404 error: water not found

January 12th, 2014 · 43 comments

Aaron works at a web design and development company in Houston where he the water cooler is chronically empty. Writes Aaron: “Other notes have been written in the past, but this time I feel the javascript developers are being specifically targeted.”

404 error: water not found

related: But…changing the water cooler bottle is hard!

FILED UNDER: Houston · nerd alert · office · water

43 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Justin

    Being a code snob, I’m gonna say that’s closer to really bad Java code as opposed to JavaScript. But that’s just a guess… :)

    Jan 12, 2014 at 8:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   kjordan

      Looks more like bad VB to me. Then again, is there such a thing as good VB?

      Jan 12, 2014 at 10:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   FeRD bang

      Yeah, the @if gives it away as a Microsoft Visual Studio language. Could be JScript, I suppose. Regardless, “Here be dragons” and all.

      It’s really terribly-written code though, however you slice it. I mean, Pour.water()? Replace.Cooler()? Somebody was fast asleep the entire time they covered OO, during their University of Phoenix Computer Science curriculum. I don’t think I’d want this Houston company responsible for any of my web design or development… heck, I’m not sure I’d even trust them to refill my water cooler!

      Jan 12, 2014 at 10:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Justin

      Agreed! I don’t even want to know what the responsibilities of the Replace class are. Just terrible… And I don’t write any Microsoft code so that’s probably why I didn’t know about the @if. I thought it might have been something in one of the newer versions of Java. I ditched Java awhile back too. :)

      Also, we’re definitely nerds.

      Jan 12, 2014 at 11:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   sharon

      at the very least we can all agree that it is bad, and very obviously the work of a designer

      Jan 13, 2014 at 1:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Dana

      As a designer, I take offense to that.

      Jan 14, 2014 at 11:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Anarasha

      It really is closer to C# than anything else I’ve seen. The @ before if is not native to C#, but the rest could actually be C# which is used as back-end code for asp.NET

      Mar 11, 2014 at 2:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   juju_skittles

    I don’t read or write code, maybe the code is the problem. Is it looped ? Or will it just run once? Maybe the code doesn’t allow for more refills!

    Jan 12, 2014 at 9:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Redheadwglasses

    Like juju, I neither write nor read code. But I, as a petite female, have always been fully capable of (and willing to) swapping out the heavy five-gallon water jugs when my job provided us with such a water cooler.

    I prefer cold water, so self-preservation was my prime motivator for just doing it on an as-needed basis.

    Jan 12, 2014 at 11:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   kermit

      And seeing what’s in the water cooler didn’t put you off from wanting to drink it?

      Unless they are new, the spouts on water coolers are gross and mouldy.(And incidentally as are the soda drinking fountain taps at fast food places, FYI).

      Jan 13, 2014 at 12:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Poltergeist

      It gives the water some flavor, Kermit. I love it when my water tastes like Penicillin.

      Jan 13, 2014 at 12:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   FeRD bang

      It puts the penicillin in, or else the water’s bland again.
      It puts the penicillin IN, or else the water’s bland again.


      Jan 13, 2014 at 2:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Tara Highman bang

      It’s not mold in the water cooler (or ice maker, for that matter), it’s algae.

      Jan 13, 2014 at 8:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   The Elf

      Mmmmmm…… algae.

      Still better than DC tap. I’m not a germaphobe, but I do draw the line at lead. Bring on the communal water cooler! I’ll even change the bottle.

      Jan 13, 2014 at 10:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   Jami

      Well, they do sell some types of algae as a health supplement. You’re just getting it for free instead of dropping big bucks at GNC!

      Jan 13, 2014 at 12:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.7   Tara Highman bang

      You may already be getting it for free. You very well could have your own supply in the reservoir of your coffee maker.

      Jan 13, 2014 at 1:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.8   Jami

      Not mine. Mom cleans it regularly with first coffee maker cleaner, than she rinses it for several hours by repeatedly putting white vinegar through it, then finally another several hours of water until it no longer smells of vinegar.

      And someday – I’ll get an electric kettle because I prefer tea.

      Though I do own a lovely vintage Corningware coffee percolator that of course is much easier to clean than Mr. Coffee and makes a much nicer tasting cup of java as well.

      Jan 13, 2014 at 9:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.9   kermit

      FeRD, you can have your algae/mold in the fucking watercooler, but please leave the regular watercooler algae/mold-free.

      I’m pretty sure I can tell the difference between mold and algae. It looks exactly like the mold/scum that builds up on grout and caulking in the shower tile.

      The mold is not in the water per se, but on the gaskets (and eventually spout) where moisture gets in the crevices.

      Jan 13, 2014 at 9:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.10   assiveProgressive

      Moisture in the crevices. Hubba, hubba

      Jan 14, 2014 at 12:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.11   H for Toy

      Jami, I once knew a girl who thought she’d be nice and clean her boyfriend’s coffee maker. So, she ran soapy water through it. Once. No rinse. Then, the next day, she kindly made him a pot of coffee. He spent the entire day puking his guts out. To this day, I’m not sure if she was very dumb, or very devious.

      Jan 14, 2014 at 8:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.12   Jami

      *facepalm* Much like I sometimes want to grab June Thompson (Honey Boo Boo’s mom) and teach her how to cook to grab Kate Goslin and teach her that organic doesn’t always mean better, so to now do I wish to grab that girl you once knew and teach her how to properly clean a coffee maker. The process, by rights, should take all freaking day. Though at least you can walk away while it’s “brewing” and do other things.

      Jan 14, 2014 at 11:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.13   Jami

      ARG! “Too” – “so TOO” not to!

      Anyone else having troubles with the new editor? It keeps asking me “Are you sure you want to do that?” and won’t actually let me edit.

      Jan 14, 2014 at 11:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.14   The Elf

      The editor is passive aggressive?

      Jan 14, 2014 at 11:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.15   H for Toy

      I’m pretty sure her boyfriend gave her some thorough instructions after he felt better.

      Jan 14, 2014 at 3:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.16   Jami

      I hope so. Though I do know plenty of people, some well into their 60s, who didn’t know you can actually clean a coffee maker. They just buy new ones whenever the build up gets too gross for them.

      Jan 14, 2014 at 4:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.17   Lita bang

      Editor’s not liking me either. And what’s with these timers counting down on every comment I make now?

      As for cleaning coffeemakers, a trick for filthy pots: denture tablets. No, really. Fill pot, drop tablet in, let fizz for fifteen minutes, wash out. Takes off everything.*



      Jan 14, 2014 at 10:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.18   kermit

      If you don’t want to clean your coffee maker, just buy a French press instead. It makes better-tasting coffee than a drip machine anyway.

      Jan 14, 2014 at 11:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.19   AssiveProgressive

      A friend who used to work in a restaurant told me that all they did to clean the coffee pots was put salt in the pot and swish it around. I used to work for the Colonel and to clean the plastic part of the soda dispenser we would take it off and soak it in a cup of fizzy water. (For your benefit, I called it “soda,” but IRL I call it “pop.”)

      Jan 14, 2014 at 11:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.20   Jami

      When I talk about cleaning the coffee maker I’m talking about a lot more than cleaning the pot.

      First you buy liquid coffee maker cleaner like Dip It and you pour it in the water reservoir as if you were putting water in to brew coffee. Then you turn the coffee maker on and let it drip through. This helps clean out all the tubes and pipes.

      Then you dump that out and fill the water reservoir with white vinegar. You can do this just once or you can do it twice. The vinegar will help rinse out the chemicals from the first cleaner and help wash out anything that was broken up but didn’t come out the first time.

      Then you run the water through. And this is what takes the longest time because you have to keep doing it over and over again until you can no longer smell the vinegar. I’ve done coffee makers where it’s so bad it’s actually taken up to five hours of continuously doing this before it stops smelling like vinegar.

      After that you wash out the basket and pot same as normal and dry them off.

      This will remove scale build up and any fungus or any other gross things in the pipelines of automatic drip makers.

      Kermit – I have one of those too but if you’re even a wee bit off the coffee is full of grounds. I personally prefer my vintage percolator. You can take the whole thing apart to give it a good cleaning and it makes much better coffee than the automatic machines. I kind of wish though it was the kind you can put on the stove, but you actually plug it in. I’ve told mom before since her Mr. Coffees are so cheaply made they break down in a year or two we should just use mine but I can’t seem to convince her to take a step back in time.

      Jan 15, 2014 at 12:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.21   Lita bang

      Oh I know it’s not just the pot, Jami. I meant to say most people clean the maker and forget the pot, and I only just noticed that sentence went AWOL. Hurr.

      My sister still can’t clean a coffeemaker, so that’s still relevant.

      Jan 15, 2014 at 3:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Poltergeist

    Oh look, somebody fell asleep with their head on the keyboard and printed out their creation to share with the whole office!

    Jan 13, 2014 at 12:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   FeRD bang

      When Ratbert does his little keyboard dance, we end up with a new web browser… so that’s actually totally plausible, actually.

      Jan 13, 2014 at 1:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Lita bang

    I can’t code, and that’s even making me wince…

    Jan 13, 2014 at 4:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Tard

    I will be rocks,
    I will be water.

    Jan 13, 2014 at 7:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Jdaniel

    computer jokes are not funny

    Jan 13, 2014 at 8:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   TRT

      Yes. Yes they are. Very, very funny indeed. Hilarious, in fact. Pant-wettingly, palm-slappingly hilarious.

      Jan 14, 2014 at 4:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Jami

      Depends on the joke. When something fouls up badly at work I’ve calmed down many an irate library patron by saying one of the following – “To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer!” and “Unlike people and fine wine, technology does not get better with age.”

      They smile, sometimes they laugh, and they always stop grumbling even yelling at me over things I can’t control. Like the computers being down or the copy machine being out of order.

      Jan 15, 2014 at 2:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   FeRD bang

      Anyone who thinks computer jokes aren’t funny has never heard youtube dot com/watch?v=3R4sBnbp33U, AKA the Doctor Demento classic “Do It Yourself” by Bill Sutton. (Those who are familiar may know it better by its refrain, “You can build a mainframe from the things you find at home.”)

      Granted, that’s probably only funny to computer people, but trust me we think it’s frickin’ hilarious. (Just listen to the audience, who I can only assume were attendees at some turbonerd convention based on their enthusiasm.)

      Jan 16, 2014 at 7:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   TRT

    How is water.cooler represented? If it’s a high precision floating point or something then that last drop will mean it’s never empty, and the refill routine will never be reached.

    Jan 14, 2014 at 4:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   randumb stranger

      Better yet, people will *always* get a free pass on taking the last glass…the “else if” should really just be a second “if” statement.

      Jan 31, 2014 at 2:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Madrias

    Oh, damn. If I could just remember a little bit of my BASIC I’d make a snarky joke.

    Jan 16, 2014 at 3:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Xtifr

    There’s a bug in the code. *Everything* in the “else” clause gets ignored if the cooler was not empty to begin with, *including* the User.Drained.WaterCooler() test, so the person who drains it will never have to fill it (if they follow this algorithm).

    This is why you should leave software development to the pros! :)

    Jan 16, 2014 at 9:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   ITcrowd612

    Did they trying turning it off then on again?

    Jan 17, 2014 at 2:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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