Happily ever after

May 22nd, 2013 · 51 comments

Loree in Texas found this crumpled Post-it note in her front yard. “Why the husband threw this gem away boggles the mind, but I am so glad it ended up where it did.”

Passed out twice in one week. Wow. At least you're not in underwear and socks this time —Your Proud Wife

related: Haterade on the rocks, with a twist

FILED UNDER: drizzunk · love & marriage · Texas


51 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Wench

    Hope for the sake of his marriage whoever this is gets help, sounds like he has a huge drinking problem (I’m assuming it’s alcohol related from the ‘passed out twice in a week’).

    Totally team note writer here. Nothing worse than trying to make a relationship work when there’s a chemical dependency involved.

    May 22, 2013 at 9:27 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   tinymark

      Honey, i was taking a nap!

      May 22, 2013 at 10:10 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   The Elf

      On the lawn, mostly naked, when it’s cold, in a pool of vomit. Doesn’t everyone nap that way?

      May 23, 2013 at 7:27 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Nunavut Guy

      If he needs help drinking I”m available.

      May 23, 2013 at 7:42 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Dane Zeller

      Heck no, Elf. I’m always on the driveway.

      May 23, 2013 at 8:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   The Elf

      I hate the way the pattern of the concrete presses into my face. Always aim for the lawn when you feel the darkness descend. It’s so much better for your skin.

      May 23, 2013 at 2:03 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   redheadwglasses

      Elf, you crack me up!

      May 23, 2013 at 4:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Dana

      The grass may be softer, but you end up with ants in your undies.

      May 24, 2013 at 3:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   The Elf

      If you pass out on the lawn twice in one week, those ants might be the only action you get for a while. Savor it.

      May 24, 2013 at 6:44 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   charlotte

    Dude. it’s just a note….you could be looking waaaaayyy too far into it. Maybe he just works a lot and passes out when she’s tryin’ to get freaky.

    May 22, 2013 at 9:42 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   H for Toy

      You know when I’m down to just my socks what time it is… It’s business, it’s business time!

      May 23, 2013 at 8:40 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Beatus Mongous

      I find that keeping the socks on during business time can create quite a static shock. Of course, if you’re into that sort of thing…

      May 23, 2013 at 10:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   H for Toy

      Well, that’s not always a problem, Beatus. If you haven’t seen Business Time by Flight of the Conchords, you need to.

      May 24, 2013 at 7:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Rene

    If it’s booze related, that’s really sad. Hope he gets his shit worked out.

    May 22, 2013 at 10:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   girlwithknife

    Does this mean he was without underwear and socks?

    May 22, 2013 at 10:21 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   pooham

      That’s exactly how I read it.

      And was he outside?

      And did she just put the note on his forehead?

      May 23, 2013 at 12:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Ivan Martinez

    Lmao!!!

    May 22, 2013 at 10:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   SeeYouInTea

    This just so sad.

    May 23, 2013 at 12:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Eliavy

    Bet he was wearing a wife-beater, though!

    May 23, 2013 at 2:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Paul Angel-Kuchen

    I pass out regularly when I drink. I don’t even have to drink that much for it to happen (it’s happened after two beers). Every time, it makes me desperately sad for my wife. It’s not always a case of “drinking problem” in the classic sense with stuff like this – it might actually be a problem with the way the body/brain deals with drink.

    May 23, 2013 at 2:56 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   pxmidnight

      I think anyone who passes out twice in one week because of drinking has a “drinking problem” regardless of how many drinks were consumed. If your body/brain doesn’t deal with alcohol well you shouldn’t drink!

      May 23, 2013 at 4:59 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   The Elf

      Seriously, Paul. If that little makes you black out, please don’t drink. Clearly your body doesn’t react well to it and you’re basically causing a bit of brain damage every time it happens.

      May 23, 2013 at 7:31 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   hbc

      When you say “pass out”, do you mean “get super drowsy and start nodding off” or do you mean “black out, can’t be woken, need to be carried out, and have a nasty hangover in the morning”? Because the former is a bummer but not particularly risky, while the latter makes me sad for both you and your wife.

      Though either way, if it’s making you “desperately sad”, you could…I don’t know…stop drinking that much, even if it’s “just” a brain/body problem.

      May 23, 2013 at 7:46 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   redheadwglasses

      Dude, switch to pot!

      May 23, 2013 at 8:25 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Ermengarde bang

      Weed seconded

      May 23, 2013 at 10:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   Splint Chesthair

      Yeah, my wife considers me “passed out” if I’ve had anything to drink during the day and fall asleep before she does. I’ll have half a glass of wine with dinner and the next morning she’ll be like, “Oh you passed out last night in your chair so I went to bed.”

      I am 215 pounds, I did not pass out from half a glass of wine!

      May 23, 2013 at 11:54 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   Tom

      I would also recommend cutting alcohol out, if your body has adverse reactions to it. You can have plenty of fun, “even” as the person who orders an iced tea or a coca-cola.

      May 23, 2013 at 2:53 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   Beatus Mongous

      ^ That’s me, and trust me, I have lots of fun watching all the drunk people.

      May 23, 2013 at 10:56 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Jen

    Good grammar.

    May 23, 2013 at 6:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Lil'

      Grammar police always add life to the PAN party.

      May 23, 2013 at 9:33 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   H for Toy

    Loree, this ended up in your front yard because that’s where the husband was passed out when his wife taped it to his forehead. You’re fortunate that this wasn’t the socks and underwear time, and that he woke up before you did in the morning.

    May 23, 2013 at 7:22 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Elf

      Especially since this story takes place in Texas.

      May 23, 2013 at 7:32 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Roto13

    Twist: The husband passed out right where that note was found. The wife left the note next to him but the husband was dragged away by wild dogs. Then probably eaten.

    May 23, 2013 at 8:45 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Ace of Space

    I’m not sure what saddens me more, the fact that the note implies he passed out sans underwear before, or the fact that she stays with him.

    May 23, 2013 at 9:50 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   redheadwglasses

      heh you actually made me laugh out loud.

      May 23, 2013 at 4:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   5oclockshadow

    Please stop wasting my Post-it Notes.

    May 23, 2013 at 9:58 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Captain Hampton

    Rock bottom is not being on a first-name basis with your own wife.

    May 23, 2013 at 11:28 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Lil'

      When my boss leaves a voicemail for his wife, he always says his first and last name. I’ve been working for him for over 10 years and it’s always the same. I think it’s kind of cute, but I’m curious to know if she would call him back if he didn’t leave his last name.

      May 23, 2013 at 12:35 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   uncreative

      Some people cannot recognize voices. It’s the equivalent of face blindness for sounds. If he has a common first name, and his wife can’t recognize voices, then immediately saying his full name can make it easier for her. I’m not saying that this is the case in this situation, just that it came to mind as a possibility. Those are the sorts of little accommodations that people make for those close to them.

      May 23, 2013 at 2:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Ace of Space

      Wouldn’t it be easier (and more personal), to say, “Hi Honey, it’s your husband _____ calling”?

      May 23, 2013 at 4:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   L

      I imagine for most people, “Hey honey, it’s your husband” would probably even be suficient. I mean, unless you have more than one.

      May 23, 2013 at 4:51 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   Jessi

      @14.1, My boss’s wife does something similar. Every time she calls the store, she uses his first and last name to ask if he’s available. He’s the only one in our store with his name, and he’s been working there for a little over four years (plus, no one besides our managers really receive callers requesting them by name). She’s just such a nice and polite person that none of us have the heart to tell her that she can just call and say, “Hey, this is ____’s wife, is he available?”

      May 24, 2013 at 3:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   The Elf

      You guys are overthinking this. The boss leaves his first and last name so that the wife doesn’t confused. She has a lot of Johns in her life.

      May 24, 2013 at 6:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   redheadwglasses

    I want to share my favorite self-pass-out story.

    Company holiday party in July (easier to find venues). I drank too much. Then work friends and I went to a bar afterwards. When someone said it was time to think about leaving, I got up and left the bar and stood outside for some fresh air. Completely abandoned my bar tab. Friend paid it for me. They drove me home and dropped me off. My next door neighbor was having a party in her back yard, and invited me over. I drank more over there and smoked some stuff.

    I woke up at 10 a.m. completely naked, perpendicular on my bed, my contacts still in, and my dog still outside (thankfully, it was a fenced yard and it wasn’t winter). I got up and looked in the mirror, and damned if my makeup didn’t still look amazing. Seriously, it was like my eye makeup had just been applied (and I don’t wear a lot of makeup). I was still drunk (I’m a small person) and got out my phone book and looked up the phone # for the Clinique counter at the local department store. Called the woman, told her what I just told all of you, then finished with, “and my makeup still looks fucking amazing!” She was laughing so hard she may have peed her pants.

    Then I got dressed and went outside to get my dog and discovered she’d dug holes all over my yard.

    May 23, 2013 at 4:08 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Pit Pat

      I want to party with you!

      May 23, 2013 at 9:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Beatus Mongous

      So, I take it you haven’t seen the video of that night yet…

      May 23, 2013 at 11:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   H for Toy

      I was thinking I wish I had a pass-out story of my own, but partying with redhead would both be fun, and probably provide me with a story.

      May 23, 2013 at 11:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   redheadwglasses

      There’s more.

      The same friends dragged me to Irish Fest later that same day. THe hangover had kicked in. I had to puke in a porta potty.

      May 24, 2013 at 8:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   Not Funny

      “Lol if it has been winter my dog would have been dead! But since it wasn’t winter, it’s a funny story, right? So funny, how messed up I was.”

      Jun 2, 2013 at 12:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Pit Pat

    Love it!

    In college, I puked on my roommate’s typewriter. She didn’t love that.

    May 24, 2013 at 8:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Pit Pat

      Oops, this was supposed to be a response to redhead’s thread.

      May 25, 2013 at 3:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     

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