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Communal kitchen canoodling

May 9th, 2013 · 51 comments

Our submitter in Canada, who lives in a rooming house with a shared kitchen, laughed pretty hard upon finding this note. “It’s just so specific. So very specific.”

“P.S.,” our submitter adds: “I didn’t drop the noodles.”

FILED UNDER: food · roommates · WTF?

51 responses so far ↓

#1 MM

that, dear sir, is the price of al dente.

May 9, 2013 at 11:14 pm rating: 90

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- #1.1 Beatus Mongous
  
  When I was a little boy, whenever my mother would cook spaghetti, she would let me reach into the pot and squeeze the noodles. Oh! I’ve always wanted to be in a swimming pool full of noodles. Wall-to-wall and top-to-bottom. An entire pool full of noodles.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 5:45 pm rating: 90
- #1.2 kbee
  
  That was extremely erotic, Beatus.
  
  May 11, 2013 at 11:51 am rating: 90
- #1.3 Beatus Mongous
  
  Glad I could be of service.
  
  May 13, 2013 at 3:12 pm rating: 90
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#2 Sioux

I think she means ‘under’. I find passive-aggressive note senders are so lackadaisical with their use of prepositions, don’t you?

May 9, 2013 at 11:14 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 Kat
  
  Maybe so many noodles have been dropped that they’re literally wading through noodles. In this case, the noodles would be both on and under their feet (I’m imagining it being about ankle deep in this scenario), but perhaps this person only objects to the feel of noodles ON, not under their feet.
  
  Or maybe they just don’t care about prepositions. That works too.
  
  May 9, 2013 at 11:37 pm rating: 90
- #2.2 Eliavy
  
  Maybe someone dropped sauce-covered spaghetti on the note writer’s feet at dinner.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 12:09 am rating: 90
- #2.3 Jessi
  
  Maybe they meant “on (the bottom of) my feet.”
  
  May 10, 2013 at 1:20 am rating: 90
- #2.4 The Elf
  
  Or maybe prepositions get lost when writing through SO MUCH ANGER.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 6:38 am rating: 90
- #2.5 Ely North
  
  Or maybe the note writer is a French-Canadian who hasn’t yet mastered the prepositional nuances of the English language.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 8:13 am rating: 90
- #2.6 Tom
  
  Maybe saying “on” doesn’t necessarily imply a topside or a bottom side without more information. She doesn’t like noodles on top of her feet or on the bottom of her feet, no sir! Get those noodles away!
  
  May 10, 2013 at 10:40 am rating: 90
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#3 Julia

Maybe it’s just me, but if I live in a place where people are obviously cleaning so infrequently that someone is stepping on noodles, I wouldn’t walk around barefoot.

May 10, 2013 at 5:14 am rating: 90

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- #3.1 H for Toy
  
  Maybe it’s clean other than the noodles, which is why they were so noticeable. You don’t see any toast crumbs, or sticky soda spots, or gravy slicks being complained about.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 6:46 am rating: 90
- #3.2 kermit
  
  Rooming houses are never clean, even though they may look clean. It’s a bad idea to walk around barefoot any place that strangers are traipsing about in.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 7:25 am rating: 90
- #3.3 Tom
  
  I’m not sure why it makes any difference what gets on your feet. Unless you suck your toes! I heard some people are into that sort of thing
  
  I mean
  1. If it’s about tracking things about, that’d happen in shoes anyway
  2. Feet are made to be resilient. They don’t get damaged easily so unless your linoleum is actually shattered glass or thumbtacks, you’re okay there.
  3. If you don’t want stuff from your feet in your bed, shower before bed, or wash your feet before bed, either or.
  
  Should I start a barefoot vs shoes war? I’m on the barefoot side :3
  
  May 10, 2013 at 10:36 am rating: 90
- #3.4 kermit
  
  Tom, don’t be ridiculous. It’s a boarding house.
  
  Even in the shower you can get rashes and bacterial infections if you don’t wear flip flops and take care not tot touch the mouldy tile grout.
  
  Anybody with a lick of sense wears shoes – precisely because if people are inconsiderate enough to leave noodles on the floor, there’s an even bigger chance of there being thumbtacks, nails, shards of glass and heaven knows what else. If you have even the smallest of blisters on your feet on a scratch you can get a staph infection that will cure you of your desire to walk bare foot in a boarding house.
  
  A boarding house is nothing like your own personal home. It’s not even anything like your own lawn – where the worst thing that can probably happen is that you step on a snail or a bug.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 11:09 am rating: 90
- #3.5 Tom
  
  I missed the part that it was a boarding house. Regardless, in the college dorms I walked everywhere but the bathroom barefoot. Not that I walked barefoot outside a LOT, but I did that too. No problems!
  
  May 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm rating: 90
- #3.6 Tom
  
  Ooh, ooh, here’s a story. One time I went on a camping trip by the shore and I wore some shoes in the water, and walked along the beach a lot. Boy, was that a bad idea. I ended up getting blisters across the entire front pad of my foot from the water causing my feet to slide around in my shoes so much. So I hobbled around for a day on those awful blisters, afraid to drain them. And I played volleyball in the sand barefoot, which wasn’t so bad since the sand was soft. I forgot I had blisters entirely, actually, and overdid it and POP POP, those suckers ripped right open. Man, that was painful as hell. But, for the rest of the week I walked around barefoot with my weight on my heels. Naturally, being the bottom of my foot, even a bandage couldn’t keep all the dirt and grime out.
  
  And I lived to tell the tale :3
  I still tend to get blisters there when I powerwalk a lot, but it ain’t no thang.
  And that ladies and gentlemen is why I no longer wear shoes on the beach! Thank you for listening to today’s storytime.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 3:43 pm rating: 90
- #3.7 L
  
  Indoor shoes are a good thing *nods* Schools have them and so do a lot of places like libraries and hospitals.
  
  May 12, 2013 at 2:55 am rating: 90
- #3.8 kevin
  
  Or….. as I like to call them, slippers. My friend growing up lived in a pigsty and it drove me CRAZY to go over there to play. I regularly stepped in food with my socks on and they wouldn’t allow shoes in the house. To this day, I still bring my own pair of slippers to people houses when I visit.
  
  May 14, 2013 at 12:21 am rating: 90
- #3.9 Kat
  
  I don’t know why, but H’s use of the phrase “gravy slicks” is making me giggle. A lot.
  
  May 16, 2013 at 9:17 am rating: 90
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#4 The Elf

I have mentally composed this PAN many, many times in the past. Except substitute “cats” for “roommates” and “dead mouse” for “noodles”. Why is it that he – and I know exactly the guilty party – eats only the soft centers?

May 10, 2013 at 6:43 am rating: 90

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- #4.1 H for Toy
  
  My sisters cats eat only the head and abdomen, so we used to find mouse butt in the strangest places.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 6:48 am rating: 90
- #4.2 kermit
  
  Elf – Would you eat the mouse butt if you were a cat?
  
  Cats are not stupid. They know that eating mouse butt, i.e. soon-t0-be mouse droppings will make them sick. They don’t have opposable thumbs, and as such can’t very well sterilize the mouse butt in a tiny cauldron behind your back.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 7:28 am rating: 90
- #4.3 Lil'
  
  Wouldn’t the waste be in the intestines, and wouldn’t the intestines be in the abdomen? The waste isn’t just caked up in the rectum until the mouse decides to push it out.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 7:57 am rating: 90
- #4.4 The Elf
  
  Oh, he eats the butt. (And still gives us kitty kisses). He eats all the “soft” parts. He leaves the head, feet, and tail. I think it’s the cat version of not eating the crust. Damn picky eaters. They won’t eat floor noodles *or* mouse feet.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 8:03 am rating: 90
- #4.5 sunshynegrll
  
  Eating half a mouse and leaving the rest is something only THE WORST cats do. So rude.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 8:05 am rating: 90
- #4.6 kermit
  
  Eh, I think they’re just telling you to put the rest of the mouse in the fridge. The cat probably feels bad about you teasing him/her about her weight.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 8:22 am rating: 90
- #4.7 kermit
  
  Lil – I don’t know much about mouse physiology under stress, but I assume that if there is a lot of fecal matter in the intestines, the cat wouldn’t eat that part.
  
  Cats have a very strong sense of smell and despite appearances won’t eat everything. (Don’t) try feeding a cat a dead mouse that’s been poisoned. They won’t eat it.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 8:32 am rating: 90
- #4.8 The Elf
  
  You’re talking about an animal that licks his own ass. You know that, right?
  
  May 10, 2013 at 8:47 am rating: 90
- #4.9 redheadwglasses
  
  My cats eat almost the entire mouse, but they leave some organ — licked clean — on the floor. I don’t know which organ it is. But it’s disgusting.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 9:48 am rating: 90
- #4.10 Dane Zeller
  
  Isn’t the internet great? I’ve learned so much about mouse butts and fecal matter – all started with a note about noodles dropping!
  
  I love this place!
  
  May 10, 2013 at 10:35 am rating: 91
- #4.11 kermit
  
  Clearly the least gross solution to your mouse carcass problems is to offer to debone and cook the mouse for your cat, Red.
  
  May 10, 2013 at 11:12 am rating: 90
- #4.12 Dalamara
  
  Elf, you need to switch your cats out for a dog, they will eat both the noodles and the entirety of any dead animal they happen to kill (or find dead).
  
  May 10, 2013 at 11:13 am rating: 90
- #4.13 H for Toy
  
  You’re right Dane, and I’m kinda sorry I brought up mouse butt. Here we have a note that doesn’t mention bathrooms or poop, and we manage to talk about it anyway…
  
  May 10, 2013 at 2:29 pm rating: 90
- #4.14 FeatherBlade
  
  Last time my cats ate a mouse , the one who killed it let the other cat examine the carcass, and the other cat stole it and tried to bury it under my bed. I gave it back to the cat who killed in, and she ate the front half. The other cat ate the back half, including the tail.
  
  They left the kidneys on the carpet for me to clean up though.
  
  May 11, 2013 at 4:29 am rating: 90
- #4.15 Jami
  
  You people make me so glad I’m a dog person. And that my dog is an indoor dog that doesn’t get around dead animals.
  
  May 11, 2013 at 4:17 pm rating: 90
- #4.16 Who passed out the Haterade?
  
  Personally, I wonder whether the cats that leave half of the mouse behind are the reincarnated souls of those who always left behind half a donut…
  
  May 11, 2013 at 11:24 pm rating: 90
- #4.17 Jessi
  
  @Dalamara, Unless they’re my dogs. My dogs will gladly kill and rip apart field mice and rats, but they won’t eat any bit of them.
  
  They’re freaks. They flip out when flying insects get into the house, but when they manage to catch said insects, the smell makes them gag.
  
  I’ve yet to see my cats leave any leftovers.
  
  May 13, 2013 at 4:40 am rating: 90
- #4.18 Gladystopia
  
  My husband’s final-girlfriend-before-he-married-me had a Lab/shepherd mix who regularly dragged home dead animals and presented them as gifts before attempting to devour them.
  
  Most notable, among the various raccoons and possums? An entire deer hindquarter.
  
  I’m fairly certain I would have found it difficult to appreciate that dog.
  
  May 16, 2013 at 8:58 am rating: 90
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#5 The Elf

I like the way the note-writer switched colors halfway through. The rapidly fading black sharpie didn’t provide enough emphasis. The roommates need to know, without any question, that notewriter doesn’t like the way floor noodles feel on the feet. It’s vitally important.

May 10, 2013 at 8:50 am rating: 90

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#6 redheadwglasses

I was (and still am) friends with two couples who shared a two-bedroom apartment in college.

If one couple, J or T, walked across the kitchen floor barefoot, they’d think, “Oh, ick, the floor needs to be swept.” And they’d carry on with whatever they were doing.

A, the female in the other couple, would get out the broom and mop bucket right then and there, and sweep and mop the floor (Type A clean freak — good roomie to have).

S, her spouse, would walk across the same dirty floor and not even register that there were crumbs stuck to the bottoms of his feet.

May 10, 2013 at 9:49 am rating: 90

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#7 Tard

Free the noodles!

May 10, 2013 at 1:37 pm rating: 90

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#8 Ermengarde

Re: related “chippy” link. I clearly saw that as a silicone sex toy on the filthy floor. For at least two minutes. A very specific model, too. Not even the words in English could shake the image. “Wha? Where’s the fry? Behind the dildo?”… Surely I don’t have the filthiest mind here. Right?…

May 10, 2013 at 4:33 pm rating: 90

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- #8.1 H for Toy
  
  And then I read your post wrong, and went looking for a dildo behind the fry!
  
  May 10, 2013 at 6:44 pm rating: 90
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#9 Sterling Archer

Do you want ants? Because this is how you get ants!

May 10, 2013 at 11:35 pm rating: 90

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- #9.1 Tard
  
  Ants. Hmmmmmmm…..
  
  May 11, 2013 at 12:27 am rating: 90
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#10 havingfitz

Well, I don’t want to eat noodles that your dirty feet have stepped on! Be more considerate.

May 12, 2013 at 9:28 am rating: 91

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#11 Snowflame

See, I don’t find this note specific enough. Were the noodles cooked or dry? Need more info.

May 13, 2013 at 4:35 pm rating: 90

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#12 Paula K

My cat loves leaving decapitated mice right by my chair. You live in the country, you get mice. I don’t know why she just eats the damned head.

May 14, 2013 at 9:07 am rating: 90

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- #12.1 Seanette
  
  I’ve heard the theory that when a cat brings you its kill, it’s not a gesture of affection or anything like that. They think they need to teach you how to hunt, as if you’re a giant kitten.
  
  May 15, 2013 at 11:17 am rating: 91
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