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Did someone page the office fat police?

August 8th, 2013 · 196 comments

“There has always been candy on the secretary’s desk at work,” writes Dennis in Louisiana, “but “someone recently moved in to the office who does not need to be eating any candy. I think the message here is pretty clear.”

Did someone page the office fat police?

related: This is a candy-optional office

FILED UNDER: actions speak louder · candy · hey fatty · mean girls · office · public shaming · way harsh

196 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Kimberly

    Shaming people absolutely helps.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 2:19 pm   rating: 156  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Kimberly

      That is exactly what I was going to say (studies prove how VERY helpful it is!) and, as you can see, that is also my name, so for a second, I was like… did I THINK-post this?!

      Aug 8, 2013 at 2:23 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Kimberly

      We must share a name AND think alike!

      Aug 8, 2013 at 2:39 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Snowflame

      Talking to yourself is the third sign of madness.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 3:28 pm   rating: 72  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Brian H

      First, it’s not anyone else’s business and secondly if they don’t have the guts to say it to someone’s face then maybe they should keep it to themselves.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:51 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   AlyInSebby

      Ha! hahahah hahaha haha ha HAH! Oh snowflame! Best laugh in WEEKS!


      Aug 8, 2013 at 9:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Tesselara

      Actually–shaming people does not help.

      Science for the win.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 8:16 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   Melissa

      Lol. I’m surprised a person with a remark intelligent as that even knows how to tie their own shoes. Shaming people makes them more depressed, which means more binging it doesn’t help them. And no, I’m not overweight. I just think the world is full of insensitive people such as yourself. I bet you think shaming drug a users helps too, dontcha? Serotonin and endorphins are two powerful, brain altering chemicals. You can experience massive releases of these chemicals when eating, shopping, doing drugs…hell pretty much anything that makes you happy causes them to release.

      People like you need to get some education and talk about what you know instead of being cyber bullies; which I completely suspect you are.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 8:50 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   p

      The Kimberlys were being very, obviously, sarcastic. Kimberly2 is even referencing a very recent study on the subject of fat shaming.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:00 am   rating: 115  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   redheadwglasses

      Melissa, wow. Get a clue.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:55 am   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   Kimberly

      I shouldn’t have to spell this out but I was being sarcastic. I’m also a college graduate and I have made many more friends online than enemies so pretty much everything you assumed about me is false.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 11:53 am   rating: 54  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   H for Toy

      This is Kimberly1, right? Not that it matters too much, but I’d like to keep straight which is the college graduate, and which can make posts appear with her mind.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 11:56 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   Kimberly

      Yes, it was Kimberly1, with the magical powers.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 12:28 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.13   Melissa

      Yes, you would need to spell it out wouldn’t you? Because I don’t recognize tone through a post; and I’m not a mind reader either.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 12:30 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #1.14   Kimberly

      Well then perhaps you should ask before you start calling me an idiot. A simple “Are you serious?” could have cleared up the situation without resorting to name calling, which is a little funny considering that you were accusing me of being the cyber bully.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 12:35 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

    • #1.15   Jessi

      See, Melissa, this is the part where you say, “Oops, sorry for the misunderstanding.”

      Aug 9, 2013 at 6:02 pm   rating: 85  small thumbs up

    • #1.16   Melissa

      If you twats would make things clear the FIRST time, we wouldn’t have to come up with our own assumptions, would we? And I don’t see someone calling another person an idiot is cyber bullying, but if you feel that way kiddo, I’m sorry for “bullying you”. Maybe you should be a little fucking clearer next time, eh?

      Aug 9, 2013 at 10:40 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.17   Silence

      Gawdamn it, PAN. I love it when your comments result in butthurt and generate their own PANs.

      Missed you guys like whoa!

      Aug 10, 2013 at 1:03 am   rating: 54  small thumbs up

    • #1.18   Snowflame

      I feel we need to introduce a special Comic Sans option, just for shit like this.

      Oh, and to make sure all meanings are clear, the above statement was a facetious one, intended to indicate amusement and incredulity at the contents of the previous thread. Snowflame would like to disclaim all responsibility for any upset, distress, offence or indignation that may result from the statement. Snowflame acknowledges that other fonts are available and should be considered. Snowflame is not a recognised typeface expert and indeed has no idea what font Snowflame is currently writing in. Snowflame reserves the right to add further terms, conditions and explanations to the above statement as and when Snowflame sees fit.

      Aug 10, 2013 at 4:19 am   rating: 68  small thumbs up

    • #1.19   Phoenix

      Melissa, did you miss the part where this is a HUMOR website? Clearly you don’t have a sense of one. I’m sorry you’re so angry about missing a joke, maybe you should just move on and not throw a bitchfit about how other people shouldn’t be allowed to use sarcasm because it confuses your poor little mind. I do like how you went from defending the poor bullied obese to calling random people online twats, though. Keepin’ it classy.

      Aug 10, 2013 at 6:44 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #1.20   Raichu

      Woooooow. I don’t know why everyone is jumping on Melissa here. The sarcasm in Kimberly’s comment was pretty unclear and at first I was really confused that it got so many upvotes.

      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:06 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #1.21   ms. out

      hmm. i don’t think anybody has “jumped on” Melissa for the initial misunderstanding, a reasonable mistake to make. it was her demeanor in response to said misunderstanding that was unbecoming.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 10:48 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #1.22   redheadwglasses

      “The sarcasm in Kimberly’s comment was pretty unclear and at first I was really confused that it got so many upvotes.”

      Then that was a clue that you were missing something, not that it wasn’t funny or sarcastic and others didn’t get its intended message.

      Something Melissa needs to learn.

      But she won’t, because she’s a defensive bitch.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 11:49 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #1.23   Raichu

      Well, it was a clue, and I did figure it out. But damn, that is pretty harsh and over-the-top…

      Aug 12, 2013 at 4:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.24   Jdaniel

      I was taught that it is the responsibility of the communicator to effectively convey their message. If the audience does not understand the message, it is the fault of the communicator. However, there exist the possibility that the audience is dimwitted.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 11:47 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.25   Phoenix

      Raichu, are you expecting us to pat her on the back for throwing a foul mouthed fit because she didn’t get a joke? It’s the internet, miscommunications happen, but being a huge tool about how it’s everyone else’s fault is painting a giant “I’m a bitch” sign on your forehead.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 11:58 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #1.26   Raichu

      No. I think there is a middle ground between “deserves lots of asspats” and “total, irredeemable bitch”.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 8:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.27   poopypants

      Jdaniel, the communicator has a responsibility, but so does the audience. They have to work together for effective communication.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 11:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #2   My name is Princess!

    Soooo… Someone is having problems counting?

    Aug 8, 2013 at 2:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #3   Andrea

    That’s not only rude, it could be considered a ‘hostile working environment’.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 2:28 pm   rating: 119  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Poltergeist

      The secretary should contribute to the hostile working environment by finding out who the culprit is and strangling them with their own measuring tape.

      “Wow, you’re so skinny! Your neck has a circumference of only 3 inches!”

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:07 pm   rating: 98  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   weed store

      It sure does, bitch.

      Lol oh wait no, that’s absolutely wrong

      Aug 8, 2013 at 7:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #4   Fireseeker

    Yes, the office does not need to be eating any candy.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 2:43 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Tom

      Yeah I was about to say, I don’t think ANYBODY absolutely NEEDS to eat any candy. Nobody in the world anywhere. Candy is a treat, not a diet staple.

      Perhaps the thin folks at that office can get off their high horse.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 11:06 am   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   diabeetusgirl

      Actually, type 1 diabetics (like me), hypoglycemics, and type 2s who use insulin DO NEED candy (or at least pure glucose/sugar) on the occasion.

      Which is why it’s a little more funny than offensive, at least to me, when people make jokes about how they’re going to get diabetes from eating candy and also don’t seem to know the difference between the two types of diabetes. Insulin users are, perhaps literally, the only group of people in the world who could ever have a medical need for pure sugar :).

      Aug 9, 2013 at 6:36 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   The Elf

      There’s lots of stuff I don’t “need”. Candy, coffee, a hug from a friend when I’m feeling down. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it! I’m an adult; I can decide if it’s going to be a candy day or not.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:27 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   Raichu

      Agreed with both Elf and Diabeetusgirl. Who made Fireseeker the office police? If you personally do not want candy, then do not eat any – nobody is forcing you to.

      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:10 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   The Elf

      Oh, wait, I just got it. The *office* (the physical space) does not need candy. This is true…..

      Aug 11, 2013 at 4:08 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #5   Suzanne

    Remove the jar?
    Just a thought.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 2:44 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   mrsbloom

      Don’t eat the candy if if bothers you?
      Just a thought.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 2:50 pm   rating: 98  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Raichu

      Seriously? Cater to the office asshole and take something off YOUR desk because someone ELSE doesn’t like it? No.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:21 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   AlyInSebby

      The secretary did it.

      Smart chica she is!

      Had she just taken it away she would have had to answer for the rest of time every time someone says “Uh, um what happened to the candy?”

      This way, crickets.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 9:18 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   Turbo

      I think you’re right. The secretary did it. She had put the jar on her desk for her own use, but other people kept stealing her candy! So she put the tape measure there to shame others so they’d stop, and she could have the candy all to herself. Omnomnom! (It’s something I might do…mmm, candy.)

      Aug 9, 2013 at 11:16 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #6   SIMA

    Wondering what is the related between this post and PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE please.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 3:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Snowflame

      Second cousins. But it’s ALRIGHT cos it’s LEGAL there.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 3:31 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Red Delicious

      If someone has to explain it to you, PA is not the form for you.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 3:38 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   AnimusFuriae bang

      From the top of this (and every) page on this site:

      “funny (if not necessarily “passive-aggressive”) notes from pissed-off people”

      Websites evolve, too…

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:15 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   H for Toy

      Except this to totally passive-aggressive!

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:30 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   Raichu

      Beat me to it, Animus.

      Also, I thought this was a super PA message, even if it was anonymous.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:22 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   AnimusFuriae bang

      You’re right – it’s not even written, making the source completely unidentifiable. I also think that the anonymity (which is very common to PAN) adds to the PA value of these notes. Passive aggresivity is the result of an unwillingness to directly address the person whose actions irritate you, yes? Failing to even identify yourself (especially “at all!”) avoids the possibility of the addressee confronting the addresser. SUPER PA!

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:32 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   Crystal

      Agreed. I believe that this note is the purest form of passive aggressive.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 12:30 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #7   FatMan

    This is to check if you’re tall enough to reach the jar. What are you people thinking?

    Aug 8, 2013 at 3:34 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

  • #8   Jami

    As a fat woman myself, Dennis, I’m going to say this and you may print it out and post it for all your coworkers to read.


    First off, not everyone is fat just because they over eat. Medications, thyroid conditions, Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome, and allergies all contribute to weight gain and inability to take it off.

    Because people judge us fatties solely on our looks we get bullied – such as above with IS bullying – which causes many of us to turn to food.

    Some of us, like myself, are also victims of sexual assault. And while we know in our heads that even fat women get raped, there’s still a part of us that thinks if we’re fat enough it won’t happen again. Shows like Law & Order: SVU don’t help because even the schizophrenic homeless rape victims on that show could model for Victoria’s Secret.

    As long as a person isn’t abusing drugs, drinking to excess, or smoking it’s really none of your business when it comes to what they put into their bodies.

    People try to tell me that being fat and smoking are the same thing but it’s really not.

    1: People choose to start smoking. Not everyone has a choice in being fat.

    2: Smoking not only hurts the smoker, but it hurts those breathing in 2nd and 3rd hand smoke. Making smoking not only slow suicide, but slow mass murder as well. Whereas being fat only hurts me – unless I trip and fall on a Smurf. There’s no such thing as 2nd hand fat.

    In conclusion – the bullying bigot who put that measuring tape there needs to get on their knees and beg their victim for forgiveness. And you should also be ashamed of yourself for how you worded this submission, Dennis. If they want to eat five pounds of candy a day, it’s none of your business. It’s their body, not your’s! SO SHUT UP!

    And I can say that this sort of bullying is just going to make them eat MORE, not less.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 3:49 pm   rating: 114  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   !

      Wow, congrats on making the candy jar story about rape! Isn’t that what you Tumblr types call “derailing”?

      Aug 8, 2013 at 4:07 pm   rating: 68  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   BrookeDiz bang

      I know what second-hand smoke is, but what is third-hand? Smelling a person who walked by a smoker? Is someone claiming that is actually detrimental to the third hand person’s health?

      Aug 8, 2013 at 4:40 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Karen

      Agree. Bullying is bullying, people. Grow up.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 4:58 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   Poltergeist

      @BrookeDiz – This is completely off-topic, but third hand smoke is when the smoke has settled on clothing/furniture, which can be released back into the air when disturbed. You know the overwhelming stench of stale cigarettes that constantly lingers in an indoor-smoker’s home, even when they’re not smoking at that moment in time? That’s third hand smoke.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:00 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   AnimusFuriae bang


      How is that statement even remotely relevant to this scenario? The secretary is not the fat person. This is the secretary’s candy. Perhaps fatties should mind their own candies.

      “First off, not everyone is fat just because they over eat.”

      “First off,” yes, “not everyone is fat.” “Second off,” the inclusion of the word “just” in your sentence is damning.

      I’m not a cruel person, so I’ll stop here.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:20 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   BrookeDiz bang


      Thanks for the definition. I am dubious that any science is involved beyond what the health nazis have dreamed up. No doubt there’s fourth-hand as well: the cleaning lady’s poor children!

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.7   Poltergeist

      The effects of third hand are obviously less severe than first or second hand, but I’m sure there is still some type of risk to long-term exposure. Would you want your small child routinely playing in a room the reeked of stale cigarettes?

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:43 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #8.8   BrookeDiz bang

      Heh, heh. My children did. :)

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.9   Poltergeist

      You must be proud.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:50 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #8.10   AnimusFuriae bang

      “The effects of third hand are obviously less severe than first or second hand”

      Or nonexistent. Or immeasurably small. Or inconsequential. Or…

      Aug 8, 2013 at 7:00 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #8.11   BrookeDiz bang

      It was 40 years ago, Poltergeist.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 7:16 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #8.12   Poltergeist

      I’m not an expert, so I don’t know. All I know is that I had asthma as a child and it would act up whenever I visited my grandparents’ smelly house, even though they were forbidden from smoking in front of me. But I suppose my personal experiences are irrelevant to your interests, so why should you care?

      Anyway, I’d rather get back to the PAN at hand, where you still come off as an ass – “How is that statement even remotely relevant to this scenario?”

      Uh, it’s totally relevant. Whoever put out the tape measure is implying that somebody should think about how fat they are before indulging in the candy. A co-worker’s weight and what they choose to eat isn’t anybody else’s business but their own.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 7:20 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #8.13   BrookeDiz bang

      That wasn’t me.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.14   chrys

      Ya know what? I have PCOS. It does make it easier to gain weight and more difficult to lose it than for the average woman. It doesn’t make it impossible. I know exactly how to control my weight. Sometimes I choose to be lazy and eat crapand I gain weight, probably more and faster than a woman without PCOS…but you know what? It’s my fault. I have control over what I do with my body.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:11 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #8.15   chrys

      Oh and P.S. I have been raped. It never occurred to me that I should just become fat as hell so it doesn’t happen again.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:13 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #8.16   AnimusFuriae bang

      Poltergeist: “All I know is that I had asthma as a child and it would act up whenever I visited my grandparents’ smelly house, even though they were forbidden from smoking in front of me.”

      But it had to be the Ghost of Cigarettes Past; it couldn’t possibly have been any of the other known triggers for asthma.


      “But I suppose my personal experiences are irrelevant to your interests, so why should you care?”

      Stop; you’re making me cry, so Jedi-like is your ability in the Force – I mean, the Farce known as Victimhood.

      “A co-worker’s weight and what they choose to eat isn’t anybody else’s business but their own.”

      Damn them for expressing their opinions, especially when it comes to THEIR PROPERTY! We must find some way to stop them – perhaps by bullying them… about their “bullying.”

      No one expects the anti-”bullying” inquisition! Amongst their diverse weaponry are such elements as superciliousness, whining, and hypocrisy (e.g. saying “grow up” when that phrase is just as (if not more) appropriately attached to the act of whining about bullying).

      This is fun. :)

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:20 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.17   Raichu

      wow Chrys, just because you are a certain way doesn’t mean everyone will respond to situations the same way.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:30 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #8.18   Poltergeist

      “But it had to be the Ghost of Cigarettes Past; it couldn’t possibly have been any of the other known triggers for asthma.”

      Obviously my asthma had other triggers, but how exactly does that trivialize my observations? Whenever I went for a visit, the lingering smoke did affect me. I specifically remember occasions when I had been breathing fine, entered the house, and then the asthma started acting up. This happened even during the winter, when my allergies were almost non-existent. Any rational person could make a connection between the two. I guess you’re not a rational person.

      I don’t claim to be an expert on the effects of smoking. I do, however, claim to be an expert on my past experiences. I know how I have been affected by third hand smoke, and I know how it could potentially affect any other child with breathing problems, so your enlightened statement of “its effects are always trivial and non-existant” is just plain false.

      “the Farce known as Victimhood.”

      Sharing a past experience is known as playing the victim? Okay, whatever.

      “Damn them for expressing their opinions, especially when it comes to THEIR PROPERTY!”

      I’m willing to bet it wasn’t the secretary who left the tape measure, but even if it was, it does not make a difference. Offering people food and then calling them fat for taking it is just plain lunacy.

      Again, somebody else’s weight and what they eat IS NOT YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. Don’t comment on it. Just because you’re “expressing your opinion” doesn’t mean you’re immune to retaliation for saying something hurtful.

      This *is* fun, and you’re pathetic.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 12:31 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #8.19   Jami

      Crys – Everyone reacts differently to the bad things that happen to them. Because you know what? All people are different.

      I was trying to point out that people can have underlying emotional issues that can make them either eat too much, eat too little, do drugs, drink to excess, etc.

      So those who don’t think it has nothing to do with the bullying that was submitted, guess you never heard of psychology.

      I’m sick and tired of people thinking weight is SOLELY about how much a person eats. Or how they eat.

      I’ve known junk food junkies who are bone thin.

      I’ve know hard core vegans who are 600 pounds.

      My mom had a friend who was 400 pounds. She could not lose weight. Doctors kept telling her she was just lazy. Turned out she had a tumor on her thyroid.

      I suffer from PCOS and allergies and emotional issues due to being bullied and being assaulted. I have next to no self esteem and often think about killing myself. Except I can’t bring myself to do it.

      So you know what I do? I EAT!

      And then people shame me and bully me for being fat SO I EAT MORE!

      I eat because I do not want men to find me attractive so they won’t touch me. I eat because I feel no one but my dog loves me. I eat because I feel life is hopeless. I eat because even my family, who are fat themselves, tell me I’ll never amount to anything because I’m fat.

      I’m sick and tired of how my fellow fatties, such as this poor office person, are judged based solely on their looks and not who they are inside. And the fact no one bothers to find out if there might be other reasons they’re fat than just over eating.

      Maybe if people would bother to talk to us and get to know us rather than just judging us on looks alone crap like this measuring tape bullying will stop!

      Aug 9, 2013 at 2:04 am   rating: 53  small thumbs up

    • #8.20   chrys

      Have you sought counseling?

      Aug 9, 2013 at 3:56 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #8.21   Foo

      When I was six I asked a fat girl in my class why she was fat. She just shrugged and said, “I eat too much candy.”

      Case closed!

      Aug 9, 2013 at 5:07 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #8.22   DeGeorgetown

      Congratulations on being a dick at such a young age.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 7:01 am   rating: 63  small thumbs up

    • #8.23   Lil'

      Jami, I lost a relative to suicide not long ago and I just feel compelled to tell you that you are valuable, that your life matters, and that people love you – even your PAN family. I wish my relative had come to me, or someone, to tell us what he was going through. I hope you will talk to a counselor because clearly can’t talk to your family. I know that there are posters here who make nasty comments about how PAN is not a support group when conversations turn serious like this, but screw them. What you feel is too serious to ignore – to contemplate killing yourself. Please talk to someone TODAY. Don’t put it off for tomorrow.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 7:25 am   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #8.24   Tesselara

      Jami–I’ve read a lot of your posts, and each post I read has made me think, “she is a seriously awesome person–wish I could meet her in real life–what a sense of humor, great perspective, and smart” If you’re feeling the way you are, then please get counselling. The world would be a much poorer place without you.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 8:13 am   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #8.25   kermit

      Unless your job is taste tester at some ice cream or beer company, most people are fat in part because they overeat. And they overeat because of underlying emotional issues. The problem is not food but how people deal with stress in their life (whether from work, shitty family members and co-workers, etc).

      Best advice I can give (aside from counselling, which has already been suggested) is to find something that you enjoy doing and join a group of people who like doing the same thing. It sounds like you need a support group of people that will be fun, give you something to look forward to every week and is not directly focused on food problems or emotional issues (that’s what therapy is for).

      Once you deal with the other stuff, the food issues should take care of itself; it’s just a matter of developing healthy habits.

      I’m not trying to sell you a book, but Charles Duhigg’s “The Power of Habit” is by far the best one I have read on the subject. Most public libraries have it. And the gist of the book is summarized in flow chart form on the author’s website – the PDFs are free to download from there without buying anything.

      Hope this helps, and good luck to you.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 8:57 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #8.26   Melissa

      Jami, people are just assholes. It’s made even worse by keyboard tough guys. Whoever put the tape there is probably just some spineless twat anyway. That said, you should get counseling. You sound like you could use it. I was there as well. My parents who are all skinny started me on diets at 12 and tbh i wasnt really big at that age. In my late 20s i was 314 lbs. people just kept saying I was fat. But i didnt over eat and i exercised. Turned out I had a 40lb tumor , pcos, thyroid disease.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:01 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #8.27   H for Toy

      I second and third Lil, Tess and Kermit. We think you’re awesome, Jami, and want you to keep being awesome! I agree with the idea of counseling, therapy, or support group, because you are a beautiful lady, inside and out, and you deserve the best! You deserve to follow your dream, so don’t let anyone or any situation discourage you.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 10:12 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #8.28   dom

      What the hell, are you mashing a word for every pound you have?!

      Take a breath you idiot

      Aug 11, 2013 at 1:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.29   Lil'

      Hey Jami, I’m concerned about you. I’m just checking in. I know Friday’s post got really intense, but it would be great to hear back – and hopefully hear that you are OK.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 11:21 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #8.30   Just In Beaver

      Our of curiousity, if overeating does NOT make people fat, what does? Photosynthesis? Since eating isn’t the problem, if you simply stop eating completely, you won’t lose weight?

      Aug 12, 2013 at 11:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.31   redheadwglasses

      “I’ve know hard core vegans who are 600 pounds.”


      Aug 12, 2013 at 11:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.32   Karen

      Pasta is vegan, redheadwithglasses.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 12:03 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #8.33   The Elf

      Well, very few people at all weigh 600 lbs. I think we can reasonably call that hyperbole. The essential fact is that there’s nothing in the hardcore vegan diet that indicates that one can’t be overweight. You can gorge on damn near anything and laze about on the couch (or as I call it, Saturday) and be overweight.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 12:18 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #8.34   Raichu

      Beaver, lots of things cause overweight and obesity, including but probably not limited to genetics, other health conditions (some of which are completely out of the overweight person’s control), food intake (both what you eat and also how much) and activity level. Your viewpoint is a starting point but it is also very simplistic.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 4:34 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.35   Jdaniel

      When I do not use my $18,000 a year health insurance, but morbidly obese families are camped out at their doctor’s offices and ER, then I DO HAVE A RIGHT to question what goes into your mouth. Everyone’s insurance premiums pay for those that use the health services. It is not bullying to remind people who pays the bills for their poor choices, notwithstanding those who have hereditary conditions.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 12:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.36   Jessi

      @Jdaniel, I’ve paid for health insurance since I was 19 years old. Do you know how many times I’ve gone to the doctor in the decade since then? Three times. Do you want to know why? Because I’m overweight, and doctors don’t look beyond that for a diagnosis. Also, because of people like you who keep telling me that *I* (a person who pays for health care) somehow adds to your healthcare costs. People like you have bullied me into not seeking medical treatment I pay for.

      It’s interesting that you bring up that you hate seeing whole families in doctors’ offices and ERs, but point out that hereditary conditions are a problem. Maybe the whole family is there to get tested for the same thing? Maybe you should stop judging people without first finding out about their situation?

      Lastly, point to any document listing your rights where it states that you have a right to question what goes into my mouth. The smallest I’ve ever been (as an adult) was 180 pounds (and a size 12) and the main way I achieved that goal was eating many small, healthy meals throughout the day. I stopped because so many people made fun of me for being fat and always eating.

      Now, no one ever sees me eat, because I only eat once a day. It’s usually at night and not in front of anyone. Please explain how this is better.

      As Kimberly1 sarcastically pointed out, “Shaming people absolutely helps.”

      Aug 13, 2013 at 6:52 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #8.37   Poltergeist

      Jdaniel Philosophy:

      “I contribute (implying that overweight people are leeches who don’t also pay into the system); therefore I get to be as nasty to you as I want about what you eat. In fact, I think I should be making the decisions for you. If you disagree, then I hope you die young.”

      Aug 13, 2013 at 5:49 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #8.38   jdaniel

      Poltergeist, you should consider visiting a gastroenterologist. You are in serious need of a High Colonic. What I said neither implied nor inferred (look up the difference) that overweight people are leeches. What a foolish thing for you to say. What I said is factual and morally accurate. SOMEBODY PAYS for everyone’s healthcare. Everyone’s healthcare is more expensive because not everyone a) can afford health insurance, and b) many have pre-existing conditions which deny coverage. I only (and will forever more continue) to question or complain about people with (intentional) bad lifestyle choices who EXPECT someone else to carry their water bucket. Kindly refrain from psychoanalysis of what YOU think others are saying and just read the freaking words. Any that’s the response from the aggressive side of my brain.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 6:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.39   Poltergeist

      Nah, I’ve spoken to enough people like you to know how to read between the lines. You’re very transparent.

      Such anger directed towards people who don’t eat the way you want them to eat is clearly stressful for you, and we all know how excessive stress can lead to a slew of health problems. I suggest you change your ways. I don’t want to have to pay for any ulcer or heart condition you might acquire in the future.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 6:19 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #8.40   jdaniel

      @Jessi: Thank you for your response. I offer a few observations of your post, #8.36.

      You should have put your money into a 401K. If you INTENTIONALLY were not going to use the insurance, why pay for it? For a catastrophic event resulting from obesity? Obviously, YOU have not directly contributed to the cost of healthcare because you do not use it. But when the “big event” comes, your carrier will certainly pay out more than you paid in; THEN, you, I and others will pay for the care that you refused to seek over the last decade. Is that cold, harsh, brutal? You can call it bullying, I call it the facts ma’am and reality.

      If you don’t like what you are hearing from the doctors, then go to other doctors.. Why would you deny yourself proper treatment? Are you a doctor who likes to treat yourself? Why do you believe that three experts were ignorant in their diagnoses? If you hear the same diagnosis from doctors 4 and 5, will you categorically dismiss their opinions as well?

      Judging? Oh please! Just tell me I am sexist and racist too. That has become the lamest comeback. Why are you so passive about your health? Do you enjoy self-pity? I, and everyone have a responsibility to question authority, to question how our confiscated taxes are spent. If you want to feel accepted, then you are free to play the role of the lemming. Why do you CARE what other’s think? There are always bastards who will mistreat and take advantage of each of us, if we let them. My default attitude is always to smile and be nice. I refuse to be intimidated, or passive to people who pee on my back and tell me it is raining.

      You first bitch at Nanny Bloomberg about fats, smoking, sodas, and salt. You then bitch at Michelle Obama about the chaos she has overseen regarding the School Lunch Program. THAT’s where it is in writing, in both Law and Policy. The government tells you everyday what you can, and cannot put into your mouth. In some cases it is IMPOSED on you, and in others instances warnings are issued.

      Finally, Kimberly1 is correct. Shaming does work to some extent. Many things work. Expending more calories than consuming them will always work, notwithstanding other conditions.

      The shocker? I weigh 360lbs, I think. I don’t know for certain, because my scale only goes to 350. But ONE thing I am certain, I am cognizant about what I cost others. I know what it costs both monetarily and emotionally to be me. I regret that my medical costs far exceed what I pay in health insurance. That costs every other health insurance subscriber higher rates. But I, and only I am responsible for any corrective actions, even those that impact others, and only I can change myself. Recognition and accepting responsibility are the first steps to changing a lifestyle.

      Lastly, YOUR problem is not in your girth. Your problem is in your head. That is where the battle is taking place. If that battle is conquered (there are doctors to treat that as well), you and everyone will be better off.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 7:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.41   jdaniel

      @Poltergeist. I only become angry at ignorant passive people. They certainly reproduce fast. Please do not concern yourself with my health. I see many doctors and always know what is wrong with me. I have changed most of my lifestyle, but patience with nonsense diatribes regurgitated like pablum is still an area I have to focus on daily.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 7:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.42   Poltergeist

      Rationalize all you want. Deflect all you want. It won’t work because the fact remains that it is not, nor will it ever be, your place to question what food goes into a complete stranger’s mouth.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 7:53 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #8.43   jdaniel

      You can say it 100 times. But if I am paying directly or indirectly for the consequences of one’s poor lifestyle choices, I damn well am going to say something about it, and I shall not care what other’s think. Rationalization and deflection are what guilt-ridden leftists do to justify their success.

      Aug 14, 2013 at 1:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.44   Poltergeist

      And they shall not care what you think right back at you. I warn you though, don’t pick on the wrong fat guy. They throw their weight around pretty damn well.

      And thanks for the comment about leftists. I had a feeling about your political ideology, but I thought I should wait until you predictably brought it up all on your own.

      Aug 14, 2013 at 6:42 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #9   ClearlyDemented

    Wow, is this office in a high school girls’ locker room? No one NEEDS nutritionally-vapid candy, except for the insulin-dependant diabetic from time to time. Perhaps if you had to sign a form saying how much exercise you had done that day, I could be okay with this, but why should the higher metabolists get to pick on the lower? This isn’t much better than writing something racist or homophobic on a locker, also something done in high schools.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 4:23 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   AnimusFuriae bang

      Racists, sexists…

      “higher metabolists?” WTF?


      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:24 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Raichu

      Actually the word “fatphobic” could be used, and either way, discrimination is discrimination.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:31 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   AnimusFuriae bang

      Raichu: I propose “lipidophobe.” :)

      Regarding “discrimination,” I think you’re just using this for its negative connotation. When I go into the bread box, I discriminate between bread that is coated with mold and bread that is not. Furthermore, what kind of a “dick move” would it be to, say, provide potent alcoholic drinks free for the taking when there’s an alcoholic about?

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   Gladystopia

      I propose “asshole”.

      For the tape-measure-leaver; and for anyone who thinks it’s appropriate to make personal comments (verbal or otherwise) about anyone they’re not related to (particularly a newly-hired co-worker!); and for the people who feel like it’s their place to judge other people’s experiences; and for the people who act as though their likes, dislikes, and personal opinions should dictate how everyone else should act; and for people who act as though the rest of the world should bend over backwards not to do anything that might cause some upheaval in their fragile butterfly emotional bubble-house (like leaving out candy, because that might make them have to exercise self-control, or taking away candy because that might imply that they HAVE no self-control, or doing anything at all without an understanding of WHY, no matter what it is, it’s probably the wrong thing to do.)

      Asshole. It’s a useful word.
      Especially, it seems, in this circumstance.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 11:11 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   Poltergeist

      You’re seriously comparing the discrimination of people to the discrimination of moldy bread?

      Get the fuck out of here.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 12:39 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   Tom

      If we’re comparing workplace discrimination to the breadbox, I think that AnimusFuriae just called every non-white, non-straight person moldy bread compared to pristine white loaves.

      Somehow I find that even MORE insulting.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 11:13 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #9.7   Snowflame

      …..we naturally produce penicillin and they keep being linked to causing cancer? Wait, who’s wholemeal bread in this scenario?

      Aug 9, 2013 at 11:35 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #9.8   justme

      I don’t think AnimusFuriae intended to compare certain groups of people to moldy bread. I believe he was just being pedantic about the phrase “discrimination is discrimination” in 9.2. His complaint is that not all discrimination is negative — we discriminate on a daily basis. Some discrimination, such as determining whether a traffic light is red or green, is positive.

      That said, I’m not really sure what his point was, since it was clear Raichu was referring to humans discriminating against other humans.

      BTW — I love your name, Raichu. It’s so evolved.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 5:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.9   Raichu

      hahaha I did not mean to set off this…moldy bread argument?

      I like the word “lipidophobe”. Rolls nicely off the tongue.

      Justme – thanks. Raichu has always been my favorite, and terribly underrated. :)

      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   Sarah

    I don’t think the person who put out the candy jar put the tape measure there. It seems to be to shame the generous candy-sharer.

    Also, I just almost typed rape measure.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 4:30 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   BrookeDiz bang

      No doubt a third-hand rape.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 4:42 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Raichu

      Wait, was that not obvious?

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   H for Toy

    Perhaps the person who moved into the office that “doesn’t need candy” is someone missing most of their teeth, or a diabetic, or a hyperactive 6-year-old boy who had been grounded from sweets by his mother. Let’s not jump to any conclusions.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 6:37 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   BrookeDiz bang

      H, have you lost your mind?

      Aug 8, 2013 at 6:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   H for Toy

      It’s possible.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 7:21 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   kermit

      Calm down and nobody move because we might step on it and break it. Now I am sure we can find it around here if we look hard enough.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:26 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   H for Toy

      Thank you for making me snort water through my nose, Kermit.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 10:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #12   Sara

    What an asshole. I sit at a front desk and when I have candy out (Halloween and Christmas) I don’t monitor who takes it, or even how much. I do keep candy in my desk for myself the rest of the year, as I have blood sugar issues and sometimes I just want some fucking M&Ms, and I will share if someone wants some, or just looks like a piece of candy will make them happier.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 6:40 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   poopypants

      Are…. Are you single?

      Aug 13, 2013 at 11:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #13   GeekRyuu

    Hey! Free tape measure! Thanks! I forgot to put mine in my knitting bag this morning!

    And candy too? Yum!

    Aug 8, 2013 at 6:52 pm   rating: 97  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Dan

      Pretty much what I was thinking. I can never find a tape-measure when I need one, so now I know where to find one! And thanks for the candy!

      Aug 8, 2013 at 7:35 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   AnimusFuriae bang

      I think you just “won” the thread. :) Awesome.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 8:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   H for Toy

      I just read that in Pinkie Pie’s voice.

      Aug 8, 2013 at 9:38 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   OHSue

      Hey, just what I was thinking when I first saw it. Then thought, wish it was one of those retractable tape measures.

      But then I read on and just felt sad for folks who needed to share so much personal info and in true passive aggressive form trying to seek your approval by telling you their sad life stories.

      PS, I am fat, too.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:52 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   Raichu

      The best part is how in-character is it for Pinkie Pie. xD

      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #14   Raichu

    What a complete asshole move. Wow.

    If you don’t want candy, don’t eat any, and shame on you, anonymous-tape-measure-person.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 8:32 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #15   AnimusFuriae bang

    All assholery aside, I don’t believe that the tape stayed on the jar for much longer than was required to take the picture.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 8:55 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   oi

      I think you are onto something. Submitter’s explanation says that much.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 1:13 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   Madrias

    I propose finding out who put it there and whipping them with said measuring tape.

    Aug 8, 2013 at 10:29 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #17   Meems

    Why is she bullying me for drinking to excess…lying in a pool of my own vomit that I clean up myself hurts no one…

    Get down on your knees and beg my forgiveness

    Ha ha ha ha the self righteously enraged are so funny. So is this site, have loved it for years.
    Gonna go and let a fat cat play outside with a tape measure now hahahaha

    Aug 8, 2013 at 11:57 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Raichu


      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:20 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #18   Gladystopia

    I once had a total stranger–a sweet-little-old-lady type–walk up to me as I waited to pick up my order at a fast-food place and inform me that I was not “allowed” to eat there, because clearly I hadn’t exercised enough.

    I said “Pardon me?”

    She repeated herself. “You aren’t allowed to eat here,” she said. “You’re too big.”

    “That’s unfortunate,” I told her, moving toward the counter. I noticed only one person paying any attention; he was kind of tree-hugger/biker looking, and he was giving this old bat the stink-eye. Otherwise, everyone was involved in their own conversations.

    “Yes, it is,” she replied. “For you. For your health, and for…”

    I took my bag from the counter-person and walked out of the restaurant, ignoring her. But once again, a rude old hag with the mistaken belief that her opinion was important, helpful, necessary, or relevant had disrupted my night. Not because anything I was doing was endangering her, but because I offended her eyes and her idea of what a “normal” person SHOULD look like.

    My rule, developed to deal with this sort of thing: Unless you are personally related to someone–and I mean blood-related, nothing further down the family tree than sibling or maybe grandparent–you have AB.SO.LUTE.LY. NO. RIGHT. WHAT.SO.FUCKING.EV.ER to make derogatory comments about their personal appearance. The only POSSIBLE exception to this rule would be something like “Excuse me, dear, but I can’t help but notice that your clothing is on fire.” Or maybe “I don’t believe you’re aware that someone has apparently chopped your arm off at the shoulder, and you are in imminent danger of bleeding to death.” That’s about it.

    I am still researching, as I have not yet found sufficient ways in which to say “fuck you” to this woman, and others of her ilk. I welcome all suggestions.

    Aug 9, 2013 at 12:11 am   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   H for Toy

      “Thanks for your concern. I’ll take that under advisement. Here’s some advice for you. Nobody likes a nosy busybody.”

      Aug 9, 2013 at 7:12 am   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Snicklefritz

      Look, you stupid Bastard. You’ve got no arms left.

      Yes I have.


      It’s just a flesh wound.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 8:58 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   kermit

      Excerpts from kermit’s book of smarmy retorts when someone tells you in person, “You’re too fat and I find your appearance objectionable!”

      - I’m sorry, but my mother told me never to take advice from rude morons like you. Good day.
      - I’m too fat to eat here? Really? Aren’t you too senile to wander around by yourself?
      - Let me see if I understand this. I’m supposed to take your advice – you, who decided it’s appropriate to wear that shirt with those pants? Really? What the hell is wrong with you?

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:23 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   H for Toy

      Monty Python is always an appropriate response.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 10:21 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   KHandcock

      I’m still fond of Miss Manners’ suggested response: look at them, give a slightly frozen (yet still exquisitely polite) smile, and say, “How nice of you to let me know.” Then carry on with what you were doing. If she interrupts again? “Excuse me, I don’t engage in extended conversations with strangers.” And if she carries on? To the manager this time: “Excuse me, one of your other customers is harassing me.”

      Aug 9, 2013 at 10:55 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #18.6   Lil'

      How unbelievably rude. I don’t really have a suggestion, and I do believe you handled it quite well. I just don’t understand people like this with egos so inflated that they’ve convinced themselves that their opinions should carry weight in everyone’s lives. She doesn’t know you, your medical history, or your lifestyle yet she felt compelled to enlighten you. And the irony is she’s talking to you as you BOTH wait in a fast food line. Funny, the thinnest person I know is only that thin because he chains smokes and drinks coffee all day. He enjoys McDonald’s for lunch, and if you saw him in line you wouldn’t give it a second thought. Coincidentally, he also looks very young for his age. By appearance, you would assume he’s a healthy man. But you know, he’s been going to specialists for the better part of a year to diagnose why his health is so poor lately – which would be clear to his doctors if he would be honest with THEM about his lifestyle. Thin doesn’t necessarily equal healthy, and overweight doesn’t necessarily equal unhealthy. Regardless though, being overweight or underweight shouldn’t be a welcome mat for unsolicited advice or criticism.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 12:36 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #18.7   Phoenix

      Here’s my personal one: “oh, thanks! I love opinions from strangers! Here’s one: try to stop being a rude bitch.”

      Or the miss manners one for JUST such occasions: “how nice of you to take an interest” said in the iciest tone possible

      Aug 10, 2013 at 6:55 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #18.8   Raichu

      Wow, that’s so awful. If something like that happened when I was on the clock I’d tell her to stop bothering the other customer.

      If I were the one being bothered, I’d probably just say “excuse me, but how is that any of your business?” But then, I’ve always been blunt.

      I like Kermit’s answers, especially the one about the clashy clothes. xD

      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.9   JoDa

      Headphones. I wear them everywhere (though I am less rude than most cashiers around my ‘hood and take them off to complete transactions and the like). If someone I don’t know talks to me, I just smile and give them a “hiya” nod. If they persist, I point at the earbuds and say “sorry, I can’t hear you” and walk away. I figure if I’m on fire they’ll be alarmed enough to smother me with a coat or spray me with water or something.

      This originally started as a defense mechanism against rampant sexual harassment (along with mirrored sunglasses, so people don’t know where I’m looking), but I’ve found it useful otherwise. Sometimes I don’t even have the music on, like the time a woman came up to me out of nowhere, after overhearing a conversation between me and a friend (I immediately popped the buds in when he left to get on his bus and I was left waiting for mine), and started to lecture me on my language. And I don’t mean swearing, she was complaining about my language being to casual (I use “um” and “like” and “gonna/woulda/shoulda/etc.” a lot in casual conversation…if my friends were that bothered by it, they’d tell me themselves). Though it would have been fun to say “let me see *your* Master’s degree, bitch!” the look of fury on people’s faces when you blatantly refuse to pay attention to them – always with a smile on your face – is also kind of priceless.

      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:27 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #18.10   Gladystopia

      Cripes! I thought grammar-trolls only lived on the Internet…well, and in English-comp classrooms, but those are SANCTIONED grammar-trolls. I’ve never seen one in the wild…..

      I don’t exactly understand why, but that story makes me even madder than being weight-shamed in public….I mean, public GRAMMAR-SHAMING, for hell’s sake???? I can see people being rude to someone who looks “different”, but it takes a special caliber of asshole to go at someone for too many “um”s. WTF has this world come to????

      Aug 11, 2013 at 9:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.11   Kittymama

      What’s nice is that even just saying, “It’s none of your business,” will send them right ’round the bend. It takes very little because they’re so easily offended (apparently) anyway.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 4:05 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.12   merkin4

      I get to deal with comments like this all the time. Even after losing 35% of my body mass, I’m still officially obese. But, the blood work came back great, my doctor cried, and she gave full sign-off on continuing to run triathlons in the “big fat guy division”.

      I got a comment – probably from the save old bat – telling me that if I would just learn to take a walk and push the plate away, I’d be happier and healthier for it. I told her that five milligrams of Atavan taken twice a day would clear up that nasty problem *she* was having. I can only hope that she knows how to use The Googles, but the staff at her group home might not let her on the computer….

      A kid in a mall once asked me why I was so fat. His mom was on her cell phone and couldn’t be bothered. So, I told him, “It’s because I don’t have a soul and Jesus doesn’t love me. That’s why I break into houses at night and eat people just as the furnace turns on. And, your mom looks really tasty right now.”

      I also used to be a mall Santa. One day the gym teacher who used to ridicule me in front of the class brought his son in. “Timmy, you’ve been a really good boy this year, haven’t you? Do you have a BB gun yet? Or a trampoline? How about a pony? I think you’ve been so good this year, Santa needs to bring you a pony. You can ride him to school, and to church, and he can live in the backyard and eat apples and oats. You could even take him camping – so Santa needs to bring you a tent, and a sleeping bag….”

      So don’t mess with the fat people. We learned a long time ago that we can’t outrun you, so we fight dirty.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 9:09 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #18.13   FeatherBlade

      See, that situation is one in which it is an absolute god-send to wear wire-rimmed glasses: it enables you to look over the top of your specs and give the rude person the librarian’s Glare of Death (tm, pat. pending).

      And ~then~ shut them down, Miss Manners style.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 3:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.14   Jdaniel

      The best response is complete silence coupled with a stare.

      My next best response is “Oh please! Just go fuck yourself.”

      And if they are older children, I prefer “You were adopted”.

      Under 5 years old will be told “Santa is not real”.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 12:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.15   FeatherBlade


      A shocked look at them, then a shocked look down at yourself, then a shocked exclamation: “I’m fat!? When did that happen?”.

      Then: grasp their shoulders and say in a terribly, terribly earnest tone “I had no idea! Thank you for telling me something that I could not possibly have known about the body I inhabit every day!”

      Then shake their hand rapidly, and in the same earnest tone: “You are a true saint and civic-minded busybody!”

      Then, drop the act and go back to getting your food.

      If you can’t beat them (and you shouldn’t, that would be battery), then you can confuse them long enough to escape.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 10:40 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #18.16   shane

      Well, I would have taken out my big mac as I was leaving and said to her:

      “Do you want a bite?” and then give a little wink.

      And then i would have walked out chuckling to myself.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 1:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.17   Jo

      With elderly people, there’s always the last resort of talking to them like they have dementia.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 1:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.18   Raichu

      Ok, fucking with small children because either a) their parents piss you off or b) they ask dumb questions because their parents couldn’t be arsed to teach them better is a really, really low blow. Shame on you.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 8:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.19   JoDa

      The kicker, Gladys, is that she was coming at me with the Grammar Nazi over an *overheard* conversation that she was, surely, not forced to listen to. I am not a loud talker, so even just moving a few feet away would have spared her my casual conversation. When I write things that matter, my grammar is flawless (I have received compliments from the “sanctioned” GNs you mention because my *written, professional* grammar is so good). But I feel no need to be so formal when discussing the local baseball team’s losing streak with a friend at a bus stop or some other such nonsense. And while I try not to commit egregious errors, on the internet I’m more casual, as well. Hence starting two sentences with conjunctions. :) While meddling like that wasn’t what prompted me to become a headphones devotee, it helps in all kinds of situations. I’ve also been dressed down for wearing PJs in public by the same meddlers…once after I had just been released from the ER after 10 hours of drugs and fluids for a nasty stomach bug and was just trying to fill my prescription for nausea meds and buy some Gatorade so I didn’t die. People just generally need to learn to mind their own business, and until they do, I will be actively avoiding conversations with them.

      Aug 17, 2013 at 1:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   uncaring

    We have a candy jar where I work too. Sometimes I mix thumb tacks in it.
    It’s a lot more effective, and amusing.

    Aug 9, 2013 at 1:32 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   LadyIslay

      Why can’t your comment be at the top of list… where it belongs… instead of all this ranting about fat people and smokers?

      Aug 9, 2013 at 3:20 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Madrias

      Nothing says “Fuck off, my candy!” quite like a mouthful of M&M’s and thumbtacks. I’ll have to remember that one to keep my friends from stealing all of my candy at home.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:28 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   My name is Princess!

      Bloody and possibly spreading a blood-borne disease candy…. yum. How amusing.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 11:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   Gladystopia

      It’s only a disease trajectory if they get to spit their half-chewed handful of thumbtack trail mix back into the jar once they start chewing.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 8:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.5   Raichu

      Wow…what an ass. (Or troll?)

      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   shwo! bang

    If only it had been a jar of condoms.

    Aug 9, 2013 at 10:28 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   kermit

      Wait, those weren’t condoms?

      Oh dear, I have some explaining to do now….

      Aug 9, 2013 at 11:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Snicklefritz

      To most people I say – Don’t jump in the gene pool, it might be dangerous to mankind

      Aug 9, 2013 at 11:09 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   H for Toy

      The worst is when someone mixes thumbtacks in with the jar of condoms.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 12:00 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #20.4   Snowflame

      Hey! Some of us were conceived that way.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 12:32 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #20.5   BrookeDiz bang

      Then that tape measure would make sense.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 1:43 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #21   redheadwglasses

    I quit helping myself to community candy when the office candy dish was full of m&ms, and there was a spoon in the bowl for putting them into your hand, and the #3 guy at the company was seen walking down the hallway picking his nose, then heading straight to the candy dish and stuck booger finger there.

    Never. Again. I’ll bring my own candy to eat.

    Aug 9, 2013 at 12:20 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   OHSue

      Thanks for the diet tip!

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #22   Crystal

    As the one who furnishes the office candy (and doesn’t eat it) I could use a nice passive aggressive move like this. Those people eat a LOT of candy and it gets expensive.

    I’ll bet everyone would think it’s directed at me, since I’m the roundest one in the office. :D

    Aug 9, 2013 at 12:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Amy in Toronto

      I don’t understand – if you’re providing candy to your coworkers at your own expense and they’re eating at a rate that exceeds what you’d prefer to spend, then why not buy when you’re ready to make your next candy run? Unless it’s somewhere in your job description that you’re responsible for everyone’s 3 o’clock sugar fix, I don’t see why it’s an inconvenience to you.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 3:33 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   Raichu

      Yeah…if you don’t want to buy everyone candy, then don’t. And if it’s part of your job description, then you shouldn’t be paying for it out-of-pocket. :/

      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #23   Old North State

    World Health Organization published a study that found NO ill health effacts from second-hand smoke. NONE! Smokers should have fought back decades ago when the ninnies and nannies started bellyaching about breathing tiny amounts of tabacco smoke. People should be free to smoke in buses, cabs, trains, and planes. An ashtray should be standard equipment in all waiting rooms , on every desk, and on break room tables.

    Watch an old movie from the 39s or 40s-the great majority of folks puffing away and looking cool doing it! Got a match?

    Aug 9, 2013 at 7:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Gladystopia

      And those smokers from the 30′s and 40′s movies are now……?

      (Hint: correct answer is “dead”.)

      SOMETHING’S gonna get us all.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   H for Toy

      Ah, the good ol’ 39s. I’m gonna get a cigarette holder for myself.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #23.3   Jessi

      @Gladys, to be fair, if a smoker from a movie filmed in the 30′s was still alive today, that’d be pretty amazing. They’d be 100 or more.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 9:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #23.4   Gladystopia

      Jessi–my point exactly, i.e. “SOMETHING’S gonna get us all”–if not cigarettes or ill-considered candy noshing, then good ol’ Time will take care of things in his own way.

      Aug 9, 2013 at 10:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #23.5   Vivika


      My grandma was born in 1933 and she is still alive.
      She also smokes like a chimney.

      Aug 10, 2013 at 9:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.6   Jessi

      @Vivika, I didn’t say those *born* n the 1930′s would be a hundred or more.

      Aug 10, 2013 at 10:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #23.7   Raichu

      Um…no. Even if second hand smoke has no ill effects on health (which I hesitate to believe), it’s still ANNOYING AS FUCK. It smells nasty and is cough-inducing, not to mention people who are asthmatic or allergic. I have as much a right to clean air as you do to your cigarettes. Smoke at home.

      Aug 11, 2013 at 2:35 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #23.8   Brittani

      I smoke and agree that people should eff off with their comments; however, that’s because I smoke a) in the homes of other smokesrs, b) in my own home, or c) outdoors as far away from others as possible. If I’m not smoking, other people’s smoke makes me queasy. I do everything I can to stay away from it. I also do everything I can (as an addict; so quitting is not one of those things for me at this point in my life) to make sure no one else is subjected to it. If you’re polite and consider others when you smoke, you shouldn’t deal with preaching and assholes. But second hand smoke is definitely an irritant – even to some smokers.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 6:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #23.9   Raichu

      Brittani, you are doing it right. :)

      Aug 13, 2013 at 8:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #24   Porridge bang

    3 reasons for getting rid of the jar:
    1) Countless documentaries show that people who are overweight simply need to eat less and do more exercise.
    2) If, as one poster says, fat is also due to thyroid issues or whatever, how is eating candy all day going to help?
    3) Sadly we live in a society where prejudice is rife. Not right by any means, but a fat person with a candy jar is probably not going to evoke much sympathy.

    Aug 10, 2013 at 5:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Semolina

      3 reasons for getting rid of the nanny state attitude:
      1) Countless documentaries show that people who are nanny staters simply need to preach less and do more relaxation exercises.
      2) If, as one poster says, a nanny state attitude is also due to control issues or whatever, how is preaching all day going to help?
      3) Sadly we live in a society where prejudice is rife. Not right by any means, but a nanny state person with a soapbox is probably not going to evoke much sympathy.

      Aug 16, 2013 at 2:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #25   Susan

    I guess from reading the comments that I am the only one that thought that the owner of the candy dish put the tape measure there to discourage *herself* from eating the candy. Still being nice to keep the candy there for the rest of the office, but helping herself to not eat it.

    Aug 10, 2013 at 12:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   MissZoeLaLa

      The description makes it pretty clear that it was not the secretary trying to watch her own weight:

      “There has always been candy on the secretary’s desk at work,” writes Dennis in Louisiana, “but “someone recently moved in to the office who does not need to be eating any candy. I think the message here is pretty clear.”

      Aug 11, 2013 at 12:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   Susan

      Unless the submitter is the secretary, I still stand by my statement. It could be a complete coincidence that an overweight person started working there and the secretary decided to lose weight.

      Unless the submitter is the person that put the measuring tape there, then they are a douche.

      Aug 11, 2013 at 8:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.3   redheadwglasses

      “someone recently moved in to the office who does not need to be eating any candy. I think the message here is pretty clear.”

      Obviously, PA submitter, the message is NOT pretty clear. Who left the tape measure there? Someone who thinks the new office person is too fat? The new office person who thinks others are too fat? Or the new office person is fat and she/he put it on there to try to make the candy dish go away?

      Clear as mud.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 11:44 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #26   Paula K

    A friend wants to get these sugar free gummy bears from They are made with sugar alcohol, which-from the comments, is right up there with Olestra in causing intestinal distress. She would just leave them out & let her despised coworker eat them all he wants. Talk about passive aggressive!

    Aug 12, 2013 at 11:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   redheadwglasses

      I once read that sorbitol is the ingredient in sugar-free candy that causes diarrhea — as in, no more than 5-6 pieces of the candy per day, lest you have intestinal distress.

      Aug 12, 2013 at 11:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   The Elf

      On the other hand, what a way to get out of working!

      Aug 12, 2013 at 12:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   Neeners

    Aren’t we ALL just a bunch of bullies on here? Why else would we be posting? I’m going back to my self-absorbed holier than thou life now. Good nite.

    Aug 12, 2013 at 11:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #28   Nahhh bang




    Aug 13, 2013 at 12:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #29   wait..what?

    Melissa needs to eat a damn snickers. Might improve her mood.

    I thought the picture was hilarious..It is something I would totally do if fatty mcfat was scarfing down all of the free candy.

    Aug 13, 2013 at 5:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   warns

    So sad someone in that office is so insecure they need to shame a coworker over some fun sized candy. Unless you’re that person’s parent, you’ve got no right to decide what anyone should or should not be eating.

    Aug 13, 2013 at 5:52 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Raichu

      Unless you’re that person’s parent, and they are a legal dependent.

      Otherwise, even if you ARE their parent, you should not be deciding what they should and should not be eating.

      Aug 13, 2013 at 9:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   Gladystopia

      Hey Raichu…lemme give you my mum’s cell #.

      I could use the reinforcements. :)

      Aug 13, 2013 at 10:08 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   wait..what?

      Oh quit with the latest buzz word ‘shaming”. It is ridiculous. It is more sad that someone in the office is either a hog that takes all the candy and doesn’t contribute to the jar OR is a literal hog and doesn’t need to be eating it anyway.

      For all you know fatty mcfat put it there herself in his/her own passive aggressive way to ‘shame’ the candy provider to stop feeding the pig instead of taking responsibility for their own inability to stop shoveling crap in their mouth.

      I thought it was funny.

      Aug 14, 2013 at 9:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #30.4   warns

      Did you read the description? You think the new person in the office is immediately controlling the candy jar?

      Also the term “shaming” has been around since around the year 900. Nothing new there.

      Aug 14, 2013 at 5:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #30.5   Poltergeist

      @waitwhat: Sure, let’s present lots of silly and unlikely situations to explain this PAN just to make your insults seem warranted.

      And FYI, you’re obviously too stupid to know the definition of “literal.” A member of the human race cannot be a “literal hog.”

      I’d rather have fat in my belly than fat in my head like you.

      Aug 14, 2013 at 6:52 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #31   CB

    Candy jar lady or tape measure person is rude. If you bring food in to share with the office then you share with the office; you do not take it upon yourself to try and control the intake of the office staff by any means. They are grown ups who are reponsible for their own decisions. If someone in the office cannot bare to share food with an overweight person then the course of action should be to remove the candy jar. Unlike some other addictions; a person who is addicted to food cannot just stop eating and still live. Would you ever presume to tell an alcoholic to “just have one beer” instead of 10? A heroin addict to just take one hit a day? No, because we recognize that conquering addiction involves behavior modification and, generally speaking, the total avoidance of that substance to which one is addicted. It is not possible to avoid eating all food and thus conquer one’s obesity. If a person is truly a food addict (and not all fat people are) then imagine how hard it is to learn to modify your behavior when you must continue eating food to survive. A big challenge indeed.

    Aug 19, 2013 at 11:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #32   dont care


    Aug 31, 2013 at 8:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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