Entries from February 2014

How many cliches can we fit on one piece of paper?

February 27th, 2014 · 55 Comments

So, which jumble o’ jargon would you rip off the wall first?

Exhibit A?

PLAY hard & WORK hard. Make everything count!

or Exhibit B?

Your mother does not work here! If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat (and floor!)

Coincidentally, both of these notes come to us from Colorado, apparently the least creative state in the union.

Go ahead and post those speculative explanations regarding The Centennial State’s staggering dearth of originality in the comments below. Then we’ll circle back to brainstorm some synergistic solutions. (“The Centennial State?” Really? It’s like you’re not even trying, Colorado!)

related: The rhyme that must be flushed

Tags: Colorado · office · toilet · Your mother doesn't...

Lipstick Kisses and Pizza Breath Dreams

February 24th, 2014 · 32 Comments

Writes Jean in Minneapolis: “Apparently some cool college girls decided to leave their mark on the wall of this pizza joint, just out of eye shot from the kitchen. The entire hallway is sprinkled with lipstick kisses.”

To: Anyone who puts kissing stains on this wall - We wash this wall with toilet water. Thank you

related: Do not kiss on someone else’s kiss

Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · restaurant · so this is a thing? · that's unsanitary

Got it, Ed?

February 19th, 2014 · 40 Comments

Our submitter spotted this behind a building on a college campus in Maine — a college that apparently does not tolerate outside-the-utility-box thinking among its employees.

ED THIS IS HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PAINT THEM

Poor Ed. If only he worked in a jurisdiction where his style of painting could truly be appreciated, like, say, San Francisco…

Or Boston…

 

Or Salem, Massachusetts…

…or dozens of other cities around the world. Don’t give in to the man, Ed!

related: The Gateway to Contractor Hell

 

Tags: Maine · public shaming

The sugar shelf of death

February 18th, 2014 · 140 Comments

“There’s a shelf in our office, where, every couple of days someone will contribute some sort of sugary/fatty treat,” writes Laura in Seattle. Luckily, one of her coworkers stepped up to enlighten everyone about the death trap they’ve created.”

GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.

 

GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.

related: Cupcakes are a gateway drug!

Tags: food · hey fatty · office cop · questionable logic · Seattle

The First World Problems of a 12-year-old boy

February 13th, 2014 · 115 Comments

Writes Peter in the UK:  ”My 12-year-old son is angry we won’t let him buy and Xbox One, mostly because he spends too much time online already. On the day this discussion happened, we found this note on the computer. (Clearly he has learned about different government systems from the newspaper, not in school…)”

I am very MAD; a person who I wish to remain nameless has UPSET me very much. This person claims that this household is a democracy when really it is COMMUNISM almost like NORTH KOREA, which in this day and age is completely unacceptable. I believe that this household should change to a DEMOCRACY, where everyone does not necessarily have equal rights, but is entitled to do what they want within reason. I am very ANGRY! :(

P.S. Peter, perhaps your little millennial Adrian Mole would be better of spending some time with this instead?

related: Emily declares freedom!

Tags: kids · Moms & Dads · sad face

I love you…but I love you more when you’re skinny.

February 11th, 2014 · 101 Comments

Writes Joshua in Salt Lake City: “This past year I’ve been trying to lose weight. It’s been up and down. Apparently my mother knows that.”

Happy Valentine's Day Josher! 'Skinny Josh Bag' Proud of you! What's the day without the candy bag...just 'Chew & Spit'

related: Mom is my favorite passive-aggressive Valentine

Tags: heart · hey fatty · Mother-son notes · Salt Lake City · signed with love · Valentine's Day · xoxo

When your coworkers are frat boys

February 7th, 2014 · 72 Comments

Our submitter says that his office in  Phoenix, Arizona has a charming little tradition, namely, “If you’re gone for a few days, your office gets trashed.” (I’m guessing something along these lines.)

It looks like this notewriter was hoping for a reprieve, under the circumstances. So, Sean, listen up!

Just remember I am attending my Grandmother's funeral should you consider decorating (trashing) my office or playing any other mean pranks.

related: If there were every a time to hold your red pen…

Tags: actually totally reasonable · office · Phoenix

Crafty like a fox

February 4th, 2014 · 46 Comments

Apparently the employees of this retail establishment in North Carolina didn’t take it seriously when the ladies from the shop next door asked them to stop blocking their employee entrance with garbage cans. (Perhaps  they didn’t understand what was meant by Don’t make us bedazzle your asses?)

One day, our submitter says, one of the offending trash cans was found covered in gift wrap, complete with a bow. Sadly, no photo was taken pre-unwrapping, but this sign remains in the shared hallway as a reminder.

Anything left up against this door is likely to be bedazzled, modge-podged, or glittered.  Seriously.  We love sparkly s%#&!

UPDATE: It looks like our crafty crafters followed through on their threats!

It's a fire exit

 

Make art, not war

related: Girls gone wild…with colored markers.

 

Tags: garbage · North Carolina · rainbow-colored · retail hell

I don’t know you, and this is crazy, but your boyfriend’s hot, and your parking’s lazy.

February 3rd, 2014 · 80 Comments

Writes Candice in Kansas: “I woke up to this on my car this morning. I don’t not know if I should be pissed they are creepin’ on my man or to just laugh uncontrollably.”

(Dear notewriter: Notice she didn’t say “…or stop parking there.”)

Hi, I don't really know you, in fact, I don't at all! You live upstairs and have a hot boyfriend/maybe just a roommate or friend with an adorable puppy. One time, however, you did give me a dirty look, but I've gotten over it. I write this to beg you to stop being lazy with your parking. I get it, t's cold. Life sucks and who wants to park in back. But where you parked now is blocking cars from getting in the drive. You totally are an inventor because you invented some new LAZY GIRL SPOT that's 4 feet from the door! I think you're a brilliant inventor but maybe move back 10 feet. You're not the only person alive! p.s. SORRY NOTE SORRY I love your boyfriend

related: She’s mine. All mine!

 

Tags: Kansas · kinda creepy · neighbors · parking