Anti-social networking

September 11th, 2013 · 35 comments

Just a reminder, folks: updating your newsfeed = not actually the same thing as genuine social interaction.

E Murphy: is in a relationship P Murphy: apparently not with his mother!

Ryan: I love my friends Todd: including the ones you ignore regularly? Briana: i AGREE WITH THE GUY ABOVE!

related: Because you’re not really knocked up until Facebook says so
extra credit: Facebook is bad and makes you feel bad [newyorker.com]

FILED UNDER: frenemies · Mother-son notes · oh snap


35 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Anonymous

    lol! I actually deleted my mother and all family members from my facebook for pulling crap like this. I know it sounds harsh, but it was completely necessary.

    Sep 11, 2013 at 7:07 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Guy Paul

      I love it that this comment is from “Anonymous.”

      Sep 11, 2013 at 8:04 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   FeRD bang

      Several of my friends have done the same, mostly because they’re horrified that their 80-year-old grandmother might read some of my comments on their posts. I’m the embarrassing no-filter friend you hide from respectable company and don’t like your parents knowing about.

      I’m totally good with my role in those unfriendings, and am happy to be of service. IMHO it establishes the proper mindset regarding social media ,f you consider it a place to enjoy the same level and type of discourse as you’d expect during a Saturday afternoon spent hanging out with your friends in person. Whereas it’s not for the consumption of family members, co-workers, or acquaintances who wouldn’t be invited to that hypothetical Saturday get-together.

      (Of course, by exploiting Facebook’s friends-management and privacy control features, you could keep your parents or boss on your Friends list, without including them in all of those circle-of-friends interactions or letting all your sloppy-drunk photos visible to them. Their privacy system was designed to handle those situations. But, most people probably won’t delve that deeply into the privacy controls, would struggle to learn them well enough to properly use them that way, and ultimately don’t really need a Facebook link to their family or officemates.)

      Sep 11, 2013 at 8:27 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   The Elf

      I finally broke down and joined the borg collective on Facebook. First thing I did when I found some of my friends and family is go into the privacy controls. It’s remarkably easy to use.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 6:37 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   FeRD bang

      @T’Elf: The current audience and scoping controls are for the most part pretty straightforward, I agree. (Now that it’s been through a dozen or so iterations, slowly homing in on the right balance of functionality and complexity.) Anyone who’s not completely stupid should be able to get a handle on them without TOO much melted brain matter leaking out their ear.

      …One tiny problem, though: Most people are stupid. :-/

      (Especially when it comes to computer interfaces. They go all deer-in-headlights at the slightest hint of complexity. Mostly because they refuse to learn anything about how and why the underlying mechanisms work the way they do, even though that’s the single most effective path to developing a proper understanding of how the controls actually function.)

      They’re remarkably easy to use for you, because you’re remarkably smart and tend to be able to understand such things. :-)

      Sep 12, 2013 at 10:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   The Elf

      Awwwww, thanks!

      P.S. (The check is in the mail, as agreed.)

      Sep 13, 2013 at 10:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Nocturnesthesia

      Don’t read the terms/conditions or configure privacy settings, post videos of yourself projectile vomiting during a nude keg stand and statuses about committing various criminal offenses, then blame teh evul corporations when it bites you in the ass. Unfortunately, I have met plenty of supposedly intelligent grad students who see nothing wrong with this line of reasoning.

      Sep 13, 2013 at 4:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Coffee

      oh, I forgot to change from Anonymous since a previous comment I made might have gotten me in trouble at work because it was regarding products we sell.

      Sep 13, 2013 at 4:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Poltergeist

    E. Murphy’s Mom – I would hope your son isn’t in a relationship with you.

    Todd – Take a hint.

    Sep 11, 2013 at 7:37 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Red Delicious

    I think Todd has some issues with understanding when the tie has been severed. Maybe someone has been holding on a little too tightly to something that may have never really been there?

    But who am I to judge? Most of my facebook “friends” don’t even read my posts because they think I’m too negative and they “don’t need that sort of thing in their lives.”

    Sep 11, 2013 at 8:13 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   mitte

      Same here. You and I should be friends!

      Sep 12, 2013 at 5:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Tard

    Who the hell is still on Facebook?!

    Sep 12, 2013 at 1:28 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   mitte

      Mostly the people it wasn’t aimed at in the first place. Oh but if facebook lasts long enough, they’ll be back for the “vintage” feel of it.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 5:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Coffee

      what’s the Facebook replacement of the month? Google+ or something?

      Sep 13, 2013 at 4:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   redheadwglasses

    1. Save this stuff for Lamebook, please.

    2. My friend’s hyperreligious whackjob mom hounds him about taking Jesus into his heart, sends him texts about how he’s sinning and following satan (because at age 35, his girlfriend has moved in with him and I know they are planning to marry — he’s never lived with a woman before). He posted a bunch of quotes from famous people about love and not letting others dictate how you live your life, etc. The first one was good and I commented on it, then the flood of posts came and I saw that he was taking his war with his mom to a public level and I just thought, “Don’t sink to your mom’s level.”

    Sep 12, 2013 at 8:28 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Nahhh bang

    Whenever I bitch about something on Facebook, my mom assumes I’m bitching about HER.

    Which is…you know…fine…

    Sep 12, 2013 at 9:05 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   tegoguy

    Facebook is the spawn of satan. Worlds collide when they different people comment on facebook. My mother who is a pastor had the shock of her life when my cousin posted a pick of a girl eating another girls box and it appeared on her page somehow. Needless to say I deleted all my postings and all my friends. Ill call or text instead. Maybe even meet in person to catch up. Not to mention ppl who stalk your pages unbeknownst. I know so much about people from my past and they may have completely forgotten about me. It amazes me what people post.

    Sep 12, 2013 at 9:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   The Elf

      But isn’t that what privacy settings are for?

      Sep 12, 2013 at 10:49 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   j-train

      Personally, I use privacy settings extensively, but I still try not to post anything that may get me fired. It’s really quite easy. Use Facebook as the tool that it is. It’s great for organizing parties and keeping in touch with friends that are across the country or world. If your mom is a conservative Christian, block her from your Close Friends list. If your boss is nosy, put them on your restricted list. It’s easy. But still, know that at any moment anyone can take a screen shot and email it to anyone, so be smart. Be you, but be the person that you are for public consumption because, after all, Facebook is open to the public. But the fact is Social Networking is a part of culture now, and understand that you may be excluded from fun if you opt out completely. Most of my friends plan parties and get togethers of all sorts exclusively on FB.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 11:20 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   redheadwglasses

    Oh noes the wringing of hands, the gnashing of teeth! Facebook will be the downfall of humanity.

    Whatever. It’s a tool. It gets used differently by different people. Just because some people are asshats and don’t understand “oversharing” and what is appropriate for public posting doesn’t mean the medium itself is to blame.

    Sep 12, 2013 at 9:13 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   kermit

      The medium (or rather the company itself) IS to blame when they have made it pretty clear to everyone that privacy settings don’t really mean diddly squat to them. For the programming savy, the privacy settings are easily over-ridden. Add this to the fact that the company itself changes the privacy settings every so often and all your tinkering with privacy settings is really all for naught.

      Twitter and Linkedln have some practical uses in keeping you informed about stuff. But Facebook is really just for monitoring how fat your frenemies and their relatives have gotten.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 10:23 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   redheadwglasses

      I disagree. I keep up with friends who are busy with babies/little kids and we don’t get together as often as we used to. One friend posted “Heading to Sweeney’s, will be there in half an hour, join us!” and 10 random friends showed up and had a fun time.

      And unlike LInkedIn, Facebook didn’t set up a page for me. LinkedIn set up a page for me and I cannot delete it. It did the same thing to a friend of mine, and then one of my exes stalked her after he found her on LinkedIn. I hate LinkedIn.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 10:26 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   j-train

      EXACTLY! Once you create Friend Groups, those posts are only visable to those people. Also, you can block content from people that you don’t want to see as much from. Ultimately YOU are responsible for what YOU put on FB! Stop blaming FB because some idiots don’t know that it’s not a good idea to post drunk pictures of themselves half-naked and then wonder why they get fired when they call in sick to work the next day.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 11:24 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   The Elf

      In other words, don’t be a dumb ass.

      Oh, if only more poeple took that advice.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 1:38 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Haribo Lector

      That’s the point, Kermit; they’ve made it clear that privacy settings don’t mean anything. They haven’t been ambiguous about it in the slightest, and have communicated that fact to everyone; so now if you post stuff you don’t want anyone to know about, the responsibility is yours.

      Nov 16, 2013 at 3:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   redheadwglasses

    I’d like to add that the friends I mentioned about going to a bar and having other people show up… everyone was over 40.

    So if anyone is abandoning FB, it’s the teens/college students who are annoyed that we’ve geezered their social media site. ; )

    Sep 12, 2013 at 11:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   kermit

      Since this is commenting system isn’t friendly to linking other sites, I’ll let you Google the ways to subvert FB’s privacy settings on your own, Red. Needless to say, anybody that really wants to see stuff on your page can do so, regardless of your privacy settings. They’re a joke.

      As an aside, anybody who wants me to show up somewhere in under an hour better call me instead of expecting that I’m going to check FB every minute.

      And I’m not even going to mention that it’s more than a little rude to invite people on such short notice – unless you’re talking about people who have nothing to do all day because they’re retired. It makes it look like the people you really wanted to be there didn’t show so you resorted to your second tier FB friends whom you couldn’t even be bothered to call.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 1:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   redheadwglasses

      1. FB’s privacy settings. I haven’t said a word about privacy settings. I don’t care what people see on my FB page. I have nothing to hide.

      2. The “we’re going to Sweeney’s, join us if you want” ISN’T RUDE. My goodness. It isn’t a summons, it’s a last minute “we’re doing X, wanna join us?” There absolutely is nothing rude about that. Can’t make it? Don’t want to make it? Don’t go. It’s that simple.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 1:30 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   H for Toy

      Frankly, kermit, if I want to let you know about a gathering of some sort, I’m going to post it here, mostly because we’re not Facebook friends, and I don’t have your phone number. I hope you’re not offended. Also, Vegas in February. Mark your calendar.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 2:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   redheadwglasses

      Also, by posting a last-minute “invitation” on FB, you reach a bunch of people all at once. Calling 10-30 friends would be rather onerous.

      Sep 12, 2013 at 2:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   kermit

      H, I’m not offended at all. There’s a difference between real friends and FB “friends”. If you really want your real life friends to come join you someplace, you call/text them to make sure they get the message. Who the hell are these people that check FB all damn day, like it’s their retirement portfolio?

      If you want to sorta maybe chill with your FB “friends” you post a FB message and don’t really care who (if anyone) shows up.

      Red –
      The whole sales gimmick of FB over old services like Myspace is that they constantly told people that privacy settings meant that they had control over who saw what information. In the early days, the exclusivity of the service solely to college/grad students made this privacy thing very clear.

      You may not care about privacy settings, but a lot of people do. (And let’s face it, you do care about privacy because otherwise you’d be posting with your real name and your real email address instead of one you just set up for on-line commenting).

      Sep 12, 2013 at 8:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   kermit

      Also, is this Vegas in February thing just a fiendish and nefarious ploy to get Dick Cheney to shoot me in the face if I try to take his fountain pen?

      Sep 12, 2013 at 8:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   H for Toy

      I’d never allow anyone to harm a hair on your pretty green head, kermit. But if we get him drunk enough, and keep the guns locked up, we might just snag that pen!

      Sep 13, 2013 at 1:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Lythande

    So what’s it called if you echnically have a Facebook profile but ignore your friends on there, too? Golly I suck with people.

    Sep 13, 2013 at 12:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Haribo Lector

    Todd and Briana need to take the hint.

    Nov 16, 2013 at 3:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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