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The Big Brother’s Guide to Little Sisters

September 16th, 2013 · 52 comments

When she was growing up, Jennifer in New York says she always wanted a big brother. “Now that I have three children of my own,” she writes, “I thought I could live vicariously through my daughter, the middle child.” However, finding this “to-do list” on top of her eldest son’s homework has made her consider that vision. (God help this kid’s future crushes!)

Friday: spy Saturday: scare her Sunday: run away Monday: hide trains Tuesday: sneak and pinch her butt Wednesday: copy her Thursday: go see her when going to bathroom Friday: steal her backpack Saturday: baby talk Sunday: sneak under the piano when she is practicing Monday: talk about funny things about her on facebook Tuesday: hide library books (if she has some)

related: No girls allowed!

FILED UNDER: kids · most popular notes of 2013 · not so much passive-aggressive · siblings

52 responses so far ↓

  • #1   FooManGung

    And yet, only 3 misspelled words.

    Sep 16, 2013 at 1:45 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #2   ana

    well at least he shows initiative. I sure can’t plan that far in advance for most things

    Sep 16, 2013 at 1:53 am   rating: 63  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   KHandcock

      I was going to say, that’s some surprisingly organized sibling awfulness. This kid is going places.

      Sep 16, 2013 at 10:35 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

  • #3   Beth

    And he’s 18.

    Sep 16, 2013 at 1:55 am   rating: 60  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   pedro

      where does it say he is 18? I think he is a lot younger than that

      Sep 16, 2013 at 5:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   pedro

      Never mind, just clued into the sarcasm when I couldn’t find the age posted;)

      Sep 16, 2013 at 5:45 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   FeRD bang

      pedro’s a slow ol’ mule, but he gets there eventually! ;-)

      Sep 17, 2013 at 4:27 am   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   pedro

      Lol! yep

      Sep 17, 2013 at 8:10 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   e

    If he “steals her backback” on Friday, she should just steal the backbackback.

    Sep 16, 2013 at 2:14 am   rating: 105  small thumbs up

  • #5   TRT

    That is just superb. Totally and utterly brilliant.
    And leaving it where she can find it too…
    I mean Stewie Griffin?!!! Nothing on this kid!

    Sep 16, 2013 at 6:03 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #6   Lermo

    If he’s old enough to be on Facebook (doesn’t look like it from the rest of the note, I’ll admit), he’s old enough that “Thursday” is a little creepy…

    Sep 16, 2013 at 7:34 am   rating: 70  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Tom

      What, and “Tuesday” isn’t?

      PS Mom, teach your son not to touch others without their permission. Leads to loads of trouble later if you don’t. He can be a snotty older brother in plenty of other ways that don’t involve pinching girls’ bottoms (see: rest of list).

      Sep 16, 2013 at 11:11 am   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Vaulyrea

      Definitely, Tom. The butt pinching and watching her pee also makes his intentions for Sunday even more suspicious (what does he plan to do while under the piano?). Kid’s a freaking creeper.

      Sep 18, 2013 at 7:58 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #7   kmd

    Where the hell do small boys learn this kind of crap?

    Sep 16, 2013 at 7:44 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

  • #8   redheadwglasses

    “MOnday: Talk about funny things about her on Facebook.”

    Um, mom/submitter, are you aware that Facebook isn’t intended for children under 13?

    Sep 16, 2013 at 7:49 am   rating: 68  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Kupo

      They’re not COPPA compliant, which is why no children under 13. As an adult who understands just how worthless COPPA is, I could see choosing to ignore it as an indicator of how appropriate a website is for my kids, should I have any in the future. Still, if they’re immature enough to cyber-bully their siblings, I wouldn’t allow them to be on there.

      Sep 17, 2013 at 12:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   dom

      like that stops anyone? I was using the internet (badly) before I was 8. Granted before facebook and slowly because of dial up, but somehow i doubt age restrictions will stop them much because it never stopped me – and I certainly was never so organised.

      Could be facebook time is when they’re allowed on the computer

      Sep 18, 2013 at 7:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   The Elf

    ….. This explains so much of my childhood.

    (I assume Thursday isn’t “I’m going to see her hoohah ” but really more like giving her some snark about having to go to the bathroom. I hope.)

    Sep 16, 2013 at 7:52 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #10   H for Toy

    I always wanted a little sister to play with, but I didn’t realize they had to start as babies, so for years I hated my sister, and made her life as miserable as I could, to pay her back for not coming into the world at the age of 4. But I never made a to-do list. I just kinda flew by the seat of my pants.

    Sep 16, 2013 at 8:06 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   redheadwglasses

      That’s what’s wrong with kids these days. Too much overplanning. Look at what it did to this submitter’s son! He left EVIDENCE behind.

      Sep 16, 2013 at 8:19 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Jetboy

      Obviously this boy is being raised by a tiger mom who insists that he be very organized in everything he does. Poor little sister!

      Sep 17, 2013 at 1:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   valerie bang

      I know I am late to the party but I am literally LOL-ing at this.

      Sep 23, 2013 at 11:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   weed store

    man i couldnt believe that walt betrayed his family like that on breaking bad

    Sep 16, 2013 at 8:31 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #12   Philippa

    The first Tuesday is just about as creepy as Thursday. I read the list before the blurb and thought it was an organised stalker boy with a crush and no AVO (Apprehended Violence Order, in Australia) yet….

    Sep 16, 2013 at 8:51 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Jo

      Yeah, I read the note before the blurb too. I was thinking a boy with a crush on someone too.

      Sep 16, 2013 at 11:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   H for Toy

      You never know. Mom is assuming this is a list of things to torment little sister with, but maybe it’s about a crush, and he doesn’t want anyone to know he likes a girl.

      Sep 16, 2013 at 3:36 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   Agg-reeable

      I read the blurb but still thought this kid shows psychopathic tendencies. My brothers tormented my sister but in ways that made sense, like ganging up on her to change the channel to a western.

      Sep 16, 2013 at 6:00 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #13   Lil'

    What is his Plan B if she doesn’t have library books?

    Sep 16, 2013 at 9:38 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Elf

      Check out library books for her, then hide them?

      Sep 16, 2013 at 11:17 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #14   Fatesmom

    a little disturbing.

    Sep 16, 2013 at 10:50 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Jetboy

      Correction; a lot disturbing.

      Sep 17, 2013 at 1:39 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #15   Mar

    Put me on TeamScared. This is a really creepy to-do list.

    Sep 16, 2013 at 2:11 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   1deprogrammed1

      Me too. This to-do list reads like The Little Sociopath’s Training Manual.

      Sep 16, 2013 at 2:52 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

  • #16   Jami

    Count me in on the “creeped out by Tuesday and Thursday” list. Not to mention pinching his sister’s butt is totally creepy too. Mom, have a talk with him about why this is NOT okay.

    Sep 16, 2013 at 3:51 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Skyle

      Agreed. Every parent should teach their kids about appropriate body boundaries and receiving permission to touch. A “boys will be boys” or “it’s just teasing” attitude can lead to future assaults.

      Sep 16, 2013 at 5:31 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

  • #17   R

    Maybe he’s british and on Tuesday he wants to steal her cigarette.

    Sep 16, 2013 at 6:54 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #18   AuntyBron

    Way too orginized. My brothers (all 5) were capable of tormenting me on the fly.

    And, um, pinching a girl’s bum? Really, mom? And what is he planning on doing once he sneaks under the piano while she’s practicing?

    Sep 16, 2013 at 10:27 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #19   FeRD bang

    Twist: This list was actually written by the “sweet, innocent” middle daughter, and planted there to frame her big brother. (C’mon — what kid plots out his sibling-torturing in advance, much less stores the plan on top of his homework!?! This reeks of a setup.) Tuesday’s Child is an evil mastermind!

    Sep 17, 2013 at 4:32 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

  • #20   Erin

    I hope Jennifer in New York is planning to have a little discush with her son. I find this whole thing creepy, not funny.

    Sep 17, 2013 at 11:12 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #21   Mnky

    Really? There are people here who think that a kid pinching his sister’s butt is “creepy”? These children are obviously pre-teens. As any kid knows, butts are hilarious, pinching your sibling is fun, therefore pinching + butts = gold. If you think that there’s anything sexist or sexual in it than you’re waaay overthinking the motivations of a child.

    Sep 17, 2013 at 2:52 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   The Elf

      Kinda the way I saw it too. It’s pretty ordinary sibling annoyance. Do they read deeper into the “HE’S TOUCHING ME” fights from the back seat too? What about tickle fights – off limits? No way they’re bathing their opposite gender toddlers in the same tub either.

      Absent other information, the only thing I think is creepy is the extreme level of organization involved here!

      Sep 17, 2013 at 3:02 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   Jami

      The butt is a private part that shouldn’t be touched without permission or for medical reasons. Spankings for really bad behavior aside, of course, because it’s the only place padded enough that five firm slaps won’t do damage.

      So yes, it’s freaking creepy.

      Sep 18, 2013 at 12:25 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.3   dom

      lolwhat. Your weird idolisation of the butt as a “private part” is the creepy thing here.

      They’re siblings. Teasing each other.

      Sep 18, 2013 at 7:38 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #21.4   Vaulyrea

      Pinching her butt, watching her pee, sneaking under the piano while she’s sitting there….all of those together equal creeper.

      Sep 18, 2013 at 8:00 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #22   Audry Parker

    Are you all kidding me? I can see how Thursday is slightly creepy, but the rest is kid’s stuff. I just thank God that my son has never been this organized in his many endeavors to torture his sisters. I think this is hilarious.

    Sep 18, 2013 at 8:09 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #23   N

    I’m in the middle with the butt thing.

    1. I don’t think it’s intended to be sexual in any way


    2. This kind of behaviour (as well as other things on the list) should be nipped in the bud. It might not be sexual, but respecting his sister’s personal space is important, and can lead to unhealthy attitudes to girls in the future if not dealt with. His sister, too, is learning about her role in the world and “someone who’s butt can be pinched without her permission” is perhaps something she shouldn’t have to learn.

    Even without any element of sexuality, gender identity is still there.

    Sep 19, 2013 at 12:50 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   The Elf

      “In the middle with the butt thing” has got to be the dirtiest thing I’ve read all week. Tell me more, N……

      Sep 19, 2013 at 11:21 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   it's naptime

      “Close encounter? What kind? First, second? Third kind already? You’d better run, man, I think the fourth kind is a butt thing.”

      Sep 19, 2013 at 1:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #24   CALM DOWN

    It’s a giant over reactions to Tuesday and Thursday. Our mind goes straight to the “dirty” aspect of things cuz we’re older.

    But as a child i would hit my siblings and cousins butts all the time. It was always to be annoying and silly. I’m a girl if don’t know if that makes a difference.

    And anyone who grew up in a large family knows that as a child if you didn’t lock the door to the bathroom and someone came in its SUPER ANNOYING. When I would walk in on my sister they;d yell for me to at me to get out. Which of course I would but then to bother them, i’d open the door real quick again to get another reaction out of them and so on. One time i just left the door wide open and walked away leaving my sister terribly annoyed.

    That’s just the silly stupid things you do as kids, get your minds out of the gutter.

    The Facebook thing is odd and leaves me to think the sister was actually meant to find this. I doubt the child actually has a Facebook, but understands how “talking on Facebook” about his sister would irk her.

    Sep 20, 2013 at 12:25 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Bones

      Totes. Once my little brothers aimed their fake guns at my butt and started shooting at me. I was really emotional about it and Mom had a talk with them. That was that.

      If I found a list like this one, naturally I’d talk to the kid about how NONE of it is okay. But I wouldn’t freak out. An overreaction can ALSO be damaging.

      Sep 22, 2013 at 9:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #25   t-dogg

    some of the replies on here are ridiculous, they’re kids, theres no “wrong intentions” in that list, theyre creepy because we’re adults and if we made that list of about a person of another gender, it would be creepy.

    are you kidding me? kids are kids, theyll learn about boundaries and respecting others as time comes. do you assume your child is no going to intellectually evolve and stay stupid?

    some of you parents are going to take the fun out of their life going over aboard with this crap.

    yes a kid shouldnt be on Facebook so young, but their KIDS theyll get on there one way another. yes you should regulate them, but to restrict to the point of no freedom, is ridiculous, trust me that is going to affect your childs ambition.

    some of you are crazy, seriously. either that or you guys are kids yourselves

    Oct 1, 2013 at 5:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #26   Frank

    “The butt is a private part that shouldn’t be touched without permission or for medical reasons. Spankings for really bad behavior aside, of course,..”

    Uh, i think THAT comment is a bit creepy.

    Oct 25, 2013 at 4:20 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up


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