Lean a little bit closer and see what roses really smell like

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Lean a little bit closer and see what roses really smell like

August 26th, 2013 · 46 comments

This is you say, “You think your shit don’t stank?” in Southern-ese. (An added “Bless your heart!” is always a nice touch, too.)

related: A diarrhea-only toilet?

FILED UNDER: odor · office · painfully polite · toilet

46 responses so far ↓

#1 Mary

I’m sorry, but Castro can have intestinal distress, too. Unless you’re having your luncheon IN the powder room, I say let him use it.

Aug 26, 2013 at 6:19 pm rating: 90

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#2 debkatz

Yes, the food is horrific so if you could please just use the meeting room where it’s being served, we won’t have to endure the luncheon. Thanks ever so much. P.S. We left some Pepto next to the entree. xo

Aug 26, 2013 at 6:22 pm rating: 90

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#3 Eyewitless

Go have your emergency some other place.

Aug 26, 2013 at 6:25 pm rating: 90

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- #3.1 FeRD
  
  Exactly! And I applaud their forward-thinking approach to the issue.
  
  If people put this much forethought and preparation into all of their unplanned emergencies, the world would run so much more smoothly.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 2:30 am rating: 90
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#4 bob loblaw

Not sure if I have a gastro intestinal issue, but I do know I’ve had too much beer and wings. OK if I drop a quick load in yer shitter?

Aug 26, 2013 at 6:27 pm rating: 90

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#5 Kara

I do not like how that person writes their As and Ns AT ALL.

Aug 26, 2013 at 6:27 pm rating: 90

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- #5.1 Jess
  
  I write my A’s like that but I would be more concerned about their G’s
  
  Aug 26, 2013 at 6:34 pm rating: 90
- #5.2 Rene
  
  The H irritates me, too.
  
  Aug 26, 2013 at 10:28 pm rating: 90
- #5.3 FeRD
  
  @Jess: You write your capital A’s like you got halfway through a pentagram and just gave up?
  
  And then (by far the greater offense, here) write your lowercase A’s exactly the same, only smaller?!? …Except when you’re writing the word “Intestinal”, of course. That word, and that word alone, warrants a completely different style of “a”. Because reasons.
  
  If that’s true, then… wow. Wow, you really suck.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 2:37 am rating: 90
- #5.4 pooham
  
  That is the most schizophrenic writing I have ever seen.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 12:24 pm rating: 90
- #5.5 Jess
  
  @FeRD!
  
  I just noticed there was only 1 lowercase A..now that’s just weird. I guess so. I don’t write many A’s or talk in all caps as this note writer is so I guess I just never noticed much…
  
  Aug 28, 2013 at 7:18 am rating: 90
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#6 Nocturnesthesia

Seriously? I understand asking people not to shit in elevators, fitting rooms or tanning beds, but asking them not to shit in the toilet is downright confusing. Mixed messages, people.

Aug 26, 2013 at 6:54 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 poopypants
  
  At tanning salons you shit in the toilet, at offices you shit in the waste bin. It’s really quite simple.
  
  Aug 26, 2013 at 10:14 pm rating: 90
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#7 Eliavy

I wonder if this is one of those unfortunate bathrooms that ventilates into a dining area.

Aug 26, 2013 at 6:58 pm rating: 90

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#8 Poltergeist

I actually wasn’t that hungry and planned on skipping lunch, but now I’m suddenly in the mood for cheese-smothered bean burritos. 10 of them. And a Big Gulp. Don’t worry though, I’ll be sure to spray something floral scented after I’m finished stuffing my intestines back into my abdominal cavity.

Enjoy your luncheon!

Aug 26, 2013 at 7:35 pm rating: 90

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- #8.1 Wench
  
  Poltergiest, the image of someone stuffing their intestines back in just made my day. Can’t wait to use this one…..
  
  Aug 26, 2013 at 8:29 pm rating: 90
- #8.2 Maybe YOU are Lying!
  
  We’ve all done that.
  
  Aug 26, 2013 at 9:01 pm rating: 90
- #8.3 Nectaris
  
  Yeah, that note is just asking for people to retaliate in that kind of manner. I can just picture a group of friends doing that. Then again, I’m not sure with that lethal of a combination anyone would want to enter there later, even for revenge.
  
  Aug 26, 2013 at 9:08 pm rating: 90
- #8.4 The Elf
  
  Seriously – that sign is totally asking for it. I would be so tempted to use that room with our without “distress”. Even if I just had to pee! If you set the scene right, the mind would do the entire work without the scent. I’d grunt a little, pound the wall, give a good “Oh my God, I shouldn’t have had the hot sauce on the bean burrito. My ass is on fire. Oh God, it hurts!”, finish with a whimper, and of course courtesy flush throughout. Then I’d liberally spray the air with “tropical breeze” of whatever foul spray someone stashed in there that never works anyway. I’d wash my hands, walk out, and declare “I wouldn’t go in there for a while if I were you.”
  
  One thing I wouldn’t do is run the exhaust fan.
  
  Bonus points if you can convince a hot young woman to do the whole sequence.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 11:12 am rating: 90
- #8.5 Jetboy
  
  I like the way you think. I would take your idea and super-size it. Record all those nasty noises you described and play them back nice and loud on a loop.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 12:44 pm rating: 90
- #8.6 The Elf
  
  And then leave your soiled underwear in the toilet. Why not? It’s a redneck washing machine.
  
  Aug 28, 2013 at 6:12 am rating: 90
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#9 Steve

Tomorrow, however, is another day. That’s when our regularly scheduled odor will resume.

Aug 26, 2013 at 8:28 pm rating: 90

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#10 BrookeDiz

Why are they having a luncheon in the bathroom?

Aug 26, 2013 at 8:30 pm rating: 90

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- #10.1 Pkay
  
  Maybe its going to be a crazy spicy food sort of luncheon. This way there’s no lines..no waiting.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 11:37 pm rating: 90
- #10.2 The Elf
  
  Mongolia BBQ? I hope someone remembered to bring the hats.
  
  Aug 28, 2013 at 6:11 am rating: 90
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#11 Sir Puke

That note writer is really asking for it.

Aug 26, 2013 at 9:52 pm rating: 90

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#12 Walter

What, is the exhaust fan broken?

Aug 26, 2013 at 10:02 pm rating: 90

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#13 Laurie

“Powder Room?” This note is left over from 1955.

Aug 26, 2013 at 10:25 pm rating: 90

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- #13.1 Raichu
  
  Really? I say “powder room” all the time. (For reference I’m 23.) I (and my family) use it to refer to a bathroom that doesn’t have a bathtub or shower. It’s just more specific.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 4:22 pm rating: 90
- #13.2 H for Toy
  
  We call that a half-bath, if we’re talking in real-estate terms, or “the other bathroom” if someone asks where my brother-in-law went.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 6:01 pm rating: 90
- #13.3 redheadwglasses
  
  “Powder room” beats “shitter.”
  
  Aug 28, 2013 at 3:26 pm rating: 90
- #13.4 Raichu
  
  Yeah it’s a half bath if you are selling or buying the house, but it sounds weird to say “Where is Mom?” “She’s in the half bath” or “Go clean the half bath”
  
  Aug 30, 2013 at 9:58 am rating: 90
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#14 krisscop

Ok Normally when someone says, “This is the truth” its a neon sign screaming the opposite…However!! Truth: I used to work in Mental Health Facility run by the State. A co-worker was on a 1:1 (one client, watched by one staff). The Staff in this case…was none to “watchful”…and when client was in shower…well…he pulled out enough intestine to hold it over his head and wring it out. yep. THAT’S what I saw when I was telling the co-worker “I think there may be an issue”…with the Client. Truly…about grossest thing I have ever seen.

Aug 26, 2013 at 11:56 pm rating: 90

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- #14.1 RedDelicious
  
  And yet the most disturbing thing about this comment is the use of ‘to’ instead of the grammatically correct ‘too’.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 1:17 am rating: 90
- #14.2 VM
  
  Oh, that’s far too common a mistake to be truly disturbing. The plethora of ellipses, on the other hand…
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 10:12 am rating: 90
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#15 Pkay

Ok. So I think I will print every word but “this”. That word will be written in cursive for effect. That’ll show em!

Aug 27, 2013 at 12:34 am rating: 90

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- #15.1 FeRD
  
  It is awfully ransom-notey, for something ostensibly written in one go by a single hand, all with the same pen. I wonder how many personality switches occurred on the way down that page?
  
  The capitalization also conforms to no known rules or styles, adding to the whole demented-mutterings-in-a-windowless-room vibe. (In fact, I’m not sure why Kerry gave this one a pass on the irregular-capitalization tag; it seems to more than qualify.)
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 2:47 am rating: 90
- #15.2 The Elf
  
  Weird attempt to do italics, maybe? For emphasis? Don’t use *this* powder room, use *some other* powder room.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 11:05 am rating: 90
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#16 Raichu

My opinion would have to depend on whether there is another bathroom nearby. Is there somewhere people with gastro-intestinal distress can go very quickly that won’t stink up the dining room?

If not…I can understand your concern, note-writer, but sometimes people just have to go.

(Or maybe the issue is, as I originally thought, that the powder room is the one luncheon guests would use. Then a note reminding people to clean up thoroughly and leave the fan on might be appropriate, though it may illicit some douchey responses. The safest course of option for the luncheon host[ess] would be to make sure they clean the bathroom up right before the luncheon…)

Aug 27, 2013 at 7:28 am rating: 90

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#17 Paula K

Well, I think I can understand what they are talking about. There’s a poorly ventilated bathroom in the back of the front office. The person who used REALLY should have gone to the bathroom over in the shop, but couldn’t make it. There wasn’t enough Glade Sparkling Lemonade fragrance mist to knock down the haze that came creeping out from under the door. Thank goodness lunch was long over with.urk..

Aug 27, 2013 at 7:56 am rating: 90

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#18 mitte

Who’s still having “luncheon” and who does that in a “powder room”?

Is this PA note from upper class 19th century londonians ladies?

Aug 27, 2013 at 10:17 am rating: 90

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#19 Moi

Yes, because I find I always have time to find another toilet when I have the screaming abdabs.

Aug 27, 2013 at 10:19 am rating: 90

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#20 Ace of Space

So the note writer doesn’t think anyone at the luncheon might have to take a dump?

I would set out a tray of potted meat and pinto bean appetizers for the luncheoneers. Just for shits and giggles.

Aug 27, 2013 at 11:52 am rating: 90

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- #20.1 The Elf
  
  And giggle for the shits.
  
  Aug 27, 2013 at 1:06 pm rating: 90
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#21 sunshynegrll

Guess those ex-lax brownies I made won’t go over too well at the luncheon.

Aug 27, 2013 at 3:02 pm rating: 90

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#22 Scotty

There should have been a “P.S.”:

“If it it is a dire emergency, at least be QUIET about it”!

Sep 6, 2013 at 8:41 pm rating: 90

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