Entries from January 2014

Aaaand…jazz hands!

January 29th, 2014 · 107 Comments

Who knew? Just add water to your ramen, and you end up with…ramen.

RAMEN PARTY!

But leave it alone and you get…a hot ramen dance party!

ramen party

This just in: According to our Seattle submitter, two of his office mates have started fires trying to microwave dry ramen. (NO PARTY FOR YOU!)

related: Four horsemen…and a microwave

Tags: clip art catastrophe · microwave · office · Seattle · that's a fire hazard

So much for “New Year, New You”

January 27th, 2014 · 53 Comments

In honor of that special time of year when New Year’s resolutions are made abandoned, Laughton in the U.K. draws our attention to this particularly apropos selection from  Awful Library Books.

Overcoming Passive Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger From Spoiling Your Relationships, Career, and Happiness (Pages missing: ALL)

related: And a Happy New Year to you!

Tags: library

The cowardly lawn

January 22nd, 2014 · 83 Comments

Writes Claire in Cincinnati: “This individual moved in a month ago and is already getting into a note war with the neighbors!”

To the 'neighbors': Thanks for the letter. Worry about yourself. Not my lawn. For our real neighbors, we apologize. Thanks for being a coward!

To the 'neighbors': Thanks for the letter. Worry about yourself. Not my lawn. For our real neighbors, we apologize. Thanks for being a coward!

related: An eyesore for an eyesore

Tags: Cincinnati · neighbors · public shaming · thanks (but not really)

This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed…bitch!

January 21st, 2014 · 54 Comments

“Craigslist can be a shifty place to find a room to rent,” writes Iris in Portland, Oregon, who speaks from experience. “I found a beautiful house renting from a 40-something professional,” but shortly after moving in, things got weird. (Like, meth-fueled mood swings weird.)

“One night,” Iris says, “he decided to take EVERYTHING out of the kitchen, leaving not even so much as a plastic fork. The next day, everything was put back with this note taped to the inside of the fridge. This is brain on drugs, people!”

You MAY eat my food and/or use my housewares if: 1) You are appreciative - silently appreciative is ok, even if just *slightly* appreciative. 2) If doing so tempers your anger towards me even a tiny bit.

related: You slam, I steal.

Tags: roommates

Just look at all the fonts I give!

January 16th, 2014 · 73 Comments

So, how many on-the-clock hours do you reckon this piece of word art took to create?

Please do NOT dump crockery & cutlery in the sink. This is *not* your private teastation. Use the Dishwasher (it's right in front of you) DON'T BE LAZY Be Tidy Tea Spoons also go in the DISHWASHER THIS IS A SHARED KITCHEN Show courtesy to your Colleagues We're not your SLAVES Shame on the offenders NO DUMPING Thank you!!

related: The “more is more” principle of design

Tags: bold-underlined-caps · Comic Sans Alert · Ireland · tea

Trapped in the (Water) Closet

January 14th, 2014 · 53 Comments

Writes Robert in Redmond, Washington: “In our office, in this particular bathroom, at this particular urinal, there strikes a phantom pisser, who finds joy in covering the floor in front of the urinal 1/8 inch deep in piss — every single day. One coworker got fed up with this and posted the following series of sticky notes. Then some other coworkers then jumped in to add their own particular flair.”

Stop stinkling on the floor. You are an adult not a diaper-wearing baby man. Thank you —Your loving coworkers.

related: The Urinal Games

extra credit: Aziz Ansari on R. Kelly [youtube]

Tags: rebuttals · smartass · toilet · Washington state

404 error: water not found

January 12th, 2014 · 43 Comments

Aaron works at a web design and development company in Houston where he the water cooler is chronically empty. Writes Aaron: “Other notes have been written in the past, but this time I feel the javascript developers are being specifically targeted.”

404 error: water not found

related: But…changing the water cooler bottle is hard!

Tags: Houston · nerd alert · office · water

Greetings from the Polar Vortex

January 8th, 2014 · 126 Comments

Writes Steve in Boston: “This note cracks me up because it is, on the one hand, a request for more civility and, on the other hand, a not so thinly veiled threat.” (How so very Boston!)

By City of Boston law, I am entitled to save this spent after having spent an hour of backbreaking work shoveling. I hope you with respect your neighbors next time, you piece of shit. Love, Vigilante Justice P.S. Happy Holidays!

related: Can you dig it?

extra credit: Boston’s “parking chair” law [washingtonpost.com]

Tags: Boston · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · parking

Fever pitch

January 6th, 2014 · 57 Comments

Rob and Karen in the U.K. both passed along this note, recently covered in the Manchester Evening News, that was found posted on seats at the Stockport County FC’s home stadium. (Is this what hooliganism looks like in the lower divisions nowadays?)

To: The two guys in black leather jackets who have recently started sitting in these seats. Sorry. There's no way to put this without hurting your feelings, but one or both of you stinks and it is ruining the experience of those around you. Many of us are season ticket holders and it is very unfair that we have to spend the best part of two hours every game with a foul smell like this around us. Please either have a good wash and change your clothes or go and sit elsewhere. Thanks. And yes, it is that bad.

related: Are you ready for some football?!

Tags: Manchester · odor

Which one of these is not like the other?

January 5th, 2014 · 116 Comments

Writes Meg in New Jersey: “We just buried my Mom today. After Mass and luncheon we came home and unpacked cards from the funeral home. This is from my brother’s office.” Can you tell who didn’t bother to read the card before signing it?

Which one of these is not like the other?

related: My condolences on your birthday

Tags: New Jersey · Oops?