Dear late-night cat: plz discipline ur lady. kthxbai.
related: Please walk your elephant quietly!
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · cats · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · noise · Oakland
my cat has been missing for a week. if anyone leaves me a note like this i will murder them. that is all.
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:22 pm rating: 61
dogs are better
no you wouldnt but i will kill your cat
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:25 pm rating: 40
I think you might have the sense to not call out your cats name in the middle of a neighborhood in the wee hours of the morning, though. Anyone that does that deserves this note.
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:25 pm rating: 136
If my cat had been missing a week, I’d be papering the poles myself. Have you checked the shelters? If not, do it NOW, before your cat is euthanized.
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:25 pm rating: 37
When our dog got out and we couldn’t find him, we used findtoto dot com (I can’t remember if we can post links on here). It helped!
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:31 pm rating: 5
Taco cat spelled backwards is still…
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:52 pm rating: 27
Well, I guess if you’d stand outside screaming at 1, 2 and 3 am every night, homicide is just a short jump away.
Oct 22, 2013 at 11:33 pm rating: 32
If your cat has been missing for a week, it’s probably not within earshot of your piercing, shrill voice. Possibly your bellowing, bison-like voice. Maybe the cat has sought a quieter neighborhood. Maybe an urban coyote ate it. Maybe it’s a flat disc on a street somewhere. Whatever the reason for it’s absence, standing in the yard and yelling at the top of your voice is not going to bring it home, and may very well induce your neighbors to come out and beat the snot out of you.
Oct 23, 2013 at 7:37 am rating: 49
Why do you let you cat outside? Do you realize that statistically you cut their life short by half by letting them out? Cats are just as happy being indoors and live much longer and are healthier. If you feel you HAVE to let them outside, either build a catio or take them for a walk on a harness because missing cats are a side effect of letting them out on their own.
Oct 23, 2013 at 7:43 am rating: 34
IDROW: Not all kitties take to leash & harness. Go to Youtube and look for “Pinky the Cat”.
Oct 23, 2013 at 7:49 am rating: 6
idrow, 2 things:
1) perhaps the cat is an indoor cat who escaped.
2) do you realize that statistically you cut the fun of these threads short by half by bringing up the indoor/outdoor argument? We have been over that one many, many times.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:24 am rating: 45
Sorry to hear it Chinchinzilla. I don’t know what you’ve done to catch the kitty, but if you haven’t tried baiting a humane trap with favorite foods, try it. I also second the notion of checking all the shelters.
My indoor only black cat escaped the other night when my backpack caught in door. Of course, as soon as he gets outside, it’s scary and his first reaction is to RUN and HIDE in tiny places. I finally cornered him and grabbed him (incurring many scratches in the process), but I was *thisclose* to losing him in the dark, heavily wooded, backyard.
Chastising someone or threatening to kill the cat (!) at this point is just plain heartless.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:45 am rating: 35
If you cat has been missing for a week, why wouldn’t you try looking for said cat at 5pm or 9am? I think the point is just the timing here…
Oct 23, 2013 at 10:17 am rating: 22
A friend’s cat got out during a move. She put out a humane trap and checked it twice a day. That cat had always been skittish and was completely freaked out. The trap caught a couple of strays and a possum, but also, almost a month later, Niblet. Somewhat the worse for wear, but OK. Best of luck finding your kitty. Don’t give up hope before you have to.
Oct 23, 2013 at 2:06 pm rating: 22
I’m sorry! I hope you find your cat very soon! I ‘ve been in your shoes — twice — and it was terribly stressful and sad!!! Got the cats back both times!
Oct 23, 2013 at 2:59 pm rating: 12
Oct 23, 2013 at 4:44 pm rating: 3
I hope you find your cat soon! I know I’d be a wreck if one of mine was missing.
In defense of the note writer, I think the annoyance comes more from the inappropriate timing than the fact that she’s looking for her cat. This doesn’t sound like someone who’s lost her cat, it sounds like someone who just can’t grasp the concept that other people are asleep at 1AM.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:33 pm rating: 26
If my cat were missing of COURSE I would call its name! What other name do you think I should call?
Oct 23, 2013 at 9:35 pm rating: 4
My cat got out of the house the same day our neighbours were leaving on vacation. He went missing for four days, and we were frantic. Neighbours get home, our cat suddenly shows up. Turns out he’d gone exploring in their house and made friends with their indoor cat while they were loading up their car, and got locked in their house.
Oct 24, 2013 at 12:30 am rating: 9
So, wait. your neighbours left their cat alone for four days? Was there no cat sitter? Did the cat sitter just assume that the owners forgot to tell them about the second cat?
Oct 24, 2013 at 3:05 am rating: 9
Wow, I’m sorry for all the rude-ass comments you’ve gotten. Trolling someone who’s worried over a missing pet is not cool, guys. :/
Anyway, I’m sorry your cat is missing, and I hope you find him/her soon, safe and sound.
Oct 24, 2013 at 5:01 am rating: 18
H for Toy
Ziaheart, for 4 days, it’s possible they didn’t feel they needed a cat sitter. When my parents leave for a few days, they leave out several large bowls of water, a huge plate of food, and a clean litter box. The cat is self-sufficient for that amount of time. If they’re gone longer, one of us children will do a quick check in. In normal circumstances, cats are pretty independent.
Oct 24, 2013 at 8:45 am rating: 16
They also could have a shy cat situation where the cat-sitter is basically to come in and restock their food and water and the cat hides the whole time. Or one just stayed out of the way.
Oct 24, 2013 at 4:22 pm rating: 4
Ah, the midnight caterwaul of the irresponsible cat owner. Both of the following should occur: 1) the cat should be caught and collected by animal control and done with as is necessary and; 2) the police should be contacted as to the owner disturbing the peace and irresponsible pet ownership.
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:27 pm rating: 29
I just want to find myself a gold fish!
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:32 pm rating: 4
I first read that in the note as a “cold fish.” Gave me a laugh.
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:34 pm rating: 8
Can you walk a goldfish on a leash?
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:45 am rating: 8
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:38 pm rating: 73
I think that the neighbours should keep a ready supply of water bombs in the fridge to lob at the crazy cat lady when she starts calling out at 12, 1 or 2 am on a nearly daily basis. Maybe write on them “Bad Kitty”. She’ll learn.
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:48 pm rating: 61
That’s a start.
I would be tempted to lead the charge and begin plotting a response.
Oct 22, 2013 at 10:09 pm rating: 4
OMG – - how about getting audio recordings of meowing cats and playing them back from several different places?
Oct 23, 2013 at 10:42 am rating: 30
plunk: That’s Babylon 5 terrific.
Oct 23, 2013 at 12:29 pm rating: 3
i had a neighbor that did things like this almost nightly. we all lived in a two story apartment building with a common area in the center. she would come out between 1 and 3 am, screaming for a cat that wasn’t even hers. it was a communal cat. so it could have been in anyone’s apartment that was volunteering to take care of it. this broad was beyond crazy. if you have any kind of manners you just stfu. i wish common sense was actually common.
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:50 pm rating: 29
Somebody has to start it.
Oct 22, 2013 at 9:53 pm rating: 24
Indoor cat owner
Sometimes indoor cats escape outside.
Oct 22, 2013 at 10:17 pm rating: 9
But not usually on a daily basis.
Oct 22, 2013 at 11:03 pm rating: 27
Holy moly. We just got 2 shelter cats, and one of them is an escape artist. I swear he teleports or shape-shifts or something. One minute he’s in the foyer, the next minute we open the door a tiny amount to slide through the door and boom! he’s outside running down the sidewalk. The first week or two we had him, he probably did get out every day. It’s gotten better, but I think we should make up “lost cat” posters in advance b/c one of these times we will not be able to catch him right away. To make matters worse, there is a stray around here who looks A LOT like him. One evening half the neighborhood kids were out looking for our cat b/c they had seen the stray come down off our porch and assumed out cat had gotten out. I checked, and he was inside, asleep in a laundry basket.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:31 am rating: 15
Cats are consummate escape artists.
I once had a (indoor) cat whose favorite nap spot was in the roommate’s extensive collection of potted plants which sat in front of the sliding door, and right beside the front door. She had a great view of the walk, and could easily see and hear anyone approaching. The distance to the front door was no more than 2 feet, and was screened by large plants. When the doorbell rang, she’d go into her crouch, and as soon as the door would start to open, she would dash for the opening, and unless one of us was around to make a grab for her, would usually make it out.
Eventually, I moved and had to give her to my brother to look after. She became an outdoor cat and lived to be 18.
Oct 23, 2013 at 10:16 am rating: 9
Pit Pat, we had an indoor cat who went through a phase like that. It was super embarrassing. I’d leave to go do something and have the door open for the normal amount of time it took to go through it and not notice her apparently super stealthing outside at the same time. For awhile we were convinced she had a secret way outside and checked all the windows but no. She was just amazing at jetting out the door the instant it opened. She would either show back up at the door a few hours later and meow pathetically to be let in, or if we couldn’t hear, one of our neighbors would knock to let us know our sad cat was outside. Luckily, when adulthood set in she decided she hates outside. But this is why I insist on collars and tags, even on inside cats.
Oct 23, 2013 at 11:04 am rating: 3
Yes, it sure is embarrassing (and sometimes painful, like the time I got into a fight with my neighbor’s rose bush trying to get him back)! And I, too, wondered if the cat had a secret way out. One night even I was duped into thinking that stray on the front porch was my new cat, and my head nearly exploded trying to figure out how he had escaped. It has helped to go out the front door backwards, without taking my eyes off of him. That way if he darts forward I can respond immediately, instead of 2 seconds later, which is about 3 seconds too late. The escapes have decreased quite a bit. He does wear a collar and has a chip, so at least he could be identified if he got lost. The other cat always manages to get his collar off, but he never tries to get out so it doesn’t matter that much.
Oct 23, 2013 at 1:45 pm rating: 1
For those who’s indoor cats escape easily, I suggest microchipping the cat. It’s not a guarantee that anyone who finds the cat will think to take the cat to a vet to have the cat scanned for the chip, but the mc company will send out notices to all the vet offices within a 5 mile of your home, as well as all the animal shelters within 10 (or 15 or 20;I forget) miles from your home with full descriptions of your pet. Not all vets automatically check for microchips but almost all shelters do. They also prepare posters that you can download and print for yourself to distribute. It definitely improves the chances your pet will be found.
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:37 pm rating: 6
I wish I had confidence in our local shelter. Ours is right around the corner from us, and our dog walked over there one time when he got out (lol). They took him in, did NOT document him, did NOT call us (he had a collar and a chip), told our neighbors that they had NO new dogs when they went over there, and told us they had NOT gotten a frantic call from us. Either they are completely incompetent or they wanted to keep him (he was a purebred). It was such a mess. Even after we saw him there (but couldn’t take him home b/c there was no one with the authority to discharge him to us), they called to say that they HAD gotten our message but they didn’t have our dog. OMFG. The only good thing about the whole experience is that he did not spend the night on the street.
Oct 23, 2013 at 4:51 pm rating: 11
Every indoor cat I’ve lived with has managed to escape once. Luckily all of them were caught or came back within an hour at the most and didn’t try it again.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:26 pm rating: 1
I have the best of both worlds–a balcony. They can go outside, but no cars or any other animals can reach them, and it’s too high for them to think of jumping down (and they’ve been going out there for years now, so there’s no question about that). It’s like a cat run without the expense of the run.
Oct 24, 2013 at 5:44 pm rating: 0
If they’ve been doing that for years, I’d imagine you’re safe, but it would still make me nervous. A friend of mine used to let her cats onto the balcony until one day she couldn’t find one. Then she looked over the railing. I won’t describe what she found b/c it broke her heart.
I do let the cats out onto the screened-in back porch, so it’s a little like going outside. In the sping maybe I’ll try a leash.
Oct 25, 2013 at 9:16 am rating: 2
My parents adopted a stray cat who wandered up on their back porch. In their fenced yard. With two dogs that had pretty thoroughly scented said yard. This was in 2004.
Labor Day 2013, the cat went missing. First night it actually got cold, Mom found the cat on the way to work. He was missing for six weeks. He is microchipped, the chip is registered to them, there were signs up all over the neighborhood, and the local shelters had been called and given donations (this being something my dad does periodically ANYWAY but especially when he wants something from them). The cat is declawed (he wandered into the backyard that way) and yet has survived on his own for weeks at a time at least twice.
My point is that cats are somewhat odd and do ridiculous things that make no sense. Indoors-only is the best plan, but no plan survives contact with a cat.
Oct 28, 2013 at 6:21 pm rating: 3
I live in a neighborhood where coyotes are common visitors after dark. To make sure my cat (who has since passed and not been replaced) came home before dark, I fed him first thing I the morning and at sunset. If he came home late, he didn’t get to eat. He was a food whore, so he always came home on time. In fact, he would come running at the sound of the back door opening and I never had to stand outside hollering at him and disturbing the neighbors. Some cats can be trained.
Oct 22, 2013 at 10:14 pm rating: 41
You were lucky. On my semi-rural street, there have been cats and small free running dogs that have been snatched right out of their yards by coyotes, in broad daylight. The coys are usually nocturnal, but not always. When they’re feeding a litter of pups, they work overtime!
Oct 23, 2013 at 7:45 am rating: 5
I had a cat growing up that would come to greet you when you opened the garage door when you got home. If I wanted to get him in the house I would just open the garage door and he would be there in minutes.
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:18 pm rating: 2
Any cat owner who behaves in a way that warrants this sign does not deserve the honor of being called a “cat lady.”
Oct 22, 2013 at 10:26 pm rating: 15
I ate my gold fish.
Oct 22, 2013 at 10:38 pm rating: 5
You did? Are you sure it wasn’t your cat?
Oct 23, 2013 at 6:18 am rating: 3
Don’t you think he’d notice the difference — on this tongue, going down his gullet — between a goldfish and a cat?
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:03 pm rating: 6
“It” was referring to “crfender”, not “goldfish”.
Oct 24, 2013 at 12:48 pm rating: 1
Missed opportunity to give her the title of “The Midnight Cat Lady.” 0/10.
Oct 22, 2013 at 10:41 pm rating: 6
Only possible response to the cat lady: All the neighbors dress in cat costumes and silently emerge from the shadows and converge on her in the middle of the street.
Oct 22, 2013 at 11:55 pm rating: 117
I’m literally laughing out loud at that. Best comment ever.
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:39 pm rating: 3
H for Toy
They should also learn the words and correography to “Jellicle Cats” and put on a real performance.
Oct 24, 2013 at 10:21 am rating: 16
LOL!!! I was just about to add that they need to have an old female “cat” under the streetlight, singing , “Memory, all alone in the moonlight…except for all my neighbors collecting around the crazy cat lady!”
Oct 29, 2013 at 8:08 pm rating: 3
Oh. That could be almost be me. I often open the backdoor and whistle for my cats after 1am. (They usually come running). I was hoping the neighbors would think it was just some crazy bird
Oct 23, 2013 at 12:09 am rating: 10
Your cat was f*cking delicious
Oct 23, 2013 at 2:26 am rating: 16
Taco Cat | taC ocaT
Goldfish is one word, THAT’S what we should be talking about.
Oct 23, 2013 at 6:03 am rating: 16
All the neighbors should get super soakers and spray her every time she screams out for the cat, and keep doing it until the behavior changes. They must spray her exactly when she does it otherwise it won’t work.
Oct 23, 2013 at 7:15 am rating: 59
My reading skills are cracking me up on this one. At first, I thought you said, “they must SPAY her.” Not a bad idea, I guess.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:33 am rating: 11
Lil’, POST OF THE WEEK!
Oct 23, 2013 at 5:40 pm rating: 3
If I were that cat I wouldn’t want to go home to screachy lady either.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:15 am rating: 9
My name is Princess!
The cat probably found a better rug to pee on.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:37 am rating: 10
And this, of course, spotlights the central truth of the indoor/outdoor cat debate. An outdoor cat is only yours til they get a better offer.
Oct 23, 2013 at 9:19 am rating: 18
But in the cat’s defense, that rug really tied the whole room together.
Oct 24, 2013 at 4:15 pm rating: 3
It’s not the cat lady. That’s the cat calling in high loud voice. She’s misplaced her human.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:48 am rating: 7
I’ll take your cat lady over the drunks who walk down the street talking loudly about the Kardashians and other reality dweebs. At least I’d know who to call the cops on. (Or should that be “whom”? I can never tell.)
Oct 23, 2013 at 9:14 am rating: 3
My neighbor’s driveway is next to my bedroom window, there are two adult developmentally disabled men that live there with their mother. They argue loudly and a lot. I don’t know how many times I’ve laid in bed after 11pm on weeknight trying to sleep over the sound of screamed obscenities. I’m not saying the cat lady is great but I think I’d prefer her too.
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:22 pm rating: 2
I’ll take your cat lady over the next-door neighbors’ (on both sides) dogs who bark incessantly every time they are let outside, often as early as 5:45am and as late as 11:30pm.
We just moved into this house a few weeks ago and we don’t want to make waves so we just silently bear it while wondering if we should feel bad for having fantasies of letting their dogs out to run in the traffic. Maybe it’s time for us to write some anonymous PANs?
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:50 pm rating: 9
katimomkat, I think you should just talk to your neighbors about it.
Oct 24, 2013 at 12:53 pm rating: 1
Check out some “neighbors from hell” forums for advice.
Oct 25, 2013 at 9:18 am rating: 1
One of the many boggling things about this post is the notion that there are cats who will come when they are called. It strikes me as just slightly less ludicrous than yelling at the TV during a sports game.
Oct 23, 2013 at 9:35 am rating: 15
Some do, for real. Especially when food is involved. To them, it is less about obeying a summons and knowing that the call of their name heralds good things for them (food, pettings, warm place to sleep, etc).
Oct 23, 2013 at 11:25 am rating: 15
My cat comes every time I call, but that’s because I only ever call her when it’s time to be fed. She prefers my husband to me usually, so she couldn’t care less about me any other time. Fine with me. I can live with that.
Oct 23, 2013 at 2:25 pm rating: 6
Mine typically come when called, but that’s because it’s very rare that I misuse that trust. They really are getting fed, 99% of the time.
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:04 pm rating: 5
I have two very friendly cats, if they aren’t alround all I have to do is yell “Why are there no kitties by me?” and they are there in seconds.
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:23 pm rating: 16
I had an indoor/outdoor cat growing up who always came inside within minutes of being called. He knew that it meant last call for dinner, and for spending the night on a nice heating vent instead of under the porch.
Oct 23, 2013 at 6:40 pm rating: 5
The cat I grew up with came when I called him, and I was rarely the one who fed him. I would go out on the front porch and call out, drawing out both syllables (Miiiiiiiiii-chaellllllllll) and he would come running. It was pretty cute. He was my best friend.
Oct 23, 2013 at 10:25 pm rating: 8
My mom used to have a cat that would come when called. It’d just come to “here, kitty kitty”. And then she got a dog and the dog (like, a blue heeler or a black lab or something) decided the cat was his mom. The tom cat.
Let it never be said this was a clever dog.
So my mom would call the cat, “here, kitty kitty” and the cat would come, with this big dog bouncing along behind it. Eventually, the cat disappeared (this was a farm situation, it was expected. Free range cat for sure), but she still has the dog. And the dog will only respond to “Kitty”.
So that’s how my mom got a dog named Kitty.
Oct 24, 2013 at 1:36 am rating: 30
My cat doesn’t always come when she’s called if she’s inside or if she’s only been outside for a few minutes, but when she gets out and she’s been outside for a long time, she usually responds to my voice.
Oct 24, 2013 at 5:10 am rating: 1
All four of our boys come when we whistle for them. If the weather is particularly nice and one in particular becomes particularly recalcitrant, he will respond to the rattling of the maraca we keep by the back door – it sounds like a container of kibble being shaken.
Oct 24, 2013 at 10:13 am rating: 4
I’m usually in favor of the responsible outdoor owners, this lady does not sound like one. If you’re gonna leave your cat out at night, leave it out at night, don’t make a fuss about it on the daily.
Of course as usual, I think whoever is peeved could always speak to the “cat lady” face to face since she doesn’t seem hard to find, and chances are it will end better than it seems it’s heading for now.
Oct 23, 2013 at 11:48 am rating: 5
Ace of Space
4) Consider I will come outside and beat your ass.
Oct 23, 2013 at 2:44 pm rating: 1
To be fair, if you have an indoor/outdoor cat, calling it is, in fact, how you get it indoors for the night. Why you would wait until 1am to call your cat inside for the night is beyond me, though.
Oct 23, 2013 at 6:37 pm rating: 1
Whats up with the indoor/outdoor thing. Seriously, cats are not just as happy stuck indoors as they are outdoors. They just aren’t. And there are few cats that can be happily trained to walk on a harness. Also, a cats life is significantly shortened by it being outside at night, not in general, but at night, because that’s when they are most likely to get into fights, or hit by cars because being nocturnal they sleep a fair amount of the day away.
Anyway, I would kill my neighbour if they did this. Easiest way of preventing it? Feed your cat at the same time every evening. If they don’t come back, they miss out. They learn quick. My two are home every night by 6pm and I can shut them in without having to scream their name across the neighbourhood.
Oct 23, 2013 at 8:52 pm rating: 2
I used to let my kitty Zeus roam my city neighborhood. He usually came in at night but sometimes got distracted, I guess. So I had a special call for him.
ZooBEEEEEEEE come hEEEEEEre! (think suEEEEEE like for pigs).
Worked like a charm. He’d come running home from where ever he was in the neighborhood.
It was just a quick squeak, though, not telling the cat’s name in the middle of the night.
Oct 26, 2013 at 6:37 pm rating: 0
Oct 26, 2013 at 6:44 pm rating: 0
I thought of the various cats mom had over time, and there was only one incident I can recall where one of them was missing longer than overnight. It had been spooked by a late afternoon thunderstorm while outside. Mom put out fliers on our street and two adjacent ones. A neighbor on the next block found it about a week or two later. It had bolted across the street and over the back fence, then taken refuge in the house basement.
Oct 27, 2013 at 11:16 am rating: 0
I would put the dog in front of her room so that crowded all night
Oct 29, 2013 at 11:11 pm rating: 0
I adopted a stray cat who showed up on my doorstep a couple months ago. He comes when I call, but only responds to “kitty” not the name I chose for him. I was afraid at first that he’d always want to escape back outside but he hasn’t. He comes to the door, looks outside and turns around. I guess, after experiencing what it is like to be an outdoor cat, he’s decided it’s better indoors.
Oct 30, 2013 at 9:24 am rating: 2
Dumbass. First of all us cat ladies have to put up with your children screaming at all hours.
Those of us who have worked night shifts have to be woken up constantly by day time noise.
If you can only afford to live in a built up area then I suggest ear plugs.
Nov 4, 2013 at 2:07 pm rating: 0
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