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Could you please tone down your atheism?

July 9th, 2013 · 135 comments

Matt found this note outside his house in Minneapolis, and says he hasn’t the slightest idea what sort of “godless activities” Barb & Tom could be hinting at.

Hi! We're your new neighbors! Our little girl is very young and impressionable and we would like to know if you could tone down your godless activities when she's home from school. Thanx so much! Barb & Tom

related: Risky business

FILED UNDER: God · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · Won't somebody think of the children?

135 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Nikki

    Oh, you Godless people! Anything not expressly about Jesus is Godless. Obv!

    -Blast Christian rock
    -Get cross decal for car
    -In fact, get lots of cross decals and other cross-themed accessories
    -Pray in street
    -If working out, use Bibles in your belt for extra weight
    -Instead of Godless BBQs, do dramatic enactments of the crucifixion

    See? It’s easy to not be Godless!

    Jul 9, 2013 at 5:29 pm   rating: 117  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Skittles

      Well I was going to sacrifice a couple of goats so my godless friends and I could have an orgy in the blood while listening to Marilyn Manson, but I guess I could give your suggestions a try. I can still be on drugs all the time though right since they’re not immediately visible?

      Jul 10, 2013 at 2:01 am   rating: 80  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Tesselara

      Or you can rename your license plate: Myrrh
      Be a “fan” of the Bible and Jesus Christ on Facebook, post prayers on Facebook, and put crosses on your car.

      Think it’s a little much? I actually know this person.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 11:47 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   elliscreative

      Aside from the license plate, this does not seem so extreme. Does this person also own two other cars, one with “gold” and the other with “frankincense” on the plate? Because that would be cuckoo-for-Cocoa-Puffs crazy.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 1:15 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Chinchillazilla

      You’d actually need three other cars, because you’d have to break it into FRANKI and NCENSE. Or, like, FRNKCNS, but no one would know what that meant.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 2:49 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #2   sunshynegrll

    Matt, your ‘new neighbors!’ are serial killers. Trust me on this.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 5:30 pm   rating: 137  small thumbs up

  • #3   Vivica Halliwell

    Sounds like Matt and his lady are having lots of sex. This means you need to add porn with lots of whips and curse words.

    See how impressionable little Barb Jr. is when she asks her teacher what “cumdumpster” means.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 5:42 pm   rating: 80  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Frank Chickens

      Or what “felching” means.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 5:49 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   redheadwglasses

      Ah. I see I’m in fine company here. We’d all pass an interesting vocabulary test.

      As a test of World of Warcraft’s standards, I made a toon called Boococky. It made it through.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 11:30 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Vivica Halliwell

      Or Spacedocking….

      Jul 11, 2013 at 2:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   FeRD bang

      Redhead’s WoW story reminds me that, while playing some mobile-app RPG game recently, I was creating a Warrior character that I decided to name “Homonculus”. (It seemed funny at the time.) The thing threw back an “inappropriate language” rejection!

      …Yet it had no problem with me naming him “Gaylahad”. :?

      Jul 11, 2013 at 3:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   FeRD bang

      I cannot believe I wrote “RPG game”. Please kill me with an RPG grenade. Or an ICBM missile.

      Be sure to grab my wallet first, so you can withdraw all of my money at an ATM machine. I won’t be needing it. :-P

      (So… ashamed… :oops: )

      Jul 11, 2013 at 4:31 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   supensa

      Won’t we need your PIN number to use an ATM machine?

      Jul 11, 2013 at 10:18 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

  • #4   Al I.

    If that were left for us, I’d reply with, “I can understand what a challenge it can be to be tolerant of others with different political or religious views than yourself. Trust me. It recently became something of a challenge for us. If you’d like help educating your daughter to be more understanding to those who may not view the world the same way that you or she does, feel free to bring her over any time, and we’ll be more than happy to spend lots of time explaining that those of us who do not believe in invisible sky creatures can be moral, ethical and fun people.”

    Jul 9, 2013 at 5:58 pm   rating: 272  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      I love it! Answer a PAN with a PAN.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 6:48 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Raichu

      See religious assholes; attack religion.


      Jul 10, 2013 at 6:57 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   FeRD bang

      Hang out on that cross much, Raichu? (Aw, crap, now I’m gonna be in trouble!) Where exactly was the “attack” on religion, in any of that?

      Was it the “invisible sky creatures” comment? Because, that’s at worst irreverent, not an “attack”. If you find it insulting or offensive, seems to me that’s your hangup, because it’s not even particularly inaccurate or unfair. Taking offense anytime someone isn’t sufficiently reverent of a belief system they don’t subscribe to, or doesn’t treat someone else’s religion as this unassailable, pristine thing, doesn’t make it an “attack”.

      If you want to talk about religious attacks, let’s talk about the Crusades. The Spanish Inquisition. The beheadings in the Middle East. The stonings of “infidels” that litter pretty much all of human history. The Salem Witch Trials. …Need I go on?

      Jul 11, 2013 at 1:56 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   Raichu

      Preaching to the choir, dude. And are you bitter? Do you know anyone who actually defends shit like the Salem trials, the Inquisition, or the Crusades?

      And yeah, I’m tired of comments like “you worship an invisible sky monster!” I don’t think very many Christians even think about God as an “invisible sky” anything. Being religious doesn’t make you stupid any more than being areligious automatically makes you an asshole.

      Jul 15, 2013 at 1:35 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   ShadeTail

      Raichu: I would just like to mention that you *COMPLETELY* ignored FeRD’s point about how you overreacted with your “attack” hyperbole.

      Jul 15, 2013 at 2:11 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   Raichu

      Um…no I didn’t. Ferd complained that I overreacted to the phrase “invisible sky man” or whatever it was, and I explained why it bothered me, and gave off a vibe of hostility.

      Jul 16, 2013 at 11:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   havingfitz

    Matt, no idea what you’re doing, but I am intrigued. Intrigued and aroused. I’ll be there at 9 with the wine. Wear something furry.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 6:12 pm   rating: 167  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   juju_skittles

      Room for one more? I think we should invite Barb & Tom too!

      Jul 9, 2013 at 7:06 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Poltergeist

      We all know the reason these people are so uptight is because they’re trying to repress their dirty freaky inner desires. With a little coaxing, I’m sure we can get them to bust a move.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 9:55 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #6   Haggie

    Please submit a list of “Godless” activities.

    I want to make sure that I haven’t missed any…

    Jul 9, 2013 at 6:14 pm   rating: 108  small thumbs up

  • #7   Loverfli

    Since when is sex between a married couple godless?


    Jul 9, 2013 at 6:48 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Nunavut Guy

      When she never screams out “Oh God,Oh God”.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 7:06 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   The Elf

      Vary it up some. Loudly moan “Jesus, that was amazing” afterwards.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 6:51 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Nunavut Guy

      All I get is”Christ are you finished yet?”.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 1:40 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Poltergeist

      “Oh yes! Nail me hard baby, nail me! Nail me to the cross!”

      Jul 10, 2013 at 2:21 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   Vivica Halliwell

      “Fill me with the holy spirit!”

      Jul 11, 2013 at 2:52 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   Vivica Halliwell

      Tired of your annoying neighbors telling you that their Skyfairy trumps your right to have loud, dirty sex? That Jesus would never approve of stripper clowns for your wife’s 30th birthday? That all the nudity on the front lawn makes them uncomfortable? Here at Godless and Sinful we have some tips for you.

      Follow this sexual recipe for a one way ticket to a hell of a good time:

      Start the night with a heavy make out session on the porch.

      Blast some highly questionable porn, preferably “Hairy Balls’s Donkey Show.”

      Start with the loud sex. Say lines such as:

      1. “Oh God, oh God. Come into my rectory!”
      2. “Christ, nail me to the cross! Nail me!”
      3. “Fill me with the holy spirit!”
      4. “Jesus had 12 apostles. One for every inch of your big, hard dick.

      When they complain, answer the door dressed as a monk with a whip in your hand.

      Tell them you were just doing the lord’s work.

      Jul 11, 2013 at 3:07 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #8   Tard

    Set a CD of sex sounds to run on a timer for the exact duration their kid is at school. Play it while you are at work, but not loudly enough to break the law. They don’t have the balls to talk to you in person, they get treated like the anal fistulas they are.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 7:06 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

  • #9   H for Toy

    Well, at least they signed it?

    Jul 9, 2013 at 7:14 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Iwill FindU

      Yeah I was thinking the same thing. At lest now they know who’s been snooping around their windows to see those Godless activities.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 12:30 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #10   Brian

    If it’s what I think it is, then they need to be reminded that “Be fruitful and multiply” is a Biblical commandment.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 8:59 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #11   LadyIslay

    Because the note is ambiguous as to the nature of “GODLESS” activities, to be safe, I’d suggest you incorporate multiple pantheons into every activity at home. Fill your life (and theirs) with as many gods as possible. Start with a statuette of Priapus in the front garden. They’re supposed to function as scarecrows to keep the birds away.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 9:32 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Poltergeist

      Really? I would have thought that Priapus’s 3rd leg would function quite well as a place for the birds to perch.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 10:09 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Anna Johnstone

      Not forgetting some Norse and Egyptian gods too. My mum did that in the front window to scare the door knockers away. There was a Baast, a Buddha, Ganesha, Anubis and Osiris, all sat round a Jewish Menorah. Worked a treat. They would get half way down the drive see them and then leg it. Hilarious.

      Jul 11, 2013 at 10:08 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #12   Poltergeist

    Maybe your daughter isn’t impressionable. Maybe she came to her own conclusion that what you’re teaching her is stupid and illogical, and therefore she chooses to listen in on her neighbors to get a sense of what the world is like outside of Mommy and Daddy’s God-fearing bubble. You should probably consider how silly your views must be when all it takes to override the values you instilled in your daughter is for her to listen to other people living their lives.

    Your Godless neighbor who, as you’re reading this, is experiencing the most orgasmic buttsex imaginable with his gay partner.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 9:48 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   K

      Were you having orgasmic buttsex while writing that? Because if so, do you have any tips for typing that clearly while being so orgasmically godless?

      Jul 9, 2013 at 10:53 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   H for Toy

      I didn’t think that he might be gay. I wonder if that’s it. Even so, when I was young enough that I would consider myself “young and impressionable”, I was too young to recognize sounds of sex through a wall. So, unless they’re giving a play-by-play with a megaphone, she shouldn’t have a clue what’s going on anyway.

      Jul 9, 2013 at 11:41 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   Raichu

      Would you say the same thing if she’d come to the conclusion on her own to follow a certain religion, and the parents didn’t? Seriously, the neighbors are being assholes, but the problem isn’t that they’re religious, it’s that they’re ASSHOLES.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 7:03 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   Poltergeist

      As soon as religious assholes (there are a lot of them in this world) stop attempting to force their beliefs on others, as is the case here, I’ll stop pointing out the obvious hypocrisy of their irrational beliefs.

      There’s just as much evidence of a God as there is of the toothfairy, both invisible beings with supernatural powers, yet if I seriously told you I believed in the toothfairy, you would laugh at me and tell me to grow up. What does that tell you about your beliefs?

      Jul 11, 2013 at 2:37 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   Poltergeist

      But hey, if you want to believe in the toothfairy, go right ahead. That doesn’t affect me. What does affect me is when you try to control me through law, insult and condemn me for doing nothing that affects you, and teaching your children to fear me so that they can grow up and carry on the tradition.

      Jul 11, 2013 at 2:49 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #12.6   Raichu

      So you are unable to see beyond “religious”. That’s really frustrating, I will admit, and also annoyingly common.

      Where did I say I feared you? What did I do to indicate I’m trying to control you? How did I, personally, insult or condemn you? I didn’t, but answering that question would require that you evaluate me individually, rather than throwing me in your preconceived box.

      Anyway, the whole “religion vs. atheism” is such a stupid mudslinging match. The people who wrote the notes were assholes. Making it all about their religion is pretty dumb.

      Jul 15, 2013 at 1:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.7   Poltergeist

      I didn’t mean to make it seem as if I was talking about you specifically, Raichu. I worded it poorly, and for that, I apologize.
      However, there is no denying that there are people out their who think their beliefs give them the right to dictate what others can and cannot do, and that’s why I get so hostile when people bring up religion or God as a reason for why something is wrong,.

      Jul 16, 2013 at 9:06 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.8   Raichu

      Thank you. Yes, there are people like that out there, and I disagree with them as much as you do. I also try to evaluate people for what I see and know of them, since I know that not everyone can be categorized easily. I think there would be a lot more peace if we started calling out assholish behavior and stopped attributing assholish behavior to other aspects of assholes’ lives that don’t necessarily cause such behavior.

      Jul 19, 2013 at 9:52 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #13   nativefloridian

    “I’m sorry, in order to better know what you’re asking I need to know which god you worship and which specific activities offend this god. (These might be obvious to you, but our last neighbors were Wiccan and the ones before them were Hindu, and asked for things like vegetarian dishes at the neighborhood BBQ). If you can be more specific, we could take the matter under consideration*.”

    *Consideration does not mean automatic compliance

    Jul 9, 2013 at 11:18 pm   rating: 120  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Shannon

      They’re being quite vague by simply using the word “Godless”, aren’t they? Arrogant, as well, considering they assume everyone knows what God it is they worship, as if there’s only one!

      If I were Matt, I’d start doing every “God-filled” activity I could think of when their precious spawn is home from school… Evening prayers towards Mecca, meditation & chanting, Hare Krishna-style singing and dancing in orange robes with tambourines, then maybe some New Age crystal therapy. For Holi, I’d obviously throw coloured powder at them, just to be neighbourly.

      I have a feeling the above mentioned activities would only incite more note-writing, though…

      Jul 10, 2013 at 6:00 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

  • #14   Tom

    Judging by the note, “godless activities” could very well be something as mundane as watching a movie or playing a video game. God didn’t create electricity on the 8th day after all!

    Jul 9, 2013 at 11:26 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   The Elf

      I’m going to run with this assumption: They were LARPing in the backyard.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 6:54 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

  • #15   Lythande

    I would go over and ask them about it. No joking, and in all politeness, ask them to elaborate.

    Not that I wouldn’t comply with their request, if it turns out their vague and underlined Godless activities are actually something rude I were doing, but if someone’s going to pussyfoot around an insult, confront them and make them own it.

    Jul 9, 2013 at 11:38 pm   rating: 119  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   H for Toy

      Yes. Exactly this.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 7:54 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   My name is Princess!

      Remember Parent Swap (Or something like that there were a few) when the Christian mother went ape shit over something completely minor.

      Yeah, well I fear that. So won’t go knocking on the door.

      Watching from my living room with a video camera in hand just in case, maybe.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 9:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   The Elf

      “I AM A GOD WARRIOR!!!!!!”

      That one?

      Jul 10, 2013 at 1:40 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   Lil'

      My favorite part of that rant was when she tore up the check because it was tainted money. I would love to know if she asked the network to cut her another one after her nerves calmed down.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 1:49 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #15.5   Lythande

      I haven’t seen that… I think I need to. It sound horrible and satisfying. Like a train wreck full of Nazis.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 2:04 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #15.6   emanresuyttiw

      At the close of the show, it was revealed that “upon further review” Perrin later accepted the money.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 3:46 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #15.7   My name is Princess!

      Yes! That’s the one and that was my favorite part.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 4:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.8   Jo

      Marguerite Perrin, Trading Spouses for anyone wanting to do a Youtube search.

      Jul 11, 2013 at 9:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.9   fakeeeeee

      That show is fake as every other reality show. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the network’s idea for her to tear up the check. Reality TV is not real. Google any show you want for proof.

      Jul 13, 2013 at 12:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.10   vegangeekgirl bang

      Lythande you really should it was amazing in a horrible way. I don’t normally watch that show but read about that episode and watched it on the net (not sure of any or channels airs it)

      I know, but it doesn’t matter still was amazing in horrible way. Also it’s TV unless it’s the news or a documentary or similar most things on TV are fake, they are supposed to be!

      Jul 15, 2013 at 2:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   Brian H

    Maybe you could sacrifice a lamb to make them feel more comfortable.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 12:07 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   juju_skittles

      Release Brian! Nothing like a good stoning. Perhaps a crucifixion?

      Jul 10, 2013 at 8:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   TRT

    Ha! I thought that was signed “Babylon” for a moment!

    Jul 10, 2013 at 4:23 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #18   The Elf

    My husband and I got a similar but unsigned PAN (I wish I had kept it!) packaged with a Bible tract. We thought about what we could have done to offend, and figured it had to be this: the previous day, we washed the car. It was hot, so my husband took his shirt off. He’s heavily inked, and they were responding to his big – and amazing – backpeice. It’s the only thing I got, since only our immediate next door neighbors would have had cause to complain about our many other “godless” acts, and they were on vacation at the time.

    But if the notewriters had known their *Christian* history, they would have realized the tattoo was a reference to the Danse Macabre. Nothing godless about that!

    Jul 10, 2013 at 7:04 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   H for Toy

      Psssh. That’s so Old Testament!

      Jul 10, 2013 at 7:45 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #19   KittenPlaysTheViolin

    This note kinda creeps me out because I have an aunt and uncle named Barb and Tom, but they live in St. Paul, so it couldn’t be them. Or could it? Nah, they’re Catholic but very open-minded.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 8:11 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Lil'

      Do they have an impressionable young daughter?

      Jul 10, 2013 at 8:38 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #20   Lee

    PLEASE go & ask them exactly what Godless activities have offended them, not so you can stop, but so you can tell us in graphic detail

    Jul 10, 2013 at 9:09 am   rating: 51  small thumbs up

  • #21   libman

    Offee to buy their daughter

    Jul 10, 2013 at 9:10 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Shannon

      Oh please do! Following the Biblical rules of buying someone’s daughter, of course. We wouldn’t want your offer to seem “Godless”.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 9:21 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #22   Dawn J

    I’m guessing Matt knows exactly what godless activities they are referring to.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 9:14 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #23   Lil'

    I’m guessing Barb was a lot more involved in the writing of this letter than Tom. Just a feeling, but I bet if Matt approached Tom, Tom would be dumbfounded as to what he’s supposed to be offended by.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 9:19 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #24   PSzymeczek

    No. No, I won’t tone it down.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 9:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #25   H for Toy

    Matt is a married comedian/comedy writer with two kids. Maybe they just don’t like his jokes.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 10:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #26   Elle

    Honestly, this would make me want to do the most godless-and-offensive-but-not-illegal things I could think of, in my front yard, at approximately the time the kid was coming home from school. Maybe playing Dungeons and Dragons while listening to heavy metal. With all the foreign gay people of other faiths I can find. In swimwear (preferably swimwear of the other sex). Hmm, what else?

    Jul 10, 2013 at 10:07 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Shannon

      I think you need to contact Michael Moore and see if you can get the Sodom Mobile for the day…

      Jul 10, 2013 at 11:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   Lythande

      Hm… Swearing, preferably creatively profane but not lewd. Aren’t there certain TV shows and movies these types have problems with? Watch some Harry Potter movies or something while you and your muti-ethnic transvestite rainbow party play and listen and swear.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 2:08 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #26.3   The Elf

      At a party like that, you have to do the Time Warp.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 7:24 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #26.4   Phoenix

      Sigh…I’m too straight and white to get invited to any of the GOOD parties.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 8:22 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #26.5   Kittymama

      Hang in there. You will eventually.

      Jul 15, 2013 at 4:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   Trace

    Gotta love it when the new neighbors want to set the rules for the block.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 10:24 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Brent Hoover

      Yeah, that was the part that most struck me. Did you not know this was a “Godless” building?

      Jul 11, 2013 at 9:52 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #28   Kristy

    Looks like it’s time for a satanic ritual every day when the kid is walking home from school.

    Doesn’t get much more godless than that to religious zelots

    Jul 10, 2013 at 10:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #29   Mindfield

    The note I’d respond with:

    “Hi! We’re your godless neighbours! We’re young and sensible and we would like to know if you could tone down your religious activities when we’re home from work. It insults the memory of Christopher Hitchens. Thanks!”

    Jul 10, 2013 at 11:19 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

  • #30   Mr.Trololo

    You folks are all too nice…

    I’d wipe my rear end after a good extra runny #2 (preferably after chili night) with their note and return it to them.

    It would summarize what I think of their opinion of my “godlessness”.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 11:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #31   lolsuz

    In light of Matt’s statement that he can’t imagine what he or his family could have done to offend, I suspect that Barb and Tom found out who Matt is and/or saw his podcast page and sent that note preemptively, in fear that their child might be exposed to some *future* demonic spectacle. DARK SIDED!!!!1!

    Which is even more outrageous and rude than having sent it because they disapproved of something that actually happened.

    The assumption of privilege and authority that their faith gives them guarantees they’ll constantly run afoul of everyone and everything around them… from their perspective such a note is not only permissible, it’s their duty as guardians over the child God sent to them to raise. It’s delusional, but a delusion so common in our culture that it’s easy to overlook the mental illness involved.

    I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Lil’s suspicion that the husband had nothing to do with the note is spot on, so talking to the husband might actually go a long way to salvaging the situation to some degree. Hey, if they’re as Bible-loving as they claim to be, you can tell Tom to curb his wife’s behavior and she has to obey him. If he has to beat her to keep her in line that’s Biblical too.

    My condolences on your new neighbors, Matt, SINCERELY.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 11:32 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #32   redheadwglasses

    Help! I can’t see the picture posted with the note(s), and when I open it by right clicking, it just sits and spins. WHat should I do?

    Jul 10, 2013 at 11:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #33   redheadwglasses

    Nevermind — when I moused over it, I saw that the text was visible in a temporary box like xkcd uses.

    Barb and Tom: Go fuck yourselves with a Jesus dildo.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 11:35 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #34   redheadwglasses

    I think people who would leave such a stupid note most likely have a very lengthy list as to what constitutes “godless activities.”

    Jul 10, 2013 at 11:37 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #35   Hugles

    …and here I thought being an Atheist was just not believing in any Gods. There are “Godless Activities” that I’m missing out on? Why didn’t I get the Atheist Welcome Kit with the “Godless Activities” schedule?

    Jul 10, 2013 at 12:44 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Phoenix

      I think Agnostic’s might get those…

      Jul 10, 2013 at 8:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #35.2   The Elf

      Maybe. They’re not sure.

      Jul 11, 2013 at 7:55 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

  • #36   Jami

    This is when I want to smack my fellow believers upside the head.

    Yes, I believe in God. But that doesn’t protect me from the insane believers who say I don’t believe “properly.” Or because I read comic books, love science fiction, and listen to Barry Manilow.

    Yep, you can believe in God and still be seen as “godless.”

    Oh, that reminds me of my favorite joke!

    A Pagan died and found herself standing in front of St. Peter, confused. He welcomed her and she said, “I’m not suppose to be here. I’m suppose to be in the Summerlands.”

    “Ah,” said St. Peter, “You must be one of our Pagan sisters. Come with me.”

    With that St. Peter led her to a beautiful place where people were singing and dancing. But along the edge was a bunch of people wailing and yanking their hair.

    “Oh, it’s just like I thought it would be!” The Pagan said. “But who are those people over there so upset?”

    “Oh,” said St. Peter, “those are fundlementalists. See, they didn’t expect any of you to be here. So for them, this is Hell.”

    Jul 10, 2013 at 1:09 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   H for Toy

      That’s like the one where a guy walks into heaven and has to tiptoe very quietly past a certain section. After passing in silence, he asks St Peter why they had to be so quiet. He answers, “Those are the Baptists. They think they’re the only ones here.”

      Jul 10, 2013 at 2:23 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #36.2   H for Toy

      Also, I have to agree with you. While there are moral issues I think most people, Christians and non-Christians alike, would agree are wrong (murder, rape, theft), there are things that I would not expect a non-Christian to adhere to. Asking them to follow all of my convictions is like a Jewish neighbor sending me a PAN because I was barbecuing ribs, or a Mormon neighbor complaining because I enjoy a cup of coffee every morning. It’s just a little ridiculous.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 2:37 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #36.3   Jami

      Yep, and some of my things are things that aren’t even addressed in the Bible and most believers think is crazy that others chew me out for.

      Like my mom said about the people protesting ComicCon “Those people don’t believe in God, they think they ARE God.”

      I forget who said it but I think the best quote I saw was one that read, “God gave man the truth. Satan turned it into religion.”

      Jul 10, 2013 at 3:44 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #36.4   Ravyn Jocelyn

      I love your post, thank you for being a tolerant Christian. I hated what Christianity had become, so much so, that I converted to being a Wiccan/Pagan.

      Jul 10, 2013 at 4:46 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #36.5   H for Toy

      You know which verse Christians should be worrying about? The one that says “If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men.”

      Jul 10, 2013 at 9:22 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #36.6   BDC

      I just want to thank everyone in this thread for either BEING a tolerant Christian or not lumping the tolerant Christians with the crazies. Notes like this and stupid crap the WBC always make me think of the Ghandi quote “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.”

      (Also, H, as a fairly liberal mostly-nondenominational-slightly-Methodist person whose extended family is all Tea-Party-Conservative Southern Baptists, I have a new joke to tell at Christmas. Thank you for that.)

      Jul 16, 2013 at 8:00 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #36.7   H for Toy bang

      Anytime , BDC. You can build it up a little by having him walk past [denomination] doing [stereotypical denomination activity] until he gets to the Baptists. I just didn’t feel like typing that all out :)

      Jul 18, 2013 at 1:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #37   A M Cary

    As we share living as neighbors, we will not ask you to conform to any lifestyle or timing but your own and respectfully request you do the same for your neighbors. We acknowledge the intention to be good parents and respectfully will understand if you need to turn up your Christian music to a reasonable volume to coexist with whatever you choose your child not hear.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 1:27 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #38   katie

    What I think needs to be asked here is how on Earth these parents expect to “protect” their child from various perspectives, lifestyles and cultures that she’s going to encounter later in life. There’s always the chance there’s going to be someone at the park who isn’t part of her culture/religion. Maybe her religious school has kids there whose parents forced them to be there and therefore don’t believe in the religion at all. What if she wants to go to college/university, how are they going to keep her from being exposed to various views there? What about the mall? Door to door religious salesmen? Is she just going to be locked up and blindfolded for the rest of her life?

    The answer is likely no, which means sooner or later she’ll hear about all these different perspectives. Why not educate her early and let her figure it out on her own/make her own choices?

    Like everyone else is saying, what could be so awful (“godless”) that she needs to be shielded from it instead of exposed to it and taught about it? Sex noise? Tattoos? Gayness? Is that seriously so terrifying your child needs to be ushered into a windowless room where she can’t possibly see the neighbours?

    What I want to say to this parent is, “Welcome to the real world. Guess your own parents tried to keep you from it. There are people different from you absolutely everywhere. I know, pretty bloody awful isn’t it? Suck it up.”


    Jul 10, 2013 at 1:56 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Shannon

      From what I’ve seen on Matt’s website, he’s a family man (wife & two kids) who happens to have a mohawk and tattoos. Clearly the most Godless of men! Some people just can’t accept that others live their lives slightly differently than them, but they’re not bad people. I highly doubt Matt is sitting on his porch worshipping the devil and sacrificing virgins at 3.30pm everyday.

      SMH at this note writer!

      Jul 10, 2013 at 2:59 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #38.2   Mime

      Amen, katie.
      (Pun intended.)

      Jul 10, 2013 at 5:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #38.3   Poltergeist


      Jul 10, 2013 at 6:00 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #39   Alenonimo

    I would send them a passive-agressive note asking them to move back to the Bible Belt.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 2:00 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #40   SanD

    We had neighbors who thought we we “godless” because we
    1. were Catholic
    2. we didn’t home-school our children and sent them to PUBLIC school instead (the humanity!)
    3. didn’t want our kids to go to vacation Bible school
    4. I wore a 2-piece bathing suit in my backyard pool
    And I’m sure more reasons……..

    Then, the husband got caught with his pants down peeping in the window of the minor girl across the street.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 2:37 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

  • #41   Swartz

    Which god?

    Jul 10, 2013 at 2:43 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #42   Frank Chickens

    From Spitting Image – My God is Bigger Than Your God:

    Jul 10, 2013 at 3:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #43   Kel

    Well, thankfully they only overheard the godlessly loud bong hits, and not the group beastiality bang!

    Jul 10, 2013 at 4:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #44   SueR

    It’s the Villification Tennis. Totally godless.

    I love it when these are from the place I’m from (close, at least, I’m on the other side of the Twin Cities. ) I want to stop by and visit.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 6:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #45   Phoenix

    “Dear nieghbor. God is with us everywhere, whatever we do. So whatever we were doing, it wasn’t GODLESS- he was there with me!”

    Jul 10, 2013 at 8:27 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #46   Magenta

    I would like to do some “godless activities” with that Bible. That would make for some hardcore spankings along with the hands.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 10:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #47   Sir Puke

    My condolences to Matt.

    I am reminded of a quote by Lenny Bruce: Christians are supposed to be like Jesus, right? That’s great, because Christ was a delight!
    The notewriters seem to be emulating someone else.

    Jul 10, 2013 at 11:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #48   Allyson

    See, it’s people like this that make me embarrassed to admit that I go to church. Of course, our church is liberal and inclusive, and our family is interfaith, so Barb and Tom would probably consider me “Godless”, too.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 12:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #49   mushroom

    (Dragnet — the 80s movie — reference) The neighbors must have been having a PAGAN ritual — People Against Goodness And Normalcy.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 2:41 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #50   redheadwglasses

    The thing is… Minneapolis is very liberal and very gay-friendly. Good luck finding a block without a rainbow windsock on a front porch. Heck, Minneapolis elected the nation’s first Muslim U.S. Representative.

    Just wait until Barb and Tom get the Muslim Keith Ellison’s mailers. They may explode. Better have a squeegee handy.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 7:58 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #51   jj

    Am I the only one that hopes the little girl can remain innocent thru all this ‘adult’ behavior? I do hope so. I feel bad about the mean comments. But I know people are tolerant of everything BUT God now. I thought the note was reasonable. Maybe loud music with cuss words is being played and simple problems like that. Obviously the comment makers do not have children they love yet.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 9:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   H for Toy

      I too hope she doesn’t get hurt or confused by this. I don’t agree that the note was reasonable, though. If they had specified what activity they meant; “we try not to swear around our daughter, so we’d appreciate it if you could listen to your music while she’s a school, or more quietly” that would have been reasonable, but the vague, underlined Godless is just a cop out. (See comment at #15)

      Jul 11, 2013 at 11:12 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #51.2   The Elf

      Exactly, H. There was an opportunity for them to write a reasonable note with a reasonable request. They declined and went with batshit insane.

      Take the religion out of it – is it even clear what problem the notewriter would like to address?

      Jul 11, 2013 at 2:30 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #51.3   FeRD bang

      @jj [walker?]:

      [P]eople are tolerant of everything BUT God now.

      Really? I dunno, there are a lot of things I don’t tolerate. Murder. Racism. Bigotry of all sorts. Abuse of power. And most of all, the only “sin” that exists in my belief system: Imposing one’s life on someone else in a manner that’s directly contrary to their desires or interests.

      (That last one might make it sound like I’m supporting the notewriter — I’m not. Just like the right to free speech, this rule gets tricky because it goes both ways. The note is at least as much an imposition on Matt’s life as whatever Matt may have been doing that set the notewriters off, and it’s a more direct one. Matt was just going about his business, with his new neighbors probably the furthest thing from his mind. Whereas they’re directly asking him to alter his behavior — without even explaining how they want him to alter it — just to suit their desires. We all have to learn to get along, and live around each other even if we don’t all think the same way or believe the same things. This note insists that everyone think and act as they do, which is the opposite of that.)

      But I’d like to think I’d be very tolerant of the Christian god, or any other deity who moved into my neighborhood. I haven’t met any gods yet, but I would be horrifically embarrassed if I greeted them with intolerance.

      But you know I haven’t met god, so you probably didn’t mean that. Oh, wait, I see. You probably meant that people are tolerant of everything but someone’s belief in God! Right? That makes sense.

      Or… does it? Wait, I just realized: I can’t actually read minds! I can’t know what you or anyone else believe, about god or anything else. So I couldn’t possibly judge you on the things you believe, or be intolerant of any beliefs you hold. Heck, I couldn’t be intolerant of even your expressions of your beliefs, since we’re not close friends and I really don’t have any idea how you observe your faith. And I can assure you, I would consider it absolutely none of my business regardless.

      So, the only way I (or most people) would have much opportunity to be intolerant of someone’s beliefs is if they were expecting me to adhere to those beliefs. Or expecting that I not speak my mind about my beliefs when it’s different from what they say regarding their beliefs, because apparently my beliefs are somehow less valid or important or deserving of expression than theirs.

      You’re fucking right I’m intolerant of that!

      Oh, and this?

      Obviously the comment makers do not have children they love yet.

      …Go fuck yourself with a chainsaw, you sneering, condescending horse’s ass.

      Jul 11, 2013 at 4:22 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #51.4   H for Toy

      That’s the crux of the matter right there, Elf. Replace Godless with offensive, annoying, or rude, and Matt still has no idea what the problem is. By using Godless, they not only come across as crazy, but they also give Christians a bad name. Lose/lose, if they had wanted to accomplish anything positive.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 8:32 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #51.5   Bcteagirl

      You seem to be one of those people mixing up not getting special priviledges with being put-upon somehow.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 3:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #51.6   K

      [P]eople are tolerant of everything BUT God now.

      Come to me when as many Christians are killed, harassed, jailed, beaten, and raped for their religion as trans*, gay, bisexual, etc people are just for existing. Then we can talk about how people are “tolerating” me when they only send PANs about the fact that I’m in a lesbian relationship instead of attacking me, but when people don’t have the same beliefs as you, that’s intolerant of them.

      How dare people not all be the same?

      Jul 14, 2013 at 9:22 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #52   Pat

    Those neighbors need to be sent a similar note asking them to tone down their “Zeuss-Less”, “Thor-Less” or “Vishnu-Less” activities.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 10:23 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #53   Pat

    jj wrote: “But I know people are tolerant of everything BUT God now”

    Ah there we go, playing the persecution card… sorry but that one doesn’t fly specially not in much of the US where christianity is practically the de facto “state religion”…

    Besides, how can I be tolerant of something that doesn’t exist? On the other hand I am very tolerant of peoples right to believe (or not) in whatever the heck imaginary deity they want.

    Jul 12, 2013 at 8:11 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #54   Madrias

    Regarding religion, I don’t follow any particular faith. I believe there’s likely something after death, but only due to the fact that there’s an immense amount of energy in a living being. That amount of energy cannot be contained in something that no longer moves. The Law of Conservation of Energy says that energy cannot be created, nor destroyed, so where does all of the energy that kept us moving go? It must go somewhere.

    As for the ‘godless’ comment: I don’t believe in God (as mentioned, I don’t follow any particular religion), so yes, I’m fully godless. I’m not gonna pick up a God just to please you. If you’ve got a gripe with me over something, like if I choose to play video games well into the early hours of the morning, or if my movie is annoying you, then tell me and I might adjust accordingly. Leave me a note and I will keep doing it.

    Jul 14, 2013 at 3:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #54.1   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      That’s some pretty sweet pseudo-science right there.

      Jul 27, 2013 at 11:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #54.2   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Fuck you, Barb and Tom. Fuck. You.

      Jul 27, 2013 at 11:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #55   AmyQ

    I’m from the UK, we have loads of religions cheek by jowl (I live next to Sikhs on one side and Orthodox Catholics on the other) and we would never seek to undermine each other’s lifestyle (I’m an atheist, they seem to not mind that).

    Is this an American thing?

    Jul 24, 2013 at 3:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #55.1   The Elf


      Jul 24, 2013 at 7:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #56   clutch machining amtech

    interesting website. i read it but i still have a few questions. shoot me an email and we will talk more because i may have an interesting idea for you.

    Jul 29, 2013 at 3:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #57   Mary

    Just shout out “Oh God! Oh God!” a couple of times, and then the neighbors will be happy.

    Aug 5, 2013 at 6:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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