Entries from July 2013

Actually, we have a garden for that

July 22nd, 2013 · 54 Comments

Rachel in the U.K. found this note pushed through the letterbox this morning. “This the first note either I or my boyfriend have had regarding any kind of ‘leek,’” she says. “I just checked both the bathroom and the kitchen for anything watery where it shouldn’t be and there’s nothing, so I’m very confused. I’m not sure what she wants us to sort, either. Exciting stuff!”

This is the second time Ive had to wright to you. and I'm slowly getting annoyed. You seem to have a leek in your bathroom that is slowly ruining my newly decorated bathroom. I now have bubbles and cracks in my ceiling which will now need repainting! If you don't get it sorted I will and the bill will be fixed to your address! No. 26

related: Drippy faucets

Tags: bathroom · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · U.K.

People should no

July 21st, 2013 · 37 Comments

Rob lives in a seaside town in the U.K. He and several other neighbo(u)rs recently received versions of this handwritten note, seemingly written by an ex-employee of a hot dog stall at a nearby fairground.

Writes Rob: “It’s not quite clear who the notewriter is or exactly what the problem is. Is it the hot dogs? It is the van? Is it the terrible grammar? It is the writer responsible for the ‘handling’ of the ‘disgusting’ food? Who is the mysterious friend who was ill for 3 weeks? What is it that people should ‘no’?”

Mrs Shearan and her daughter own a hot hot dog & burger van at the fair ground, I worked.  For them, and found the handling of the food was disgusting they have been warned, if you visit them this easter they are not what they seem next to the hot dog & burger van they have a childrens amusement their name is on the van,  (people should no [sic] about them iff [sic] they have children, my friend was ill for 3 weeks)

related: Small-town swimming pool rules

Tags: food · spelling and grammar police · that's disgusting · U.K.

Are you lost?

July 17th, 2013 · 73 Comments

Apparently everyone is “doing it wrong,” says our submitter in Colorado.

In case you're confused, you've entered an office building bathroom, not a port-o-let at Coachella in July. That green handle on the side flushes all material down that nifty little porcelain hole. And there's no limit on how many times you can flush. It is possible to make sure all material makes its way to Denver Water, rather than making your co-workers deal with your spent meatloaf dinner from last night before they have to pee. Another tip: If the bowl and seat aren't sparkling white as you go to open the door, you're doing it wrong. Let's treat this bathroom like a professional office environment, and not like a meth lab bathroom in Greeley.

related: THIS IS NOT A METH LAB

Tags: "helpful" advice · Colorado · most popular notes of 2013 · office · toilet

Sorry you cut off your hand

July 16th, 2013 · 37 Comments

Lorna in Adelaide, Australia found this classified ad in the city newspaper a while back. “It still makes absolutely no sense to me,” she says, “but I enjoy the passive-aggressive undertones. (‘You insulted me after I did you a favour!’)”

APOLOGY - Barbra - It is sixteen years since I last saw you. I was a volunteer and you insulted me after I had cleaned your basin, you were speaking of your mother and I thought how lucky you were but I did not intend for you to cut your hand off, why on earth did you? I can't give you a new hand, but I can say how sorry I am. I had stress too. Maura

related: What kind of MULE is it that goes to a Gypsy fortune teller?

Tags: Australia · most popular notes of 2013 · newspaper · WTF?

Not cool, man. Not cool.

July 15th, 2013 · 76 Comments

Explains our submitter in Maryland: “Housemate is pregnant. She doesn’t like it when we leave the AC on.” (Ya think?)

I will straight up MURDER the next person who uses "Cool" and "Fan" together. STOP IT!

related: The womb that would birth a thousand excuses

Tags: die bitch die · Maryland · preggers · roommates · temperature

Are you happy now?

July 11th, 2013 · 65 Comments

The day before her birthday, Emily in Baton Rouge was lamenting the fact that her husband had never once surprised me with a cookie cake. (Hint, hint.)

The next day, her husband “surprised” her with what Emily called “quite possibly the best present I’ve ever received — not only hilarious, but delicious as well!”

Are you happy now?

Meanwhile, writes Chanisa in Danbury, Connecticut: “This is what my husband wrote on my birthday cake after I nagged him about it for a week.”

Happy f*cking birthday

related: I don’t want to hear another damn word about flowers

Tags: birthday · cake · Connecticut · love & marriage

Please take your pants out of the window

July 11th, 2013 · 54 Comments

“Every once in awhile,” writes Sarah in San Diego, “some disgruntled person in my condo building slides a (always unsigned) note under my door declaring their fury at some minor offense. This is the latest.”

Pls take your pants out of the window. This is a holiday! Everyone is laughing. Thank you.

“For the record,” Sarah adds, “said pants were bright-pink Lilly Pulitzer circa 1985; put near a window to dry — I don’t trust my thrift shop purchases to just any dryer — and I think only added to the general festivity of July 4th as they fluttered in the cross breeze!”

related: Sentimental pants

Tags: neighbors · San Diego

Could you please tone down your atheism?

July 9th, 2013 · 135 Comments

Matt found this note outside his house in Minneapolis, and says he hasn’t the slightest idea what sort of “godless activities” Barb & Tom could be hinting at.

Hi! We're your new neighbors! Our little girl is very young and impressionable and we would like to know if you could tone down your godless activities when she's home from school. Thanx so much! Barb & Tom

related: Risky business

Tags: God · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · Won't somebody think of the children?

Show yourself!

July 8th, 2013 · 33 Comments

Our submitter says this sign — written in marker on a section of faux wainscoting paneling — appeared last week in front of a neighbor’s house, deep in the foothills of Appalachia. I’m not sure who did the yelling,” our submitter adds, “but I now feel the uncontrollable urge to yell “PU@@Y!” every time I pass by.”

TO THE PERSON WHO YELLED PU@@Y AT ME WHILE DRIVING BY: COME SEE ME AND WE WILL FIND OUT WHO IS SCARED! SHOW YOURSELF

Slightly more mysterious is this sign, which showed up one day on a dead-end country road in Washington state. Says our submitter, Chris: “There aren’t that many neighbors out here, so it would not have been too hard to find the ’1st class jerk.’”

 To the guy driving the black pickup with two German Shepheds [sic] You're a 1st class JERK!

But the most mysterious of them all comes to us from Providence, Rhode Island. Says Melinda: “My neighbors are all friendly and we all know each other’s first names, so I have no idea why they would put such an ominous sign in their yard. But why else would you post this sign unless it was for someone that might see it?”

Shame on you you know who you are!

related: Cell phones kill ‘possums!

Tags: driving · neighbors · pointlessly self-censored profanity · small town living · you know who you are

Every once in a blue moon…

July 7th, 2013 · 40 Comments

Here’s something we rarely see around here: a happy ending!

Explains Amanda in Fort Collins, Colorado:  “Last week, the trailer that lives outside the Food Co-op had its wheel stolen, and they weren’t able to do the food drop-off. Disgruntled, Karen put this sign on the sad, one-wheeled trailer.”

TO THE PERSON WHO STOLE THE WHEEL FROM THIS TRAILER...this is used to bring food from the co-op to the hungry people of the rescue mission & the Matthews house. Thanks to you we can't do this anymore. Please consider how your actions affect the community. ? Fort Collins Food Finders

Then, Amanda says, “Three days ago, a man came into the co-op. He walked up to the register and, without saying anything, put a BRAND NEW trailer wheel on the counter. ‘I saw your sign,’ he said. ‘I used to eat at the Mission, but now I don’t need to. I wanted to bring you this.’” Then he walked out.

related: The Good Samaritan

Tags: Colorado · guilt trip · heart · most popular notes of 2013 · stealing