The Mom with the Reindeer Tattoo

December 24th, 2013 · 58 comments

Writing Persephone in New Hampshire: “My father and I have a habit of snatching the Christmas cookies. I guess this year my mom had had enough.”

DO NOT TOUCH or Santa Claus will have 6 elves with halitosis read Norwegian crime novels to you as you are tied to a dyspeptic reindeer...I wouldn't chance it if I were you!

P.S. Yes, Stieg Larsson is Swedish…but titling this post “Blood on Snow” just seemed a little too dark.

related: Mad Santa

FILED UNDER: Christmas · Moms & Dads · touching


58 responses so far ↓

  • #1   FeRD bang

    <That Guy™ Mode>
    “dyspeptic”
    </That Guy™ Mode>

    Beyond that, I love the note. Mom is awesome, and may be just one book of (awful) free verse away from a lucrative career as a Vogon!

    Dec 24, 2013 at 8:46 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Christina

      lol @ the “that guy” HTML – very clever!

      Dec 24, 2013 at 8:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Megz

      Well, I was going to answer your question, but since it no longer appears in your comment, I guess you figured it out, lol. For others that may have had the same question, here’s the answer: Stieg Larsson is the author of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, which is referenced in the title of this picture, so the poster is clarifying that they know the author of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo isn’t Norse as the Norway reference in the note might suggest. :)

      Dec 24, 2013 at 9:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   FeRD bang

      Yeah, it took me an extra minute to connect the dots and grok that Kerry’s P.S. was basically an answer to the confusion I’d briefly had, re: the title / Larsson mention.

      Dec 30, 2013 at 11:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Shirley

    This made my night, thak you. Yes, Mom is awesome!

    Dec 24, 2013 at 9:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Any mom who cannot correctly spell “dyspeptic” is not awesome.
      Love,
      Grammar Police

      Dec 29, 2013 at 6:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Dana

    Ha ha! I love it!

    Dec 24, 2013 at 11:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   H for Toy

    I don’t know which is worse, a [dyspeptic] reindeer, or a flying, pooping unipegalicorn.

    Merry Christmas! May you get to eat all the cookies you want this year!

    Dec 25, 2013 at 7:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Lita bang

      I’d go with the reindeer. At least unipegalicorn poop is all rainbows and candy scents. On the other hand, who wants to be stuck with a dyspeptic reindeer?

      Dec 25, 2013 at 9:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Snowflame

      That depends….are we allowed to make sausages out of the reindeer? Or, for that matter, the unicorn?

      Dec 25, 2013 at 5:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   H for Toy

      Snowflame, yes, very tasty sausage, and I don’t know. Skittle-flavored sausage? Your call.

      Dec 25, 2013 at 8:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Lita bang

      Brings new meaning to “taste the rainbow”…

      Dec 25, 2013 at 9:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Beatus Mongous

      I thought that phrase had something to do with homosexual oral sex.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 6:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   assiveProgressive

      Mmm, I’ll have to use that line on the ladies

      Dec 27, 2013 at 9:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Lita bang

    Only six elves? Sheeeeesh, it was twelve last year – talk about downsizing!

    Happy gift day to everyone, hope you’re having a good time!

    Dec 25, 2013 at 9:38 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Dane Zeller

    I don’t understand. Who would want a naked cookie?

    Dec 25, 2013 at 11:05 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   it's naptime

      I’ll take them, especially if there’s a can of reddi-whip in the fridge.

      Dec 25, 2013 at 5:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   The Elf

      OMG are you kidding? There is nothing better than eating cookies naked.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 7:12 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   H for Toy

      I thought we were eating ice cream naked. Or is that just Thanksgiving and Saturday?

      Dec 26, 2013 at 7:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   The Elf

      Exactly. Naked Cookie Night is Christmas Eve and Thursday.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 9:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Snowflame

      How about ice cream sandwiched between two cookies? When can we eat that? Nekkid or otherwise?

      Dec 26, 2013 at 11:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   H for Toy

      Looking at my naked food calendar, it looks like you can eat that on Thanksgiving because it’s Naked Ice Cream Night, but since it’s always on a Thursday, it will coincide with Naked Cookie Night. Non-naked, whenever you get a craving.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 12:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   kermit

      By my calendar you can eat naked so long as you don’t have any fat flaps in which food crumbs can get lost.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 4:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   Snowflame

      B….b…but I’m British. We don’t *have* Thanksgiving. On account of being ungrateful. Damn you Americans, hogging all the ice cream cookie goodness for yourselves.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 5:18 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   H for Toy

      You can still celebrate Naked Ice Cream Cookie Day on the 4th Thursday of November.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 5:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   The Elf

      Calculate Canadian Thanksgiving in there too. No need to limit Naked Ice Cream Cookie Day to just once a year!

      Dec 26, 2013 at 6:52 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   Anonymous

      There are people who eat “naked” cookies. But too bad you aren’t one of them. More for them and me then :)! Don’t be a wet blanket lol.

      Dec 27, 2013 at 1:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Tard

    I’m still stuck on ‘snatching’ the cookies.
    Sounds beautifully filthy.

    Dec 25, 2013 at 2:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Lita bang

      Oh I’ll snatch YOUR cookie.

      Er, wait. Maybe you should be snatching mine.

      …No, no. I’ll just be over _there_ if you need me.

      Dec 25, 2013 at 4:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   nunavut guy

      Is this where the whipped cream comes in?

      Dec 26, 2013 at 1:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Lita bang

      Only if it doesn’t have stamina.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 1:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   OHSue

    Hey, put out something better than plain sugar cookies if you want to tempt me.

    Dec 25, 2013 at 2:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Jami

    Dear Mom,

    Plain sugar cookies? No sprinkles? No frosting? You can keep them.

    Dec 25, 2013 at 11:42 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   H for Toy

      I love plain cut outs! But maybe the problem is that they keep eating the cookies before she gets the chance to decorate them.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 6:49 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Jami

      For me if there’s no frosting or “edible ball bearings”* (which are illegal in California thanks to some lawyer with no life) they’re not ready to eat.

      AKA silver dragees.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 2:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   kermit

      You know, I get the impression that the cookies are just an excuse to eat the sprinkles and/or frosting.

      The cookies are already the desert; there’s no need to pile more on with sprinkles, frosting, ice cream etc. The only thing that’s going to do is to mask the actual flavor of the cookie itself.

      Butter cookies are delicious when you make them with actual butter. You don’t need a cookie excuse to eat sprinkles or frosting – just grab a spoon and have at it.

      And no offense, Jami but “ball bearings” are not comestible. If they’re illegal as a food product, chances are it’s because they’re toxic and not actual food – not because some lawyer “has no life”.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 4:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   mutzali

      I agree with Jami. Christmas cookies require those ball-bearing eyeballs on the reindeer. I saw some in the grocery store when we were in Italy and bought six bottles to bring home. They have miniscule amounts of silver. How much rat poop is legally acceptable in hot dogs? And all the tuna caught off of California has dangerously high levels of radiation, thanks to the Fukushima meltdown. So I still make my Christmas cookies with silver eyeballs.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 5:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   AssiveProgressive

      Silver balls, silver balls, that’s how they make Christmas cookies. Ring a ling, ring a ling, why are they illegal there…

      Dec 26, 2013 at 5:12 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Jami

      They’re not toxic. He got them declared illegal as a “choking hazard.”

      Plain sugar cookies aren’t good with out at least sprinkles. Mom used to make these ones where you put down the raw dough, then dip the bottom of a glass into a bowl of sugar crystals, mash it down onto the ball of dough to flatten it and embed the sugar crystals, then bake them. They were delicious.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 7:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   Lita bang

      I make those too, Jami. They’re actually even better if you dust them with a bit of powdered sugar after you mash them down with the sugared glass.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 7:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   Dana

      Technically speaking, anything small enough to fit in the mouth is a choking hazard. Including bites of large foods. So are we just going to make anything other than IV fluids illegal now? Pfft.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 9:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.9   kermit

      The FDA does not consider dragees to be edible, and specifically says so.

      According to an LA Times article, the reason for the California ban was because they were being labelled and sold as a food product when the FDA essentially forbids it.

      They’re legal to sell and in all 50 states so long as the package is labelled to say that they’re just decoration and not meant to be eaten. Manufacturers choose not to sell them in California because they just didn’t/don’t want to pay the fine for previously mis-labelling the product. Dragees do contain silver – and that’s damaging to your body if you’re buying six bottles of the stuff to consume.

      Dec 26, 2013 at 9:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.10   Jamoche

      The only time silver is toxic is if it’s a powder and you inhale it. The CA lawyer took studies about silver miners and went nutso over it.

      Dec 27, 2013 at 1:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.11   The Elf

      Oh, as if a little poisoning ever hurt anyone!

      I like plain sugar cookies, but I’m not going to turn down frosting, sprinkles, and even dragees. As long as it isn’t overboard. One thing I can’t stand about the current cupcake trend is the massive globs of frosting. There is such thing as too much of a good thing!

      Dec 27, 2013 at 6:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.12   Anonymous

      More for me then :D

      Dec 27, 2013 at 1:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.13   Tard

      Plain sugar cookies that aren’t dressed-up in a BIG way are uninspiring at their best and suicide-provoking at their worst.

      That’s why I give ‘em to my relatives!

      Dec 27, 2013 at 3:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.14   FeRD bang

      [RE: silver] Interestingly, there was veery briefly a line of Curad bandages with silver-infused pads, back ~10 years ago. They pretty quickly vanished from the market, in spite of the loud cheering and vindicated smugness of the woo-woo healing crowd upon their release. I’m guessing either they received a regulatory smackdown, or the science didn’t pan out. Or perhaps it’s just that nobody was buying their schtick. Regardless, colloidal silver as a “health aid” is once again relegated to the same sort of shops where you can find energy crystals and magnetic bracelets.

      But if any of the claims Curad made about silver in their product literature had the slightest basis in fact, then I can see how you might not want to ingest it.

      Silver inhibits the growth of bacteria by deactivating the bacteria’s oxygen metabolism enzymes. In turn, this destroys the bacteria’s cell membranes, stopping the replication of the bacteria’s DNA.

      Kills bacteria? Your digestive system sort of runs on that stuff!

      Dec 30, 2013 at 11:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.15   kermit

      Personally, I don’t get who looks at them and thinks to themselves, “gee that looks delicious!”

      They look exactly like those silver-colored toilet chain or chain that you use to keep the stopper from falling on the drain hole of your sink/bath tub. If you don’t find them delicious at a hardware store, what makes them delicious in a cake shop?

      Dec 30, 2013 at 8:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.16   buni

      It’s not that they’re delicious, just that it’s easier to eat them than pick them off the cookie. I only use them as snowman buttons and so probably consume less than a dozen balls each year.

      Jan 6, 2014 at 3:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   assiveProgressive

    But they are browned perfectly and look wonderfully buttery.

    Dec 25, 2013 at 11:52 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Anonymous

    I don’t care what anyone says, but these parents are a**holes lol!

    Dec 27, 2013 at 1:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Anonymous

    Wow…what the heck parents!!! lol

    Dec 27, 2013 at 1:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Brooks

    This made me laugh. And question how this could happen.

    Dec 27, 2013 at 3:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Tard

    “I’m dreaming of a NEW PAN for Christmas

    Dec 29, 2013 at 8:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   H for Toy

      If not for Christmas, then by New Year’s Eve.

      Dec 29, 2013 at 12:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Woman on the Verge bang

    You have all missed the point. The note is a warning. The lack of frosting on the cookies is passive aggressive.

    Dec 29, 2013 at 6:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   buni

      My mom would allow my brother and me to frost the Christmas cookies. One year we colored the frosting dark and unappetizing colors. We got to eat that batch ourselves and mom was forced to bake a second batch that she wouldn’t be embarrassed to share with her friends.

      Jan 6, 2014 at 3:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Melissa Sousa

    oops… I think I ate some dragees…. I had no idea I wasnt supposed to eat them. I am still alive to tell about it. They were on the cookies. LOL

    Dec 30, 2013 at 9:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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