Drivers of Walmart

November 1st, 2013 · 61 comments

Sarah spotted this lovely handpainted sign just down the street from Walmart in a small town in Washington state.

Slow down dumbass. WalMart is open 24 hours!

Meanwhile, in another small town across the country, Megan in Virginia spotted this car in her local Walmart parking lot.

A 'man' driver did this!

related: That means you young man in the blue Subaru!!

FILED UNDER: car · driving · most popular notes of 2013 · small town living

61 responses so far ↓

  • #1   kmd

    It would suck to live down the street from Wally World. But what is up with that yard?

    Nov 1, 2013 at 2:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Rocket J

      Srsly! I mean I can understand being bad at grass. I’m bad at grass too, but hey I’ll bet Walmart sells marble chips or pebbles pretty darn cheap!

      Nov 1, 2013 at 2:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Tard

      Apparently they are a different strata of redneck.

      Nov 1, 2013 at 3:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Sir Puke

      Landscaping is not a priority with everyone.

      Nov 1, 2013 at 3:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   uncreative

      My yard has lots of rocks and some shrubs, because that’s the landscaping our landlords did, but I’d prefer what is pictured. I’m allergic to grass, so not having it is nice, and the rocks we have, while aesthetic, make it much harder to walk around. Plus, they end up kicked into the sidewalk or the driveway, which is just annoying. Plain dirt would be far more practical.

      Nov 1, 2013 at 5:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Jeanette

      except when it rains and you have a muddy mess. And with nothing to help it keep put, you’ll get a mud slide. Not good.

      Nov 1, 2013 at 6:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Jami

      Or worse, code enforcement will be on your butt all the time.

      There’s one that seems to be in the back pocket of that dude I told you all about before, who makes false reports to code enforcement. Dad’s trying to put up a picket fence and put in a sprinkler system. This CE bitch wants us to put in grass BEFORE all that. Yeah, to her grass comes first and fences and sprinklers after. Worse, someone (probably the creep who keeps reporting people) put a couch on our sidewalk in the wee hours of the morning. We reported it six different times and it was removed that afternoon. Yet CE was around and she gave dad a $150 ticket saying it was our couch and we were “storing” it there.

      So yeah, having just dirt can cause a lot more trouble than just mud.

      Nov 1, 2013 at 8:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   Rattus

      We briefly had a yard like this. We had a lawn when we moved in, but I killed it by covering it with black plastic over winter so I could do the whole thing with plants, rocks and a slate path. Lawns are a waste of time, resources and money, and are just plain uninteresting looking.

      This is my long-winded way of considering that maybe these people are working on the more attractive option noted.

      Nov 2, 2013 at 10:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   Raichu

      I like your approach quite a bit, Rattus. I’ve long loved the idea of living somewhere with a smallish yard and planting a garden over the whole thing (complete with nice walks and a patio). I’d have a bit of grass, probably in the back, since I’ll always want to have dogs, but it’ll be a small amount and thus low-maintenance. (picking up the dog poop will probably be a more annoying chore than mowing haha)

      Nov 2, 2013 at 3:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   The Elf

      Entirely possible, Rattus. It’s like when you are growing your hair long and it has to go through that awful in-between stage where you can’t do anything with it.

      However, the overturned toy makes me think more “doesn’t care” than “mid-transformation”.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 9:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   clem

    A “woman” writer wrote this in cursive!!!

    Nov 1, 2013 at 2:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Susan

    Do they sell punctuation marks at Wal-Mart?

    If so, perhaps sign owner #1 could pick some up, along with some grass seedlings.

    Nov 1, 2013 at 3:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   shepd

    Slow down dumbass, at house #420 we prefer to take it easy!

    Nov 1, 2013 at 4:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   sunshynegrll

    Let’s face it, men are just hard to drive.

    Nov 1, 2013 at 5:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   diogenes bang

    If you have a yard like that, how could anything possibly be offensive to you?

    Nov 1, 2013 at 5:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   H for Toy

      I see plants with tags still on them near the house. I’m hoping they’re just working on landscaping. Maybe. Or something.

      Nov 1, 2013 at 7:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   diogenes bang

      Sweet deer mount above the door – 50/50 it was shot at night with a spotlight from the road. Also 50/50 chance it was hit by the Impala. Dinner, mount; everybody wins!

      Nov 1, 2013 at 7:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Transplant

      They don’t want their muddy kids getting run over.. (mistaken for speed bumps or something)

      Nov 1, 2013 at 8:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   Jami

      If it was hit by an Impala I hope they had plenty of rock salt and silver on hand. And that Castiel lent a hand for once.

      Nov 1, 2013 at 8:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   it's naptime

      I’m sure Cas wanted to help, but he was probably busy getting duped by someone.

      Nov 1, 2013 at 9:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Transplant

    I’ve lived in WA state for 9 years now (originally from AZ where they just floor it everywhere) and everyone drives at least 5 – 10 miles UNDER the speed limit. I’m curious as to how much slower drivers should be going? Hmph.. just a thought. Maybe it’s the just the transplants speeding past.. Hee.

    Nov 1, 2013 at 8:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   bees

      They speed through residential areas (like my children-choked street) and at least 5-10 mph under the limit everywhere else–especially the left lane on I-5.

      Also, I’d love to know which small town this is. I have guesses, but they all seem equally likely. Burlington?

      Nov 1, 2013 at 8:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Tard

      We drive slowly because the state balances it’s books on the backs of squishy white people like me while ignoring violent street people selling drugs (because they don’t pay fines).

      WA is Ticketpalooza, baby!
      No Infraction Too Small!

      They’ve gone from
      Serve & Protect
      Stop & Collect.

      Nov 1, 2013 at 11:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Raichu

      oh my word I could not. Under the limit? Everyone? All the time???

      I thought everyone went 5-10 over everywhere. I get annoyed when I’m stuck behind someone who’s even with the limit, let alone below it.

      Nov 2, 2013 at 3:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Jessi

      @Tard, why do you have to bring race into this? Do you feel you are being profiled?

      On a lighter note, I wish people in both Washington and Oregon (where I live, but not where I’m from) could learn one basic rule of driving: When merging onto a highway, you should be at highway speed. Also, learn how to understand that when you are merging and the car already on the highway in the merging lane slows down, it means that you’re supposed to merge, not slow down as well.

      I often fantasize about dropping drivers from the Pacific Northwest into Houston traffic and laughing at watching how they deal with it. Then I realize that the death toll would be immense and it’s not so funny anymore…

      Nov 3, 2013 at 11:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   H for Toy

      Tard, I believe they’re still allowed to discriminate based on level of squishiness, so there’s not much you can do about it, other than continue to drive slowly.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 9:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   FeatherBlade

      @Jessi: I don’t know about Houston traffic, but I got dropped into the middle of Washington DC Beltway traffic (Motto: I Have The Right Of Way Because I’m Driving), and quite frankly the only way to deal with it is by copious use of Foul Language and employment of one’s Driving Finger (which elicits shocked looks from the drivers against whom it is employed).

      Drivers there like to speed up so that no one can merge. Anywhere. At all. Because it would somehow injure their dignity to allow someone into the traffic lane in front of them.

      I’ll take excessively polite (and slightly slow) Pacific Northwest drivers over ~that~ any day of the week.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 3:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   Tard

      Actually, I learned to drive on the DC beltway so moving to Western WA was a SHOCK – kids, come up to speed and then merge!! Wake up! Drive!!!

      The ‘squishy white people’ line is a joke, Seattle for all it’s pathetic striving at diversity is the whitest place I have ever lived by far.
      I lived in Atlanta for two years and know what diversity really means. Here it means you have a piercing and once met a black person.

      Whatever, I am kind of squishy and the cops here think I know all the secret doughnut places so they stop me a lot.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 4:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.8   Beatus Mongous

      Tard is right. Even black people are white in Seattle. I’m pretty sure it has to do with the lack of sunshine.

      Nov 27, 2013 at 6:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.9   Lee

      Moving to the pacific northwest after living in the south is a DREAM. In Montgomery, driving during rush hour was basically Mad Max + Bumper Cars. Even during busy city traffic days in Portland, people still slow down to let me merge! What’s up with that?

      May 2, 2014 at 11:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   uncreative

    Good point about mud… I didn’t think of that. I live in a very dry area. We have a wet season, but it simply does not rain most of the year. Some years we have drought, which is a problem. So, I hadn’t really thought about what it would do in a more typical climate. Grass is actually really annoying here, because you have to spend a lot of water on it for very little benefit. So people are encouraged to do rocks or local plants that thrive in a low-water environment. But obviously that doesn’t apply elsewhere. My understanding is that Washington does get a fair bit of rain, but I don’t really know, having never been there.

    Nov 1, 2013 at 8:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   FeatherBlade

      Depends on which side of the state you’re on. West of the Cascades gets a lot of rain, since it’s on the coast and backed up against mountains. That’s where they keep Seattle and the temperate rainforests.

      Immediately east of the Cascades is in the rain-shadow, so it would be a sage-brush desert if not for all the irrigation water from the various dammed rivers. That’s where they keep all the fruit orchards and nuclear plants.

      The east side of the state gets just enough rainfall that you can grow most cereal crops without irrigating. Municipal water (including that used to water lawns) comes from an aquifer (which supports several towns), so people in this area are encouraged to use native xeriscaping, or let their grass die in the summer.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 12:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Redheadwglasses

    Nice yard.

    Nov 1, 2013 at 9:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   H for Toy

    Damnit! When my neighbor came over to ask if we knew anything about the van parked in his parking spot. I told him we didn’t, but begged him to write them a passive-aggressive note. He did, but they left before I got a chance to read the whole thing!

    Nov 1, 2013 at 10:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Raichu

    The yard made me cringe too at first, but based on the stuff I see piled up in the background I’m also going to go with “landscaping”. Maybe they just moved in.

    I wonder how fast the people are going that it bothers them, lol. Though the snark in the sign was clever.

    Nov 2, 2013 at 3:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Raichu

    The second note I don’t really understand…wha??

    Nov 2, 2013 at 3:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Lita

      Woman drivers are supposedly The World’s Worst Drivers®. 99% of the time, when someone sees a ding or a dent or a scuff or a scrape, they’re going to assume the person who did it was a woman.

      I suppose I should be peeved, but I’m just laughing.

      Nov 2, 2013 at 5:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Jami

      You know how people are always claiming women are worse drivers than men, how we get all the dings and stuff. She’s saying a male driver hit her and caused the dent and to not stereotype.

      Nov 2, 2013 at 5:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   Raichu

      Ah, thanks! I thought it was about pumping gas or something because the little gas door thingy was open.
      Yeah, I’ve heard that. It’s annoying. x.x

      Nov 3, 2013 at 12:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   Tard

      Stand around inside ANY body repair shop and listen to the guys coming in… 99% of them start with “… My wife wrecked the car…”



      Nov 4, 2013 at 4:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   Jami

      I admit the broken taillight on my car is my fault. Keep in mind it’s the same one it had when the car was bought in 1991. I was bringing up the empty trash can after the truck left and I lost my grip and the can hit the taillight, cracking it and knocking a hole in the plastic.

      Dad, meanwhile, backed his car into a tree, and he has parking assist so it was beeping at him wildly the whole time.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 9:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.6   Snicklefritz

      My idiot ex managed to drive 3 of my vehicles into posts or pillars in parking areas. And then promptly blamed me for parking there in the first place.

      Nov 5, 2013 at 10:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Roxy Random

    And how does she know it was a male driver? Did she watch him getting out of the car or something? Or does she–and this is probably the more likely scenario–live with him?

    Nov 2, 2013 at 5:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   H for Toy

      Maybe her husband was driving her new-to-her car, and was trying to find a parking space on the side of the road because the parking lot was full, and he backed it right into a mailbox… or something like that.

      Nov 2, 2013 at 8:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Wench

      @ H for Toy you suspiciously sound like you know a lot about backing into mailboxes……

      Just sayin’ :-)

      Nov 2, 2013 at 11:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Poltergeist

      This reminds me of the story my mother told me about how when she was a new driver, she plowed into her neighbor’s mailbox. She jumped out of the car and went hysterically running and screaming down the street like a lunatic because she thought the car was going to explode.
      Best part was that the neighbors had just moved in and witnessed the entire thing. Welcome to the neighborhood!

      Nov 3, 2013 at 3:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   The Elf

    He makes a good boyfriend, tho.

    Nov 3, 2013 at 8:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   redheadwglasses

    I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that a year from now, there will be dead potted plants with the tags still on them. I think people inclined to make a public sign like that with the word “dumbass” perhaps aren’t the most caring of image and looking good.

    Hence, I expect no landscaping work to actually be done.

    Nov 3, 2013 at 3:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Miff

    Well, Megan in Virginia, at least Walmart keeps security video of their lots and would be willing to help in a police investigation.

    Nov 3, 2013 at 5:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Lythande

      At the one where I worked, the security camera videos were of such low quality as to be useless. You could probably tell the color of a car, and maybe even the race of a driver.

      Nov 3, 2013 at 9:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Lil'

      I was a hit and run victim in a Walmart parking lot (I was inside and came out to find the side of my car smashed). The cops refused to look at the tapes because they claim the tapes are too poor quality to get a good lead. Maybe, maybe not. But I would have much rather they try than blow it off.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 7:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   poopypants

    I find it interesting how many people think the state of someone’s yard directly affects how valuable their opinion is on safe driving. It seems like an incredibly petty and small-minded thing to do.

    I have no problem with someone wanting their yard to be nothing but dirt. It doesn’t affect me at all. Somebody speeding through a residential neighborhood, on the other hand, does. It’s a safety issue vs. an aesthetic issue.

    Nov 4, 2013 at 12:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   redheadwglasses

      That’s a fair statement, poopypants. (Love the name!) : )

      I never cared about residential speed limits UNTIL I BOUGHT A HOUSE. Then, man, was I pissed at people who sped down our short street or ran the stop sign at the four-way stop. I even threw rocks at the cars who ran the stop sign (I would be there waiting for the bus in the morning).

      Ever since I bought my first house, I have not sped through residential neighborhoods. Sorry about those first 10 years of driving, folks.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 9:43 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Varanus bang

      I speed everywhere except neighborhoods. It’s just not worth the risk when there’s kids and dogs out there.

      That and I don’t see that point in hauling from one stop sign to the other.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 1:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   Lil'

      I’m with Red. I can remember being 19 years old living in my first place on my own and my neighbor came by to ask me to slow down on the street because her grandkids have a habit of running out into the road. I remember at the time thinking, “Lady, teach the kids to stay out of the street!” Now at 34 with a 5 year old, I want to pound the hell out of the motorcyclist who feels a need to speed in front of my house like he’s on a race track. All I can think now is, “What an irresponsible jerk! This neighborhood is full of little kids!”

      Nov 4, 2013 at 2:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   Varanus bang

      I’m probably the freak out of all the kids. I know there’s some guy that lives down the block from my parents that drives me crazy flying down the street in his stupid ricer RX-8.

      My boyfriend laughs at me because I creep around neighbors and then yell at him for not driving fast enough on the highways.

      Nov 4, 2013 at 3:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   Tard

      We had a delivery truck that used to drive way too fast on our tiny residential street, everyday, with little kids 5 feet away on the sidewalk.

      One day, my neighbor waited for him, backed his truck out into the middle-of-the-road blocking him, and then proceeded to scream in his face for five minutes.

      I saw the whole thing, and now I can understand why when a bad person is beaten up, there are never any witnesses…

      Nov 4, 2013 at 4:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Nicole

    My home town is about 30 minutes from this town and I see it all the time when my mom and I go shopping over there. This made me smile. :)

    Nov 14, 2013 at 9:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   OurHero

    In my neighborhood the roads are so poor you can’t even afford to go over 10 unless you’re looking to change your suspensions every 6 months. When I come to a straight, smooth road I just want to floor it and feel the wind in my hair while sticking my tongue out.

    Nov 16, 2013 at 5:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   LJ

    I wonder why man is in quotations in the 2nd note.

    Nov 18, 2013 at 1:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   janna

    I believe it’s in Clarkston.

    Nov 20, 2013 at 10:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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