This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed…bitch!

January 21st, 2014 · 54 comments

“Craigslist can be a shifty place to find a room to rent,” writes Iris in Portland, Oregon, who speaks from experience. “I found a beautiful house renting from a 40-something professional,” but shortly after moving in, things got weird. (Like, meth-fueled mood swings weird.)

“One night,” Iris says, “he decided to take EVERYTHING out of the kitchen, leaving not even so much as a plastic fork. The next day, everything was put back with this note taped to the inside of the fridge. This is brain on drugs, people!”

You MAY eat my food and/or use my housewares if: 1) You are appreciative - silently appreciative is ok, even if just *slightly* appreciative. 2) If doing so tempers your anger towards me even a tiny bit.

related: You slam, I steal.

FILED UNDER: roommates


54 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Simon

    Oh man, been there… meth housemates are a frickin’ nightmare. Never a dull moment when there’s a junkie in the house!

    Jan 21, 2014 at 11:59 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   ed

    And so you moved out the next day?

    Jan 22, 2014 at 1:11 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Eliavy

    The silent treatment IS my version of appreciation. Oblivious jerk.

    Jan 22, 2014 at 1:25 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Marie

      It’s hard to eat eggs when you’re growling.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 2:51 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Jami

      $88 now? Wow, she’s gotten an $11 raise! WTG!

      Jan 22, 2014 at 1:59 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Jami

      Oh shoot. I mean a $22 raise.

      Guess I’ll never make the big spammer bucks seen how I’m even worse at math than they are.

      Plus I’m not the mom of someone’s friend.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 3:07 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   The Elf

      Jami, there’s something I have to tell you. I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.

      I left because he was a freakin’ meth head who went off about non-existent food, which interrupted my attempts to make $88/hour just by doing porn on the internet.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 5:53 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   louise

      A few hours? Silly little spammer. If she makes $88 hourly, and cashed a $21,162 paycheck, she had to work 240 hours last month to earn that. That’s roughly 60 hours a week. Not exactly a few…

      Does anyone actually fall for that rubbish?

      Jan 22, 2014 at 5:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   poopypants

      I’d work 60 hours a week for 21,162 a month. Even if that was before taxes. Christ, I almost worked that much for about 4k a month 2 years ago.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 9:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   Jami

      Elf, have you been watching Spaceballs again?

      Jan 22, 2014 at 10:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   The Elf

      I’ve gone to plaid.

      Jan 23, 2014 at 7:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   tch tch

    Just make sure you keep the note for when he takes you to Peoples Court…

    Jan 22, 2014 at 4:33 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   kermit

      This note isn’t going to help much when you get charged with possession of illegal drugs. In most(?) places, the getting caught with drugs at the house is the same as if you were in a car — you’re getting in shit no matter what. Should the cops come to the house for whatever reason, whatever the cops find at the place that’s your legal residence when you’re there is also deemed yours.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 7:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Jami

      Unless you’re Justin Beiber, of course.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 9:42 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   kermit

      Or Rob Ford. But 99% of people aren’t rich (white) kids with an army of lawyers on call.

      If you’re sharing living space with semi-strangers, you’re doing it because you can’t afford a place of your own and need to save all your money – money which you don’t have to waste on lawyers to lobby on your behalf.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 10:03 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Lythande

      I thought that there was some allowance for shared versus private living space, i.e. if they found drugs and / or paraphernalia in the common living room you’re both SOL, but if it’s all contained in one person’s private bedroom where the other had no access, the roommate is not on the hook.

      Not that I’d want to live with someone doing drugs anyway, obviously.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 10:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   kermit

      Those allowances can only be brought up subsequently by you/your lawyer. It doesn’t stop the cops from booking you, especially since it makes them look good to arrest a lot of people on drug charges.

      If it’s easy for you to prove that you weren’t involved and had no knowledge, of course the charges aren’t going to stick. But it’s still a hassle and a major stress to have to deal with it, especially if you don’t know what you’re supposed to do.

      The safest bet is to haul your stuff to one of those storage places and keep only the bare necessities at the place until you find other accommodations.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 11:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   Jami

      I wonder what would happen if you were the one to report your roommate’s drug use? Would you still get arrested too or would you be let off the hook since you’re the one who turned them in?

      Jan 22, 2014 at 1:29 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   H for Toy

      I was wondering the same thing, Jami. Anyone have experiences with reporting a druggie roommate?

      Jan 22, 2014 at 2:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   kermit

      Legal aid advises against reporting because you have no way of proving that it’s just the roomie and not you too. (At least that’s what they told me when I asked about it.)

      It’s an extremely pernicious situation where the best course of action is to just GTFO and not involve yourself because your good intentions can backfire on you. It won’t necessarily turn out like the movies where you wind up being a mole in a drug bust.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 6:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   COCO

      I am quoting you:
      “It’s an extremely pernicious situation where the best course of action is to just GTFO ”
      because your words would apply if it was “It’s an extremely PERINEUM situation where the best course of action is to just GTFO ” LMAO sorry could not hlep myself

      Jan 22, 2014 at 11:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Guy

    I would have left you a similar note if you were eating my food and using my kitchen utensils — and I’m not a meth-head (or on any other kind of drug).

    Was part of the rental agreement that your roommate would feed you? Probably not. Food is expensive — don’t be a freeloader.

    Jan 22, 2014 at 5:52 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Tesselara

      Okay, food definitely–don’t use other people’s food! Seriously. Don’t. No one likes it. It’s a species thing. Be a good human.
      BUT–utensils?! What? Two coffee makers? Two mixers? Two tea kettles? Multiple muffin pans, cookie sheets, spatulas, serving spoons, mixing spoons, whisks, pots, pans….man, that’s a recipe for a hot mess.
      Making sure they are clean after you use them is reasonable. Having your very own of everything is just ridiculousness.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 6:22 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Pixy

      Normally, I’d agree with you about food, Guy. But this note sounds so unhinged that I have a feeling the roommate didn’t eat a damn thing of his, this dude is just deranged.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 8:50 am   rating: 54  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   The Elf

      You said it, Pixy. I can’t take what this guy says as accurate. I bet if sober roomie ate out 24/7, paranoid meth roomie might still go off the handle about food eaten.

      But – read the note again. Sober roomie has full permission to eat all the meth roomie’s food, so long as he’s appreciative. So the real question is….. Can you thank someone and stuff your face simultaneously? Challenge accepted.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 10:27 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Lythande

      If you’re rooming with a stranger you found on Craigslist, why would you even _want_ to share utensils and dishes and small appliances? I actually currently do live with someone from Craigslist, and the only things we share is toilet paper. I am definitely team two-of-everything.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 10:51 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   uncreative

      When I lived with a couple through Craigslist, we did that too – no sharing. They still accused me and my partner of eating their food, even though we didn’t. I have two theories. One was that since they sometimes they invited friends over when the other person wasn’t home maybe a friend ate some of the food and they assumed it was us. My other theory, and I think even more likely, is that since they left the kitchen window open, and it had no screen, and they mentioned donuts (that they left out on the counter) it could have been taken by a squirrel.

      We moved out soon anyway. They also yelled at me because they said that I’d agreed I was okay living with dogs, which I had and I was. But she felt unsafe letting her dogs out when I was around, because she was afraid that they would knock me over. … I still can’t see what she expected me to do differently. They were big dogs, and I am small, and they really liked me, because they weren’t given enough time and attention, and I would be nice to them when I had to pass through shared space. So, yeah, the fact that her dogs liked me so much that they’d regularly run up to me, and were poorly enough trained that they would regularly jump on me, apparently meant I wasn’t holding up my end of the roommate bargain. So glad to not be living with them.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 7:09 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   poopypants

      She probably just didn’t like that her dogs liked you that much. I had a roommate who said I could bring my dog (her parents owned the house and the lease said I couldn’t have pets). She made me get rid of it shortly after she determined it was anti-social (it wasn’t a big fan of weed parties in the living room).

      My dog just didn’t really like strangers and would spend most of his (at home) time lounging on my bed in my bedroom instead.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 9:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   Raichu

      Yep. What Pixy said. There’s no indication that any food consumption was *actually* happening.

      Jan 23, 2014 at 10:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   Dana

      A friend of mine had a roommate who had a cat. The roomie kept insisting that her cat didn’t like anyone but her and so wasn’t allowed out of her room. I stuck my head in and went, “Here, kitty kitty!” and the cat ran to me and climbed my legs to be cuddled (she was tiny). The roommate moved out a month later, still in a huff.

      Jan 23, 2014 at 10:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   DS

    Time to move out silently and in the middle of the night…

    Jan 22, 2014 at 6:27 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      Yes! Take a lesson from the former-Baltimore Colts. Get those moving trucks rolling in the dead of the night. Show up a whole new state.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 10:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   H for Toy

      We know from previous PANs that moving in is never quiet, but you’ve just answered my question about whether or not moving out can be done silently, Elf. Yes it can. No matter how much stuff you have to move.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 2:18 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   The Elf

      Just don’t tell the band.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 5:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Iris

      You hit the nail on the head there Elf.

      Jan 30, 2014 at 1:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Belaani

    Sometimes people rent a room because they want/need the money, but they really can’t stand having another person around.

    Jan 22, 2014 at 7:21 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Paul Johnson

    Speaking from experience, Poortland (extra O included due to the astonishingly low wages and Dickensian cost of living) is a sketch place for everything, not just finding roommates.

    Jan 22, 2014 at 10:24 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Ace of Space

    I would like to know how he wants the silent appreciation expressed? A mime, mayhaps?

    Jan 22, 2014 at 10:44 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Madrias

      Maybe the appreciation is something as simple as not farting in the room with all the chemicals in it?

      Perhaps it’s as simple as leaving a note saying “Yeah, I ate (insert food here), but it was tasty.” in the fridge.

      Or perhaps just simply putting food back in the fridge instead of just eating all of it. You know, a proper give-and-take scenario.

      Or maybe the notewriter’s just high.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 11:05 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Snicklefritz

      Personally, I like my silent appreciation in the form of interpretive dance. Mimes are just so passe.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 4:00 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Ace of Space

      Maybe a note that said “that food was fucking delicious” would do. No?

      Jan 22, 2014 at 4:31 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   The Elf

      Snicklefritz, don’t you mean “Mimes are so passé”

      I know, I know. My puns are hardly on pointe. I’m just going to waltz right out of this conversation before you chassé me out.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 6:03 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Lita bang

      Oooo Elf, you’re toeing the line there…

      Jan 23, 2014 at 9:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Snicklefritz

      You’re raising the barre too much.

      Jan 23, 2014 at 12:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   LaLa

    What goes to say the writer didn’t have food in the fridge and “Methie” took their food??

    Jan 22, 2014 at 11:33 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Tard

    You know those ghost stories where the obnoxious ghosts talk to the living residents?

    What is it they say? Hmmm… uh, I think it’s:

    ” GET OUT! GET OUT! “

    Jan 22, 2014 at 11:37 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   The Elf

      That’s odd. The meth-heads usually get off on the second floor.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 12:23 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Kasaba

    Well, that made the memories of living with a former child actor for 6 months, flood right back.

    Jan 22, 2014 at 12:25 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Jami

      Oh please say it was a member of The Partridge Family. Or The Brady Bunch.

      Pretty please?

      Jan 22, 2014 at 1:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Tard

      Maureen McCormick, the actress who played Marsha Brady in the Brady Bunch, was a cocaine addict and sold sex for drugs after her gig on the show.

      How is it that she is not a millionaire?!

      Jan 22, 2014 at 2:32 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Jami

      Cause Maureen can’t get a spot on World’s Dumbest, Tard.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 4:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Tard

      In my generation, she was the go-to fantasy fuck.
      Managed correctly, she could have made $1M easy.

      Jan 22, 2014 at 11:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   knitchic

    Wowza! And here I thought the crazy drunk I lived with was the ultimate winner for the bad roomie award. Although the night she left her kids alone, hours before I got home, so she could go out and party still has her in the lead. Still bugged out meth head has MAJOR potential.

    Jan 22, 2014 at 2:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Kasaba

    Nah, she starred in British children’s sitcom in the late 90s. While I lived with her, she worked as a self-employed burlesque dancer, with VERY strict rules in the kitchen, who used my rent money to order harajuku dresses from Japan and had the creative cheek to call a mouldy shower in the basement my ‘en suite’.

    Jan 22, 2014 at 3:52 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     

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