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Are you happy now?

July 11th, 2013 · 65 comments

The day before her birthday, Emily in Baton Rouge was lamenting the fact that her husband had never once surprised me with a cookie cake. (Hint, hint.)

The next day, her husband “surprised” her with what Emily called “quite possibly the best present I’ve ever received — not only hilarious, but delicious as well!”

Are you happy now?

Meanwhile, writes Chanisa in Danbury, Connecticut: “This is what my husband wrote on my birthday cake after I nagged him about it for a week.”

Happy f*cking birthday

related: I don’t want to hear another damn word about flowers

FILED UNDER: birthday · cake · Connecticut · love & marriage

65 responses so far ↓

  • #1   qua


    Jul 11, 2013 at 8:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #2   Serenity

    Too funny

    Jul 11, 2013 at 8:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #3   Nunavut Guy

    I’m never happy you pussy-whipped bitch.You should know that by now.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 8:49 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   redheadwglasses

      HA!!!! I hope the decorator enjoyed her work that day. : )

      Jul 12, 2013 at 12:09 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #4   Katie Ann

    Aww, but the second one clearly looks handmade, decorated, and he even got the icing in a tube to write with. A+ for effort in my book.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 8:51 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

  • #5   Roto13

    I know I’d be happy now.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 9:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Beatus Mongous

      “Are you happy now, you annoying bitch?”

      Jul 12, 2013 at 12:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   Sir Puke

    This reminds me of when a friend celebrated her birthday at a bar where everyone is well aquainted. The bar keep is a notorious for her foul mouth.
    When the time came to bring out the cake, the bar keep told everyone: Take the cake over there and we can sing f*cking Happy Birthday.
    That is exactly what everyone sang: Happy F*cking Birthday to you. Happy F*cking Birthday to you.
    Thinking about it, still does crack me up.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 9:01 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Gladystopia

      Faced with the decision of whether I’d rather have a “happy f*cking birthday”, or a “f*cking happy birthday”….

      I think I’d opt to leave the “birthday” part out all together.

      I’m already PLENTY old enough, but like everybody else I know, I could sure do with more happy f*cking!

      Jul 12, 2013 at 12:09 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Beatus Mongous

      ^ Yes! Lots more!

      How old are you, by the way? 37 here, and I’ve hated birthday parties since I was 10.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 12:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Katie

      THANK you! Everyone at works wants to feel obligated to celebrate birthdays and I try to tell them “Hey, I’m not 12. I don’t need a birthday party”. I’ll be 35 in September :/

      Jul 13, 2013 at 6:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #7   Rene

    Props to the guy who made the cake himself. Frankly, it looks like he put a lot of work into it. Those aren’t just skills you’re born with.

    Jul 11, 2013 at 9:20 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #8   LadyIslay

    You know, the second cake may not have been made by the husband. Have you seen some of the “professional” cakes over on Cake Wrecks?

    Jul 11, 2013 at 10:31 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Katie Ann

      I’m not sure one could purchase a pig platter of that quality at a Walmart bakery…

      Jul 12, 2013 at 12:27 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #9   Jessi

    Emily from Baton Rouge was upset that her husband never surprised the mods of with a cookie cake? That’s a bit odd.

    Jul 12, 2013 at 4:01 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   H for Toy

      He had the cake delivered, with a note that said, “Can you please post this on your site, so my wife knows I finally sent you one?”

      Jul 12, 2013 at 7:03 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   The Elf

      I’ve never had a cookie cake either (hint, hint). Emily, I think your husband needs to send us all cookie cakes.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 7:37 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   Save America

      Ha ha, I was thinking the same thing. Why would she care if her husband never surprised that guy with a cookie cake? I think he switched from third to first person in mid sentence.

      Jul 18, 2013 at 3:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #10   SeeYouInTea

    I hope they all got birthday sex.

    Jul 12, 2013 at 4:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Elf

      Of course! That’s why she’s happy now. Happy fucking birthday indeed.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 7:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   My name is Princess!

      I was about to say. It sounds like the second one was either a request or a hint on the birthday gift.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 8:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #11   H for Toy

    I just know I’m going to get something like this for my 40th. I didn’t get to do any of the things I had wanted to for my 30th, so I’ve been mentioning to my husband, every now and then, that he’ll have plenty of time to plan a big to-do for my 40th. I wouldn’t be in the least surprised to find that the cake says “Are You Happy Now?!”

    Jul 12, 2013 at 7:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #12   jj

    To be treated like the 2nd one, I would then for the next year add pee to his bowls of soup … there! No cussing on my birthday dangnabbit.

    Jul 12, 2013 at 9:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Beatus Mongous

      I want to hear cussing on MY birthday. Namely dirty talk style cussing during the birthday sex in the back yard.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 12:19 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #13   sunshynegrll

    Jul 12, 2013 at 9:13 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Elf

      You know what would be better? Passive-Aggressive Pasties.

      Not the Cornish kind.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 1:15 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Lythande

      I’m going to start marketing ones that say “What are you looking at?” and “Eyes are up there, buddy”. Maybe ones in size 8 font that say “If you can read this I need a restraining order”.

      But when the inevitable happens and the scope of the site widens, there will be complainers in the comment section with gems like “This is Passive-Aggressive Pasties, not Passive-Aggressive Merkins”.

      Jul 14, 2013 at 9:55 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #14   Wait..what?

    Love Love Love the extra PAN touch with the pig platter under the second plate.

    Jul 12, 2013 at 9:51 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #15   Ely North

    I have to side with the husbands on this one. You think you deserve a special cake just because on this date however-many years ago you slipped out of your mother’s vagina, and you’ve managed not to die since then?

    Jul 12, 2013 at 10:27 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   toots

      Yes, of course.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 10:42 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   redheadwglasses

      Gotta love the birthday haters.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 12:11 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   FeatherBlade

      Doesn’t matter, Ely.

      This is, for whatever reason, something that is important to the wives, and because it is important to the wives, (and is it such a small thing to do, too…) it behooves the husbands to show sufficient consideration for the wives to get them the cakes they want.

      All part of learning to live with one’s own wife in understanding and contentment.

      …Of course, I’m not sure the actual submissions reflect the spirit of what I’ve just said…

      Jul 12, 2013 at 12:52 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   AlyInSebby


      That’s the exact text of the card that came with those cakes!

      Good stuff!! Sell that shizz to Hallmark!

      Jul 17, 2013 at 8:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #16   Neeners

    Nothing tastes sweeter than a birthday cake given out of guilt and spite. Yummy!

    Jul 12, 2013 at 4:04 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #17   Jami

    So if you’re married you can get your husband to get you the kind of cake you always wanted?

    Hm – Maybe I should find a husband and see about getting that ice cream cake I’ve asked for every year only to hear from my family that “ice cream cake is gross/stupid.”

    Or I could just go out and buy my own. That way I get ice cream cake and I don’t have to wash some dude’s boxer shorts.

    Jul 12, 2013 at 6:14 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   H for Toy

      I almost always get ice cream cake for my birthday. You can come share mine. But, you’ll have to wait til next year, cuz my birthday just passed.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 10:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Jami

      H, so far you’ve offered me homemade hot sauce and now ice cream cake. I swear, if you weren’t married and I wasn’t straight I’d marry you. Cause I think I love you.

      Jul 12, 2013 at 10:44 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   H for Toy

      No hot sauce this year; the peppers didn’t turn out :( There’s a local guy here that has a ton of homemade sauces he sells. We were going to try some of those. We can move to Utah. I know my husband wouldn’t mind at all if I had a wife ;)
      When you make it on Broadway, I’ll come to the opening, and bring ice cream cake to celebrate!

      Jul 13, 2013 at 5:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   Jami


      That sucks about the peppers.

      My garden is over run with weeds no matter what I do. I might, after what few things I got to grow are done, just go over the entire thing with Round Up and put some plastic down to suffocate the soil for a bit.

      What sucks is a lot of the weeds don’t seem to be native to the area. We never had a chickweed problem before until about five years ago. Now it’s all over. Can’t get rid of it. Then there’s cowslip, stinging nettles, and this one plant I always feel guilty talking about because of the name – Wandering Jew. Couple that with my idiot neighbor who likes to have ivy growing in his yard….

      I managed to at least get some radishes but I think instead of eating them raw like I normally do I might try making radish pudding or radish cake. I just need to stop being lazy and look up the recipes.

      Jul 13, 2013 at 10:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   The Elf

      Buy your own. I’m a big believer in make-you-own-birthday. Excluding children and milestone birthdays, making a big deal out of your birthday is overkill. But taking some time just for you, to do something you want to do, is just fine.

      I always try to take my birthday off work (or some weekday around that time) to have a “me day”. Sometimes I go hiking. Sometimes I get a massage. Sometimes I don’t bother to get dressed and read/play computer games/watch chick flicks all day. I generally buy a gift for myself; something I’ve had my eye on but wouldn’t ordinarily buy. I eat what I want, and screw any diet. Ice cream cake? Hell yeah! Your family doesn’t have to eat it if they don’t like it. By a small cake and grab a spoon.

      Jul 15, 2013 at 7:33 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.6   H for Toy

      Very true. Especially now that we’re in our 30′s, no balloons necessary. A lot of families will do a typical-day-except-we-have-birthday-cake-for-dessert celebration. If her family says, “We’re going to get you a cake for your birthday. What would you like?” and when she she requests an ice cream cake, they tell her that’s not the kind they like… Why even bother?

      Though, you can get small 4-serving ice cream cakes, I believe. So, that’s one piece each for the birthday girl, Tard, me, and Rufus Sewell.

      Jul 15, 2013 at 9:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.7   Jami


      I told you guys the story about how one year mom informed me my birthday was not about me, right? Because I wanted everyone to save money and go in together on a gift card instead of everyone going out and buying me $20 or $30 worth of crap I don’t want but they like and think they can force me to like too. They could just chip in $5 or $10 for a gift card.

      Since Barry Manilow’s not in Vegas anymore (I used to go see him for my birthday) last year I treated myself to the VIP backstage tour at Universal Studios. My favorite theme park. Everyone else in my family loves Disneyland. But I can take Disney or leave it. Give me Universal any day. I’d live there if I could.

      And unless Barry – or perhaps Neil Diamond as I’ve always wanted to see him, as well as Tom Jones – is performing close by for my birthday, I think I’m going to do it again.

      Jul 15, 2013 at 9:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.8   H for Toy

      To be fair, she did do all the work when you were born ;)

      Jul 15, 2013 at 10:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.9   Jami

      LOL True. But my point is I want my family members to save money. None of us listen to the “no gifts” thing, ever. For mom’s 70th I went out and got her a Big 5 gift card because I know she needs a new fishing pole. My oldest brother Paul and his fiance got her the fishing pole and those hiking poles you see people walking with. (So now she can use the gift card to get her new reel filled with line.)

      For our parent’s anniversary my brother Todd had someone paint a picture of one of the cabins from Lundy Lake – the place they honeymooned.

      And that’s just how we kids rebel against our parents. By buying them gifts when they say not to!

      So since I know I’m going to get gifts, like it or not, I’d rather they all chip in one on gift card than each of them buying a bunch of junk I neither want nor need. You’d think wanting your family to save their money would be a good thing.

      Jul 15, 2013 at 1:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Nahhh bang

    You gotta nip this birthday-attention-whoring in the bud, or you end up with phone calls asking “Are you going to remember my birthday tomorrow, or forget it like you did last year and leave me alone and crying all day…” from your 75-year-old father. I never forgot his birthday. Not ONCE.

    So, when does the rest of the therapy group get here?

    Jul 12, 2013 at 8:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   kermit

      When someone brings the birthday cake, that’s when.

      Jul 14, 2013 at 11:20 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   The Elf

      I had one, but I left it in the office fridge and damn if this douchenozzle didn’t dig into it! And he drank my milk!

      Jul 15, 2013 at 7:39 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #19   havingfitz

    I guess I view it like this. I spent 364 days a year
    (and 365 on leap years) jumping through hoops for everyone else, and I don’t even have a spouse or kids. I spoil myself rotten on my birthday as a result. I figure one day out of the year, I deserve it.

    Jul 13, 2013 at 10:01 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #20   Tard

    I’m the only one in my family who can bake a German Chocolate cake (my favorite), so GUESS WHO has made his own b-day cake for the past 35 years?

    A) Me
    B) Me

    Go on, guess. Ill wait.

    Jul 13, 2013 at 3:33 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Jami

      C) The German Chocolate Cake Fairy AKA Tard.

      Jul 13, 2013 at 4:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   H for Toy

      Can they read? Anyone who can read, can cook. With a little practice. Tard, you join Jami and I, and we’ll have an ice cream cake, and a German chocolate cake.

      Jul 13, 2013 at 6:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   Jami

      Oh I don’t know, H. My dad’s got a PhD in chemistry. He’d used to mixing all sorts of complex formulas.

      The man can burn ice water.

      I pointed out to him that cooking is basically chemistry. He still can’t do it.

      Jul 13, 2013 at 7:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.4   H for Toy

      Maybe he’s too smart for such a mundane task. He can’t wrap his mind around something that simple. If you think about it, it takes some real skill to burn ice water!!

      Jul 13, 2013 at 9:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #20.5   Jami

      I’m going to use that excuse the next time someone berates me for not using eye makeup. Cause they won’t accept the fact that no matter what kind I use my eyes water, itch, and burn the entire time and the fact I’m just no good at applying it.

      “I’m too smart to apply eye makeup correctly.”

      Jul 14, 2013 at 11:13 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #20.6   H for Toy

      I can cook AND apply makeup. I also flush pot roasts down the toilet. I think we’ve found the answer, Jami!

      Jul 14, 2013 at 6:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #21   Tard

    Can we put an ice cream cake INSIDE a germ. chic cake? Hmmmm….

    Jul 14, 2013 at 9:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   kermit

      This is a family site, Tard. We can’t do food porn in here. Get thee away from this vomitorium!

      Jul 14, 2013 at 11:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   Jami

      Well, if we can put a chicken inside a duck and shove that duck inside a turkey, and then deep fry them all. By gum, you can have your ice cream German Chocolate Cake!

      And you can have my portion too cause I just can’t stand coconut. (Sorry! But hey, more for you!)

      Jul 14, 2013 at 4:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   Shannon

    I want a cookie cake…

    Jul 14, 2013 at 2:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   Tard

    I demand my ice cream German chocolate cake!
    USA! USA! USA!

    Jul 14, 2013 at 7:00 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   H for Toy

      I’m gonna work on that.

      Jul 14, 2013 at 10:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #24   Raichu

    haha, I think the first one is cute and funny. Dunno about the details on the second one, but I’d probably laugh if it had been given to me as well.

    Jul 15, 2013 at 1:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Dalamara

    I can’t believe no one said it yet: I bet that cake was fucking delicious.

    Jul 17, 2013 at 11:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   I_Know_Where_You_Are

    People should really remove the exif data from their pictures before they submit them. I could drive right to your house in Baton Rogue on O*&*&ne Dr. and enjoy some of that cake (I doubt there’s any left since it was bought on July 8th) Just be careful, ya’ll

    Jul 19, 2013 at 4:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   H for Toy bang

      You might be better off sending them a letter in the mail.

      Jul 19, 2013 at 9:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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