Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have.

December 10th, 2013 · 76 comments

Victoria in Maryland received this heartwarming card from her mother a few years ago. (“She was mad because I put an end to her partying in the garage at my house.”)

Just out of obligation, Mom

related: More birthday mama drama!

FILED UNDER: birthday · Mother-daughter notes · way harsh


76 responses so far ↓

  • #1   GrammarDiva

    Just wait til it’s time to send that woman a mother’s day card…lol

    Dec 10, 2013 at 10:21 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      “Just out of obligation, because I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t, Victoria”

      Dec 11, 2013 at 11:58 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   SandraPCummins

      my friend’s mother makes 71 Dollars/hour on the internet. She has been without a job for 6 months but last month her payment was 21908 Dollars just working on the internet for a few hours. you could try this out
      =========================
      Cort.as/6lNW
      =========================

      Dec 11, 2013 at 2:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   The Elf

      Well, what’s that got to do with Mother’s Day?!

      Dec 11, 2013 at 3:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Will

      $21908/71 is 308 hours, which means she worked 10 hours and 15 minutes every day, including Thanksgiving. No thanks.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 3:46 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   kermit

      Nonsense. If the mother was working 308 hours, she wouldn’t have time to party in the garage.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 8:38 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Lita bang

      Unless her work WAS to party in the garage.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 9:47 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Geek Goddess

      308 hours of partying in the garage? No wonder her daughter put a stop to it. The neighbours were probably complaining.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 10:38 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   JasmineWHall

      My co-worker’s mother makes 81 Dollars every hour on the internet. She has been without work for 6 months but last month her payment was 18818 Dollars just working on the internet for a few hours. She bought an almost buttplug from Mobbydkman! browse around this website
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      Dec 18, 2013 at 1:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   JT

    Well that’s a switch. The child put an end to her mom’s wild parties, lol.

    Dec 10, 2013 at 10:23 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Jami

      Judging by some of the letters I read in advice columns when it’s slow at work this is more common than we might think. Lots of adult children have written in about the alcoholic and/or partying parents. Asking what to do about it.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 10:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   The Elf

      Nick the booze while they sleep it off?

      Dec 11, 2013 at 11:59 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Cady

    Aw, that’s just … sad.

    Dec 10, 2013 at 10:25 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Gajic

    I wish to learn more about these garage parties.

    Dec 10, 2013 at 10:27 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Charli

    “Victoria in her Maryland..”

    Do what with the who now?

    Dec 10, 2013 at 10:35 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   GreedySOB

      I want a Maryland of my own! I don’t want to share hers.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 1:07 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   kjordan

      I’d rather be in Virginia.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 9:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Tara Highman bang

      You may go to Hell. I shall go to Texas.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 9:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   The Elf

      *That* is hell.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 12:02 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Tard

    I’m probably just the right age to be interested in the Partying Grandma!

    Hook up a brother!

    Dec 10, 2013 at 10:40 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Celas

      Hook a brotha up. That’s how you ask this kind of request fyi.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 10:49 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Tard

      I used the WASP vernacular.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 11:47 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Redheadwglasses

      You used the AARP vernacular…. ; )

      Dec 11, 2013 at 1:30 am   rating: 74  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Kay A. Ess

    Just remember, mom…she’s going to pick your nursing home.

    Dec 10, 2013 at 10:43 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   juju_skittles

    I can’t believe they don’t already make a card for this! It really is a Hallmark moment.

    Dec 10, 2013 at 10:46 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Lita bang

      I was thinking more of a Lifetime movie.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 10:49 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   assiveProgressive

      I was obligated to shoot you out of my (British) fanny. I am not obligated to wish you a happy birthday, garage-party hater.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 11:10 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Fuzzywuzznt

    Sorry I call bulllshit, two different people were in on this. Different styles of writing.

    Dec 10, 2013 at 11:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Tard

      Maybe, but ‘mom’ might sorta be a learned signature, different from her normal writing.

      However, I think it’s more likely her mom would write in cursive than print (proof I’m old), so you are probably right. Nice catch.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 11:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   kelly

      I want to agree with you because they do look different – but there are also some striking similarities, especially the angle at the bottom of the ‘o’.

      Dec 10, 2013 at 11:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Wench

      Also, Mom may have been ‘writing angry’ if that make any sense, i.e. holding the ?pencil tensely as she wrote the message and (subconsciously) relaxing her hand slightly as she signed ‘Mom’.

      ….or am I way overthinking this?

      Dec 11, 2013 at 1:34 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   algaechick

      Those doubting the authenticity of the handwriting may have had the pleasure of having mostly emotionally stable adults in their lives until this point.
      Those of us who have grown up with crazies as parents and have ever attempted to parent them likely read this card and said “yep”. But quietly.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 8:06 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   buni

      Agree Wench. My handwriting goes to hell when I ‘write angry’ too.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 8:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Snicklefritz

      I agree with buni – when I’m happy and content, my handwriting is a work of art. When all is not right with the world, it’s barely legible.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 9:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   assiveProgressive

      Maybe Mom was writing drunk. Her penmanship goes to shit when she’s been to one too many garage parties.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 10:10 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   The Elf

      No, you’re just seeing the printing on the card. No one writes that neatly.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 3:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Touche bang

    Fuzzywuzznt, if you’re trying out to be a handwriting analyst…DON’T, epic FAIL! Let me assure you, this card is from one person. How do I know this? It’s because I’m the recipient of this “wonderful” card. I’m the daughter. Yes, she got mad because I stopped her from 2 years of coming to my house constantly drinking and “partying”. It was in my detached garage because 1. I have kids. 2. I don’t allow smoking in my house. This card was given to me about a month after I told her and another fella to stop coming to my house partying. I even had the fella (my husbands friend) stop coming here completely. That’s when she got pissed! This card was given to me right after that on my birthday. We talked since then and she’d come around, but not much. Nothing was ever the same. Oh, I forgot to mention she’s married to my father. Has been for 44 years now. Now she hasn’t talked to me since the beginning of October. That is all I have to say about this.

    Dec 11, 2013 at 5:55 am   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   kermit

      Touche, you don’t need to apologise for anything. It’s your house, so your rules.

      If your mom wants to party, that’s her right but she has to do it at her house, not under your roof.

      I get that some retired people may be bored out of their skulls sitting at home. If they’ve never partied much when they were younger, there is also the increased temptation to do it now that they’re retired and have nothing better to do. But they can’t make that decision without any consideration for the welfare of their children or grandchildren who are at a different stage in their lives and don’t need to be exposed to weed and booze regularly.

      In short, these kinds of people need to find something more productive in which to channel their energy – like improving their penmanship or at least stop arbitrary capitalizations. Gawd, that’s annoying.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 7:51 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   The Elf

      That was the little detail that got me from the very begining. She’s partying…. in someone else’s garage? Who does that? I’d do the same thing Touche did – throw her out. Party in your own damn garage.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 12:06 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Haji

    @Victoria/OP – I sympathize with your situation. It’s never easy to “parent” your parents. I hope you don’t feel too badly about taking this stand, you did the right thing. You don’t have to be part of her bad behavior and you certainly don’t have to expose your kids to it. Stay strong!

    Dec 11, 2013 at 7:32 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Touche

    Thank you to those that understand. Your kind words are heartfelt, and I appreciate them. I never imagined my mom and I not talking. She told me she’s “out for herself” I’m crushed. I’ve lost my appetite, lost sleep, and been an upset crying mess. She’s addicted to facebook now. I’ve let her know, life is too short. She should be spending time with her grandkids. I gave up on her ever being nice to be. I just care about my 3 sons and my brothers 2 sons. It’s a sad situation, one that someday will be too late. You can’t rewind time or get back what’s lost. :*(

    Dec 11, 2013 at 8:06 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Rachel

      Sounds like your children may be better off without her!

      Dec 11, 2013 at 8:40 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Redheadwglasses

      I don’t get why an adult has to go “party” in someone else’s garage when they have their own home in which to do it.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 9:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Redheadwglasses

      Other than for, say, an actual party. At least not without and invitation.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 9:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   assiveProgressive

      Touche, my mother was a longtime drunkard who never spent any time with her grandkids. She has managed to live to 85 and now lives near me. She bitches about not wanting to go anywhere for the holidays, so on thanksgiving, I said fine the hell with it, I went to visit the relatives by myself, without her. She’s a piece of work, and I am done wth trying to talk her into seeing people.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 10:23 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   H for Toy

      Red, perhaps her husband would frown on her partying with men young enough to be her sons in her own home?

      Dec 11, 2013 at 10:30 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   Whawhawhatsis

      It sounds like maybe you could use some Al-Anon, Touche. It sure sounds like your mom has a real problem with booze and/or drugs. You can’t make her stop, but you can learn ways to deal with it so you don’t feel so much pain, plus you’ll find a group of folks in similar situations who will truly understand what’s going on with you I really recommend it. You have a husband and children to take care of; it’s not really your job to take care of your mom any more (at least till you put her in that nursing home!).

      Dec 11, 2013 at 12:13 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Tesselara

      Touche,
      Just because someone shares genetic material with you does NOT mean that they need to share your life. You can love someone and not like them very much. Some people should be loved from afar.

      These are lessons that I have had to learn with my father, and they have helped me live a happy and fulfilled life. Perhaps this perspective will help you with your mother. I’m sorry that you have a selfish, childish, unkind parent.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 3:45 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Tara Highman bang

      “Some people should be loved from afar.”

      Yes. This.

      Well said.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 4:42 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   poopypants

      You don’t even have to love them. Sharing genes doesn’t mean loving, it means societal obligations.

      If you’re lucky you also get love and like sort of like an awesome creampuff of hapiness on top.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 9:47 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   Jami

      Sharing genes doesn’t even mean societal obligations as far as I’m concerned. If you have a family member who treats you badly it’s okay to cut them out of your life completely. No one needs toxic people in their lives.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 9:14 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   Snicklefritz

      Have to agree wholeheartedly with you Jami – If someone makes you feel bad about yourself or turns you into a completely different person when you’re around them. It’s time to cut the cord, or severely limit time spent with them. Life is too short to deal with the asshats of the world.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 9:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   sunshynegrll

    When I am an old woman I shall party hard
    With a young man in my daughter’s garage, and give no fucks,
    And I shall spend my pension
    on whiskey and cigarettes
    And spiked heels,
    and say we’ve no money for butter.

    Dec 11, 2013 at 8:48 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   FeatherBlade

      Too many syllables to be proper limerick form. Please try again ^_^

      Dec 11, 2013 at 11:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   H for Toy

      Not supposed to be a limerick. Sunshyne has written an fitting parody of a famous poem.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 11:32 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Jami

      Really, Feather, you haven’t heard of “Warning” by Jenny Joseph?

      Warning

      When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
      With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
      And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
      And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
      I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
      And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
      And run my stick along the public railings
      And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
      I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
      And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
      And learn to spit.

      You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
      And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
      Or only bread and pickle for a week
      And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

      But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
      And pay our rent and not swear in the street
      And set a good example for the children.
      We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

      But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
      So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
      When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

      My understanding that this is where the Red Hat Society got their idea to form from. Hence the red and purple in their hats.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 1:15 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   FeatherBlade

      Nope, I hadn’t! I hereby withdraw my critique.

      Dec 11, 2013 at 2:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Quite Contrary

    On the upside, Victoria’s mom sounds way more fun than my mom.

    Dec 11, 2013 at 1:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   redheadwglasses

    Touche, I hope it was at least a little cathartic to send that birthday card in to PAN. : )

    I’m glad you’re here with us!

    Dec 12, 2013 at 1:42 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Highway restaurants in India

    Nice post and thanks or sharing.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   The Elf

      No, thank YOU for sharing those restaurants in India! Do you think I can get a good burger there? I’ve been working on the internet for 71 hours straight and I’m just dying for one.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 7:22 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Redheadwglasses

    Since this site has slowed down over the holidays…

    You might be entertained to know that I just got home from a 10-day hospital stay yesterday afternoon, came home with five new scrips, now a total of 11. One is for 12-hour morphine. I was up late last night, took all five new scrips (two for sleep/pain, two for cough/pain, one steroid for lung). Went to bed a while later, and no way was I going to be able to sleep. Hallucinating with my brain, eyes, and ears. Not extreme, but still… Very distracting. Then I realized … I’d taken that same little blue pill at supper time with a bunch of other pills! Got out of bed and went and got the morphine bottle, counted out the new bottle of pills…. 28 pills out of 30.

    Not an OD at any rate, and not harmful, but… Several hours of overlap! Crap. I have a lot to do today (not according to this high energy bake and cook a ton of shit in one day person, but according to my new two-month self, laundry and insurance paperwork would be great). I can’t stay up until the first pill wears off and this shit settles down in my brain!

    I called my nurses desk, Rita (probably my second favorite nurse in the dept.) answered, I told her who I was and what I did and she burst put laughing. Then she stopped, said sory, should I call 911 for you?

    Me: no, I got the response I expected to get, just share the newbie story with Kevin (my favorite nurse ever) because I don’t think you’ll see me back quite so soon this time.

    [quick convo about the extreme but VERY helpful procedure I had done last week, then she went back to work]

    My boyfriend even told me when he took me home yesterday: create a google calendar and setup your prescriptions, then give me your pw so if something happens to you, I can talk to your docs about where you are in your medications.

    See, if he’d just done that google thing for me, I wouldn’t be in this mess at 5:50 am when I should be snuggled in my bed with kitties.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 5:51 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   H for Toy

      We told you morphine was good. We told you to take advantage of and enjoy it. But we thought you were going to be responsible. Oh, Red…

      Dec 12, 2013 at 7:04 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   The Elf

      Good idea on the google calendar, and I’m glad it wasn’t harmful to have had an overlap. :-)

      Dec 12, 2013 at 7:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   kermit

      This kinda sounds like my first (and only) experience* with generic Vicodin.

      Took one pill and soon discovered that it was like being hung over without any of the fun of drinking. And then I understood why some people drink booze with their meds.

      *legitimately obtained for my hand when I had to have a pin put in to re-align some bones. Needless to say, I didn’t take another one and just festered in pain.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 9:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   L

      And here I end up loopy on Sudafed XD

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Redheadwglasses

    The morphine is really small doses and it is enough. I think I’m gonna try cigarettes next. I mean , shit, I already have the lung cancer, may as well see what the cool kids have known for years.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 9:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   H for Toy

      If you’re gonna take up smoking, at least make it the fun kind!

      Dec 12, 2013 at 11:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Phoenix

      If you do, I insist on a 1920′s style cigarette holder. Nothing like being able to flick ash at anyone who ticks you off within a 3 foot radius.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 1:51 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Lab dude

      Skip the cigarettes – go straight for cigars. Flicking ashes is great, but a woman smoking a cigar is an epic I-don’t-give-a-fuck.

      Or a hookah. Yeah, definitely a hookah… and regardless of what you actually smoke in it, tell anyone who asks that its ‘medicinal’.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 3:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   H for Toy

      How ’bout a pipe? Something along the lines of Sherlock Holmes?

      Dec 12, 2013 at 4:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   redheadwglasses

      Oooh an old fashioned tobacco pipe! And I could make a big presentation out of the whole process of filling it with tobacco like a guy I dated did. I remember we went somewhere and he was looking forward at a chance to light his pipe, and some other guy already had a grampa pipe going. “Look, Steve, that guy’s smoking, too, you won’t be the only one.”

      “Well, I can’t smoke NOW when he’s already smoking, then I’d just look like a dooshbag.”

      Dec 12, 2013 at 11:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   redheadwglasses

      The penis more than made up for the pipe, but it’s not like I could whip out his penis in public to show the others.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 11:54 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   Tesselara

      This made me wonder if old people are actually douchebags that get away with it, because no one suspects them….

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.8   Jami

      You should see if you can get one of those cigarette holders that hold like five or ten at a time and just see how many people you can tick off. Or better yet, have every other one a joint.

      I know, I’m normally extremely anti-tobacco and drugs. (Hey, I had to put up with two older brothers and while I don’t like to talk about him, an abusive ex-boyfriend, who were – one case still is – heavy pot smokers. And tobacco smoke tends to make me want to barf.) But in this case – well, I once made a vow, back in the 1980s when it was popular, that if I was ever in a situation like Red’s, I’d go ahead and short a line of cocaine just to see why people did it.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 6:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   L

    My mom forgot to buy me a card this year. After I reminded her for a week. She dug one out of our junk drawer, signed it in front of me, and handed it to me.

    Yeaaaaah.

    Dec 13, 2013 at 10:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     

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