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Please use *this* version of the alphabet

June 5th, 2013 · 49 comments

But…but…where is Elemenopee?

Please use THIS VERSION of the alphabet when filing away orders. All other versions of the alphabet aren't as updated as this version. :) Thank you!

Contrary to popular belief, the alphabet still goes: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z and I don't see them changing it anytime soon. Please pay attention when stocking product.

(Thanks to Erika in California, Angela in Illinois, and Victoria in Texas for submitting.)

"Alphabetizing chart"

related: A recipe for passive-aggressiveness


FILED UNDER: obnoxious definition · office · smartass

49 responses so far ↓

  • #1   chrys

    I love the “pull” labels.

    Jun 5, 2013 at 9:56 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TKD

      Clearly this is an office where the 6S initiative is being mocked openly.

      Production facility staffed by obedient Japanese workers = good 6S.

      Suburban office staffed by smartass American cuberats = hilarious mockery.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 6:50 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   redheadwglasses

      I don’t know… I’ve worked with filing systems where previous users were alphabetically challenged. Maybe someone got fed up with it.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 10:12 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Rattus

      Yeah. I’m wishing to hell that I’d thought to make one of these handy-dandy directives for Yolanda. Fortunately she’s gone on to a better, albeit less literate, place.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 11:13 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   jdaniel

      Yolanda got a Fed job, eh?

      Jun 7, 2013 at 11:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #2   OCnative

    I love that in addition to the handy alphabet chart on the second one, there are also instructions for the handles and keyhole.

    Jun 5, 2013 at 9:57 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   FeRD bang

      Contrary to popular belief, the ordinal system of numbering still goes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…[*] and I don’t see them changing it any time soon.

      Pssst: It was the third photo, that you were referring to.

      [*](Unless you’re a computer programmer, then you count from 0.)

      Jun 8, 2013 at 1:54 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #3   wait...what?

    They should do something about that broken hinge on the cabinet door before some idiot pinches their finger and sues…File THAT under D for dumbass.

    Jun 5, 2013 at 10:31 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   Rose

    So… where do the lowercase letters go in these versions?

    Jun 5, 2013 at 10:43 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #5   Wilson

    All I can think about is this scene from Vampire’s kiss.

    Jun 5, 2013 at 10:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #6   SeeYouInTea

    I can’t lie, I’m 21 now and every now and then I find myself having to sing the alphabet song in my head when I’m alphabetizing things. I learned my alphabets when I was 2, this shames me.

    Jun 5, 2013 at 10:52 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   H for Toy

      I was about to post exactly this! Except the 21 part. I’m um… 26.

      Jun 5, 2013 at 11:03 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   juju_skittles

      Me too! Except I’m um…27 (and a bit). It’s a catchy tune. And thus it shall be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

      Jun 5, 2013 at 11:16 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   TKD

      I’m two months from completing my 43rd full trip around the sun. I still sing the alphabet song to myself in order to alphabetize. I too used to do it quietly in my head. Now I do it loudly and horribly out of tune. I’m much happier now.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 6:46 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   redheadwglasses


      At least I only need to do it for WXYZ.

      ; )~

      Jun 6, 2013 at 10:13 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   H for Toy

      Was that a nany-nany-boo-boo?!

      Jun 6, 2013 at 10:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   AuntyBron

      Sometimes I say the alphabet in my head. In Spanish. I’m not filing or anything, I just… well, damn – it’s about all I remember from Freshman Spanish (a long, long, LONG time ago).

      Jun 6, 2013 at 5:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   Bill Bryant

      I’m 51 and still use the same song, you learn it when you’re young and never forget it.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 6:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   Bill Bryant

      Whoops that should be you’re. My bad.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 6:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.9   Beatus Mongous

      Twinkle twinkle little star.
      How I wonder what you are.
      Up above the world so high,
      W X Y and Z.
      Twinkle twinkle little star.
      How I wonder what you are.

      Jun 7, 2013 at 2:00 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.10   Nomnom

      I’m 25 and highly intelligent and I totally sing the alphabet song to myself still. And despite the fact that I don’t drink, I am seriously considering practicing reciting it backwards just in case I for some reason get pulled over and forced to do field sobriety tests, because I am not confident in my ability to recite the damn thing backwards. I would have to sing it forwards every time to figure out the next letter, and I’m worried that the processing time required for this operation would cause me to appear drunk.

      I should probably just take the breathalyzer and be done with it.

      Jun 10, 2013 at 9:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.11   The Elf

      Don’t worry. The reverse alphabet isn’t the *real* field sobriety test.

      If you don’t drink, you might still get pulled over, but chances are very good it won’t go to field sobriety test land. It’s usually pretty obvious when someone is too drunk to drive!

      Jun 10, 2013 at 11:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   Mysty

    As opposed to what? I’m guessing cursive. Some of those letters do look awfully foreign. Darn moonspeak.

    Jun 5, 2013 at 11:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #8   pooham

    Please continue nailing notes to the cabinet door since they are more reliable than tape.

    Jun 5, 2013 at 11:59 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #9   Rory Breaker

    I can only imagine how fun it must be to work in the office in the bottom photo. File cabinets labelled “pull”, chairs labelled “sit”, a box of plastic forks in the kitchen that reads “first pierce food, then insert into mouth. Chew.”… and wait until we get to the bathroom signs!

    Jun 6, 2013 at 12:09 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   H for Toy

      If they need directions like these, I’m a little surprised that they’re old enough to read them.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 12:14 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Snowflame

      Oh, I’ve worked with people who could have used these instructions. Like the guy who tried to push the glass pull door to the office every day he worked there, until he came in hungover one day and tried to open it with a fire extinguisher instead. A little more signage in his life would probably have solved a lot of problems.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 2:08 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   H for Toy

      My sister works in an office building with glass doors, with the word “pull” across the inside of the door. I’m ashamed to admit that, on more than one occasion, I’ve mindlessly read it backward and tried to pull from the outside.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 7:18 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   The Elf

      Oh good, it’s not just me.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 7:35 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   AuntyBron

      @ Rory – You forgot to tell them to take the fork out of their mouths before chewing. No wonder they get it wrong!

      Jun 6, 2013 at 5:23 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   BDC

      …Snowflame, I feel like I shouldn’t ask, but I have to know. HOW exactly did he try to open the door with a fire extinguisher? More importantly, what had he been drinking?

      Jun 7, 2013 at 9:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   liddy bang

    Where is this office, Imbecileville, or a place where pre-kindergarten children are put to work?

    Jun 6, 2013 at 5:29 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Tom

      You’re telling me the majority of offices are NOT imbecileville? Not in my experience.

      It has been a dream of mine to once again work in an office where the majority of workers are actually competent at their jobs. I think I might cry tears of joy when I find an office like that again.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 8:40 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   The Elf

    Where’s Cookie Monster?

    Jun 6, 2013 at 7:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   The Elf

    I prefer the Roman alphabet. It’s iust more fun.

    Jun 6, 2013 at 7:42 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #13   Martin Samick

    Stewie Gryffin’s version of the Alphabet is still the best :) (YouTube if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

    Jun 6, 2013 at 8:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Steve Becken

      Haha Stewie’s is def the best version, crack up everytime I see that clip

      Oct 21, 2013 at 11:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   Captain Hampton

    In reply to the second note, “attention” is not spelled with a π.

    Jun 6, 2013 at 10:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   The Elf

      But I pay more attention to pie.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 11:38 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Tom

      Never heard of typographic ligatures, eh? How dare someone be more efficient! We must stop using all “&” signs immediately.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 8:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #15   Tard

    Yeah, OK, I’d like to see you smug folks move to a country with a different alphabet and try to file while you are learning it.

    Surprise, English is a lot of folks 2nd language.

    Jun 6, 2013 at 10:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Raichu

      The tone of the first two notes implied that they were talking to people who they expected to already know the alphabet (i.e. native English speakers). The third one, though, I can definitely see being to benefit non-native speakers…except that it goes with the “pull” and “insert key” signs and I have no idea what those are all about. You don’t need to speak a particular language to know what a keyhole is for.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 11:02 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   redheadwglasses

      I assumed that the “pull” and “insert key” were added after the alphabet sigh, as a joke.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 1:25 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #16   Senhor Roohee

    But I always thought it was I before E…?

    Jun 6, 2013 at 7:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   H for Toy

      Except after C, which this was.

      Jun 6, 2013 at 10:52 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #17   Paula K

    In our office, in America, we had a couple of women who INSISTED on filing things under “T” for “The (insert rest of company name here)” Ugh.

    Jun 11, 2013 at 11:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #18   KP

    I worked with a secretary who would file things under a patient’s condition and then by first name. When the doctor needed something he always asked by the patients last name. She had no idea why the doctor was always unable to find things.

    File order Last, First and if two patients had the same name (huge urban area) then check MI and records number.

    Nope, file by condition and first name. Any idea how many people had the first name and the same condition??? It was a specialist! We could have 10 Jacks with the same condition!

    Jun 13, 2013 at 7:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #19   buni

    In my office, we deal with several companies that have been bought out by larger companies and changed names, however our filing system has never changed. If you’re looking for Intrgrys, you have to remember they used to be Advantage Energy and look for them under “A”.

    Nov 21, 2014 at 12:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Barbara

    Nice post. I found lots of effective things in this post. Thank you again.

    Dec 19, 2015 at 11:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up