Trading up

May 8th, 2013 · 62 comments

This seems like a conversation you should probably have in person, no? I mean…ouch.

Justin, Would you be willing to move out? My friend Mark is looking to move to Berkeley & it would be awesome if he could live here. He's planning on coming June 20th ish. -Lenny

related: Dear Alex, GET OUT.

FILED UNDER: Berkeley · moving/not moving · roommates


62 responses so far ↓

  • #1   H for Toy

    On one hand, I’d want to suggest that Mark look for his own apartment. On the other hand I don’t think I’d want to live with Lenny anymore after this.

    May 8, 2013 at 2:34 pm   rating: 85  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Jaylemeux

      Yeah there are some competing impulses here, aren’t there? Hopefully Justin is able to find a response that satisifies the best of both worlds…

      May 8, 2013 at 5:48 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   H for Toy

      I think there are some great suggestions here. Mark and Lenny both move out, Lenny pays first/last/security for Justin’s new place, Justin has all utilities turned off when he leaves… all equally brilliant suggestions.

      May 8, 2013 at 9:37 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   LI

    Why couldn’t Mark’s name be Carl? That would make this so much sweeter.

    May 8, 2013 at 2:43 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   shwo! bang

      Or Squiggy.

      May 8, 2013 at 3:49 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Roto13

    Lenny,

    Would you mind kissing my ass?

    - Justin

    May 8, 2013 at 2:44 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Tard

    It’s like the horror movie when the demon-possessed house sighs “GET OUT”… You really should get out. Be sure to ‘forget’ to pay the last months utilities.

    May 8, 2013 at 2:53 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   jdaniel

      Or call the Electric and Water companies and have them terminate service effective June 21st.

      May 8, 2013 at 5:48 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   doodleysquat

      … ish…

      May 13, 2013 at 1:40 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Ethel

    No, this is when you ask Lenny what he is willing to pay for such a service. Say, first month, last month and the deposit?

    May 8, 2013 at 3:57 pm   rating: 78  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   The Elf

      Absolutely. Though this note was rude and inappropriate (Lenny *really* should have discussed this in person), Justin has all the power here. Lenny can’t evict him, and even if he was in a position to do so it would take months. Now that he knows that he isn’t wanted, he should twist this entirely to his advantage before he leaves.

      May 9, 2013 at 6:55 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   The Elf

      Sorry, I forgot to add “Bwa ha ha ha!” to the end of my comment.

      May 9, 2013 at 6:56 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Eileen

    Being evicted by PAN is the new being dumped by text message.

    May 8, 2013 at 4:15 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mary

      I was dumped by text message…on my birthday. Now, three years later, I have the job of my dreams, a beautiful new home, a new car, and life is generally good. He, on the other hand, lost his business, is living in his car (with a fried transmission) and is having significant health issues. Karma is a bitch.

      May 10, 2013 at 2:02 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   TammyD

      Damn technology…

      At least it wasn’t on your Facebook wall, I suppose. I wonder if that’s a thing?

      May 13, 2013 at 5:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Raichu

      I dumped someone on Facebook once…but it was only after WEEKS of trying to contact him, by Facebook AND phone AND email, so we could talk in person, and being flat-out ignored. It was like I was dating a cement wall.

      It happened around Christmas a couple years ago, but I waited a few extra days to dump him, because I didn’t want to drop to his level of douchiness. And I did it by PM, not on his wall. I don’t like it, but after a certain point it’s fair to just get out however you can.

      In most cases, though…dumping someone in any way other than face-to-face (or a phone call/vid cam is facetime is completely impossible in the situation) is pretty much a dick move.

      Not sure why I shared this story…just my two cents I guess.

      May 17, 2013 at 3:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Christi

      If he wasn’t responding to you at all, I think he dumped you first.

      May 17, 2013 at 3:37 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Dr_Know

      That’s even more rude than texting! If you’re ending a relationship, have the decency to let the other person know!

      Radio silence is just the weakest possible way of getting out of a relationship.

      May 24, 2013 at 6:47 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Raichu

      I guess for all intents and purposes, he did dump me first. From a technical standpoint, he didn’t, since our Facebook said we were “in a relationship” and he never told me anything otherwise. I guess my upset, from your standpoint, is that he didn’t make the technical match the practical and, in his lack of doing so, created stress for me and demonstrated cowardice and disrespect.

      Jun 3, 2013 at 9:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   pcloadletter

    I’d stay there out of spite.

    May 8, 2013 at 4:15 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Mark in NYC bang

      I would stay there until Mark had signed his own lease and THEN move out on Lenny.

      May 8, 2013 at 6:23 pm   rating: 75  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   sarah

    Way harsh, Lenny.

    May 8, 2013 at 5:17 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Beatus Mongous

    Lenny,

    Go find another place for you and your bed buddy, you cowardly sack of excrement.

    -Justin

    May 8, 2013 at 5:30 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Letter To My Ex

    Jesus. I’m willing to bet there’s not a lot of love lost between Lenny and Justin…

    May 8, 2013 at 5:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   ziblue

      I wonder that, but reading the note, it sounds like Lenny might be so self-absorbed he doesn’t get that this is crappy.

      May 8, 2013 at 6:08 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Raichu

      That was my thought zilblue. I think Lenny thought he was being nice, but didn’t have the balls/manners/socials skills/whatever to realize that a note was not an appropriate way to bring this up.

      Or to realize that if he wanted to room with someone else, then unless he owned the house and Justin was paying him rent (highly unlikely given the circumstances) then HE needs to move out and find a new place to live with Lenny, rather than trying to rearrange someone else’s life for your convenience.

      May 17, 2013 at 3:03 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Iwill FindU

    Dear Lenny
    Mark can stay with me, but you can get the hell out. Feel free to play in the freeway you jerk.
    Justin

    May 8, 2013 at 6:31 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Joanne M.

    He forgot the commas. “My friend, Mark, is looking to move to Berkeley, and it would be awesome if he could live here.”

    Also, would you say 20thish or just go ahead and say 20ish? I’d choose the latter.

    May 8, 2013 at 7:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   FeRD bang

      “June 20ish”? …No.

      Also, I’d argue the Mark sentence is just fine the way it is. Your version makes it sound like the note is being written to Mark.

      (It’s the difference between, “The problem neighbor is an asshole” and “The problem, neighbor, is that you’re an asshole!”)

      May 8, 2013 at 9:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Guy Paul

      I don’t think “My friend, Mark, is looking” sounds like someone is writing to Mark, but I do think it makes it sound like this person has only one friend.

      After reading the note, that scenario is quite possible, and, in that case, “My friend, Mark, is looking …” would be correct.

      If Mark is one of many friends, “My friend Mark is looking …” is the correct use of punctuation.

      I wouldn’t write 20th ish or 20ish. I would write, “around the 20th” (but only if I had lost the power of speech and was required to communicate this request in writing).

      May 8, 2013 at 10:27 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Nick

      Nah, “My friend, Mark…” is incorrect. You don’t need commas if the noun describing the preceding noun(I forget the specific word for it) is only one word. You only use commas if its a phrase(Like, if it was reversed to Mark, my friend..).

      Source: High school English?

      May 14, 2013 at 11:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   redheadwglasses

    If Mark doesn’t move, the friend is going to end up on the living room couch, perhaps for an extended period of time. May as well start looking. Although… it might be difficult finding a place that can accommodate a mid-month move, so enjoy the last couple of weeks of June.

    May 8, 2013 at 7:26 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   redheadwglasses

      Grr, I got the names c onfused. If JUSTIN doesn’t move….

      May 9, 2013 at 7:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   RoommateNoMore

    Reminds me of my own college days…when my roommate’s mother and brother got kicked out of her step-dad’s house, luckily just when I managed to find another place to live to get away from a roommate who left her dirty dishes for me to wash up and her cats’ litter box for me to clean up while she traveled around with her boyfriend during the summer. When confronted about this, she claimed that since I was getting the whole apartment for the price of only my rent, she felt that it was a fair trade, as if I could have rented the room to someone else with all her crap in it. That’s when I decided I had had enough and found a better place, just in time to avoid the mother and brother moving in. Run, Justin, run! Better roommates are out there!

    May 8, 2013 at 7:42 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Dana

      should have just binned the lot or shoved them in her room for when she came back !

      May 9, 2013 at 8:40 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   V

      I would have probably given the cats to RSPCA. When she would ask about them, reply with “Cats? What cats? I thought you took them with you.”

      May 14, 2013 at 6:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   nunavut guy

    Justin:
    Your bum hole has expanded to an unacceptable size.Would you be a dear and let tight little Mark move in?

    Kisses…Lenny

    May 8, 2013 at 8:31 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   FeRD bang

    See, I’m just impressed. I do not schedule my ejaculations that far in advance. Really, I couldn’t say for sure whether I’ll have a chance to masturbate “June 20th ish”!

    (…But I probably will.)

    May 8, 2013 at 9:11 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Ermengarde bang

      No. You’ve got it obscenely and blasphemously wrong. “Mark” is the new Pseudonym of Our Lord, and once again, on the occasion of his Coming there is No Room.

      Or, if we’re both partly right, carry an umbrella around the 20thish.

      May 9, 2013 at 8:23 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Madrias

    You see, this is where you contact the cable company, upgrade to the most expensive premium package (or satellite company if you don’t have cable), then contact the utilities company to have power/water/gas turned off effective June 21, mentioning that you’re going on vacation for a month or so.

    May 8, 2013 at 9:17 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Gladystopia

    100 % Team Justin…I may be biased, however, since I’m currently dealing with the HIGHLY stressful results of just this kind of douchebaggery. (My guy was staying with married friends of ours, paying rent, and when the wife (my friend) lost her job, her trollish, fetid ass-mongoose of a husband decided to pull rank and tell my guy “yeah, we want the spare bedroom back, so we need you out by the first of the month…” And that would have been perfectly appropriate if it was maybe the 5th or 10th of the prior month, but this was the 22nd…oh, and come to find out, he wanted the spare room back NOT so his teenage son would have a room during the 4 days a month he visits, which was the reason Trolly von Mongoose gave us–no, his wife later told me that actually, Trolly is concerned that he doesn’t currently have adequate room to spread out his thousands of dollars of video game equipment.)

    Ah, well… I hope that X-Box or Wii can pay rent every week, cuz they’re gonna miss the hell out of that money now that it’s no longer there.

    And what I tell myself to keep from strangling the troll is quite applicable to Justin and Lenny’s situation here: Karma is a bitch.

    May 9, 2013 at 2:07 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   ziblue

      Yep. Had a friend have this happen some years ago: he was accosted by a roommate who wanted her Friend from Back Home to move in, so he “needed” to move out (he was easygoing, so she figured he “wouldn’t mind.”) According to the third roommate, within two months Friend from Back Home couldn’t be bothered to get a job (at the time the market was good — this was years ago), the two friends wound up fighting all the time, and there was much drama…and third roommate moved out, too. Karma sometimes acts quickly when bad decisions are made.

      May 9, 2013 at 5:49 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   H for Toy

      In tempted to share my own “karma bites former roommate in the ass” story, but it’s long, so I won’t, but they have been well and truly bitten. The sad part is that karma and/or a mother’s bad decisions have also bitten a young daughter in the ass :(

      May 9, 2013 at 9:22 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Tom

      Gladystopia, I think I need to know if Wife and Husband own their place, or they’re renting and then subletting to third dude. It changes the flavor of the situation depending, and if they owned the house I’d be on houseowners side.

      Why YOU’RE stressing out about it, I’m not sure. You’re not involved. Are you letting both parties yell at you about the other? Perhaps give everyone a cool-off month before hanging out again.

      May 9, 2013 at 9:22 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Gladystopia

      Actually, I -am- involved; the guy in question is now living with me, in my mother’s house, and holy shit, is THAT another story entirely. In fact, the post above is rather a brief outline of the situation; the whole thing would sound like something the “Days of our Lives” writing staff dreamed up on a weekend bender. (It’s lacking a demonic-possession angle, but not by much….)

      They own the house, and believe me, I get it: it’s their house, they can do what they want with it. That’s not really my objection. My objection is the minuscule amount of notice he was given before being expected to find a new place, an objection only made more solid by the fact that they KNEW he had no place to go. (Yes, I know I said he’s living with me. The fact that he’s allowed to do so is on the order of “notify the Catholic Church, we’ve got a miracle on our hands here”–for complicated reasons into which I shall not go, because I would be here all day explaining the intricacies. But for all intents and purposes, there was no chance at all that he’d be able to get an apartment or a roommate in the time allotted to him, and the homeowners knew it. THAT, more than any of the rest, is my objection to the situation. ))

      May 9, 2013 at 10:25 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   The Elf

      Yeah, asking him to leave isn’t really the problem. It’s the one-week-notice part that douche canoe-y. At least Lenny gave Justin a month and a half notice. I’d say 30 days minimum is fair, unless there’s some extenuating or dangerous circumstance.

      May 9, 2013 at 10:42 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   Beatus Mongous

      Honestly, I think Troll von Mongoose is more worried that the Spare Dude in his house might start showing Troll’s wife how much of a real man he isn’t. Not that Spare Dude is going to do anything, just that Troll is a bit insecure with himself, and probably on the jealous side.

      May 9, 2013 at 11:25 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   redheadwglasses

      In most states, the fact that he had no lease puts him on a month-to-month lease automatically. This means there *are* certain laws to be followed, and it doesn’t sound like they gave him proper legal notice. Which means he didn’t have to move and could have had another month in which to find another place to live.

      People need to educate themselves about the law, especially in matters such as landlord-tenant law. It’s very easy to do — every state has a “Legal Aid” office, and they typically print up booklets on these specific areas of law, and sell them at a very low price.

      May 9, 2013 at 11:29 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.8   H for Toy

      I have to agree with Beatus’ evaluation. He was asked to move out after she lost her job, when you’d think the extra money would come in handy. Trolly has some insecurities.

      May 9, 2013 at 12:09 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.9   redheadwglasses

      I agree with Toy and Beatus.

      May 9, 2013 at 3:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Team Beasly

    Tom says, “Gladystopia, I think I need to know if Wife and Husband own their place, or they’re renting and then subletting to third dude. It changes the flavor of the situation depending, and if they owned the house I’d be on houseowners side.”

    Tom: You “think” that because you’re a dickhead, and possibly have some sort of libertarian HOME IS CASTLE AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH MAH PROPERTY GIT R DONE fantasy going on.

    No, you cannot rent a room to someone and then tell them to fuck off with a week’s notice if they are current on rent. It is ILLEGAL, and with good reason. And lest this point be missed: You, personally, are a died-in-the-woll asshole if you fail to understand this.

    May 9, 2013 at 2:01 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Dana

      1. Dyed.
      2. Wool.

      – A libertarian

      May 9, 2013 at 9:41 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Raichu

      I think you’re confusing “libertarian” with “redneck republican”. And actually if you own a house you have, or should have, the right to decide who lives there, at any time, unless a legal contract was signed, in which case both parties have an obligation to honor. (That doesn’t make you any less of a dickbag for kicking someone out with a week’s notice, of course.)

      May 17, 2013 at 3:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Crystal

      Immediately after my husband and I bought our house one of his old friends moved in with us because he didn’t have a job, car, or place to stay. He was with us for months and months, not paying rent but (occasionally) doing dishes or mowing the grass. He was with us for nearly a year.

      Even in that situation, we gave him 2.5 months notice when we asked him to move out. It is my house but I still knew we needed to give plenty of notice – even for a non-rent-paying lodger.

      May 21, 2013 at 10:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   deprogrammed

    If Justin wanted to make a big deal of it, especially with the shortage of student housing, he could; this was in Berkeley. Darlin’ Lenny could legitimately be held up for months for inadequate notice.

    May 9, 2013 at 4:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Deejae

    Does Lenny own the apartment? If they are both on the lease, I wouldn’t move and I would make it known, through paperwork and written confirmation, that Mark is not allowed at the apartment at all while I resided there.

    May 10, 2013 at 1:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Tard

    Thank God I don’t have roommates anymore.

    May 10, 2013 at 1:45 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Rory

    I had roommate who tried to pull this on me. We were both renting, and I had lived there much longer than her (she’d only been there a few weeks), and yet she felt she had the right to kick me out so her friend could move in. All the comments here are nicely validating; when I got mad at her and complained to my friends about it they all acted like it wasn’t an incredibly rude thing to do and I shouldn’t be upset about the fact that I had to choose between finding a new place to live and living with a douche who made me feel unwelcome.

    I refused to leave and in the end she had to move to another place because of work, so it all worked out.

    May 11, 2013 at 3:14 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Raichu

      Yuck. I’m glad you didn’t move.

      May 17, 2013 at 3:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Rusty Reeves

      I think this is just me being paranoid, but…was she trying to usurp your apartment?

      May 29, 2013 at 5:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   V

    Totally sounds like my ex-roommate!

    She was legally an adult(I wasn’t) when we got a place together, so she had the lease in her name and she was subletting one bedroom to me. She herself insisted we both put equal amounts of money in a bank account and share the rent, water, electricity and food bill.

    One day, after years of living together just fine, I had an omelet for breakfast. She texts me to work saying “I want you to move out. I was baking a cake and needed all the eggs! I want you gone!”. This was completely serious and she had in no way told me those were her special eggs that she needed every single one of them.

    So I moved out, got a great place and am living happily on my own.

    Oh, and did I forgot to mention I called the landlady and told her about the fact that my roommate’s cats had ruined the hardwood floor by pissing on it so much it had turned black on multiple places? So, now my ex-rm is going to have to pay to renew the hardwood floor to the whole apartment.

    I love you, karma.

    May 14, 2013 at 5:58 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Raichu

    Totally inappropriate. If Lenny isn’t the owner of the place, he doesn’t have the right to kick Justin out, and if he is the owner, he should do it in person. He can ASK NICELY to his FACE if he minds, but there’s no way to do that without still being somewhat rude. If you want to live with your friend, go to the trouble to make it happen (i.e. get a new place together) rather than trying to rearrange someone else’s life for your convenience. And this is definitely not a conversation you should have via PAN in any situation.

    Team Justin.

    May 17, 2013 at 3:15 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up