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Please use this version of the alphabet

June 5th, 2013 · 49 comments

But…but…where is Elemenopee?

(Thanks to Erika in California, Angela in Illinois, and Victoria in Texas for submitting.)

FILED UNDER: obnoxious definition · office · smartass

49 responses so far ↓

#1 chrys

I love the “pull” labels.

Jun 5, 2013 at 9:56 pm rating: 90

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- #1.1 TKD
  
  Clearly this is an office where the 6S initiative is being mocked openly.
  
  Production facility staffed by obedient Japanese workers = good 6S.
  
  Suburban office staffed by smartass American cuberats = hilarious mockery.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 6:50 am rating: 90
- #1.2 redheadwglasses
  
  I don’t know… I’ve worked with filing systems where previous users were alphabetically challenged. Maybe someone got fed up with it.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 10:12 am rating: 90
- #1.3 Rattus
  
  Yeah. I’m wishing to hell that I’d thought to make one of these handy-dandy directives for Yolanda. Fortunately she’s gone on to a better, albeit less literate, place.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 11:13 am rating: 90
- #1.4 jdaniel
  
  Yolanda got a Fed job, eh?
  
  Jun 7, 2013 at 11:21 am rating: 90
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#2 OCnative

I love that in addition to the handy alphabet chart on the second one, there are also instructions for the handles and keyhole.

Jun 5, 2013 at 9:57 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 FeRD
  
  Contrary to popular belief, the ordinal system of numbering still goes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…[*] and I don’t see them changing it any time soon.
  
  Pssst: It was the third photo, that you were referring to.
  
  [*] – (Unless you’re a computer programmer, then you count from 0.)
  
  Jun 8, 2013 at 1:54 am rating: 90
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#3 wait...what?

They should do something about that broken hinge on the cabinet door before some idiot pinches their finger and sues…File THAT under D for dumbass.

Jun 5, 2013 at 10:31 pm rating: 90

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#4 Rose

So… where do the lowercase letters go in these versions?

Jun 5, 2013 at 10:43 pm rating: 90

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#5 Wilson

All I can think about is this scene from Vampire’s kiss. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68BjP5f0ccE

Jun 5, 2013 at 10:46 pm rating: 90

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#6 SeeYouInTea

I can’t lie, I’m 21 now and every now and then I find myself having to sing the alphabet song in my head when I’m alphabetizing things. I learned my alphabets when I was 2, this shames me.

Jun 5, 2013 at 10:52 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 H for Toy
  
  I was about to post exactly this! Except the 21 part. I’m um… 26.
  
  Jun 5, 2013 at 11:03 pm rating: 90
- #6.2 juju_skittles
  
  Me too! Except I’m um…27 (and a bit). It’s a catchy tune. And thus it shall be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.
  
  Jun 5, 2013 at 11:16 pm rating: 90
- #6.3 TKD
  
  I’m two months from completing my 43rd full trip around the sun. I still sing the alphabet song to myself in order to alphabetize. I too used to do it quietly in my head. Now I do it loudly and horribly out of tune. I’m much happier now.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 6:46 am rating: 90
- #6.4 redheadwglasses
  
  Idiots.
  
  At least I only need to do it for WXYZ.
  
  ; )~
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 10:13 am rating: 90
- #6.5 H for Toy
  
  Was that a nany-nany-boo-boo?!
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 10:29 am rating: 90
- #6.6 AuntyBron
  
  Sometimes I say the alphabet in my head. In Spanish. I’m not filing or anything, I just… well, damn – it’s about all I remember from Freshman Spanish (a long, long, LONG time ago).
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 5:21 pm rating: 90
- #6.7 Bill Bryant
  
  I’m 51 and still use the same song, you learn it when you’re young and never forget it.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 6:48 pm rating: 90
- #6.8 Bill Bryant
  
  Whoops that should be you’re. My bad.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 6:52 pm rating: 90
- #6.9 Beatus Mongous
  
  Twinkle twinkle little star.
  How I wonder what you are.
  Up above the world so high,
  W X Y and Z.
  Twinkle twinkle little star.
  How I wonder what you are.
  
  Jun 7, 2013 at 2:00 pm rating: 90
- #6.10 Nomnom
  
  I’m 25 and highly intelligent and I totally sing the alphabet song to myself still. And despite the fact that I don’t drink, I am seriously considering practicing reciting it backwards just in case I for some reason get pulled over and forced to do field sobriety tests, because I am not confident in my ability to recite the damn thing backwards. I would have to sing it forwards every time to figure out the next letter, and I’m worried that the processing time required for this operation would cause me to appear drunk.
  
  I should probably just take the breathalyzer and be done with it.
  
  Jun 10, 2013 at 9:39 am rating: 90
- #6.11 The Elf
  
  Don’t worry. The reverse alphabet isn’t the *real* field sobriety test.
  
  If you don’t drink, you might still get pulled over, but chances are very good it won’t go to field sobriety test land. It’s usually pretty obvious when someone is too drunk to drive!
  
  Jun 10, 2013 at 11:06 am rating: 90
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#7 Mysty

As opposed to what? I’m guessing cursive. Some of those letters do look awfully foreign. Darn moonspeak.

Jun 5, 2013 at 11:51 pm rating: 90

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#8 pooham

Please continue nailing notes to the cabinet door since they are more reliable than tape.

Jun 5, 2013 at 11:59 pm rating: 90

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#9 Rory Breaker

I can only imagine how fun it must be to work in the office in the bottom photo. File cabinets labelled “pull”, chairs labelled “sit”, a box of plastic forks in the kitchen that reads “first pierce food, then insert into mouth. Chew.”… and wait until we get to the bathroom signs!

Jun 6, 2013 at 12:09 am rating: 90

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- #9.1 H for Toy
  
  If they need directions like these, I’m a little surprised that they’re old enough to read them.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 12:14 am rating: 90
- #9.2 Snowflame
  
  Oh, I’ve worked with people who could have used these instructions. Like the guy who tried to push the glass pull door to the office every day he worked there, until he came in hungover one day and tried to open it with a fire extinguisher instead. A little more signage in his life would probably have solved a lot of problems.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 2:08 am rating: 90
- #9.3 H for Toy
  
  My sister works in an office building with glass doors, with the word “pull” across the inside of the door. I’m ashamed to admit that, on more than one occasion, I’ve mindlessly read it backward and tried to pull from the outside.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 7:18 am rating: 90
- #9.4 The Elf
  
  Oh good, it’s not just me.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 7:35 am rating: 90
- #9.5 AuntyBron
  
  @ Rory – You forgot to tell them to take the fork out of their mouths before chewing. No wonder they get it wrong!
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 5:23 pm rating: 90
- #9.6 BDC
  
  …Snowflame, I feel like I shouldn’t ask, but I have to know. HOW exactly did he try to open the door with a fire extinguisher? More importantly, what had he been drinking?
  
  Jun 7, 2013 at 9:21 pm rating: 90
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#10 liddy

Where is this office, Imbecileville, or a place where pre-kindergarten children are put to work?

Jun 6, 2013 at 5:29 am rating: 90

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- #10.1 Tom
  
  You’re telling me the majority of offices are NOT imbecileville? Not in my experience.
  
  It has been a dream of mine to once again work in an office where the majority of workers are actually competent at their jobs. I think I might cry tears of joy when I find an office like that again.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 8:40 pm rating: 90
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#11 The Elf

Where’s Cookie Monster?

Jun 6, 2013 at 7:34 am rating: 90

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#12 The Elf

I prefer the Roman alphabet. It’s iust more fun.

Jun 6, 2013 at 7:42 am rating: 90

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#13 Martin Samick

Stewie Gryffin’s version of the Alphabet is still the best (YouTube if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

Jun 6, 2013 at 8:10 am rating: 90

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- #13.1 Steve Becken
  
  Haha Stewie’s is def the best version, crack up everytime I see that clip
  
  Oct 21, 2013 at 11:41 am rating: 90
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#14 Captain Hampton

In reply to the second note, “attention” is not spelled with a π.

Jun 6, 2013 at 10:07 am rating: 90

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- #14.1 The Elf
  
  But I pay more attention to pie.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 11:38 am rating: 90
- #14.2 Tom
  
  Never heard of typographic ligatures, eh? How dare someone be more efficient! We must stop using all “&” signs immediately.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 8:44 pm rating: 90
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#15 Tard

Yeah, OK, I’d like to see you smug folks move to a country with a different alphabet and try to file while you are learning it.

Surprise, English is a lot of folks 2nd language.
Doh!

Jun 6, 2013 at 10:29 am rating: 90

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- #15.1 Raichu
  
  The tone of the first two notes implied that they were talking to people who they expected to already know the alphabet (i.e. native English speakers). The third one, though, I can definitely see being to benefit non-native speakers…except that it goes with the “pull” and “insert key” signs and I have no idea what those are all about. You don’t need to speak a particular language to know what a keyhole is for.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 11:02 am rating: 90
- #15.2 redheadwglasses
  
  I assumed that the “pull” and “insert key” were added after the alphabet sigh, as a joke.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 1:25 pm rating: 90
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#16 Senhor Roohee

But I always thought it was I before E…?

Jun 6, 2013 at 7:30 pm rating: 90

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- #16.1 H for Toy
  
  Except after C, which this was.
  
  Jun 6, 2013 at 10:52 pm rating: 90
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#17 Paula K

In our office, in America, we had a couple of women who INSISTED on filing things under “T” for “The (insert rest of company name here)” Ugh.

Jun 11, 2013 at 11:59 am rating: 90

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#18 KP

I worked with a secretary who would file things under a patient’s condition and then by first name. When the doctor needed something he always asked by the patients last name. She had no idea why the doctor was always unable to find things.

File order Last, First and if two patients had the same name (huge urban area) then check MI and records number.

Nope, file by condition and first name. Any idea how many people had the first name and the same condition??? It was a specialist! We could have 10 Jacks with the same condition!

Jun 13, 2013 at 7:00 pm rating: 90

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#19 buni

In my office, we deal with several companies that have been bought out by larger companies and changed names, however our filing system has never changed. If you’re looking for Intrgrys, you have to remember they used to be Advantage Energy and look for them under “A”.

Nov 21, 2014 at 12:47 pm rating: 90

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#20 Barbara

Nice post. I found lots of effective things in this post. Thank you again.

Dec 19, 2015 at 11:31 am rating: 90

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