Dear appliance fairy…

May 28th, 2013 · 38 comments

This note — from Ulladulla, NSW — is for the Aussies who were disappointed by the lack of the word “arse” in Sunday’s post from Sydney.

ATTENTION! To The Smartarse Who Keeps Leaving Electrical Goods On Our Front Lawn:  Thank you for thinking of us when disposing of your junk appliances. However, as we have no use for such items as a microwave, a stove and a kettle (we already own these appliances, as do most households) we have kindly provided you with some handy suggestions for next time:  ·An Apple iPad smart tablet ·A Nintendo Wii games console ·A new laptop computer  The items listed above are the ONLY items we will accept for consideration.  Furthermore, please keep in mind that the rubbish tip (which for your information, is just around the corner and down the road!) charges $25 a load to dispose of unwanted junk. If you insist on dumping your stuff here, we expect the same fee! We WILL find out who you are, it is only a matter of time!  Sincerely, The Occupants of Number 92

ATTENTION! To The Smartarse Who Keeps Leaving Electrical Goods On Our Front Lawn:  Thank you for thinking of us when disposing of your junk appliances. However, as we have no use for such items as a microwave, a stove and a kettle (we already own these appliances, as do most households) we have kindly provided you with some handy suggestions for next time:  ·An Apple iPad smart tablet ·A Nintendo Wii games console ·A new laptop computer  The items listed above are the ONLY items we will accept for consideration.  Furthermore, please keep in mind that the rubbish tip (which for your information, is just around the corner and down the road!) charges $25 a load to dispose of unwanted junk. If you insist on dumping your stuff here, we expect the same fee! We WILL find out who you are, it is only a matter of time!  Sincerely, The Occupants of Number 92

related: No fridge ’til coffee!

FILED UNDER: Australia · garbage · sarcasm · thanks but no thanks


38 responses so far ↓

  • #1   kermit

    For a second there I was trying to figure out what was NSFW about Ulladulla (besides superfluous L’s). Damn you Internet acronyms.

    May 28, 2013 at 10:09 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ermengarde bang

      “… north-southwest of what?…

      Oh. Never mind.”

      – brain, on every sighting of NSW

      May 29, 2013 at 11:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   H for Toy

      Changing my name to New South for Whales…

      May 29, 2013 at 11:32 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   nativefloridian

    He needs to charge more than $25, as compensation for having to drag the stuff down to the dump himself. How much more depends on whether he wants a profit margin.

    May 28, 2013 at 11:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Mel

    Haha. As someone living in NSW (New South Wales), I had to look up what NSFW meant. *embarrassed*

    I’d be pretty upset with people leaving stuff on my lawn, too. But then my neighbours use my lawn as a parking lot. Not brave enough to leave a note about it though. :)

    May 28, 2013 at 11:22 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Nana

      Tack strips are your friend. ;)

      May 29, 2013 at 4:48 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   redheadwglasses

      The force is strong in this Nana person. Listen to her.

      May 29, 2013 at 11:47 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   SeeYouInTea

    Our neighbors leave trash in our yard all the time. We have a garbage can on the side of the house, and it is always filled with their pizza boxes and beer cans. If it’s a holiday that begs for fireworks, we find shit tons of bottle rockets in our grass. We finally decided to just throw the shit back in their yards.

    May 29, 2013 at 12:48 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Laura

      Our neighbors had a bad habit of throwing their trash on our yard, too, so I would just pick it up and toss it back over the low wall between us. It only took a few times for them to catch on. Was it passive-aggressive of me? Probably, but why should I have to deal with their trash when they’re too lazy to walk the 10 steps to their own garbage can?

      May 29, 2013 at 9:04 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   My name is Princess!

      Not the trashcan but the recycle bin. Which we could complain but were more impressed that a family other than ourselves are recycling as often as we are. However, it gets frustrating when there’s no room in our bin for our recyclables.

      May 29, 2013 at 9:29 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   nativefloridian

      Most places will give them a second recycle bin. There may be a fee attached, though, in which case your dilemma probably continues.

      May 29, 2013 at 10:19 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   L

      My yard has this random disgusting bucket, a ball that’s been out there since last fall (I didn’t get out into the backyard because we don’t use that door much and then it snowed for eight months), had a baseball that I threw out, and the first day we moved in, our neighbours decided to hop up on our roof to retrieve the frisbee they’d chucked up there.

      We’ve also had a couple pop boxes in the last week or so from the other side of the house. The neighbours on that side? A church.

      May 29, 2013 at 8:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Jami

      Our neighbors don’t throw trash in our yard. However we’re near two liquor stores and three bars. On the weekends at 1 and 2 in the morning we get all sorts of young, drunken people walking down our streets, talking loudly. And in the morning I get to see beer cans, food wrappers, etc in our yard. Plus on Halloween and Christmas they love to mess with yard decorations. Making it look like the reindeer are humping, try to steal ghosts and skeletons, and so forth.

      I’m very close to asking for more police to be around at those times. Just to mess with the drunks.

      May 31, 2013 at 6:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   Jamie

      I had neighbours like that. At some point I ended up with their flyscreen window in my yard. They wanted that back a few days later, but i’d ‘misplaced’ it by then.

      Jun 1, 2013 at 1:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   Hannah

      L: probably everyone at that church thinks that cleaning up your lawn is their pastor’s job.

      Jun 2, 2013 at 7:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Louisa

    As an Aussie I must point out that the Ls are not superfluous. Without them it would be pronounced Oola Doola. And that would just be silly.

    May 29, 2013 at 4:50 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Dane Zeller

    I come here to learn about different cultures. Are there other swear words that differ in pronunciation? As in arse = ass? Do you Aussies say “shathead” instead of “shithead”?

    May 29, 2013 at 7:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   kbee

      A Kiwi (person from New Zealand) might, or it’d be closer to shuthead. They are delightfully creative with their vowels; I love it. (YouTube the Beached Whale by Bean Pictures for a quick education on the Kiwi accent.)

      May 29, 2013 at 12:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Tard

    Infrared game camera.
    Catches ‘em every time: faces, license plates…

    May 29, 2013 at 8:29 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Beatus Mongous

      Along with a DVR for the camera.

      Save all the crap, and then one day, just dump it in their driveway or somewhere that is extremely inconvenient to them.

      May 29, 2013 at 12:24 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   kbee

      As soon as you said that, Beatus, I found myself wishing the folks from 92 had a forklift.

      Imagine the litterbug’s surprise when they come outside and find a mattress, stove, old couch, kettle, microwave, broken black and white TV set etc. etc. perched up on their roof.

      May 29, 2013 at 12:48 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   The Elf

    I love the cheek in this one! It won’t change anything, but I still love it. About the only thing you can do is hope to catch the neighbor in the act and then confront them. And even then…..

    When the dump has a charge, stuff like this is inevitable. While I generally like fees per use over across the board taxes, the downside is that some people will do anything to escape the fee.

    May 29, 2013 at 10:08 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   redheadwglasses

      This is why I’d like the costs of such services to be built into our taxes, so you don’t have to pay a fee to get rid of an old TV–to charge a fee encourages problems.

      I had to pay a small fortune when I downsized from a three story house to a two-bedrom condo. (I had a failure of a garage sale.)

      May 29, 2013 at 11:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   kbee

      It’s been a while since I lived in Oz (WA), but from memory we got two free annual passes to the local rubbish dump for our big items. Should we need to make another visit to drop off stuff, that’s when the extra fee kicks in. Not to mention, there were additional scheduled council pickup days where you put out your large items on the curb and they’ll come around and pick it up. (Or thrify neighbors would get to it first, whichever.)

      They may be in an area that doesn’t have these benefits, but I certainly never had a problem with trash being dumped on lawns. This guy’s a douche.

      May 29, 2013 at 12:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Beatus Mongous

      I take this stuff to my local recycler, and they pay me for it.

      However, if I take them to the main dump, they will charge me for it, and then sell the materials to the recycler.

      May 29, 2013 at 3:30 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Iwill FindU

    If these appliances still work why not save yourself the fee and take them to a second hand store, or even if they don’t call around and find a repair guy looking to buy old appliances for spare parts. See if you can’t turn a dollar off a stranger being a lazy asshole?

    May 29, 2013 at 11:02 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   H for Toy

      Scrap yard at least. You don’t get much, but you don’t have to pay, either.

      May 29, 2013 at 11:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   The Elf

      Because I have shit to do and I’d rather not waste the time on someone else’s trash.

      May 29, 2013 at 12:20 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   redheadwglasses

      Exactly right, The Elf.

      May 29, 2013 at 12:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Iwill FindU

      If you have time to dink around on the interweb you have time to make a phone call.

      May 30, 2013 at 2:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   nut uh

      erm, how exactly does a phone call magically remove trash from one’s yard?

      May 31, 2013 at 5:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Iwill FindU

      Because some 2nd hand stores and most repair guys looking for old appliances are willing to pick up those old appliances. So you make a phone call to track them down and tada old appliance is gone and if you sold it (to one of those repair guys) you get a few bucks.

      May 31, 2013 at 6:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   jj

    same problems in rural USA, people dump appliances, mattresses, unwanted pets… I’d love to know where they live and redeposit it but they probably just rent and it’d just make landlords livid.

    May 29, 2013 at 6:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   mojacardave

      I don’t see the problem: making a landlord livid because some tenants’ (already dumped) stuff is dumped on his own porch is surely a good thing. That could maybe even get the tenant evicted.

      May 31, 2013 at 5:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   So

    In the UK if you leave something like a washing machine or fridge out the front then someone will take it. There are scrap vans that will just turn up and take this stuff away.

    May 30, 2013 at 11:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Beatus Mongous

      We have people like that in Vegas, too.

      May 30, 2013 at 12:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   toxxic

      I get a guy i found advertising on facebook. I just dump the stuff out the front before work and it’s gone when i get home. I bet most areas with a scrap yard will have some one on buy/swap/sell sites who will pick up your junk.

      May 31, 2013 at 10:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Beatus Mongous

      You lost me at “pick up your junk.” Sorry, but I found that rather sensual.

      May 31, 2013 at 11:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     

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