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Tis the season for white lies, kid.

December 22nd, 2013 · 109 comments

Writes Siegrin in California: “My friend started teaching at a new school this year and received this note from one of her (fifth-grade) students on the last day before the holiday break. It’s almost as uplifting as the doughnut she received from her fellow teacher, along with a note that read, ‘If you’re watching your weight, feel free to not eat the doughnut.”

Dear Mrs. A, thank you for being our teacher and teaching us as best you can. I wanted Mrs. F or Mr. C but I was wrong. You are the Best Teacher Ever! Thank you for being the best and trying to teach us the best you can to pass every test. Thank you and Merry Cristmas!! (Star, Heart, Happy Face)

related: You’re a good student, but not my best speller

FILED UNDER: California · Christmas · just being honest · schools & teachers

109 responses so far ↓

  • #1   JT

    What is passive or aggressive or mean or funny about this note? It compliments her directly. The doughnut note would have been better.

    Dec 22, 2013 at 9:56 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   xyxxy

      My best friends cats barbers mother in law made 15000 by doing oral on camera using just her computer in a few hours and BOY IS HER JAW TIRED.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 3:57 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   The Elf

      like xyxxy said, I can’t believe a single cat could make so much on the internet posing for pictures my cat made 18118 in a month for just a few hours work he bought an almost catnip toy check out this virus laden spam site for more info

      Dec 26, 2013 at 7:06 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   JeriMLane

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      Dec 26, 2013 at 6:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   The Elf

      Right on cue.

      Dec 27, 2013 at 6:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   sunshynegrll

      “an almost buttplug”

      Dec 27, 2013 at 9:31 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #2   H for Toy

    I was hoping for more critical thinking and research projects, but thanks for teaching us, the best you can, to pass tests.

    Dec 22, 2013 at 10:37 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #3   kermit

    That’s the writing of somebody in grade five? Geez that’s awful. I would have guessed grade 2 or 3 tops.

    Dec 22, 2013 at 11:18 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   H for Toy

      We’ve seen messier handwriting (and more passive-aggression) from adults on here. This is a champion PAN-writer in training.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 7:55 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   kermit

      True, but they have the excuse of being drunk/stoned or simply old with poor motor skills.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 8:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   The Elf

      Trust me, when I as 18 and stone cold sober, this kid would still have me beat in the handwriting department. But you’re spot on with that poor motor skills thing! Alas, you missed the “don’t care” part. What this kid needs to learn is to type his PANs like everybody else with the chicken scratch style of penmanship.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 10:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Poltergeist

      It might not be beautiful, but it is perfectly legible. Isn’t that the point of writing – to communicate to the reader?

      Dec 24, 2013 at 10:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #4   Lita bang

    Tests, eh? Was there at least cake (donut)?

    Dec 22, 2013 at 11:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      We’ll have to adjust the tests for someone of your….. generous…. proportions.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 11:00 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   FeRD bang

      The cake (donut) is a lie.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 12:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Lita bang

      Hah…thank you for calling my proportions generous. I was under the impression they were rather miserly myself!

      Dec 23, 2013 at 9:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #5   redheadwglasses

    My friend got a birthday card this weekend from her grandmother. It referenced me and my cancer and how she is praying for me. And then concluded, “have a nice Christmas with Angela, but I’m sure next christmas will be awful without her.” HAHAHAHAHA!

    Dec 22, 2013 at 11:48 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Redheadwglasses

      Friend even took a pic and sent it to her own mom. I told her to submit it here, but she’ll never do it.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 2:38 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   kermit

      I’m surprised your friend told you about it. I mean geez, it’s not like you need a reminder.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 8:18 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   The Elf

      Awesome that you are laughing and not crying and/or planning to poison friend’s grandma. If you do, may I recommend a donut? She doesn’t have to eat it if she doesn’t want to be poisoned.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 11:02 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   kermit

      Do old people even eat donuts? If hard candy commercials and my dead grandmas are to be believed, they like old timey hard candy like Werther’s.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 11:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   1deprogrammed1

      Girl….you are great. Had I seen something like that, folks would be calling the cops and the coroner. The cops would be coming for me.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 12:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   The Elf

      Let’s not rule it out. Is Red’s “HAHAHAHAHA” a wryly amused laugh, an if-I-don’t-laugh-I’d-cry laugh, or a maniacal laugh that precedes the SHA-THUNK of a pump action shotgun? It’s hard to tell tone from an internet post. All we know is that she didn’t do it outside of Eric’s Sister’s Boss’s office because *that* is a no cackle-zone. I just hope Friend’s Grandma doesn’t have a redheadwithpbr flap installed.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 1:20 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   Kupo

      My grandmother sent me a sympathy card when my fiance passed away that included something along the lines of “it was nice to see you two that one time when you came to visit years ago.” Oh, grandmothers.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 2:40 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.8   Tard

      If this is real, and there’s a chance you might not be here for next Christmas, the people closest to your GM must be contacted. She is displaying a classic sign of dementia.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 2:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.9   redheadwglasses

      No, seriously, I laughed my ass off, because who writes that? I thought it was hilarious! It reminds me of something I read about Korean philosophy.

      Person: Isn’t that a beautiful sunset?
      Korean: Yes, but won’t it be sad when it is gone?

      That’s not so funny, but I thought the grandma’s comment was hysterical!

      Dec 23, 2013 at 2:57 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.10   Tard

      Well, you know her best.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 3:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.11   Snicklefritz

      I think people tend to loose all sorts of filters for what is and isn’t appropriate to utter as they age. I think old people think I have to utter this thought now, or I might not be around tomorrow to share this little nugget of wisdom with everyone.

      Or they just stop giving a shit.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 3:13 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #5.12   Tard

      That’s true, have you seen those 80 YO dudes walking around in huge wrap-around shades with their white, knobby, diabetic knees hanging out of shorts? They couldn’t care less what you think!

      I’m getting like that.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 3:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.13   FeRD bang

      A “classic sign of dementia”? Pray tell, Tard — what set off your Spidey Senses on this one, exactly? I’m always in awe of the powers of people to make Internet Diagnoses based on close to zero information, and I really want to learn how to do that!

      Thus far I’ve really sucked at it, what with my stupid thoughts of, “Maybe I don’t have a full picture of someone based on an out-of-context snippet of retold story!” and “Will projecting my own experiences and tendencies onto someone else’s situation actually provide me with a deeper understanding of it?” …You know. Dumb shit like that.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 3:39 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.14   Tard

      Brother, it was sad personal experience, and this is exactly how it started – weird notes and statements that everyone thought were ‘edgy jokes’.
      I hope you never have to experience this.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 4:02 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.15   redheadwglasses

      Tard is correct. Remember the old mother on “Golden Girls,” who would say all kinds of rude things? Her character had a type of dementia that truly exists, where that filter degrades and you say whatever rude thing you want without thought of the other person’s feelings.

      (I read an article about the different types of dementia. Interesting stuff.)

      Dec 23, 2013 at 4:55 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.16   kermit

      While rudeness can be a sign of dementia it isn’t necessarily an accurate predictor if that’s the only symptom they’re displaying.

      It’s entirely possible that the person has been unfiltered and rude their whole life and nothing has changed as they’ve gotten older. Or maybe they’ve been Ned Flanders nice their whole life and suddenly realized that they’ve got nothing much to lose by finally speaking their mind.

      FeRD – Internet diagnosing disease usually revolves around the major ones with ambiguous symptoms. Pretty much any combination of the following is a winner:
      - Aspberger’s syndrome
      - narcissistic personality disorder
      - dementia
      - depression
      - obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)
      - ADHD

      Dec 23, 2013 at 8:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #5.17   The Elf

      Sadly, we’re experiencing some diminished cognition with a close relative and…. yeah. No filters. We didn’t connect the dots at first. After her forgetfulness and impulsiveness caused a big problem and we put the whole picture together, the no filters thing stood out as a personality change.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 6:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #5.18   Poltergeist

      Response if Grandma has always lacked a filter:

      “Thanks for the kind words Grandma. Next Christmas might be awful without my friend, but my next birthday is going to be awful without you. I know that, considering your advanced age, it’ll be difficult, but please try to hang on for just one more year. I’m praying for you.”

      Dec 24, 2013 at 9:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.19   Poltergeist

      On a more serious note, I’ll share that my grandmother did go through a personality change quite a few years ago, which was the second sign of her dementia (after short-term memory loss). She was a caring, kind person and a wonderful grandmother/mother, but she began to alienate the people in her building with abrasivenesss. Then she moved on to heavily criticizing her daughters. She’s been in a nursing home for awhile now, and to this day my mother and aunt have to face the brunt of her verbal assaults when they visit her alone (my uncle and us grandkids have so far been mostly spared.)

      It makes us all very sad, but every now and then we simply have to laugh at the absurdity of some of it. There is a certain amount of humor in hearing an old lady tell somebody to go fuck themselves.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 10:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #5.20   Mantis bang


      Lose lips sink ships.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 5:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #6   Kelly

    You don’t see anything passive or aggressive, JT?

    “I wanted Mrs. F or Mrs. C., but I was wrong, you are the best.” Read: “I thought Mrs. F and Mrs. C were better and was disappointed to get you instead. But, surprisingly you’re ok.”

    “Thank you for being the best and trying to teach us the best you can to pass every test.” Read: “Thanks for teaching only enough information so we can pass our tests, but nothing else. That’s the best you can do.”

    Sure, a fifth grader probably didn’t mean it that way, but it certainly reads passive aggressive – which does make it kinda funny.

    (Agree that this is pretty terrible for a fifth grader…wasn’t penmanship taught in third? Even aside from the handwriting… Yikes.)

    Dec 23, 2013 at 12:20 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   kermit

      I dunno if the test thing is necessarily passive aggressive. If the teacher she had before wasn’t even doing that properly, then it’s understandable for the kid to be grateful at having somebody at least teach them the test.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 8:20 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Tard

      Mrs. A, Mrs. F, Mr. C

      It’s the first thing I noticed as well.

      Why? Because I’ve got DSB!

      Dec 23, 2013 at 2:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Whawhawhatsis

      Penmanship isn’t even taught any more in a lot of places; they teach kids “keyboarding” instead. Which just means we’re going to continue to see more and more illegible handwriting as today’s youth grows up. Oh goody.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 3:57 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   Jami

      A lot of schools have stopped teaching cursive. And besides that, the kid’s handwriting is better than mine.

      Finally, I read recently that it’s been found that people who have genius level IQs have messier handwriting than others. Because they’re trying to get all their thoughts out at once so they’re writing in a hurry.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 4:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   JT

      How is it PA to say “I wanted a different teacher originally, but then found out you were awesome!”? That’s a big compliment. As far as the kid meaning “only teach us to pass the tests” is pretty far fetched.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 8:31 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   Poltergeist

      You’re right that the kid probably didn’t intend for the note to be PA, but it did end up sounding that way. That’s what makes it funny.

      “You’re an awesome teacher!” is a simple, straightforward compliment. However, the kid didn’t stop there. He/she chose to add, “…even though I didn’t really want you as a teacher at first.”
      That’s an unnecessary detail. The reader might question why the writer chose to add it in the first place, especially when that detail would, on its own, be considered an insult. This is called a backhanded compliment.

      Another example:
      “Wow, you look great!”
      “Wow, you didn’t look good the last time I saw you, but now your look great!”

      As for the other part, “Thanks for trying to teach us the best that you can” comes off as patronizing, specifically the word “trying.”

      Dec 24, 2013 at 9:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   uncreative

      Wow, that interpretation really feels to me like trying to take offense. Sure, the kid thought a different teacher would be better, that happens. For example, my brother had a great fifth grade teacher, so I was hoping to get the same one he had had. I didn’t, but the teacher I did get turned out to be great too. It’s not an insult to say that you didn’t realize somebody was awesome until you got to know them. And it certainly isn’t an insult to thank somebody for teaching you. I see nothing in it that spins it as saying it is merely adequate. I think this kid was being very sweet, and it’s a shame people are viewing it badly.

      Dec 25, 2013 at 1:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   Poltergeist

      Read the first sentence of my last post again.

      Dec 25, 2013 at 4:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.9   uncreative

      It really doesn’t sound bad to me. It sounds like the child is trying to say that the teacher always puts in full effort and isn’t just going through the motions of trying to do the job. Kids are often praised for doing the best that they can do, and even the US army encourages people to be all you can be. So, I took it as pretty sincere praise of the teacher. I see how you can read it otherwise, but I really felt you had to look for an insult to find one.

      As to mentioning that they wanted someone else at first, that makes the praise more meaningful. For example, I usually go into movies expecting to like them. But one time I was out and the rest of my family wanted to see a movie I really, really didn’t want to watch. My father ended up making a deal with me to pay for my time. I’d go watch the movie with everyone and if I enjoyed it, then that would be great, and if he didn’t he’d give me $10 for my time spent. At the end, I ended up telling him I had enjoyed the movie after all, so I didn’t get any money, but I did get to see a movie I enjoyed for free and my family was happy. But it certainly felt like far more of a compliment to the movie that I enjoyed it despite going into it expecting to hate it than it would have been had I gone into it expecting to enjoy it. Which is why one might include the detail – to make it a stronger compliment.

      Dec 25, 2013 at 10:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.10   FeatherBlade

      Or! Maybe the class is full of disruptive kids and it’s a struggle for the teacher to teach them anything.

      That could explain the whole “teaching us as best you can” thing.

      Dec 29, 2013 at 1:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #7   Haterade

    Am I the only one who saw Mrs. F—–g and Mr. C— as something less than wholesome?

    Dec 23, 2013 at 4:40 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   wanda

      Bwahaha…you need to go directly to principle Di–ace

      Dec 23, 2013 at 12:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #8   Spyder

    I agree that it’s hardly passive aggressive. Looks pretty clearly like a compliment to me. I think the entire reason it’s here is the “teaching us as best you can” bit which the fifth grader probably didn’t intend as we read. The donut note definitely would’ve been better :)

    His penmanship though… you guys really think that’s bad for a 5th grader? I’m 29 and my hand writing only looks slightly better. Looks to me to be the start of a typical girly (but neat) bubble-letter-writer.

    Dec 23, 2013 at 7:30 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   mamapajama

      **steps on soapbox**
      Penmenship? Kids today aren’t taught to spell or write. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made my boys rewrite their homework because either their spelling is total crap or their handwriting is illegible. And that’s just PRINTING — nobody writes in cursive anymore. Teachers rarely correct spelling except on an actual SPELLING test. Drives me nuts! **steps off soapbox**

      Dec 23, 2013 at 7:55 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   kermit

      Sorry, but yeah I do think that’s bad for a fifth grader. Unless the kid some motor skill issue or is drunk, there’s no reason for the handwriting to be this bad.

      She didn’t even manage to spell “Christmas” correctly, for heaven’s sake. And the word is everywhere.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 8:14 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   squib

      Penmanship is indeed not a big deal these days. My fourth grader writes like a drunken spider monkey, and when I mentioned to his teacher that we were trying to work on that with him, she said that they don’t focus on handwriting at all because the kids are going to do so much on computers. (Not now, mind you, but at some point in the future.) I’d do a little dance if my kid’s handwriting were that good.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 10:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   kermit

      Yeah, handwriting “doesn’t matter” until you have to write your SATs and the grader can’t read what you wrote. And it “doesn’t matter” in college when your professor can’t read your exam answers.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 10:08 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   common

      That’s about what mine looked like in grade 5. And I have fantabulous handwriting. Cursive or print. It’s certainly not bad enough to get your panties in any manner of bunch.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 10:33 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   H for Toy

      I’m assuming teachers don’t have time to sit with every student and monitor how they make their letters, but I watched my stepdaughter write a letter to Santa last week, and, she doesn’t write her letters, she draws them. Either she isn’t taught a prescribed “start at point a and go counter- clockwise, etc” way of forming letter, or she isn’t paying attention. She just starts and ends wherever she feels like, as long as the end result looks something like the letter she’s aiming for. I guess that’s where parents like mamapajama come in. Sometimes you just have to sit down with your kids and help them do it the right way.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 10:51 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.7   kermit

      True, but teachers shouldn’t really have to that. Classroom time should be spent on learning concepts not practising and perfecting things – that you do at home.

      I will never understand parents who drag their kids around town to all manner of activities to teach them “skills” but will balk at sitting down with their kids to make sure that their handwriting is as clear as possible. Writing is important – it’s how you naturally study and how you learn.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 11:47 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.8   The Elf

      I hope we are all saying this from the confines of our front porch, coffee cup full of gin in hand, cat horde milling about. Kids these days! They can’t write and they won’t stay off my goddamn lawn! Why, back in my day……

      Dec 23, 2013 at 12:22 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #8.9   H for Toy

      I have whiskey. Does that count?

      Dec 23, 2013 at 1:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.10   The Elf

      Whiskey always counts if you’re willing to share.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 2:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.11   H for Toy

      Grab your mug and come in over! It’s Christmas break, so the little buggers are everywhere!

      Dec 23, 2013 at 4:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.12   Lita bang

      Can I join you, Elf and H? I have a cane I can shake at the little buggers. Also spiced wine. German spiced wine. Very good warm.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 9:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.13   H for Toy

      The more, the merrier (more people and more alcohol).

      Dec 23, 2013 at 9:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.14   Lita bang

      Excellent. I’ll be right over.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 9:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.15   Pit Pat

      I have kids these days, and the oldest is learning cursive. They both have spelling tests too. Maybe, just maybe, some of this depends on what state (or country) one inhabits.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 9:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.16   The Elf

      Sounds like fun! Tonight I will raise a glass to the diminished handwriting of youth these days.

      (Recently, I vowed to only drink on special occassions.)

      Dec 24, 2013 at 6:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.17   kermit

      It does depend on the state and even the city where you live. That’s one of the biggest problem with the US and Canadian public school systems. There’s no reason a kid should be screwed over if they happen to live in Texas, under the jurisdiction of the crackpots who run the Texas Board of Education instead of a more sensible state like Massachusetts.

      Worse, if your family moves around and you have to change schools, you’re pretty much screwed because you’re either behind or ahead of the other kids.

      Such claptrap doesn’t exist in countries that have higher scores on basic tests like the PISA because their public education systems are standardized. No matter where you live, you’re learning the same thing as all the other kids in grade 5.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 10:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.18   Pit Pat

      Add to that the differences across school districts and yeah, it’s a mess. I am lucky enough to live in a pretty well-funded, education-oriented school district, and even then some services are lacking. But hey, so what if the gifted kids aren’t challenged? They’re learning cursive, so they’re golden.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 11:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.19   buni

      I remember learning and practicing basic penmanship in 1st grade. We learned cursive in 3rd grade. My current handwriting is a combination of printing and cursive. I always refused to make my Qs look like the number 2. That never made sense to me.

      Jan 6, 2014 at 3:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   Kat

    Jeez Louise, leave the kid alone. Like we all have perfect handwriting. It’s a sweet note. Fifth graders aren’t catty like adults.

    Dec 23, 2013 at 9:30 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Rattus

      It must have been nice going to school in Shangri-la.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 9:43 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   The Elf

      You must have gone to an entirely different fifth grade than I did.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 11:04 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   1deprogrammed1

    If Mrs. A____ is the English teacher, then definitely PA.

    Dec 23, 2013 at 12:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   sunshynegrll

    I see no passive-aggressive attitude here. I do see three ‘thank you’s, a ‘you are the best teacher EVER!’ right in the center, and an honest admission of misjudgement. Awkward wording from a fifth-grader does not equal a backhanded compliment.

    Dec 23, 2013 at 12:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   FeRD bang

      Yeah, as much as I want to Believe In The Snark™, I can’t find any way to read this other than as an accident of poor wording in what seems to be intended as a genuine message.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 2:08 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #12   H for Toy

    Ok everyone. What’s with all the logic and generosity? Back in my day, we made fun of PANs, regardless of the intent! This is what happens when they teach tolerance in school. People start giving others the benefit of the doubt. Sheesh.

    Dec 23, 2013 at 1:37 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #13   Tard

    If this is real, and there’s a chance you might not be here for next Christmas, the people closest to your GM must be contacted. She is displaying a classic sign of dementia.

    Dec 23, 2013 at 2:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Tard

      Ignore this, it’s in the wrong place.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 2:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Tard

      Ignore THIS, it’s unnecessary.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 3:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   FeRD bang

      Ignore this, it’s just me being annoying.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 3:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Tard


      Dec 23, 2013 at 3:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   FeRD bang

      Clearly not! AAAAA-HAH!!!

      *fingerpoint* J’accuse, Tard!

      Dec 23, 2013 at 3:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   Tard

      Run, Forrest! Run!

      Dec 23, 2013 at 4:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.7   The Elf

      Ignore this, I’m just posting to see myself type. Meow.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 6:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.8   FeRD bang

      I hope you’re an Indoor T’Elf. They live longer, you know.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 2:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #14   Pit Pat

    When my oldest (now 9) was in kindergarten, he had to complete a fill-in-the-blank paper about himself. For the question “I wish I . . . ” he put “was in Mrs Schmidt’s class.” We loled. His teacher was quite gracious about it.

    Dec 23, 2013 at 10:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #15   Redheadwglasses

    I feel like this pan has gotten so many comments because we are bored and desperate for more PANs.

    Dec 23, 2013 at 10:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   H for Toy

      I feel like I should send some Christmas PANs instead of cards, and submit them all before I send them, just for you, Red. Maybe we should all make that our Random Act of Kindness this Christmas. Everyone write a PAN to their neighbor or coworker or mother, telling them something they’ve always wanted to say. I’ll start by letting my upstairs neighbors know that they sometimes wake me up when they have sex at 3am.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 11:18 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Lita bang

      I like this idea. I’ll bitch out the motorcycle owner next door for revving his bike at 3 AM every day in the summer.

      Dec 23, 2013 at 11:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   Lythande

      I’ll write one to the horde of small children upstairs who constantly wake me up by running and jumping at 6 pm, when they should obviously know I’m sleeping.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 1:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   The Elf

      I’ll write one to my cat, who keeps stealing food and destroying things. I doubt he’ll read it.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 6:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.5   kermit

      People, if you’re going to write civilized, literate letters of complaint, you might as well send them to McSweeney’s “Open Letters” site. Literate measured complaints asking for reasonable things are not PA.

      Clearly I should take advantage of this market need and write a how to book for PA notes.

      Step one: Find glitter and stinky perfume.
      Step two: Make yourself forget everything you ever knew about spelling and grammar.
      Step three: Gimme money so I can tell you step three.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 9:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.6   assiveProgressive

      Dear neighbor, I so love the winter because it gives me a break from the horde of mosquitoes that breeds in your dead swimming pool. Joy to the world.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 9:59 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.7   Jami

      Would you settle for a not so passive FB status I’ve almost written several times then reconsidered as it’ll cause more trouble than it’s worth, Red? (Not to go off topic but to give Red a PAN of sorts.)

      “So it’s come to my attention that one of my “friends” – who’s only on FB because 1: She’s the daughter of my mom’s best friend and 2: If I didn’t add her she’d fly into one of her classic rages and whine for attention – thinks I make up stuff like my medical problems or how many fish I catch to gain attention.

      I don’t know what she wants me to do – post scans of my blood work so she can see how sharply my iron falls and how anemic I really am? How about the ultrasound that shows I might have a polyp in my uterus? Shall I hire a film crew and make my own personal fishing show so she can see for herself I really did catch all those fish?

      If only she knew how much I hold back and don’t talk about.

      The thing is, I don’t have to make up diddly squat to get attention. Like say, a fake “boyfriend” in Candy Crush who’s retired military and has two broken legs.

      And I’ve never forced my elderly mother to mortgage her house she could pay off my siblings house payments, buy her granddaughter a new car, etc.

      I wonder who the real attention whore around here is?”

      Reason I decided not to do it is because this woman does fly into insane rages. Which is why I can’t unfriend and block her. She’ll come after my mom if I do. She’s done it before.

      However, someone taught me how to restrict what she can see when I post. YAY!

      Anyway, that help your craving for a PAN at all, Red?

      Dec 24, 2013 at 10:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.8   kermit

      Jami, the reason you shouldn’t post that is because it says more about you than it does about her, and makes you look far worse.

      As a lot of people say on 99U, if you use social media (instead of having social media use you) you need to have a purpose every time you log on and want to share something. Social validation and engagement isn’t really what it’s for, even though that’s what it’s advertised as.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 10:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.9   Jami

      I realize that too, Kermit. I just need to blow off steam too over this. I got some of it out already and now I know how to set things so she can see it.

      The reason I post anything at all on FB is because I have a lot of family and friends on there who care about what’s going on and it’s easier to be able to tell them all at once than each on their own. And they do the same for the same reason.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 11:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.10   FeRD bang

      @Jami: Do what I’ve done. Add said person to your “Restricted” friends list. There’s no indication to them, and it doesn’t change how you see their Facebook activity, only how they see yours.

      The mechanism for doing so was never particularly well-indicated, and has only gotten muddier over time. But, one way: In the desktop interface at your Feed page, click “More” next to the “Friends” section in the left-hand column. That’ll bring up all of your friends lists (including automatic ones, so there are quite a few), “Restricted” should be among them. Click it to manage. If a little poking around doesn’t make things clear then a search of their help system should… well… help.

      Once you’ve placed someone on the list, basically it’ll act like a precision-targeted muzzle on your Facebook activity. Anything you post/share with an Audience of “Friends” or “Friends of Friends” automatically won’t be shared to (or visible to) the Restricted list. They’ll still see whatever you post Publicly (so you have to buck the growing trend these days to post everything as Public), as well as anything you explicitly tag them in. But mostly it’ll seem, from their perspective, like you just got a lot quieter on Facebook.

      It can certainly be sussed out that they’re not seeing all of your activity, especially if they “compare notes” with any of your other, non-Restricted Facebook friends… but since there’s no explicit way they could discover their Restricted status other than in your account settings, you can always just play dumb and/or blame it on Facebook’s squirrely filtering magic. (Which is fortunately complicated and weird enough to make that excuse quite plausible.)

      I’ve had one person Restricted for over 2 years now, and it’s never been brought up. *shrug*

      Dec 24, 2013 at 3:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.11   Tard

      Or do what I do, avoid all meaningless, time-wasting soul-sucking ‘social media’ sites like the plague and laugh at anyone who asks for your FB page.

      Except for PAN, of course.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 3:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.12   kermit

      Jami, there’s a simple solution to that. If somebody really wants to know what’s going with you, they can just email you and ask. Just like if you really want to know what’s going on with somebody else, you email/call them and ask.

      Family and friend “bulletins” are sanitized and censored for public consumption anyway – unless you happen to have the misfortune of dealing with boors, which seems to be your situation. You don’t need that shit, nobody needs that shit. It’s a time suck and the only sane way to deal with it is to put a really narrow focus on what gets posted.

      “What’s going on with me” is waaay to broad. I suggest something more specific, like one of your interests. If you’re still singing, post only about that. If you like fishing, post only about that and fishing-related things. It gives the boors a lot less ammunition and makes your posts much less frequent because you’ll only log on to post about singing gigs.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 4:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.13   assiveProgressive

      Somebody I work with sometimes posts “open letter” type messages about people she thought were her friends. I always wonder if she is talking about me… I wonder if I did burn bridges somehow or laugh at fat jokes on Facebook, thereby offending her. Assive is confused, and too passive to do more than wonder

      Dec 24, 2013 at 7:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   Jenn K

    it looks like this note has censored out some dirty words.

    Dec 24, 2013 at 12:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    This penmanship cries out for a rap across the knuckles with a ruler…not the kid’s, the teacher’s.

    Dec 24, 2013 at 2:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Jami

      Why? It’s a parent’s job to make sure their kid does well in school including penmanship. Teachers are there to teach the basics. Parents are suppose to help flesh that all out.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 10:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Honey, I wanted to marry Maryann or Janice, but I ended up with you. You try really hard, so I’m OK with things as they are.

    Dec 24, 2013 at 2:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      Oh, does she try? Is she a try-er? Is she a sport? Interested in photographs? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more.

      Dec 24, 2013 at 6:44 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

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    Dec 26, 2013 at 8:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Haterade

      Hello There. I found your post the usage of bots.

      This is an odd non sequitur. I’ll be sure to bookmark it and return to see the amusing commentary the PAN readers will bestow. Thank you for the post, although it might have been more funny if you were selling porn rather than prosperity gospel.

      Dec 29, 2013 at 6:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   alexpuppy


      Dec 30, 2013 at 9:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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