Housesitting Dos & Don’ts

September 1st, 2013 · 69 comments

Writes Mark in the U.K.: “My friend went over to his sister’s place to house sit for a week and when he arrived he was greeted with this. The ‘help yourself to our empty cupboards’ bit is a joy in itself, but having to be told not to try on her housemate’s lingerie is a total gem.”

DO feed the cat. DO change her water. DON'T try on Katie's bras. DON'T write a sarcastic reply to this list.

related: PANTY RAID!

FILED UNDER: siblings · signed with love

69 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Eliavy

    Why do I think that the first thing he did was write a sarcastic reply to the list?

    Sep 1, 2013 at 10:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   H for Toy

      I don’t know. I’d be writing a sarcastic reply while wearing Katie’s bra.

      Sep 1, 2013 at 11:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   weed store

      HAHAHA because there are two things she said not to do,

      So if you wore the bra, you’d be doing BOTH THINGS at THE SAME TIME.

      hahahhaa I laughed so hard +1, would lol again

      Sep 2, 2013 at 12:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Eliavy

      I can’t imagine why anyone would want to wear a bra, especially the ones with underwires. Those things are excessively uncomfortable!

      Maybe he could wear a bra on his head like in Weird Science.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 1:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   TRT

      Comes back, opens kitchen cupboard, finds cat wearing bra.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 3:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Jessi

      @Eliavy, I hate wearing them, too, but I’m a DD cup and look a hot mess without one. It’s not really great for a professional setting.

      Underwires are the devil’s work, however.* What’s really fun is when one snaps in half in the middle of your work day and you have to deal with being stabbed in the boob by a sharp piece of metal for the rest of the day. :-)

      *Again, though, a necessary evil…

      Sep 2, 2013 at 4:43 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Kristin

      Jessi, what I find more uncomfortable than the mid-snap is when the wire works it’s way out of the stitching and pokes your underarm all day. It is so uncomfortable that I actually keep a spare bra and thigh highs in a bag under the front seat of my car, in case of a wardrobe malfunction at work. Or, we ladies could work to change society so we can…FREE THE BOOBIES! Men don’t have to wear bras (though some clearly could use them) so why should we? EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL!

      Sep 2, 2013 at 5:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   kermit

      At the risk of derailing this conversation completely off-topic, there are companies that make good bras out there for the well-endowed.

      If you don’t like underwire bras, sports bras are a really good solution. They have really sturdy straps and fabric throughout the back portion so it kinda looks like you’re wearing a body shaper piece.

      If your office attire does not allow for wearing a sports bra, then for the love of money do not buy bras from Victoria’s Secret. They are expensive and utter crap because they do not last at all. The most comfortable regular bras I have found so far are Triumph and Calvin Klein. (Speaking as a 34D).

      Sep 2, 2013 at 7:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   H for Toy

      Amen, Kermit! And the women at VS will put you in any size, to make sure you buy there. If they don’t have your cup size, they’ll make you try a bigger band size.

      Also, girls, molded cup bras: all the support without the pain of underwire. Highly recommend.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 7:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   kermit

      I haven’t had the pain/pleasure of dealing with a VS salesperson – mostly because just from looking at them, I can tell I will want to strangle them with the nearest bra straps I can get my hands on. VS does have some nice clothes and shoes though (online), so it’s not a total loss.

      The thing is that for the same price (or cheaper) that you can get a VS bra, you can buy yourself an excellent Triumph bra that will last you twice as long. A lot of discount places sell them; I don’t think I have paid more than $20 for one.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 8:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   Raichu

      Sports bras are da bomb.

      I’m really glad I’m an A cup. Never had to deal with underwires; they look horrid.

      Brother should write a sarcastic reply to note and tape it up along with a picture of himself wearing the bra in question.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 12:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   powys

      Kristin, I’m thinking you’re not above a B cup because if I went without a bra I think the ladies would fall off from a simple jog. I don’t wear a bra because society expects me to, I wear a bra because it’s damn painful without one.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 1:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   JT

      FYI, I’m a D (almost DD) and can go without a bra without pain. I know lots of people who can. So Kristin may very well be above a B.

      There have been recent studies that bras actually cause more issues/pain, especially with back pain.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 2:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.13   1deprogrammed1

      If I tried a low-speed jog without a bra I’d come home with two black eyes AND bruised knee caps. Yeah, let your imagination run wild with that image. Heavy duty Norwegian battle breast plate type with extra straps and hooks for me.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 3:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.14   Jami

      I have to wear VS cause all other brands cause me to break out in horrible rashes and even weeping, open sores. I think it links back to my latex allergy. Even the most expensive bras do this to me. Only VS does not.

      There’s a site called Decent Exposures that makes bras with latex free elastic but they’re ugly and not very supportive.

      I even tried e-mailing that Livi-whatever from that show Double Divas, thinking since they do custom work they kept a stock of latex free elastic for those of us with a latex allergy. No luck.

      I’m a 38 DDD. I HAVE to wear a bra with an underwire. Nothing else works. Not even molded padding.

      One time on Tumblr this girl wrote about how her little sister wanted to open a shop that’s like Build A Bear but it would actually be Build A Bra. That way girls of any size could go in and pick all the things they want in a bra and always have a perfect fit. That kid was like 9 years old and she has a better idea than any adult.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 5:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.15   Poltergeist

      This conversation is highly erotic. Stories of sharp metal piercing tender flesh and sacs of fat pounding you in the face.

      Congrats ladies, you’ve managed to convert this (former) gay man!

      Sep 2, 2013 at 7:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.16   kermit

      Wait, is there a prize or some money involved in this?

      Sep 2, 2013 at 7:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.17   Seanette

      @Jami, I really like that kid’s idea. Hope something comes of it.

      @Kermit, I always thought you were male.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 2:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.18   The Elf

      I dunno, I swear by a particular VS one. No underwires (evil!), not even real cups, no padding. Just a shelf type made from cotton and elastic that can be washed normally. I hate bra shopping, so when I found this one that I liked I bought a dozen from their website. Literally a dozen. I’m glad I did, because they immediately discontinued the line.

      Bras are horrible evil, but like Jessi I wear one at work because it’s part of being professionally dressed. At home though, all bets – and bras – are off.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 6:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.19   The Elf

      @ Seanette, being male doesn’t exclude wearing, or just having a deep interest, in bras. You never know!

      Sep 3, 2013 at 6:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.20   kermit

      Funny, because I always thought you were a frog, Seanette.

      And The Elf, don’t tell me you’re not really an Elf. I can’t take that much disappointment in one day.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 7:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.21   The Elf

      Sure. A professional elf.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 7:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.22   kermit

      You damn better be a professional elf. How else am I going to get Joe Biden’s VP fountain pen, if you’re not a professional elf? He can’t be bribed with a train set.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 8:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.23   Snicklefritz

      I’ve switched to working from home on a mostly full-time basis – and the best part is that my breasts don’t have to go to boob jail every day.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 9:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.24   H for Toy

      I thought you wanted Al Gore’s fountain pen. Gonna have to change up my letter-writing campaign, I guess.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 12:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.25   kermit

      Any VP fountain pen will do. Gore doesn’t seem as gullible as Biden, though.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 9:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.26   The Elf

      Dick Cheney’s would do, then?

      Sep 4, 2013 at 7:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.27   Nunavut Guy

      I really like tits.

      Sep 4, 2013 at 9:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.28   H for Toy

      Ha! Nunavut, you’re an ass. You probably like those too, don’t you?

      Sep 4, 2013 at 1:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.29   kermit

      Dick Cheyney’s pen and stationery would do, if he would ever give them up.

      He never gives anything up, though. The man has no freaking heart beat and he still refuses to drop dead already.

      Sep 4, 2013 at 9:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.30   Nunavut Guy

      I don’t get out much.

      Sep 5, 2013 at 8:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.31   redheadwglasses

      I had a boyfriend who had to wear a stretchy brace thing when he cracked a couple of ribs. He said that when he took it off at the end of the day, he got an idea as to how relieved women are when we take our bras off at the end of the day.

      I prefer to take mine off as soon as I”m home from work. That way I have a place to hold my pencil.

      Sep 5, 2013 at 4:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Aidan

    I’m curious as to what previous event prompted him having to be told not to try on the housemate’s bras. And if it’s just a sisterly joke, that’s kind of a strange thing to joke about with your brother. Maybe my family just isn’t as close as others?

    Sep 1, 2013 at 11:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   jen

      not her bras; her housemate’s. she has a housemate and asked her bro to not rub them against his moobs.

      Sep 1, 2013 at 11:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Moose

      Maybe my family is unnaturally, creepily close then, but this is definitely a joke. As is ‘help yourself to our empty cupboards’.

      I would wonder if this was an English/American thing, but I assume the submitter is also English? Either way, this doesn’t read like a PAN to me, just a sister trying to lighten up what would otherwise be a boring list.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 6:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Red Delicious

    Hey, when you’re bored, and broke… hell, why not try on some of your sister’s bras? Take some photos for posterity, post them on facebook… have a few laughs… then go back to masturbating.

    Sep 1, 2013 at 11:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   AMoparGirl

    I just told my brother no sex in my bed.

    Sep 1, 2013 at 11:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   shwo! bang

    But I’m confused now, ’cause me mates down at the pub always call Katie’s bra an empty cupboard…

    Sep 1, 2013 at 11:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Sir Puke

    How about taking a selfie wearing a bra, print it out and leave it with the inscription: Per your request, a sarcastic note has not been written.
    (Mark’s friend)

    Sep 2, 2013 at 1:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Jami

    If Katie’s bras are off limits, does that mean he can try on Katie’s thongs instead?

    Sep 2, 2013 at 2:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Meme

      That’s a good question, Jami, assuming that Katie owns any underwear.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 4:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   kermit

      Thongs are not underwear. All you need to make a thong is just a roll of dental floss, and presto, your ass is covered as much as it would be had you paid ten times as much for a VS thong.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 8:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Jami

      Oh I agree, Kermit. I prefer granny panties myself. Fully covered and nothing riding up my butt. However it seems almost all women wear thongs or boy shorts anymore. At least all the ones who have told me that I need to wear thongs because “It’ll improve your self esteem and help you love yourself! It’ll boost your confidence!”

      Keep in mind these are the same women who have also told me that I don’t need plastic surgery (though one of the procedures I want is a breast reduction & lift so my neck & shoulders will stop hurting me) that I need “intensive psycho-therapy to repair your self esteem and lose your body dismorphia.”

      Apparently I can forgo the shrink and just be cured by a piece of itchy lace riding up my ass cheeks.

      Sorry, I’m tired, cranky, and in a mood.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 12:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Lil'

      Jami, with that kind of pain I definitely recommend the reduction. I did it about 5 years ago and it changed my life. My only regret is not going smaller. I went from a 34DD to a 34 C, and I really wish I had gone to a B cup. I feel so much better and my clothes fit better. I am so glad I did it. On a side note your friends are wrong about the thong. I’ve never been crankier than when I attempted to wear a thong all day.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 9:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   Amy in Toronto

      I don’t know what kind of thongs you’ve tried, but once I made the switch from full-back undies to thongs, I never went back. I find thongs way more comfortable than full coverage underwear.

      I’m admittedly jealous of you ladies who can shop at regular department stores for your bras and pay regular department store prices. At 32F, I have to budget for bras at specialty stores once every other year. I love the idea of Build-a-Bra!

      Sep 3, 2013 at 12:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   Tesselara

      What!?! 32F?! I was a 32D (at some point in my life), and I. Could. Not. Find. A. Bra. And my mom was calling ME Dolly Parton. Eeesh.

      Also–thongs feel like a wedgie that you have given yourself on purpose, for the entirety of the day. Because you secretly hate yourself.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 3:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   K

      32F? Boob twins! I’m poor and handy with a needle and thread, though, so I wear cheap DDs and alter or repair them as needed.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 9:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.8   kermit

      Sorry, Amy but my butt gets cold and I’m not a fan of giving myself a wedgie, like Tesselara said.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 9:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Poltergeist

    Sarcastic reply that we all know Bro is going to leave and that we all know Sis will read anyway:

    “I was going to do this for free since I’m such a wonderful brother, but now that I have to make a conscious effort *not* try on the bras, I want compensation. Also, you may have noticed that Fluffy has gone missing.

    I excpect to see £5,000 in my mail slot by next Tuesday. Small bills only. And a thank you card from Hallmark.

    <3 U xxx

    P.S. Next time, try stashing all your food in a more creative place than under your bed.

    [attached selfie of him wearing a giant bra while making a duck face. Cereal is being stuffed into one of the cups while Fluffy's tail is dangling out of the other]

    Sep 2, 2013 at 2:26 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Zairrin

    What. What on earth prompted this? ‘Don’t try on Katie’s bras’? Are we to assume he’s done it before?

    On another note, my car got stolen out of my driveway the other day. I honestly sat down with a marker and some poster board, all ready to make a PAN, before I caught myself. No amount of shaming the thief will bring it back.

    I’m absolutely gutted about it though. *sniff* Poor Sebastian… :(

    Sep 2, 2013 at 7:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Raichu

      0___0 that sucks about your car. I’m sorry to hear that happened.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 12:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Jami

      Sorry about your car. Hope karma catches up with the thief and he ends up being made fun of by Tonya Harding on World’s Dumbest.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 5:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   Zairrin

      Thank you both. I think the hardest part to accept about this is that it wasn’t my fault. The car was locked, the keys were safe; it’s just that Sebastian was a Buick.

      Unfortunately, after the Ford plant near my city shut down, all these out-of-work factory workers (who could put together cars and take them apart like nobody’s business) took to the streets hunting specific cars to strip for parts. According to the police, 56 cars are reported stolen EVERY day. I can’t really be mad at the thief; this might be his only way of feeding his family, but…

      I just feel awful, because it was my first car, in EXTREMELY good shape, I’d filled the gas tank the night before ($80), I’d had it less than a year, and it was a gift from my now-deceased grandmother. I’d intended to drive that car until it died.

      (And all other cars just feel inferior in comparison. Sebastian was valued at 50k, I purchased him for 19k, and the insurance is giving me 15k. The car I looked at today for 15k was rusty, shook like it was having a seizure, made audible clunking noises, and its engine was held together by electrical tape! Is that normal for an used car?! Sebastian was an one-in-a-million find, and it’s hard to let go after that.)

      Sep 2, 2013 at 6:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   H for Toy

      I’m sorry to hear about your car! You should be able get get a good used car for 15k. We bought one for $2500, and it was in better shape than that test-drive! Keep looking, and good luck!

      Sep 2, 2013 at 9:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   Jessi

      What H said. 15k should be more than plenty to find a great used car. 15k can buy you a new car if you’re not interested in all the bells and whistles.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 12:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   Jami

      Crap, with all that back history I say go for the PAN. Mention how sorry you are for all the people who lost their jobs and how you’re sure the thief was just stealing it to feed their family. But mention your grandma and everything. Maybe they’ll at least give you some piece of it to keep for sentimental reasons.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 12:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.7   Snicklefritz

      Zairron, I would mourn the full tank of gas the most. However, it is a sad day when your beloved car leaves your life all too soon. I had a Cadillac I had to let go, because the repairs were needing to take place on an all too frequent and expensive basis. Damn, that car was so much fun to drive.

      Thank you for confirming that there are shitty people everywhere that feel anything and everything is theirs for the taking. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their armpits.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 12:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.8   Raichu

      That’s so awful.

      I crashed and wrecked my minivan, Minerva, this past February. It was a very different situation, but no car is or could be Minerva. It was my fault, and I felt horrible and strangely guilty (as if I’d let a pet die on my watch).

      She was old but had many miles in her yet.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 1:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Melissa

    I think he should put Katie’s bra on himself and the cat, have someone take photos of him writing the sarcastic reply, and line the empty cupboards with the prints. :)

    Sep 2, 2013 at 7:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   randomhookup

    Gee, thanks for letting me use the empty cupboards??!!

    Sep 2, 2013 at 8:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Tileyfa

      Awesome, I needed more storage space for my collection of VHS tapes of 70′s iron.

      Sep 2, 2013 at 11:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Kythereia

      Please tell me “iron” was a mistype/auto-correct of “porn”. If not, don’t tell me, and I’ll pretend.

      Sep 3, 2013 at 8:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Eileen

    Everything sounded reasonable until I got to the bras. Why would he have to be told not to try on the housemate’s bras? What aren’t we being told here?

    Sep 2, 2013 at 9:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Gwai

    I suggest trying on sister’s bras instead of Katie’s and leave a picture of that.

    Sep 2, 2013 at 10:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Ely North

    How the hell is he supposed to enjoy himself if he’s not allowed to try on Katie’s bras? Worst week ever.

    Sep 2, 2013 at 10:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Tard

    Buy some grapefruits, take pictures of the bras hanging in every possible spot with a grapefruit in each cup, post them next to their sign.

    Leave the grapefruits on the kitchen counter with a note saying “Bon Appetite!”.

    Never be asked to house sit again.
    Problem solved.

    Sep 2, 2013 at 11:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   cowbert

    He should leave a sarcastic note that says: Those bras were fucking delicious (wait, what?)

    Sep 2, 2013 at 1:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Jetboy

    We now return to our regularly scheduled snark:

    “Do enjoy yourself” directly conflicts with “Don’t try on Katie’s bras”

    I think I like the note writer and the ‘bro’.

    Sep 5, 2013 at 3:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   redheadwglasses

    I showed up at a friend’s house around Christmastime and on her tree were two matching bra and panty sets. I’d been to her house for poker just two nights before that, and asked what had transpired.

    After poker wrapped up and most of us went home, her husband got out the tequila and our friend “Dan” joined him in drinking the tequila, and they played some blackjack against one another. Then they got so drunk, they decided they’d be more comfortable playing naked. They did that for a while, then one of them thought it would be funny to play cards and drink in the wife’s bras and undies. So they each put on a matching set and played more cards. (This is so out of character for them! The women’s undies, not the tequila.)

    Then they got tired of wearing the bras, so they stripped naked again, decorated the tree with the garments, and went back to playing cards and drinking tequila.

    The two-man party finished around 4 a.m.

    Sep 5, 2013 at 4:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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