The Piddler on the Roof

June 14th, 2013 · 30 comments

Today’s special comes to us from New York City, at the entrance to the building’s roof deck. (Just in time for summer, when the entire city already smells like urine and garbage!)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Do not pee on the roof. And please do not stay up here at night. Can we agree that 11 pm is late at night? I try to sleep under your feet... It is like you are walking on my ceiling... And you tend to scream when you're up on the roof. People live under here... I've lived here for 12 years and we've never had these issues. This is not a party apartment... this is a home. If you're going up here... Try and stay around the stairwell and near the roof door... and off our sixth floor walkup ceilings. This roof leaks. This building is made of paper-mache is is really old. And I can't believe I have to say this (again)...But really — please do not piss on the roof.

Meanwhile, Jenny spotted this outside a three-story office building in Vancouver, B.C.

THANK YOU For picking up after your DOG. HOWEVER, PLEASE DO NOT THROW THE BAGS OF FECES ON THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING. Thank you for your cooperation. Building Manager

related: Dear Bob, please do not pee out your bedroom window

FILED UNDER: dogs · ellipses-crazed · New York · newspaper · noise · piss · shit

30 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Paul


    Jun 14, 2013 at 1:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Beatus Mongous

      The first one was kind of funny, but the second one made me laugh out loud.

      Jun 14, 2013 at 4:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   BrookeDiz bang

    Wonderful headline, as always!

    Jun 14, 2013 at 2:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   pooham

    I can’t believe how disgusting/revolting people can be! When I was married the guys used to think it was perfectly fine to piss in the yard or alley when they were drinking and hanging out in the back. They couldn’t comprehend that I did not want to have to smell their old urine later when I wanted to enjoy the yard.

    Jun 14, 2013 at 2:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   redheadwglasses

      Upstairs neighbors at my condo had a party (well, NEIGHBOR — his wife was out of town). THey stood on his deck (directly over my deck) and peed over the railing. Which I could see (and hear) from inside my home.

      I told his wife when she got home. She said she banned him from having guy-only parties after that. ; )

      Jun 14, 2013 at 3:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   TammyD

      People are FILTHY!

      I’ve seen far too many men peeing in public. It’s disgusting and given that I’m now pregnant (pregnancy nose – I smell everything far more than a normal person), it’s even more revolting. I threw up several months ago from the stench of urine in a walkway. How hard is it to find a toilet? Being a woman, I manage, so why can’t men?

      I did come across a true gentleman recently, who was a homeless looking fellow holding a can of beer, about to pee on a wall. He looks over and says, “Oh sh**! Sorry, ma’am! I’d never piss in front of a pregnant lady!”. Epitome of chivalry.

      Jun 22, 2013 at 8:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Uninspired Required Name

    Remember back when people made it their life goal to be as decent and upstanding as possible, no matter what? Yeah, I really miss those days. Now it seems people think it’s better to try to get away with as much scummy crap as possible.

    Jun 14, 2013 at 3:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Tesselara

      Those days never existed. The internets just reveal the truth.

      Jun 14, 2013 at 3:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   redheadwglasses

      Tesselara is right. If you need proof, just read Chaucer’s “Canterbury Tales.”

      Jun 14, 2013 at 3:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   shwo! bang

      redheadwglasses is right. Especially “The Turd-Tosser’s Tale.”

      Jun 14, 2013 at 5:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Roto13

    If I ever own property, my rental application form will have the question “Would you ever, under any circumstances, pee on the roof?” and if anyone answered “yes” I’d make it my mission to ensure that they would remain homeless until the day they died of exposure.

    Jun 14, 2013 at 3:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Beatus Mongous

      Indecent exposure can’t really kill you, though.

      Jun 14, 2013 at 4:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   sunshynegrll

      It can if you operate a woodchipper.

      Jun 14, 2013 at 10:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Jami

      What if the roof is on fire and pee is the only liquid available to put the fire out?

      Jun 15, 2013 at 12:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Books McGee

    Hell of an arm on whoever’s tossing dog poop onto the roof of a three story building!

    Jun 14, 2013 at 3:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   redheadwglasses

    I think it’s time for this LW to contact her building super and get that roof door locked if they can’t figure out who is peeing up there.

    Jun 14, 2013 at 3:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Tesselara

    Golden showers through the roof…. I’m thinking this is a moderate response.

    Jun 14, 2013 at 5:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Tom

    See, the truly horrifying thing about the first letter is when you finally connect “peeing on the roof” and “this roof leaks” being mentioned in the same note.

    Jun 14, 2013 at 7:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Iwill FindU

      Why aren’t they bitching to the landlord about the leaking roof. I mean all pee aside who wants to not own a property with a leaky roof. And if the roof didn’t leak what are the chances they would have noticed someone peeing on the roof? It would make this a little less gross.

      Jun 15, 2013 at 11:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Tom

      I lived for one year in a rather run-down rental apartment as I finished up my last year of college. I lived on the first floor and there was a second floor above me. Every time it rained, the ceiling in the bathroom leaked. One time after a torrential downpour, the ceiling tile over the toilet completely caved through.

      Rest assured, we called the landlord every time.
      Plumbers and roof builders were sent out every time, and every time they came out shrugging “We have no idea where the leak is coming from”

      I have no idea if they were in cahoots with the landlord or what, but I’m sure that ceiling leaks to this day. And that’s why you don’t rent apartments with those office-tile ceilings. They just replace the tiles so you don’t know how leaky the ceiling really is until you live there.

      Also, I was a poor college kid that also worked. I didn’t have the time or the inclination to get local health officials involved over an apartment I knew I’d only be in for one year.

      Jun 17, 2013 at 10:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   TammyD

      Yep, landlords generally don’t care, unless they’re renting out their own home or have an expensive, higher end property. If you’re living in standard student accommodation, good luck getting anything fixed. And if they do actually fix it, they’ll try to find someone to blame for it and charge up the arse for repairs.

      During university, I was in a building where we were told to leave our heat on at a certain temperature during winter break. I personally made sure I did it, and even put it a few degrees higher to be safe, but we had a burst pipe regardless. Our downstairs neighbours’ had a flood, so the landlord entered our flat to investigate and turned the heat off in an attempt to blame it on me. I paid a lot of money out of my deposit for it, because I couldn’t prove anything.

      Jun 22, 2013 at 8:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   nunavut guy

    Why piss on the roof when you can piss off the roof?

    Jun 14, 2013 at 7:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Beatus Mongous

      I’d rather be pissed off than pissed on.

      Jun 16, 2013 at 12:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   nunavut guy

    “Feces fling” has been a part of the Highland games for centuries. Please be more culturally sensitive.

    Jun 14, 2013 at 8:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Jan

    Hoo Flung Dung by Shit Flung Hai… great book…. grab a copy today!

    Jun 15, 2013 at 7:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Ely North

    If we’re being honest with ourselves… There’s really no point of going up on the roof unless your going to piss off of it.

    Jun 15, 2013 at 11:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Wendy

    “On the roof it’s pissful as can be. . . The bags of doggy doo don’t bother me. . . “

    Jun 15, 2013 at 3:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Jesse

    I work right by that sign in Vancouver… I actually recently took a picture to submit. What’s left out is the fact that it is a three story building and would take a lot of effort to whip a bag of poo on the roof!

    Jun 18, 2013 at 8:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Nicki

    Further proof that humans need to suffer a mass extinction. Soon.

    Jun 18, 2013 at 9:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   britta

    *off. fucking hell. can’t you even speak correct English, dammit?

    Jul 25, 2013 at 1:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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