I hope you step in a puddle in fresh socks!

July 28th, 2013 · 49 comments

“A couple of fairly large bike-stealing rings just got busted here,” writes Caitlin in Waterloo, Ontario. “There were a lot of thefts, but this is the only note I’ve seen.” (How utterly un-Canadian!)

Dear Bike Thief, I'm sorry about the circumstances in your life that led you to feel the need to steal my bike. Although I do wish that you step on a Lego or in a kitchen puddle wearing fresh socks, I hope that taking my bike has helped your life get back on track.

related: Dear thief, I hope you…

extra credit: Stepping on Legos [youtube.com]

FILED UNDER: bicycle · Ontario · stealing · Waterloo


49 responses so far ↓

  • #1   the wolf

    It got his life back on Trek.

    Jul 28, 2013 at 4:20 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   jdaniel

      :)

      Nice one!

      Jul 28, 2013 at 6:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   justme

    I believe that bike thieves should face consequences, but wishing for someone to step on a lego is just too cruel.

    Jul 28, 2013 at 4:28 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   NoAdditives

      As the mom of multiple young children, I can tell you that there are Hot Wheels cars that are worse than Legos. Wooden blocks are also particularly painful. Legos really aren’t that bad.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 5:18 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   jdaniel

      Congratulations on NOT being fat, mom.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 6:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   redheadwglasses

      The very tiny legos are worse than Hot Wheels cars. I got many a beating when dad stepped on one of those, lost in the shag carpeting.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 7:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Beatus Mongous

      I never walk around my house without shoes.

      When I was a kid, though, and my mom would step on a Lego and get angry with me, my response was always, “Why didn’t you pick up the Lego before stepping on it?” Yeah, I got a pretty good punishment every time, but I still never ceased to ask that question.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 11:35 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   KHandcock

      Lego’s got nothing on the little plastic Angry Bird yellow bird that my son got with his birthday cake. The first time I stepped on that in the dark, I seriously thought I’d stepped on a nail and I was going to have to go to the hospital.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 2:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Geek Goddess

      Barbie’s boobs, when she is lying face up on the floor. Naked, of course.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 7:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   Ashley Coats

      Worst thing I’ve ever stepped on in my kids room… star shaped plastic ring from the top of a cupcake. I’m pretty sure I screamed.

      Jul 30, 2013 at 9:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   Yowza

      I stepped on a mini plastic road pylon, I almost threw up from the pain and it left a bruise on my foot for weeks.

      Jul 31, 2013 at 6:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   Chrissyannie

      Those little plastic animals and dinosaurs are worst than Hot Wheels and Legos, as the little plastic thingies have sharp arms and legs that stick straight out, along with super sharp tails and noses……oh, my.

      Jul 31, 2013 at 4:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.10   Angie

      Has no one ever stepped on an earring? Not only do they puncture the skin, the ridge that is meant to hold on the backing gets stuck when you try to pull it out.

      Aug 3, 2013 at 9:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   weed store

    dude stepping on a lego hurts, this one time i stepped on a lego and it really hurt my foot

    Jul 28, 2013 at 4:46 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   AJ

      Good story, bro.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 5:37 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   JT

      Yeah, well this one time it was dark and I didn’t turn on the light. I had just put on fresh socks and stepped in a puddle of juice that my kid had spilled on the floor. While swearing and going towards the bathroom to clean up I stepped on a Lego. Worst day of my life, bro.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 5:42 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Dana

      Coulda been worse. Coulda been cat barf and not juice.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 6:51 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   My name is Princess

      stepping in cat barf in the dark barefoot while tripping on your butt. … No, that has never ever ever happened to me ever. I mean it. EVER. (okay once or more than once)

      Jul 28, 2013 at 7:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   JT

      Wow, tripping on your butt, that sucks. You must have one really saggy ass.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 7:21 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   SeeYouInTea

      I’ve stepped on a lot of shit in my life (glass, nails, plugs, pins). The worst? an 8 pair pack of earring studs. All 16 posts went into my foot. The next day I could still stick something small in one of the holes like it was really pierced.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 10:42 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   Gladystopia

      I actually clicked through to comments specifically to mention cat barf as Potentially The Worst Thing To Step In While Wearing Socks. The presence of two earlier posts saying the same thing is vindicating, to say the least. But the earring studs sound WAAAAAAAAAAY worse.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 1:31 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   Tesselara

      See you–
      I admire the dedication to the spirit of inquiry that led you to test the post holes in your foot. Mostly, though, you’ve made my feet curl up like terrified hedgehogs.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 8:27 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   Anonymous

      When I was a little girl, my brother had left the detached arm of our couch nail-side up on the balcony and, well…

      Aug 1, 2013 at 11:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   kermit

    See, that’s this is the problem with having outdoor bikes.

    None of this would have happened if you’d kept your bike indoors, like good bike owners do!

    Jul 28, 2013 at 5:41 pm   rating: 77  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Mitte

      Bikes are naturally outdoor means of transportation. I tried to make my outdoor bike become an indoor one and it left skid marks all over my floor. Keeping bikes inside is really too cruel.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 6:53 pm   rating: 68  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   jdaniel

      Maybe the bike WAS inside when it was stolen. Perhaps in the kitchen.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 6:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Outdoor bikes are the only way!

      Sorry, but bikes are meant to be ridden outdoors. And even if you think my “bike” should stay indoors, that goes not give you the right to steal, hurt, or throw things at my bike. That is against the law, it is bike cruelty and it is illegal. How would you like it if I stole your cat because it was outside? Well, same with my bike.

      Jul 28, 2013 at 7:28 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   JT

      Duh – you can’t tell he was joking about keeping it indoors?

      Jul 28, 2013 at 10:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Gladystopia

      With one notable exception, I think I love you people.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 1:32 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   M

      I think we can all agree that the best place for a bike is on the windowsill, half in, half out, ever so gently held in place with a sash window… yes?

      Jul 29, 2013 at 1:41 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Prince says

    ain’t no fb page ‘dana’s bike’… but it’s a great idea. make up some sad sap signs and have suckas send in the bills

    Jul 28, 2013 at 6:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   JT

      Actually there is! You can’t see the info on the page without being a friend, but the city matches: https://www.facebook.com/danas.bike

      Jul 28, 2013 at 6:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Alifus

      Wow. One friend. No hope of getting her bike back or roping suckers into help pay for a new one.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 4:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Paula K

    Not sure what’s worse..stepping on a cold slimy hairball in your bare feet or realizing what you thought was a cat toy beside your chair is, in fact, a mouse that has had the head bitten off. Cat is strictly indoors. In the country, you just get mice that come inside.

    Jul 28, 2013 at 7:27 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   pxmidnight

      You have just reminded me of the worst thing I ever stepped on bare footed – a dead mouse. I can still feel the “squish” and hear the “pop”…

      Jul 29, 2013 at 9:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Kittymama

      Not just in the country. And seeing a little dismembered rat face like a Halloween mask for a doll peering up out of the carpet while you’re vacuuming is also pretty bad.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 10:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Flaboy2425

    Legos don’t hold a candle to stepping on a stray jack. Do any girls play Jacks any more? My daughter was the world’s worst when it came time to put away her jacks and go to bed. She nearly always left at least one in the middle of the floor.

    Jul 28, 2013 at 10:00 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   JoAnne M.

      Jacks are tiny caltrops for bare feet! They’re made to take you down!

      Jul 28, 2013 at 10:57 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Beatus Mongous

      My kids play with jacks.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 11:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   luckwagon

    I got somethin worse than legos. How about that one carpet nail hiding in the doorway to the bathroom? Huh? How bout that?

    Jul 29, 2013 at 1:19 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Madrias

      A spilled box of thumbtacks outside the bedroom door. A friend of mine did that once. I had a tough time walking for near a week.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 3:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   redheadwglasses

    Two words: Cruel Shoes.

    Jul 29, 2013 at 7:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Tesselara

    This. THIS is why I wear hard soled slippers in the house. My feet hurt just reading these posts.

    Jul 29, 2013 at 8:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Stefan

    Anyone else think this handwriting is almost too disturbingly perfect?

    Jul 29, 2013 at 9:11 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   KittenPlaysTheViolin

      Disturbingly perfect indeed. I think the notewrite might be a serial killer. She must use PA notes like these to lure her victims.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 3:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Beatus Mongous

    I’m glad my employer allows me to park my bike inside at work.

    Jul 29, 2013 at 11:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   mutzali

    Barbie dolls, boob-side up.

    Jul 29, 2013 at 12:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   spacenomyous

      you must mean the old ones, the newer ones aren’t selling.

      Jul 29, 2013 at 1:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Rainlight

      I’ll do you two better. Barbie shoes and little barbie hairbrushes

      Jul 29, 2013 at 6:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     

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