- and it was not from cutting doughnuts ( or a bagel or a muffin) in half .

      The most annoying thing here is that it seems more passive aggressive to cut the (free!) food in half- it’s not about health. It’s about showing everyone else you want them to know- that you think you are healthier than everyone else.

      May 11, 2013 at 4:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   Raichu

    Wait, why is it better to throw the uneaten half away? Unless you have seriously OCD? What a waste. Let them have their half-donuts, and if nobody else eats the other half, then throw it away at the end of the day.

    Seriously, what a weird thing to write a PAN about.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 2:38 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #34   Jolly

    Pretty sure the notewriter is the definition of both batshit and busybody.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 4:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #35   Tesstarosa

    I buy bagels for my office every week (one of the few benefits of the job.) My boss used to break a bagel in half with her hands and put the other half back. No one would eat the other half – mostly, I think, because it looks like some bit into the bagel. If I cut the torn edges straight with a knife, someone would eat it.

    I prefer that people use the bagel slicer we have to halve the bagels. Then you can easily toast the half. Cut in half the other way makes them hard to toast.

    The person who wrote this note should be kicked out of the donut club because s/he’s a fruit.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 7:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #36   Danny

    I’ve done this, but I recognize that it’s fairly pathetic. I want the to eat the donut, but I also want the self esteem bump from showing at least some dram of self discipline.

    Apr 29, 2013 at 8:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #37   Chrissy

    We had someone who would take it upon herself to cut ALL the donuts that anyone brought into LOTS of little slivers “so every can try them all.” We finally had to tell her (and also posted a note ’cause she forgot at first) that we all wanted to pick out single donuts for ourselves and that if she brought the donuts (which she never did), then she was free to cut them all up.

    Apr 30, 2013 at 1:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #38   Hastor

    I don’t see the big deal in cutting a donut in half myself. It surely isn’t worse than throwing away half a donut. I think the guy that wrote the note should collect said donut halves and take them to the homeless.

    Apr 30, 2013 at 11:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Wait..what?

      Oh sure like the homeless want your half donuts..You obviously have never seen the Seinfield episode about the muffin stumps. lol

      Apr 30, 2013 at 12:15 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #39   Wait..what?

    Now I want a doughnut..

    Apr 30, 2013 at 12:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Snicklefritz

      I know – me too
      I’m trying to fight the urge to walk over to Reading Terminal to get a delicious sugar, and grease laden concoction right now.

      Apr 30, 2013 at 1:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #40   Pam

    i like actually biting the donut in half and leaving it there for others to think i cut it in half.

    Apr 30, 2013 at 2:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #41   Liz

    I’m surprised no one has brought up the dangers of leaving that doughnut or half a doughnut out. Being fondled or mauled by a weird coworker, being dropped and stepped on, falling under the refrigerator. It’s a dangerous world, so remember it’s much safer for doughnuts to be inside your stomach than outside.

    Apr 30, 2013 at 11:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   kermit

      Most donuts are glazed and have icing on them to shield them from molestation and floor germs. That’s why they put that glaze on, to seal the contents from the elements.

      (Sorry, I just really really really hate commercial donut glaze. At the risk of sounding like a loon, the transparent fake sugar glaze looks like dried up jizz to me. That’s why I like unglazed donuts)

      May 1, 2013 at 12:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #42   schudon bang

    So I am the Don of the doughnut club.
    I forwarded this website to the whole club and it made for an interesting day. The doughnut slaughterer came to my cube and assured me he always used a clean knife. Having peed with most of the doughnut club members- I can vouch for them- they are all hand washers. Obviously I can’t vouch for the 2 women members of the club.
    I was amazed at the response to this posting- we apparently struck a nerve.
    But I do have to agree with some of the commentators- yes, this is a first world problem and we probably should refocus on work over doughnut club.
    AND I have further insight on the sign author!!!

    We had birthday doughnuts today too!

    May 1, 2013 at 10:31 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #43   kbee

    I’m bewildered because I’ve never seen a donut cut in half. It’s a bizarre idea to me. In all my work settings, the foods have been consumed as they’re intended.

    Would I personally eat a half donut? Probably not. I’m not squeamish, nor immuno-suppressed, but if some middle man between me and the chef that made it has been there before me and sliced it up, in a communal setting, I’d probably just pass it over for a whole donut of my own to maul as I see fit. Just my personal thing, I guess.

    Anyway, I disagree with the sign on one major point – throw the half away? No. As illustrated above, there are many, many people who are halfsies supporters, so leave it behind in hopes it’ll be eaten by those brave souls.

    PS. Reading all the way through, all I have is the word doughnut/donut swirling in my head. Agh.

    May 2, 2013 at 5:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #44   sandy

    What kind of person eats half a damn doughnut? I hate working with people like that. Instead of saying, ” Thanks but I would rather not have a doughnut” they make a big production of eating half. OR less-and splitting it with someone else. Along with people who talk about their bikes too much and “pet parents”, people who talk about their calories or make a big deal out of not eating a dessert( that is usually a good-will present) are the worst. Just don’t eat the doughnut.

    May 11, 2013 at 4:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   what

      Other peoples’ diets/bodies are none of your business. Maybe you need to just lighten up.

      May 25, 2013 at 10:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #45   what

    Not everyone eats the same portions. I’m a tiny person who eats my own breakfast every morning, but I enjoy office donuts too. I cut donuts/muffins/bagels in half because I literally can’t eat the whole thing, and I’m not going to shove it down my gullet when I’m already full. Hopefully, someone else will enjoy the other half, another tiny person like me or maybe someone who’s on a diet. It’s not like I touched it. Why would I throw it away? That’s so freaking wasteful.

    May 25, 2013 at 10:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #46   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    I don’t see the problem. Presumably this person is entitled to take part in the donut co-op and is therefore entitled to a whole donut. They are choosing to only take half a donut. If you don’t want to eat the other half that this person has left, don’t. Would the note writer prefer that this person ate half and threw the other half away?

    May 28, 2013 at 5:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   Raichu

      According to the note, yes.

      Jun 3, 2013 at 9:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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