Happy Hallow— oh.

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October 30th, 2013 · 78 comments

Well then.

related: NO CANDY GO AWAY!

FILED UNDER: Halloween · most popular notes of 2013

78 responses so far ↓

#1 Kelly

That escalated quickly.

Oct 30, 2013 at 11:48 am rating: 90

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#2 Avskat

Seems counterproductive to lure children to your house with what appears, from the distance, to be someone joining in with the festivities. If you don’t want to participate why make it look like you do…from any distance. Just turn out your lights people.

Oct 30, 2013 at 11:50 am rating: 90

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- #2.1 jedi
  
  lighten up. it’s funny.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 11:59 am rating: 90
- #2.2 Hyacinth
  
  No, it’s rude. Yeah, yeah, it’s his house, blah blah blah. Life should be more about being a good human bean. This is not.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 12:02 pm rating: 90
- #2.3 Tesselara
  
  What grows when you plant a human bean? Kidneys?
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 12:10 pm rating: 90
- #2.4 Hyacinth
  
  Sprouts, I am guessing, Tess.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 12:11 pm rating: 90
- #2.5 kermit
  
  What grows when you plant a human bean? Courtney Love’s offspring, duh.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 12:15 pm rating: 90
- #2.6 go21bucs
  
  fuck off.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 12:19 pm rating: 90
- #2.7 Raichu
  
  When I was a young kid I genuinely thought “human bean” was how you said “human being” because that’s how my pre-K teacher said it. xD
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 2:51 pm rating: 90
- #2.8 CanadAustraya
  
  Yessssss Kermit! Aww just pictured Frances Bean babies in a cabbage patch
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 3:41 pm rating: 90
- #2.9 sparkle.burnout
  
  Dude, it’s funny! What kind of page do you think this is?
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 4:41 pm rating: 90
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#3 Eileen

You can leave out the passive, that’s just aggressive.

Oct 30, 2013 at 12:11 pm rating: 90

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- #3.1 kermit
  
  Nah, I think the aggressive part would be if they hurl the pumpkin at you as you are coming up to ring their doorbell and demand candy.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 12:32 pm rating: 90
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#4 Lil'

I guess this house is saving up all its jolly for Christmas.

Oct 30, 2013 at 12:55 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 Snowflame
  
  Oooh, maybe in a a month or so we’ll get another PAN showing what they do with their Christmas lights. This could be the start of an ongoing series.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 12:59 pm rating: 90
- #4.2 redheadwglasses
  
  One year, my then-spouse took a large piece of cardboard and punched out holes for Christmas lights, so it spelled
  
  BAH
  HUM
  BUG
  
  And he put it in our big picture window. Our neighbors stopped by to tell us they loved it and thought it was funny! (I was ready for a brick through the window.)
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 7:41 pm rating: 90
- #4.3 The Elf
  
  That. Is. Awesome!
  
  That’s it. I was wavering on it, but my mind is now made up. I’m installing a redheadwPBRtallboy flap.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 9:10 am rating: 90
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#5 Snowflame

Am I the only one who’s impressed at how even the letters are carved? Seriously, I can barely do a face.

Oct 30, 2013 at 1:01 pm rating: 90

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- #5.1 Roxy Random
  
  My guess is some kind of stencil kit. The one with all the letters from A to Z, so you can carve your name on your pumpkin.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 5:45 pm rating: 90
- #5.2 AuntyBron
  
  I hear you, Snow. I did a “Jack Skellington” this year that looks like a squinty-eyed tweaker with bad oral hygiene.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 8:00 pm rating: 90
- #5.3 kermit
  
  You need a good sharp knife that’s easy for you to manoeuvre. A good pumpkin also helps. If it’s too ripe or not ripe enough, you’re going to have a hard time carving it.
  
  And as with everything, practice always helps. You can roast the mistakes in the oven with some garlic and dill or rosemary (and booze of your choice) and then eat them as a side dish.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 9:11 pm rating: 90
- #5.4 Raichu
  
  Mmm, roasted pumpkin. Also good with apples, pears, raisins, cinnamon/nutmeg, etc.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 11:33 pm rating: 90
- #5.5 Tesselara
  
  Raichu–have you ever had stuffed pumpkin? Filled with all kinds of delicious goodness, like soft cheeses, rice (already cooked), mushrooms, nuts, (sausage if you are a person who eats meat), cubes of bread, poured over with milk or cream… you can google a recipe. Anyway, it’s amazing.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 7:51 am rating: 90
- #5.6 Snowflame
  
  Thanks for the advice, kermit. Next year I’ll start early and do a few practice ones first.
  
  Least we get pumpkins now. When I was a kid it was turnips and those things are even more of a bitch to carve.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 3:53 pm rating: 90
- #5.7 Raichu
  
  Tesselara, not with pumpkin, but I’ve had stuffed squashes. I don’t eat red meat (though when I did I enjoyed squash stuffed with sausage and spices) and I don’t like cheese, but I love fruits, veggies, nuts, that sort of thing. The squashes with apples, nuts, raisins and spices that were carved and then roasted were amazing.
  
  Nov 1, 2013 at 9:12 am rating: 90
- #5.8 H for Toy
  
  I never understood how anyone could not like cheese. I could live on cheese! Well, maybe cheese and prunes, to keep myself somewhat regular I looked up a couple stuffed pumpkin recipes though… Sounds delicious, no matter what combination of fillings you use!
  
  Nov 1, 2013 at 1:02 pm rating: 90
- #5.9 Jeanette
  
  I like cheese, but cheese doesn’t like me.
  
  Nov 1, 2013 at 6:02 pm rating: 90
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#6 Raichu

k, I must be a horrible person for laughing out loud at this.

Short and to the point. I love it.

Oct 30, 2013 at 2:55 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 The Elf
  
  I laughed too. But I bet if I were the parent of a little pirate trick-or-treating, I probably wouldn’t be.
  
  So, funny but not particularly wise and a little bit of a bait and switch.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 6:35 pm rating: 90
- #6.2 Raichu
  
  *shrug* It’d be a learning experience. “[Kid's name], they don’t want us to trick-or-treat there. But they didn’t say so very nicely. In fact, they were very rude. That’s not something you should say to people.” etc.
  
  But I’m not a parent (yet) so my perspective may well change.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 11:36 pm rating: 90
- #6.3 H for Toy
  
  I don’t know about everywhere, but around here, porch light off means not participating. They may have decorations, but if the porch light is off, we assume they’ve gone to bed, left, or run out of candy, and leave them alone. This would be hard to miss just walking down the street, though. I’d giggle if I saw it, but my daughter is still sounding things out when she reads, so it’s likely she’d only get to “f,uh” before I hurried her along.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 8:43 am rating: 90
- #6.4 The Elf
  
  True, H. But “lit pumpkin” is acceptable alternate signal to “porch light on”. I would think it a reasonable assumption that someone with jack-o-lanterns a-blazin’ would be participating.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 9:14 am rating: 90
- #6.5 Meme
  
  Meh, by the time kids are old enough to read they’ve seen those words as graffiti and heard them in the school yard… If not at home.
  
  Nov 2, 2013 at 3:18 pm rating: 90
- #6.6 Belaani
  
  Elf: What, you don’t think they ever hear that on the playground at school?
  
  Nov 2, 2013 at 7:06 pm rating: 90
- #6.7 The Elf
  
  Sure. But (if I had kids) I’m not sure I’d want it so in their face during trick-or-treating. The point is: I can easily see some parents complaining and the little joke turning into a giant pain in the ass as the homeowner is now persona non grata with the soccer moms on the rest of the street.
  
  Nov 3, 2013 at 8:52 am rating: 90
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#7 sparkle.burnout

It’s hilarious! It would make my day if I saw it in my neighborhood.

Oct 30, 2013 at 4:39 pm rating: 90

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#8 kermit

On second thought, this is really lazy PA. You can’t just have one pumpkin with a message on it.

You have to make it more personal, like crafting letters to the obese kids to tell them you’re not giving them any candy because they’re too fat. There’s a lady in Fargo, ND that apparently plans to do just that: www[]valleynewslive[]com/story/23823811/woman-handing-out-letters-not-halloween-candy.

Oct 30, 2013 at 4:46 pm rating: 90

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- #8.1 Raichu
  
  I read about that earlier today. What a tool. I hope nobody goes to her house.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 11:37 pm rating: 90
- #8.2 The Elf
  
  Oh, people *will* be going to her house. With TP and eggs.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 9:15 am rating: 90
- #8.3 kermit
  
  Hey, toilet paper and eggs are expensive and I wouldn’t waste them on some weirdo.
  
  There’s perfectly good (flaming) dog poop, indoor/outdoor cat poop, garbage, etc. that can be used instead of perfectly good household items that you’re going to need. We’re in a recession,people! We have to pull ourselves up by our cat flaps and make do with revenge on a shoestring budget.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 9:34 am rating: 90
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#9 Jami

I’d prefer that pumpkin owner to this lady -

http://www.valleynewslive.com/story/23823811/woman-handing-out-letters-not-halloween-candy

Oct 30, 2013 at 5:38 pm rating: 90

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- #9.1 uncreative
  
  That is awful. I don’t really like giving out candy, but it’s more due to my childhood experiences of not eating most candies and being too much of a kid to realize I’d be disappointed by my Halloween haul until I got it home and gave it away to my older siblings. So, I’m giving out toys and glow necklaces. If you don’t want to give out candy, you have options that don’t involve being awful.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 5:56 pm rating: 90
- #9.2 redheadwglasses
  
  One year, I gave kids a choice: Candy or stencils. The younger the kid, the more likely he chose stencils. But 10yos don’t want stencils; they want candy.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 7:42 pm rating: 90
- #9.3 uncreative
  
  That’s why I try to have some toys aimed at younger kids and some aimed at older kids. Last year the kids happiest with the glow bracelets seemed to be tweens. One young child seemed confused by it, but I am hoping someone will have shown the child what to do with it. I try to give a few little things in the hopes that each kid will get something they like. And, if not, it’s not like I’ll be the only house they get something from. No matter what you give out, it won’t be liked by some child.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 3:22 pm rating: 90
- #9.4 Jami
  
  When I was a kid there was a woman who’d give out raisins with a lecture about how we kids get too much candy and we needed something healthy. Even as a kid I thought she was a pretentious bitch. If you want to give raisins, fine, but no lectures with them.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 3:26 pm rating: 90
- #9.5 H for Toy
  
  My kids got tons of chocolate, and quite a bit of other candy, but they were the most thrilled with the toothbrushes they got. So I took some chocolate of their hands
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 8:52 pm rating: 90
- #9.6 Dana
  
  When I was growing up, we had a dentist who lived on our street. He gave out MONEY instead of candy. It was only a dime, but it was the coolest house to stop at. There was one lady we stopped going to because all she ever handed out were Smarties (and not the European kind, I’m talking the nasty, chalky, sour kind).
  
  Nov 1, 2013 at 1:26 pm rating: 90
- #9.7 Lil'
  
  I always love the dentists’ approach to Halloween. My son’s dentist buys back Halloween candy for a dollar a pound and sends it to the troops. I’m glad because I bought a bucket full of candy and we had only four trick-or-treaters. Four! They were all in the same family. So I’m taking that bucket along with the Laffy Taffy and Now and Laters from my son’s bucket and getting him a few bucks for his piggy bank. Coincidentally, my son had his first cavity recently and she gave him a certificate for an ice cream cone after his filling. Go figure.
  
  Nov 1, 2013 at 3:22 pm rating: 90
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#10 RescueFantasy

Oh, now I think this is funny! I do think it’s hysterical when children are disappointed. Welcome to the real world, kids!

Also…for all of you precious souls who are so darned offended, I think it’s interesting that you’re visiting a website called Passive-Aggressive Notes. I’m sure there are adorable and positive pages that you can frequent.

Oct 30, 2013 at 5:50 pm rating: 90

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- #10.1 kelly
  
  There is a somewhat thin line that separates PA from just being a dick. Especially to kids.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 7:20 pm rating: 90
- #10.2 Raichu
  
  You kinda sound like an asshole, RescueFantasy.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 11:38 pm rating: 90
- #10.3 RescueFantasy
  
  I am OFFENDED!
  
  Just kidding. It doesn’t matter to me what you think. Cheers!
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 6:22 am rating: 90
- #10.4 Tesselara
  
  A PA note about not being offended. This feed is getting a little fractal.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 7:54 am rating: 90
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#11 Sachi

Considering the indoor location of the pumpkin it could be a warning to the cold hearted pumpkin thieves or stray headless horsemen that this is not the pumpkin they want for their nefarious misdeeds.

This also would have gone further up on my PA scale if the O had been more lovingly crafted. A single hole does not love make. Take that as you will.

Oct 30, 2013 at 7:23 pm rating: 90

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- #11.1 Jami
  
  Maybe that’s the hole you’re suppose to fuck off in?
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 12:31 am rating: 90
- #11.2 The Elf
  
  Watch out for that candle!
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 9:16 am rating: 90
- #11.3 Sachi
  
  (W)Hole lotta love.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 9:44 am rating: 90
- #11.4 Jami
  
  http://awfullibrarybooks.net/diy-valentines-day-fun/
  
  I love that blog. You can find the weirdest books on library shelves.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 10:30 am rating: 90
- #11.5 Jami
  
  Okay, I’ve been waiting too ding dang long for the moderator to approve my comment so -
  
  http : // awful library books . net / diy -valentines -day -fun /
  
  Obviously take out the spaces.
  
  Nov 2, 2013 at 4:58 pm rating: 90
- #11.6 Jami
  
  Oh, for those who haven’t visited yet – it’s a book about DIY sex toys including one made from a melon called “The Fruity-Scoopy.” So it’s, you know, on topic.
  
  Nov 3, 2013 at 9:04 am rating: 90
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#12 redheadwglasses

That reminds me! My boyfriend carved a pumpkin for me (a cyclops pumpkin!) and I am going to go light the candle inside it right now! (Sadly, it is RAINING right now — cold and rain does not make for a fun Trick or Treating for the really young kids.)

Oct 30, 2013 at 7:43 pm rating: 90

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- #12.1 redheadwglasses
  
  AAAANNNNNDDDD I just got locked out of my building for the first time (took a year of living here). Lit my jack o’ lantern out on my front porch, turned around to go back in… and crap.
  
  Thank goodness neighbor was home.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 7:50 pm rating: 90
- #12.2 kermit
  
  See, you wouldn’t have this problem if you had a cat flap.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 8:16 pm rating: 90
- #12.3 Tesselara
  
  Kermit. Genius.
  
  Oct 30, 2013 at 9:06 pm rating: 90
- #12.4 H for Toy
  
  If you can’t find the right cat flap, I hear they’re selling redheadwPBRtallboys flaps now.
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 8:46 am rating: 90
- #12.5 shwo!
  
  Hey, get your own flaps!
  
  Oct 31, 2013 at 11:32 pm rating: 90
- #12.6 Jami
  
  I’m saving up for the Rufus Sewell & a six pack of Guinness flaps.
  
  Nov 3, 2013 at 3:13 pm rating: 90
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#13 LoveJoyJohnlock

I’m fluctuating between really wanting to be this guy’s friend if it’s a joke and disliking him if it isn’t.

Oct 30, 2013 at 8:19 pm rating: 90

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#14 TRT

Jerk O’Lantern.

Oct 31, 2013 at 5:18 am rating: 90

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#15 Tard

WhenI was a kid, this very old couple used to give out full-sized top-quality candy bars, and took the time to comment on every costume.

I aspire to that greatness.

Oct 31, 2013 at 7:12 pm rating: 90

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#16 Lythande

I gotta say, I love it. Gall makes me happy.

On an unrelated note, I’m very close to turning adblock back on for this site because of the autoplaying video ads that decide they’re note muted after all…

Nov 1, 2013 at 1:42 am rating: 90

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- #16.1 Raichu
  
  Auto-playing, not-self-muting video ads are among the worst kinds of ads. I don’t mind ads in general since I understand it’s important revenue for many, but those are obnoxious and cross a line imo.
  
  Nov 1, 2013 at 9:17 am rating: 90
- #16.2 Redheadwglasses
  
  Topix is FULL of those obnoxious, loud video ads.
  
  Nov 1, 2013 at 1:11 pm rating: 90
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#17 Rumtopf

Just wondering, was this in the UK? While the shops want to sell halloween so badly here, most people aren’t bothered(which is kind of awesome after halloween, so much delicious candy stock left over and on sale :D). The dressing up is okay and a good excuse for a fun party for kids and adults alike, it’s just that a lot of Brits regard trick-or-treating as begging, rude, “American” and so on. I wasn’t even allowed to go as a child and we’ve never seen more than 2 or 3 kids come to the door over the years. That’s why I think this pumpkin might be the work of a Brit. xD

Nov 3, 2013 at 8:29 am rating: 90

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- #17.1 Pengy
  
  That’s kind of funny, since, iirc, the original ritual that trick-or-treating stems from seems to have originated in the British Isles. Though, it was ritual begging, so I guess maybe that idea kind of stuck around in the minds of the populace.
  
  Nov 5, 2013 at 4:23 pm rating: 90
- #17.2 Triff
  
  The bricks say ‘UK’ to me.
  
  Jan 21, 2014 at 9:29 am rating: 90
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#18 warns

Somebody’s got real rage issues. A nice “no candy here” sign would’ve been fine. This seems like it’s going to result in others’ retaliation

Nov 4, 2013 at 5:12 pm rating: 90

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#19 Emma

Oh my God, I think this is my friend’s house!

Nov 16, 2013 at 5:38 am rating: 90

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