Also, Santa hates you

December 12th, 2013 · 164 comments

Writes our submitter from Portland, Oregon: “People steal out of the fridge all the time, so I’m not sure why someone thought money would be safe taped to barbecue sauce.”

Happy Holidays Co-Workers! Are you $2 richer? Did you find $2 taped to a bottle of BBQ sauce in the fridge? Well that means you are a thief! Also Santa hates you and I hope a Reinder poops on you. Merry Christmas you dirty animal!

related: I hope you…

FILED UNDER: Christmas · holiday spirit · money · most popular notes of 2013 · office fridge · stealing


164 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Batman

    That $2 was fucking delicious.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:08 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   spoko bang

      Of course it was. That’s why it came with barbecue sauce.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 5:53 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Jen

      Good to hear your neighbour’s mother makes more than $2.00′s an hour by spamming people, SandraPCummins.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:57 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Snowflame

      No, no…*she* spams people. Her neighbour’s mother takes her clothes off on Skype.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:12 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   JasmineWHall

      My co-worker’s mother makes 81 Dollars every hour on the internet. She has been without work for 6 months but last month her payment was 18818 Dollars just working on the internet for a few hours. She bought an almost buttplug from Mobbydkman! browse around this website
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      Dec 18, 2013 at 1:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   JT

    $2.o0′s?

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:09 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Elf

      Maybe it was a two-dollar bill?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 7:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Red Delicious

    The best part of this note is the fact a rainbow winged unicorn is taking a shit on everything.

    Epic.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:10 pm   rating: 79  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Katherine

      Not a unicorn; it’s a Pegasus — I had to look it up.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 4:16 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Red Delicious

      Considering there’s a very pale but existent horn on its forehead, it’s a winged unicorn. A Pegasus is simply a flying horse.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 4:31 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   H for Toy

      I thought those were ears.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 4:37 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Rachael

      Pegasus, The white thing at the top of head is the back of the other wing, not a horn, and the white thing to the front of the head is the other ear, not a horn.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 4:51 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   eps

      It’s not a unicorn or a pegasus. It’s a My Little Pony.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 6:25 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   diogenes bang

      And a gay unicorn/pegasus/my little pony at that. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 6:41 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   FeRD bang

      Don’t be redundant, previous commenter #3.6 diogenes.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 7:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   FeRD bang

      Also, too bad it wasn’t a rainbow shit. Then it’d have been a Nyan My Little UniPegaPony, and the Internet would be complete.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 7:15 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   arsenicsauce

      The only thing that matters is that it’s not a reindeer.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 10:07 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.10   redheadwglasses

      aresenic, you made me choke on my water!

      Dec 12, 2013 at 11:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.11   The Elf

      The best part was that the notewriter labeled the poop. ‘Cause we couldn’t figure it out from context that the uni-pega-pony (NOT A REINDEER) was taking a shit on everything.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 7:05 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.12   Poltergeist

      What does the Unipegapony say?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:54 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.13   popo

      actually its a lisa frank pegasus
      http://lisafrankswag.tumblr.com/post/10371724115

      Dec 13, 2013 at 3:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.14   Lita bang

      You need an oracle for that one.

      Actually, screw the oracle, anything makes sense if you drink enough.

      Break out the rotgut.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 1:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.15   Snowflame

      My wife informs me that it’s actually Swiftwind from She Ra.

      Still not a reindeer.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 4:55 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.16   The Elf

      Tonight I will raise a glass to Switftwind from She-Ra, the UniPegaPony, to divine her true message.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 10:04 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.17   H for Toy

      Any excuse to raise a glass. I’m using the snow storm as my excuse, but I’ll be happy to raise a second glass to Swiftwind.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 12:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.18   Ruth

      Uh excuse me, that is a Lisa Frank, not a my little pony. Wrong girly 80s franchise. (I should know, I had Lisa Frank EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE)

      Dec 14, 2013 at 5:46 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.19   Jami

      Random Fact About Me:

      I had an imaginary friend that was a Unisus. Unicorn/Pegasus. She was from another planet and had gold hooves, rainbow colored hair, and a silver & gold horn.

      Why yes, I had some Lisa Frank items too. Though not too many as mom thought they were too expensive.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 7:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.20   H for Toy

      Oh my gosh! Your imaginary friend was Princess Celestia!

      Dec 14, 2013 at 7:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.21   Kier

      Well, Jami, when we were kids we called ‘em unipegs. Nowadays, all that word brings to mind is a Dan Savage-esque GGG bend-over-boyfriend’s most favorite toy.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 9:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.22   Jami

      I was a little kid, I just made up the name. As I got older I called them pegacorns.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 11:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.23   Danny

      To those who typed a pegasus: it may be fun to image a species of winged horses, but people in (ancient) Greece felt that one winged horse called Pegasus sufficed. :-)

      Dec 15, 2013 at 1:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.24   Jami

      Well, would you want a whole herd of Pegasi flying around pooping and peeing everywhere? You ever see how much a horse pees? Imagine that happening as it flies above your head or your freshly detailed convertible.

      Bet the My Little Pony fans who want to live in that world never stopped to think of that.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 4:13 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Termagant

    There are just so many other places you could have put that $2.00.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:10 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   spoko bang

      I think you mean the $2.00′s, don’t you?

      Dec 12, 2013 at 5:55 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   superman

    Batman’s eh faget!

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Jack

    Not much passive in this aggressive.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:13 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Katherine

    Ummmm, that’s not a reindeer, and it looks like it should poop rainbows instead of little black turds, anyway. Huh…

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   LP

      Apparently they changed their minds and decided that unicorn poop was too good for the thief

      Dec 12, 2013 at 4:20 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   magicdomino

      It would have cost $4 to buy a package of reindeer stickers. The unipegapony sticker could be stol — ah, liberated for free from a little girl.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 4:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   pooham

    HR will now be involved since they wrote those words on it instead of Seasons Greetings.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:26 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   moatsad

    I want my $2 !

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:30 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   it's naptime

      do you take checks?

      Dec 12, 2013 at 7:27 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Tard

      It’s check’s

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:24 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Slytherclaw bang

      Plus tip.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Tesselara

      tip’s

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Lilacblue

      Is this a Better Off Dead reference? If so, you are awesome.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 3:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Slytherclaw bang

      Yep!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 3:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   jr mint

    Wonder if the same author penned the cleaning note on the bottom left. Such unbridled fury…

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Geek Goddess

      Fury? Is that the name of the flying pony? Because it certainly is unbridled, unhaltered AND unsaddled.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 8:28 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   H for Toy

    In keeping with the holiday spirit, it should be, “You filthy animal,” and you should instruct him to keep the change.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:32 pm   rating: 70  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Paul

      Indeed.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 5:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Belle

      lulz

      Dec 12, 2013 at 6:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   JK

      Maybe the notewriter caught someone smoochin’ with his brother, hence the rage.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Madrias

      I’m gonna give ya to the count ‘a ten!

      One.. Two.. Ten!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:46 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Boomer

    No horn, but there are two ears

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Bumbum

    Definitely Pegasus, not a unicorn. The “faint horn” is the left wing…

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Boomshine

      The faint horn is the left ear, not the left wing.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   1deprogrammed1

      What made the horn faint? Was the sauce too hot?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 5:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   assiveProgressive

    Nice use of masking tape.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 4:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   fatPeopleLogic

    oh my gosh, who cares whether it’s a pegasus or a unicorn? I wanna know what happened to the Barbecue sauce!

    Dec 12, 2013 at 5:11 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   rushgirl2112

      I want to know why someone would tape $2 to a bottle of barbecue sauce.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 5:38 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Herne Hill Dave

      Maybe they thought there was a social taboo, commonly understood, that protected the money? Such as: It’s OK to use/steal the barbecue sauce because it’s ‘there’, but to steal actual money – that’s crossing a big line.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 7:33 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Jami

      Maybe someone else bought the BBQ for the note writer with money they gave them and the $2 was NW’s change. So the buyer taped it to the bottle to give it to them and stuck it in the fridge and told them about it.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 10:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   redheadwglasses

      Heh Jami, I had that exact same thought. Leave it to you and me to be the literal readers. ; )

      Happy Friday!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   redheadwglasses

      (1) Oh, I did take it one step further. I surmised that the workplace was large enough that was inconvenient for one or both parties to exchange the $2 change (“$2.00′s” annoyed the hell out of me) in person, so this manner was chosen.

      (2) Coworker who purchased the sauce could be lying and merely CLAIMING to have taped the $2 to the bottle but is going to let some anonymous coworker take the fall so he can keep her change because her request to pick up the bottle while he was on lunch break annoyed him. I sometimes would offer a coworker to pick up lunch if he wanted something from where I was going, but if someone saw me leaving to go get lunch and asked me to pick them something up, that annoyed me. Go figger.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:32 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   Jami

      *high fives Red* #2 was my other thought as well.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   Snicklefritz

      Maybe it was a shrine to the barbecue sauce, and that was the offering to the barbecue sauce god.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:37 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   Snowflame

      In which case the notewriter should be ashamed of themselves for not assuming the barbecue sauce god had taken the money himself.

      Though one wonders what a god, even one of barbecue sauce, needs with two dollars. Perhaps he is saving up for a starship.

      (If you get that reference, you should be ashamed.)

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:17 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   JK

      If anyone should be ashamed, it’s William Shatner for thinking that made a good plot for a movie.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.10   Snowflame

      JK – nope! We should be ashamed for staying till the end of that damned movie.

      William Shatner is unshameable.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 4:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.11   Jami

      What movie is this? Cause all I can think of is Kingdom Of The Spiders.

      Has anyone ever seen that one where he plays a racist SOB who comes into a town and turns them against anyone black, Jewish, etc? I want to see it myself but can’t for the life of me remember the title.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 2:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.12   Bones

      Gee, I don’t remember his character being racist… if anything, the movie was racist, because it went the classic horror route of the black people not making it out alive.

      Let us not blame William Shatner for the cards he was dealt.

      Dec 18, 2013 at 8:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.13   Jami

      I found it. It’s The Intruder and his character is indeed racist. Here’s the first part from Wikipedia.

      The Intruder is a 1962 American film directed by Roger Corman, after a novel by Charles Beaumont, starring William Shatner. The story depicts the machinations of a racist named Adam Cramer (portrayed by Shatner), who arrives in the fictitious small southern town of Caxton in order to incite townspeople to racial violence against the town’s black minority and court-ordered school integration.

      Dec 18, 2013 at 10:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Paul Johnson

    Why am I not surprised over the top, bitchy, passive-agressiveness combined with a fundamental failure in basic judgement is coming from the US capitol of both?

    Dec 12, 2013 at 5:17 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   shwo! bang

    Reindeer and BBQ sauce. Now I’m hungry.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 5:22 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   The Elf

      I ate Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
      Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen,
      But do you recall?
      The tastiest reindeer of all?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 7:09 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   HugsandKisses101 bang

    Sorry, but if I found $2 taped to a bottle of BBQ sauce in my work fridge, I would take it just to teach that silly person a lesson. I’d leave the (no doubt HFCS-laden) sauce, though.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 5:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Belle

    Now I want barbequed reindeer

    Dec 12, 2013 at 6:03 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   The Elf

      I want barbequed pegacorn. I bet it tastes like rainbows.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 7:11 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Tara Highman bang

      Rainbows taste of chicken.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   H for Toy

      No, rainbows tastes like skittles.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:31 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Lita bang

      _My_ rainbow tastes of fairy floss.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 1:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Kodak

    A winged unicorn is an alicorn, in case anyone was wondering ;)

    Dec 12, 2013 at 6:12 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   uncreative

    The term “alicorn” is catching on for a winged unicorn, but “alicoorn” used to just be the term for the horn of a unicorn. A unicorn has an alicorn. The term for a winged unicorn used to be “winged unicorn”. Given that the usage of “alicorn” as a winged unicorn is very modern, some people don’t accept it yet and your mileage will vary.

    Why did somebody tape $2 to their barbecue sauce?

    Dec 12, 2013 at 6:21 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Meanaubergine

      I thought it was Pegacorn, like Pegasus Unicorn…

      Dec 12, 2013 at 6:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   AuntyBron

      Horny Pegasus.

      Dec 12, 2013 at 9:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   att

      Wanker.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 3:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Mark E. DeSade

      Uniporn?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   The Elf

      It’s the internet. You know unipegaponyaliporn exists.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 10:06 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   FeRD bang

    Man, this one really blew up on Facebook for some reason.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 7:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   The Elf

      It’s because SOME PEOPLE are cruel to their pets and let them outside!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 7:12 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   H for Toy

      But have you seen the kind of havoc an indoor Pegasus causes?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 7:19 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   The Elf

      Oh, Toy, it’s just the actual house and everything in it! You must not love your unipegalicorn if you prize your posessions above your animal companions. It’s just real estate!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:31 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   H for Toy

      I rehomed my unipegalicorn. Don’t judge me. It was flapping its wings at my children, and my elderly grandmother!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:10 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   TKD

      H,
      You disgust me. There is no excuse for being so poor of a human being that makes rehoming acceptable. You should love your animal companions beyond anything, including your human companions! You are an inhuman POS and should be shot with a blunt instrument. What next, will you also rehome your Jesus? (Or other non-denominational deity, I mean, I don’t want to be offensive or hurtful)

      Dec 16, 2013 at 8:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   H for Toy

      You’re making strides in the not-being-offensive-or-hurtful department. Don’t give up! ;)

      Dec 16, 2013 at 8:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Herne Hill Dave

    Of course, it’s possible they wrote the note and then STOLE their own $2, just to make a point.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 7:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   redheadwglasses

      Oops I missed this before I posted something similar. I’ll let you keep all the money that idea makes.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Dave

    That reindeer looks more like a gay flying pony.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 8:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Kim

    I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!!!!

    Dec 12, 2013 at 8:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   kermit

    I dunno, maybe the outrage is merited if it was a Canadian $2 bill. They’ve been out of circulation for years, and are worth a lot to collectors.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 9:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Ajax

    I’m glad I don’t work there.

    Dec 12, 2013 at 10:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   redheadwglasses

    I WANT KIM’S TWO DOLLARS!!!!!

    Dec 12, 2013 at 11:51 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   redheadwglasses

    While I understand the frustration and temptation leading to make a sign and posting it, does she not realize that she looks like an idiot to her coworkers and, most likely, superiors, who also use the kitchen? I’d be embarrassed if my boss’s boss saw me do something like this.

    Guess I’m glad I’m now unemployed.

    Poverty for the win!

    Dec 13, 2013 at 12:35 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Snowflame

      Perhaps it’s all an elaborate behavioural experiment. Perhaps there is no 2 dollar’s. Perhaps there is no barbecue sauce. All we know for sure, is that there’s definitely a flying, pooping unialipegacorn that tastes of skittles. And that’s the true meaning of Christmas.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:25 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   H for Toy

      Thanks for making me laugh loudly enough to wake my whole house.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   redheadwglasses

      That flying, pooping, skittle-tasting unialipegacorn should be a miniature being placed in a manger.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Snowflame

      But not until Christmas Eve! Or else it will get stolen.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 4:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Heather Daniels

    “I want my two dollars!”

    Dec 13, 2013 at 1:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Santa

    1) if I left BBQ sauce in the work fridge I would assume other people are going to use it

    2) if I left $2 taped to BBQ sauce in the work fridge I would assume it wouldn’t be there by the next day

    3) if I left a note like that i would assume my coworkers are going to make fun of me and think I’m mentally unstable…. And as a joke a coworker would probably give me $5 and call me a cheapskate

    Dec 13, 2013 at 4:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Bones

      Five dollars? Worth iiiit

      Dec 18, 2013 at 8:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   The Elf

    Santa hates you and is going to give you nothing but unipegaponyalicorn poop in your stocking this year.

    Dec 13, 2013 at 7:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Lita bang

      But will it burn as well as coal? I got a house to warm, here.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 5:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Nicky

    What the hell does “$2.00′s” mean? Fucking retard.

    Dec 13, 2013 at 8:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Ace of Space

    …But these last two dollars (last two dollars), I’m not gonna loooooose… One for my bus fare, the other one for the jukebox, gotta hear me some bluuuuuessss…

    Dec 13, 2013 at 9:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   warns

    Reindeer are not the same as unicorns. Also don’t leave cash unattended in public venues, it will get taken, no matter where you tape it.

    Dec 13, 2013 at 12:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Snicklefritz

      Thank you Captain Obvious.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:42 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Tesselara

    Perhaps the poster thought a BBQ bottle was a valid form of money retention storage? I mean, they put a uniponiflyinicorn up there and called it a reindeer…

    Dec 13, 2013 at 12:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Poltergeist

    If you fertilize your lawn with the unipegapony’s manure, sew some seeds, and water the plant with BBQ sauce, you can grow your very own money tree. If you sing to the tree, it will produce $2.00′s bills instead of the usual $1.00′s bills. And if you place a $2.00′s bill on Shel Silverstein’s grave, he won’t eviscerate you when the zombies finally attack.

    Dec 13, 2013 at 1:11 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Lita bang

      I thought the $2.00′s bills only grew where the sidewalk ends?

      Dec 14, 2013 at 5:01 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Tard

    Guys, the BBQ sauce is taped to the $2.00′s, not the other way around.

    See how that changes everything?

    Dec 14, 2013 at 2:02 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Tard

    I’ve got a dating question.

    I’m a 56 YO straight man, single, haven’t had sex in 4-1/2 years.
    A woman asked me out, someone I like and would have asked out but have (had?) given up on women.

    I am an accomplished cook and want to make her dinner at my house, but she seemed slightly put off by this. Does it make me look cheap or is she worried I am going to jump her or something? Really, I’ve given up on restaurants and can make better food cheaper without all the hoopla.

    She is about my age, maybe slightly younger and pretty ‘earthy’, as in nearly no makeup and naturally graying hair which is just my style. She fishes. She FLY fishes. Read that twice.
    Ladies?

    Dec 14, 2013 at 10:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   1deprogrammed1

      Even though she asked you, go to a public place first; after all, you still need to “get to know each other.” For the next date, assuming there is one, suggest the home cooked meal. However:
      She might be a little put off if you use your unipegifornicatingpoopypony to pick her up.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 10:23 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   H for Toy

      I have to agree, in fact, I was thinking of dinner at home is more of a third date occaision. She might be worried that if she agrees to go to your house right off the bat, she’ll look easy. If it was summer , I’d suggest you cook for a picnic, but it isn’t, so you can’t :). Try a couple in public dates first. Good luck!

      Dec 14, 2013 at 10:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.3   Jami

      It might be that she just doesn’t feel safe going to a house on the first date. Let’s face it, it’s a scary world we live in anymore where you can’t even trust a neighbor you’ve known for 20 years. I’d take her someplace public but quiet enough to talk and get comfortable with for more than just three dates. Even if it’s just a walk in the park.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 11:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.4   The Elf

      You have to “think like a woman” here, and by woman I mean “possesses a vagina” not someone who is a girly-girl. She doesn’t know you well enough to feel totally safe alone with you. Not that you’re dangerous, but let’s be realistic. Unless she’s well trained, you’d probably come out on top in unarmed combat. It would be better for her, on a first date, to have an exit strategy.

      It sounds so horrible – and so sexist! – but that is the world in which we live. I’m a total tomboy and don’t scare easily, but even I’d raise my eyebrows at being alone with a man I’m just getting to know.

      On the date, mention how much you love to cook and how you’d like to make Yummy Special Dish or Amazeballs Dessert for her one day. Sow the seeds. Maybe date #2 or #3 could be at home.

      Good luck on the date!

      Dec 15, 2013 at 9:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.5   kermit

      Tard, if she asked you out, she obviously doesn’t think you’re an axe-wielding lunatic and just wants to get to know you better.

      It’s a first date, not an Iron Chef audition. Grab a cup of coffee with her or a light lunch, then see where it goes from there.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 5:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.6   Lab dude

      If she ties her own flies she’s a keeper…

      Dec 16, 2013 at 2:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.7   Tard

      On the flies, I mentioned a Wooly Bugger and she sneered (to those who don’t fly fish, a woolly bugger is the most common and over used fly in the universe).

      I’ll tell you what, I showed her some legal polar bear fur I have and I think that set her off.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 11:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   redheadwglasses

    Dinner in someone’s home is for when there’s an established rapport, a couple of dates under your belt. You do that AFTER you know you want to keep dating this person some more. First date is way too soon.

    Dec 14, 2013 at 11:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   redheadwglasses

    And I always found that “third date rule” (sex on the third date) is ridiculous, but cooking for her on the third date might send her that message, so just be awares.

    Dec 14, 2013 at 11:41 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   H for Toy

      It should be up to each person or couple, which date they choose, but it’s not bad as a rule of thumb. So, Tard, if your date gets unruly, don’t have sex with her until you’ve beaten her with a stick no wider than your thumb on the third date. Or something like that.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 7:42 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   redheadwglasses

      I can’t NOT thumbs up that, Toy!

      Dec 15, 2013 at 8:06 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.3   Tard

      H for toy, think the Rule of Thumb is for married men and their wives but I’ll ask her anyway.

      Thanks for the dating tip!

      Dec 16, 2013 at 9:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   redheadwglasses

    1. Plus: She asked you out. Don’t try to take over the date. If she makes the first move to pay for the dinner date, let her, don’t fight it or get pushy. We can pay for our dates when we initiate. : )

    2. I’m rooting for you!!!

    Dec 14, 2013 at 11:42 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   The Elf

      Good point! Who does the asking does the planning!

      Dec 15, 2013 at 9:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   redheadwglasses

      And i want him to get laid before the end of January.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 1:34 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   H for Toy

      Do offer to at least pay for yourself, but if she insists in paying, let her. Also, dating divas have some super fun ideas for unconventional dates. Keeping in mind that they’re best when you know each other a little bit, and many are geared more toward extroverts, so don’t suggest the mall dare date if you find that she’s uncomfortable talking to strangers. The bookstore idea is a great way to get to know each other and laugh together.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 8:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   assiveProgressive

    On which date is it appropriate to go fishing? You could go ice fishing, I guess. Then you could go home and cook the fish.

    Dec 15, 2013 at 1:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Tard

    Everyone was right, she wanted to take ME out.
    This is new to me, but I like it fine.

    Wednesday night.
    I pick her up, she selects the place and pays.
    Going very slowly, haven’t dated in years and years. We’ve know each other for a year, she actually said “I gave up on you ever figuring it out!”.

    Dec 16, 2013 at 8:56 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   H for Toy

      If she offers to make the German chocolate cake for your birthday, marry her! Glad it went well for you :)

      Dec 16, 2013 at 9:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.2   The Elf

      Awesome! So glad to hear it!

      Dec 16, 2013 at 12:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.3   redheadwglasses

      YAY! Have a good time getting to know her better! I’m rooting for you. be your own wonderful self. : )

      Dec 16, 2013 at 1:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.4   The Elf

      Heh. “Rooting”. We can hope.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 5:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.5   Tard

      There will be no rooting.
      Honestly, I can barely remember how.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 8:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.6   kermit

      Just pretend you’re gently basting a turkey, and it’ll come back to you. Or maybe she’ll whack you with the bread sticks.

      Either way, we will be entertained, which is really what’s important here.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 9:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.7   Tard

      I promise to tell all, even the embarrassing shit.

      There WILL be embarrassing shit, but I must admit it is nice to be asked out (my 1st experience with this) if not somewhat disorienting.

      When do I tell her one of my hobbies is tracking down and photographing gravestones for strangers? Never, right?

      Dec 16, 2013 at 9:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.8   redheadwglasses

      You tell her after her third orgasm of the night.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 10:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.9   Tard

      Then I’m in trouble plenty.
      Think about it: 4-1/2 years, no sex.

      Anxiety.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 11:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.10   kermit

      Gravestones for strangers of gravestones of strangers? I think the former is kinda creepy but the latter is kinda interesting. Whenever I’m in a cemetery I like to wander around and look at the other headstones, so I don’t think that’s weird. (Doing it because somebody else asked me to I find kinda creepy, even if it’s the grave site of a famous person.)

      Dec 16, 2013 at 11:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.11   Tard

      I wrote a description of this and it was “held for moderation”. Yesterday.
      When I get this anywhere else, it means ‘post deleted’.

      Dec 17, 2013 at 11:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.12   H for Toy

      If it’s for strangers, it’s called “genealogical research”.

      Dec 17, 2013 at 1:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.13   Tard

      It’s for strangers and of strangers.
      People doing genealogy research will ask me to find someone they believe is buried in Washington state.

      There are a lot of resources to find in which cemetery someone is located, but finding the exact gravesite requires going in person and schmoozing the cemetery manager.

      I eliminate that issue by bringing baked goods with me. Literally I have gone from “that graveyard guy” to “oh boy, it’s that Graveyard guy!!”.

      I locate, clean and photograph the stone and site.
      About 15% of the people have no marker, but I can locate the exact location and of course I include GPS coordinates with the pictures.

      A few times, all I’ve gotten from people is “I knew him in the army and in 1948 he stopped sending me letters from WA”. Find ‘em anyway.

      Yes, we have a bunch of hundred-year-old cemeteries within 20 miles of my house and the most interesting thing is seeing the change in marker styles over the decades.

      The sad part is how many infants and young children are in there from around the turn-of-the-century. Now, it’s a bunch of 17 to 21-year-olds, killed in their cars, but far fewer infants.

      Also, during the depression gravestones were very often times handmade tiny concrete markers that are now illegible.

      Dec 17, 2013 at 3:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.14   Kat

      Tard, you might want to pick the next check up yourself. And yes, you should call her to make the date. And plan the date. And if she tells you she’s cool with just ordering off the dollar menu when you casually mention it, she’s just being nice.
      I’d love to see a 2nd date pic. Please?

      Dec 19, 2013 at 11:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   Tard

    So we’ve turned PAN into the lonely hearts advice network? Wonder what the moderator thinks.

    Tick Tock, Wednesday is coming like silent death in the night…

    Dec 16, 2013 at 2:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   H for Toy

      We’ve dispensed medical advice, advice on how to combat morning sickness, sympathy, congratulations, and even movie reviews. Why not lonely hearts club? The community is what sets us apart from all the other comments section on the Internet!

      Dec 16, 2013 at 4:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.2   Jami

      I don’t know, Tard, some of those really old gravestones can be awesome looking. Get into a cemetery that’s 100+ years old and take a look around….

      Dec 17, 2013 at 2:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   Tard

    Fuck everything.

    Dec 16, 2013 at 11:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   H for Toy

      We kinda thought you’d start slowly in that department. Everything is quite a lot. What’s up?

      Dec 17, 2013 at 7:07 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   Kat

    Did something happen to the victims’s pockets and/or wallet? Oh man, someone sewed my pockets shut, guess I better tape my $2 to the BBQ sauce jar! *sigh* I can’t wait to be reunited with my $2. The things I am going to spend it on!
    Better use some extra tape here to properly secure my windfall.

    Dec 19, 2013 at 11:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Guida

    I ate the $2 using the BBQ sauce, but all I shit out was $1.05 in change and some wet naps… gimme some time to get the rest. My sincerest apologies.

    Dec 23, 2013 at 5:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Raichu

    Whoever stole this money was a dick, but I really have to scratch my head at the decision to store your money in the /refrigerator/ of all places.

    Really?

    Jan 3, 2014 at 6:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   B

    If you steal food from a workplace fridge, you are a horrible person and deserve to die a slow, miserable, painful death from syphilis.

    Jan 5, 2014 at 8:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Hugh G. Wiener

    And here I thought I was the only one who left all my money taped to bottles of barbecue sauce in the fridge

    Jan 9, 2014 at 5:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up