Show yourself!

July 8th, 2013 · 33 comments

Our submitter says this sign — written in marker on a section of faux wainscoting paneling — appeared last week in front of a neighbor’s house, deep in the foothills of Appalachia. I’m not sure who did the yelling,” our submitter adds, “but I now feel the uncontrollable urge to yell “[email protected]@Y!” every time I pass by.”


Slightly more mysterious is this sign, which showed up one day on a dead-end country road in Washington state. Says our submitter, Chris: “There aren’t that many neighbors out here, so it would not have been too hard to find the ’1st class jerk.’”

 To the guy driving the black pickup with two German Shepheds [sic] You're a 1st class JERK!

But the most mysterious of them all comes to us from Providence, Rhode Island. Says Melinda: “My neighbors are all friendly and we all know each other’s first names, so I have no idea why they would put such an ominous sign in their yard. But why else would you post this sign unless it was for someone that might see it?”

Shame on you you know who you are!

related: Cell phones kill ‘possums!

FILED UNDER: driving · neighbors · pointlessly self-censored profanity · small town living · you know who you are

33 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Poltergeist

    You know who you are and you know who I am and you know what you did and if you know what’s best for you, you better meet me behind the you know where with you know who at you know when. If you don’t, I’m gonna leave a burning bag of you know what on your doorstep and then shove my you know what up you big fat you know what, you stupid youknowwhater.

    Jul 8, 2013 at 5:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Dane Zeller

      Well said, Poltergeist, well said! You know what I mean.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 7:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Tard

    We live on a dead-end road in WA State and the tweakers used to sit in the turning circle selling drugs. My neighbors (hilariously) tried calling the police… Uh, see, WA just writes tickets, they don’t handle actual criminals.

    I walked down with an obvious camera out in the open, took close ups of their faces, cars and license plates, waved, smiled and walked away.

    No More Tweakers. Not one.

    Maybe it was the presence on my buddy in his car , 15′ away, holding the shotgun ?

    Jul 8, 2013 at 5:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Gwai

      Maybe it’s just because I’m a paranoid city-dweller, but that sounds like a good way to get shot to me.

      Jul 8, 2013 at 6:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   H for Toy

      That’s because Washington state doesn’t have enough cops to go around. When I was out there, the closest law enforcement was the county sheriff, 30 miles away. Here, every tiny little town has 2 or 3 cops each, and they all converge on anything resembling a crime within a 10-mile radius. I still preferred Washington.

      Jul 8, 2013 at 7:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   redheadwglasses

      Good for you, Tard! AT my old house, the house three doors down was a crack house. I got tired of the cars parking in front of my house, playing their subwoofers so loud I could hear them IN MY BASEMENT. One night, I ran out, opened the passenger door of the offender’s car, and ripped into him. Then got together with my neighbors, all of us frustrated by the piece of crap St. Paul cops who don’t do crap. After that, every time we called on the house, we added, “And I thought I saw he had a gun in his hand.” BOOM. That house got shut down that summer. Finally.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 12:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Poltergeist

      “Good for you, Tard!”

      That’s what my sarcastic “friend” in high school used to say to me whenever I bested him at anything and everything.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 4:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Pit Pat

      Wait, Tard – I’m confused. What WAS holding the shotgun? And how did your buddy feel about it?

      Jul 10, 2013 at 9:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   H for Toy

    I love that the “show yourself” is barely readable. Show yourself, oh elusive red ink.

    Jul 8, 2013 at 7:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   juju_skittles

    I’m actually in the market for a yard sign, one that covers all occasions; something ubiquitous. One that can take care of people stealing stuff from the garden, but could equally apply to the man exposing himself to passers-by, or kids doing donuts in the street. I think that last one might just do!

    Jul 8, 2013 at 7:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Madrias

      One could always go for the slightly more aggressive-than-passive, “Hey, asshole, was that necessary?” for a sign, or the more passive-than-aggressive “You know what you did is wrong.”

      I, however, prefer the idea of spraying the evildoers with the garden hose.

      Jul 8, 2013 at 8:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Poltergeist

      I’d like to suggest a simple “FUCK YOU” sign. It’s vague enough to offend everybody and make them wonder, “Is that directed at me because of that thing I did that one time?”

      Jul 9, 2013 at 4:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Nunavut Guy

    Maybe he was yelling at the guy’s cat…… should really keep those things inside you know.

    Jul 8, 2013 at 8:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   juju_skittles

      Oooohhh…me-ow! Stirrer.

      Jul 8, 2013 at 10:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   FeRD bang

      NG, I find your motivations here to be fucking suspicious! :D

      Jul 9, 2013 at 3:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Nunavut Guy

      (Walks away whistling)

      Jul 9, 2013 at 7:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   FeRD bang

    …Why is that last sign written in Falsvs Romanvs Fontvs? Has Caesar Passivs-Aggressivs been reduced to shaming-by-plywood? That’s just sad.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 3:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TRT

      It’s actually a Dalek typeface. Obviously intended for the Doctor to see.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 4:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   FeRD bang

      Man! Moffat just keeps on stretching the bounds of sanity & good taste, huh? The cryptic stuff he comes up with for these hidden plot threads just keeps getting weirder!

      Jul 10, 2013 at 2:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Pit Pat

      Dinosaurs on a Spaceship. I want my hour back!

      Jul 10, 2013 at 9:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   spottymax

    “Well, the Jerk Store called, and they’re running out of you.”

    Jul 9, 2013 at 8:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   redheadwglasses

    Who yells “PUPPY!” for no reason?

    Jul 9, 2013 at 11:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   The Elf

      Because Appalachian Foothills Submitter sees an adorable dog in that yard (and not an outdoor cat)?

      Honestly, I thought somebody yelled PEW-AT-AT-WHY, and I thought it was odd that the AT-AT didn’t go pew-pew-pew. Why? Have they not seen Empire Strikes Back?

      Jul 9, 2013 at 1:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   redheadwglasses

      HA! My boyfriend’s kids (being raised on a diet of Star Wars, of course) make that “pew pew pew” sound when they shoot imaginary guns.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 11:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Raichu

    1. I find the use of the “@” hilarious when the “$” is also available. “@” should be used for A’s: “[email protected]”, “[email protected]”, etc. For S’s use the “$”. As it is, it reads “PUAAY”. (Or, better yet, don’t censor your words. Most people old enough to read are old enough to figure out what you’re trying to say anyway, and it looks less stupid. It’s still stupid, of course, calling someone a “pussy”/”puaay” on a yard sign.)

    2. Why is the guy in the black pickup with two German shepherds a jerk? Did the shepherds piss on your rhubarb?

    3. lol.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 1:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Poltergeist

      I’ll have you know that I was thoroughly confused. I mean, in place of letters, they wrote symbols that aren’t even apart of the alphabet! How the hell am I supposed to read that?

      I’m also quite perplexed whenever a person on tv seems to be making a clenched fist, y’know with the back of their hand toward me, but then there’s this blurry area sticking up right above their hand. What does that mean?!?!

      And don’t even get me started when the people start yelling at each other in beeps. Damn foreign languages.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 5:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   OurHero

      Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner by unanimous decision, is Poltergeist. That is all.

      Jul 19, 2013 at 1:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   bluebunny27

    Yeah, happened to me too … I was jogging the other day then this black car drives by and the young man (approx. 18-20 years old) slows downs and is yelling at me for no reason …. just a scream : “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!” really loudly from 50 feet away … then 5 minutes later he shows up going the other way this time : slows down and starts yelling again : “Ahhhhhhhh !!!!” … same thing … no reason at all … I guess he was really scared seeing someone exercising (!!) … a few days later I saw the same black car, again … as I was runnning, same deal exactly … I think every time he sees me there jogging as he is driving by he will do the same thing … kind of weird. Maybe I should bring a sign when I go jogging … :-)

    Jul 9, 2013 at 9:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Poltergeist

      You should scream something unintelligible back. That’s what I would do.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 10:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Lil'

      I would throw a stop stick and mace that little psycho.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 9:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Jami

      Maybe you should stop jogging naked.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 1:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   kaetra

    I think I’m going to post a sign on the front of my desk that says “SHAME ON YOU YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE”. It would add a bit of whimsy and mystery to the office I think. I would probably have far fewer non-friend desk visitors as well, which would be a bonus.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 10:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    I think that last one is just aimed at everybody.

    Jul 27, 2013 at 11:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


Comments are Closed