Prepare the douche-mobile! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

#1 HolierThanThou

Team other Guy.

May 16, 2013 at 1:12 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

#2 Ermengarde bang

Comma for colon,
typo,
comma for semicolon/em dash,
redundant wording,
double space after period,
missing hyphen,
splitting “cannot”,
clunky sentence structure and wording throughout,
and inappropriate use of a question mark,

vs.

Inconsiderate.

May 16, 2013 at 3:20 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#2.1 H for Toy

Yes, that redundant redundancy bugged me especially.

May 16, 2013 at 7:29 am rating: 90
#2.2 Graeme

“metre” is the correct spelling in Australia (and everywhere else). Only the US spells it “meter”. For the rest of us, that’s a measuring instrument.

May 16, 2013 at 4:57 pm rating: 90
#2.3 Ermengarde

“… driveway that had about 3 yardsticks of room still available.”

May 16, 2013 at 10:40 pm rating: 90
#2.4 Tom

I’ll give you everything but the “cannot”. You can definitely put “can not” if you want to put a bit of emphasis in there. Where do you think “cannot” even came from?

I like to sit and think of words that used to be two words but have been shoved together from years and years and years of being said together. “Cannot” is obviously one of them. “Anybody” is likely another. “Newspaper”. “Eyebrow”. There’s bunches of ‘em!

May 21, 2013 at 12:42 pm rating: 90

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#3 Rachel

Dammit! I come here to laugh at crazy Americans. I’m so ashamed.

May 16, 2013 at 3:25 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#3.1 Nunavut Guy

Douche bags have no nation.

May 16, 2013 at 7:30 am rating: 90
#3.2 Joker

Actually, this is from Australia. D’oh!

May 16, 2013 at 10:18 am rating: 90
#3.3 H for Toy

Don’t you wish they did though, Nunavut? That they all lived together, somewhere away from the rest of us?

May 16, 2013 at 2:25 pm rating: 90
#3.4 nunavut guy

Douche-topia?

May 16, 2013 at 3:40 pm rating: 90
#3.5 Beatus Mongous

If they did, H, we wouldn’t have the pleasure of so much entertainment from these sites. We’d have to resort to YouTube.

May 16, 2013 at 6:05 pm rating: 90
#3.6 H for Toy

Or, they’d all think everyone else was the douche, and they’d forever be writing each other PANs, and submitting a constant stream. It could turn out to be awesome!

May 16, 2013 at 7:09 pm rating: 90
#3.7 kermit

Beatus, so long as there are cats among us, there will always be PAN comment wars on the indoor/outdoor cat debate. It’s like the Middle East of the Internet.

May 16, 2013 at 8:12 pm rating: 90
#3.8 Beatus Mongous

I didn’t think of that, H. Hmm…

Kermit, cats are outdoor animals.

May 16, 2013 at 8:29 pm rating: 90
#3.9 Bec

As long as there are shared fridges there will always be PAN. Actually strike that, as long as we have to share ANYTHING there will always be PAN.

May 16, 2013 at 10:04 pm rating: 90
#3.10 jazzgirl205

Actually, I think they have 2 nations: the US and Australia. Think about it. The Brits took their criminals, rabblerousers, and malcontents , grouped them together in 2 faraway places that were hard to control, and wondered why these people gave them trouble.

Personally, I’m proud of this shared history. Not many countries value self-determination as much as we do.

May 18, 2013 at 1:01 pm rating: 90
#3.11 Hannah

First they came for the douchebags, but I didn’t speak up because I was not a douchebag.

Then they came for the bitches, but I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a bitch.

Then they came for the Grammar Nazis, and there was no one left to speak up for me.

Jun 2, 2013 at 12:38 pm rating: 90

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#4 H for Toy

I wish I knew why people think Mercedes-Benz drivers were asshats, but the link is broken. I’d also like to share my joy in just now realizing that my iPhone does not consider “asshat” to be a misspelling.

May 16, 2013 at 7:27 am rating: 91 small thumbs up

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#4.1 The Elf

Google “This Is Why People Think Mercedes-Benz Drivers Are Asshats” and that will get you to the right link. It’s worth it.

May 16, 2013 at 7:42 am rating: 90
#4.2 H for Toy

Good idea, and yes, worth the google search. Someone in the comments mentioned vigilante vandalism. I’d seriously consider it.

May 16, 2013 at 8:08 am rating: 90
#4.3 redheadwglasses

I don’t have a complaint about Mercedes drivers. Lexus SUV drivers, on the other hand, seem to be phone-obsessed middle-aged women who can’t drive for crap.

My mechanic works only on foreign automobiles. He has banned BMWs from his practice. He said the owners just tend to be assholes who think they’re special and he should work on their cars at a discount or for free, since he’s lucky they came to him.

May 16, 2013 at 1:17 pm rating: 90
#4.4 Jami

Hm – it’s the HumVee drivers who are the biggest putzes here. Followed closely by the small, “economical” drivers. Both think that stop sign laws don’t apply to them and that it’s okay to turn right in front of me when I’m in the middle of the intersection, then flip me off as if I’m at fault.

The only ones who are bigger jerks are bike riders. They don’t stop at any stop signs and I’ve even seen them running red lights. They think just because they’re “being good to mother earth” by riding a bike instead of driving a car that none of the rules of the road apply to them.

May 16, 2013 at 2:33 pm rating: 90
#4.5 H for Toy

I’m with redhead. It’s the middle-aged, female, luxury SUV drivers that cause the most problems here. There is one mostly-upper-middle-class town not too far from where I live that is hell to drive through, because its full of them! Surprisingly, for the amount of snow/ice we get, we have very few humvees.

May 16, 2013 at 3:23 pm rating: 91
#4.6 Ermengarde

Except for the snow and ice, H, you must live near a parallel urban assault vehicle dystopia. The residents don’t care to live in that town; they all pour in like giant ants from the fields of golf that spread out around it indefinitely. When they’re all out on promenade, in vehicles too big to handle worth shit, it’s impossible to see around them in a normal car, or to get back to my little town next door without serious road rage and being scolded by my child.

May 16, 2013 at 4:19 pm rating: 91
#4.7 Beatus Mongous

Jami, bikers that don’t obey the traffic rules piss me off, too, but it’s because they make drivers mad at me, since I’m a biker as well. I obey the rules, though, because I’ve had enough accidents already and I don’t want to increase the risk for more. The traffic rules for bikers are actually meant to keep us safer.

I do it for exercise and to save money. Gas used to cost me over $200 per month. But you are right, the majority of us are self-righteous dicks. There are a few of us that are decent.

I have a lot of traffic pet peeves, and not enough room to write them here.

May 16, 2013 at 7:29 pm rating: 90
#4.8 Jami

Beatus, I have so many I’m tempted to just make a YouTube video rant. People who can’t obey stop sign laws. People who don’t look before pulling out. Bike riders breaking the law. Bike riders bragging about how good they’re being to the environment while tossing their empty water bottle on the ground. People who insist on going when someone is crossing the street coming within inches of hitting them. People who don’t use crosswalks.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I swear, if it wasn’t for the fact I listen to music while driving – especially Barry Manilow – and music tends to have a calming effect on me – again, especially Barry Manilow – I’d probably have gone full on road rage years ago.

May 17, 2013 at 1:57 am rating: 90
#4.9 The Elf

As a motorcyclist, I think I can confidently state this: every one of y’all on four wheels is out to kill me. Damn cagers.

May 17, 2013 at 7:28 am rating: 90
#4.10 The Elf

Jami, I’ve often wondered if those kinds of bike riders think that the laws of physics also don’t apply. When I rode a bicycle, I rode with the understanding that *right* doesn’t mean as much as *alive*. My bike might be motorized and weigh 500 lbs more, but the same theory applies.

May 17, 2013 at 1:29 pm rating: 90
#4.11 mutzali

Do you folks have “Bike Party” on Friday nights? Normally, I’m immune to road rage, and courteous to bike riders, but Bike Party makes me want to kill. It’s 2 or three hours of literally THOUSANDS of idiots on bikes, riding in huge clots down main streets, covering 2 or 3 lanes, running red lights, blasting noise from boomboxes every block or so. They block traffic for hours. If you do manage to squeeze by them in the far left lane, you’re greeted with obscenities and screams of “Get off the f**king road!” and “Gas is murder!”

You can’t travel at a speed faster than the slowest rider. If you stop at a red light, they just flow around you and keep all the cross traffic from moving until this particular clot passes. You certainly can’t get to any restaurant or grocery store on their route, because you can’t get near the curb to park. I’m not sure why local businesses can’t get this crap shut down. It only makes people hate bicyclists. The serious bikers I know, (who bike to work daily, and ride for fun over the nearby mountains) hate Bike Party, too. It ends up endangering them, because for some folks, the hatred lingers until Monday morning.

May 17, 2013 at 1:34 pm rating: 90
#4.12 Poltergeist

The next time I’m stuck in traffic and see a bike rider (or motorcyclist, believe it or not) approaching in my mirror, nonchalantly cruising between the two lanes of idle cars, I’m opening my door.

May 17, 2013 at 11:37 pm rating: 90
#4.13 Jami

Bike rider okay, but don’t do it to someone on a motorcycle. They’re allowed to do that because some motorcycle motors are designed to only be cooled while moving. Therefore they’re allowed to go between lanes because otherwise their motors will overheat while waiting in stuck traffic.

Something I learned on those court tv programs. Cause a guy was arguing he shouldn’t have to pay for a motorcyclist’s damage due to the fact he was driving between cars. Car driver lost the case based on that.

May 18, 2013 at 11:20 am rating: 90
#4.14 The Elf

Depends on the state, Jami. California famously does, and they do have a huge percentage of bikers. Maryland does not.

Also, many bikes are cooled like cars. HDs are not, as well as a few others. Even with HD, the technology has improved so that overheating a stock bike is pretty rare. That said, I did switch out a chip and my pipes in my HD to make it run cooler, since I ride in 100 degree weather and traffic. I didn’t want to risk it.

May 18, 2013 at 12:01 pm rating: 90
#4.15 Jami

Well anyway, most motorcyclists, even the stereotypical “bikers” I’ve seen are pretty nice and deserve equal respect on the road.

Most peddle type bikers however are little hypocritical putzes who like to brag about how good they are to the environment while doing all sorts of bad things to it like littering. Basically, the equivilent of vegitarians/vegans who brag about how their lifestyle is so healthy while chain smoking an entire pack in front of you.

Or they’re little kids who don’t know better cause their parents are putzes.

Yeah, I have issues. How could you tell?

May 18, 2013 at 4:07 pm rating: 91
#4.16 H for Toy

That’s why I eat meat while chain smoking, then throw the butt on the ground. I don’t want to be a hypocrite; just an all-around bad person.

May 18, 2013 at 4:30 pm rating: 90
#4.17 Poltergeist

Well that’s dumb. The flawed design of another person’s vehicle isn’t my problem. You’ll sit your ass down and wait in the line of traffic just like the rest of us, and if you scratch my door trying to squeeze through on your hotwheels, I won’t hesitate to kic-…scream obscenities at you from the safety of my car

May 18, 2013 at 9:10 pm rating: 90
#4.18 redheadwglasses

I ride a motorcycle and I”d NEVER ride between cars. I think that’s nuts.

I also highly doubt you’ve actually seen/heard a bicyclist talk about how good it is to be gentle to Mother and then throw a water bottle on the ground. I am not buying it.

May 21, 2013 at 11:49 am rating: 90
#4.19 Beatus Mongous

Just as The Elf said, I prefer *alive* over *right*. Most of my roads have a bike lane or a wide shoulder that allows me to stay to the side and out of traffic. However, there are some sections where I prefer to stay in the queue with the cars so as not to incite anger, and to be more visible to others. Also, I can usually keep up with traffic in those more narrow areas, so I’m not too much of a hinderance.

Regarding Bike Party, there isn’t one that I’m aware of where I live. By the sound of it, I’d prefer not to participate or endorse it. We do a couple of yearly events where a bunch of bikers will ride over 100 miles around the city. The city will usually close some of the roads during those events, and the majority of the routes either contain bike lanes, contain very wide shoulders, or are sent through pathways and trails that are exclusively for walkers and bikers. Safety is the prime concern for most of us here, especially since “stepping off the curb” is one of our leading causes of death in this town.

May 21, 2013 at 4:04 pm rating: 90
#4.20 Rattus

Really, Jami? You’re okay with hurting or potentially killing a cyclist because you have “issues”? Apparently you are a massive twat as well as being a paragon of self centred tediousness.

May 22, 2013 at 1:04 pm rating: 90

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#5 The Elf

Anybody else really want to read the note that was left Mr. Too Rich To Park Legally? I want to read whatever weird down-under slang for “asshat” or “douchebag” that was so obviously used.

May 16, 2013 at 7:44 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#5.1 H for Toy

I got the impression that they skipped the note, and mumbled their weird, down-under slang all the way to the council. I, too, would like to know what names they called him, written or otherwise.

May 16, 2013 at 8:03 am rating: 90
#5.2 Rachel

In Australia we call them assholes. What on earth is an asshat?

May 16, 2013 at 10:56 pm rating: 90
#5.3 Pkay

I believe that an asshat is equivalent to a douche canoe.

May 17, 2013 at 1:54 am rating: 90
#5.4 TKD

If memory serves me, there was a posting on this forum that defined asshat. It went something like: bend over, insert head into ass = putting on one’s asshat. The noun form, obiously, being a person thus coifed.

May 17, 2013 at 7:41 am rating: 90
#5.5 Rachel

Thank you. It sounded slightly ridiculous before, but now I realise how superior it is to our common colloquialism.

May 18, 2013 at 3:12 am rating: 90

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#6 Captain Hampton

It’s highly amusing when missives are written to explain someone else’s errant behavior yet only serve to reveal the note writer’s inadequacies in spades.

May 16, 2013 at 8:50 am rating: 91 small thumbs up

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#7 TammyD

I wouldn’t care if it was a brand new Mercedes or a 20-year-old lemon blocking my driveway. I’d call the damn council, too.

This person is one arrogant prick. Who wants to bet his car gets repossessed within the year for non-payment? People like that often only want to appear wealthy, especially if they brag about how much they earn.

May 16, 2013 at 8:57 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#7.1 Stuffin'

Park correctly? And ruin this $6,000 suit? Come on!

May 16, 2013 at 11:39 am rating: 90
#7.2 redheadwglasses

Are you sure that’s what the note means? I took it to mean that someone complained about his bad parking job (outside the lines?) and his car got towed for a fee of $100.

May 16, 2013 at 1:18 pm rating: 90
#7.3 TammyD

Since he mentioned their driveway still had 3 metres and they could have gotten around him, I’m guessing he blocked the driveway and was towed for that reason.

Where I live, the city refuses to tow people who block driveways. I’ve had to call a few times to report people who have blocked my car in and there is absolutely no way to get around them. Once, some asshat blocked me in for an entire weekend and their punishment was a $30 ticket. I couldn’t drive my car for two days because of them and they were only fined $30?!?! Asshats – the car owner and the city. They were in a pretty average car, so entitled asshats are seen at all income levels.

May 16, 2013 at 2:51 pm rating: 90
#7.4 H for Toy

I’m sure it’s not legal, but I do wonder what would happen if you just plowed right through their car, and pushed it out of the way. Other than the damage to your car…

May 16, 2013 at 3:32 pm rating: 90
#7.5 Wench

@ TammyD and H for Toy: THIS!

May 16, 2013 at 7:24 pm rating: 90
#7.6 Iwill FindU

@TammyD. Maybe I’m evil but I would take a walk to dog park with a baggie find some poop and then rub that poop all over their car door handles, and just keep going until I ran out of poo.

May 17, 2013 at 2:36 pm rating: 90
#7.7 redheadwglasses

My friend’s car was hit by a hit-and-run driver, who then parked her car in the neighborhood (tiny neighborhood w/dead end streets). Neighbor saw everything, took down the info for my friend. Not only did the cops REFUSE to come out and cite the hit and run driver, my friend’s insurance company agreed with the hit and run driver’s insurance company that it was friend’s fault for parking on the street (it’s a very quiet street and very safe for parking–I park there when I visit) and my friend has to eat the deductible. Fucking assholes.

May 21, 2013 at 11:52 am rating: 90

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#8 Ely North

You know what I hate? Rich people who measure things in meters.

May 16, 2013 at 9:52 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#8.1 Djagir

So, pretty much, rich people in every country except Liberia, Myanmar, and the US? (You did notice this was from Australia, right?)

May 16, 2013 at 10:11 am rating: 90
#8.2 The Elf

I’m okay when people measure length in meters. Measuring volume, weight, or temperature in meteres weirds me out a little.

May 16, 2013 at 1:44 pm rating: 90
#8.3 Beatus Mongous

I’m 37 meters old.

May 22, 2013 at 1:32 pm rating: 90
#8.4 padme

Know what I hate? Americans who refuse to switch to the metric system along with the rest of the world. Keep living in the dark ages of math!

May 22, 2013 at 8:58 pm rating: 90

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#9 Sooo...

I hate asking a stupid question – but does ‘booked’ mean ‘towed’? I’m not familiar with booked being used that way.

And this guy is a huge douche. Maybe the owner of the home (who owns his driveway too, not the Mercedes moron) needed to have someone else park there and Douche was blocking the end of his driveway. I would definitely have called for it to be towed if it was parked illegally.

May 16, 2013 at 10:17 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#9.1 The Elf

I assumed “booked” meant “ticketed”. I think if it were towed, the rant would have included time spent going to the tow place.

May 16, 2013 at 12:36 pm rating: 90
#9.2 Rachel

Booked means fined.

May 16, 2013 at 10:58 pm rating: 90
#9.3 herpderp

Book as in, the ticket book it was written out of, one presumes.

May 22, 2013 at 10:53 pm rating: 90

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#10 North

If the guy was really rich, he’d be living in a neighborhood where everyone can afford a Mercedes. It’s more likely he’s in debt up to his ears just so he can pretend he’s wealthy. What an asshat.

May 16, 2013 at 10:47 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#10.1 H for Toy

And a neighborhood where everyone had their own driveway, with no on-street parking.

May 16, 2013 at 2:11 pm rating: 90
#10.2 SeeYouInTea

I’m in a standard middle class suburb (most houses with 3bdr, 3bth) and a lot of my neighbors have Benz’s. Some Mercedez’s cost about $35k. You can get a standard car for that much.

May 18, 2013 at 4:03 am rating: 90
#10.3 Crystal

I used to work in a call center for Mercedes Benz Financial, and the majority of Mercedes accounts were leases. Many of the customers were not what you’d think of as a ‘typical’ MB customer.

May 21, 2013 at 9:19 am rating: 90

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#11 magicdomino

That “three meters of room still available” included the lawn. So, of course the homeowner must be jealous of the Mercedes if he can’t just order the gardener’s assistant to re-sod the damage.

May 16, 2013 at 11:57 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#11.1 Iwill FindU

Why would the asshat Mercedes owner care if the owner had to drive on the grass and kill it. It’s not like he would have to pay to re-sod or re-seed. Selfish prick.

May 16, 2013 at 12:50 pm rating: 90

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#12 Keith

Well, I know ONE specific car owner I’d love to see get his car keyed up….

May 16, 2013 at 1:10 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#13 bob loblaw

What did he do, tape this note to the curb?

May 16, 2013 at 1:21 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#14 pooham

I can make that much money in five seconds! ~ Napoleon Dynamite

May 16, 2013 at 6:04 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#15 Brittni

This was entirely too hard to read. I imagine this guy has issues communicating verbally too.

May 16, 2013 at 6:18 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#15.1 The Elf

He’s probably mastered sign language, though. At least, one particular sign which no doubt constitutes the bulk of his language.

May 17, 2013 at 7:31 am rating: 90

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#16 Tard

You know the difference between a porkupine and a Benz?

The porkupine has the pricks on the OUTSIDE.

May 16, 2013 at 8:55 pm rating: 91 small thumbs up

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#17 Tard

Or is it porcupine?

May 16, 2013 at 8:57 pm rating: 91 small thumbs up

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#18 Brian H

In my state if someone is blocking or partially blocking your driveway you can have it towed.

May 17, 2013 at 2:10 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#19 Raichu

So if he makes enough money in half an hour to pay his towing fee, why exactly is he so pissed?

My guess: he’s angry because the peons dared to cross him and he wants to take the opportunity to strut about and tell everyone how awesome he is because he’s rich.

Team not-notewriter.

May 17, 2013 at 1:07 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#20 diogenes bang

“…you’re just jealous I have a new Mercedes and you don’t…” is often misread as “…please take an enormous dump on the hood of my new Mercedes…”

May 17, 2013 at 8:53 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#20.1 H for Toy

Um… Not to be picky, but you just wrote the same thing twice.

May 18, 2013 at 7:44 pm rating: 90

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#21 Madrias

Glitter in the air vents and shaving cream on the windshield. No permanent damage, but a mess. And by ‘air vents’, I mean down that set in front of the wipers.

May 19, 2013 at 1:17 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#22 babyinthecorner

I lived on a very busy street and when people parked too close to the gateway, it made it impossible to see what was coming. That’s why legally you’re required to leave a certain amount of space around a driveway. It’s not a question of not being able to get the car out with 3 metres to spare, it’s a question of not being able to see oncoming traffic because an entitled asshat decided the rules don’t apply to him. Perhaps he should re-sit his driving tests again, once more?

May 19, 2013 at 2:11 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#23 lorryslorrys

I wouldn’t take someone calling me a window licking peasant for not wanting squeeze past the obstructions they illegally and selfishly put in front of my drive. But this is unusual, I swear I sympathise with most of the pa note leavers.

May 19, 2013 at 7:18 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#24 monfin

Oh, I understand the pain of a shared driveway. I grew up on an estate with one— shared with a college rental house. At least once a month, some kid would park his car well before it forked, blocking the path completely so that we couldn’t pull our car out. I have childhood memories of my dad getting into shouting matches with these people, who would inevitably be irate that we asked them to fix their shitty, inconsiderate parking job.

Jun 2, 2013 at 10:37 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Presenting the new Mercedes-Benz No-Class

May 16th, 2013 · 84 comments

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